To You, Mr Chips Part 5

'And that's what you were expelled for?'

'Yes.'

'I suppose she didn't believe your explanation?'

'n.o.body did.'

'Well . . . tell me about the other school. . . . What did they expel you for there?'

'Oh, that was different. . . . You see, there was a preacher who used to visit us regularly and he always used to pray something about the weather--if there was a drought he'd pray for rain, and if there were floods he'd pray for the rain to stop, and so on. Seemed to me he just did it as a matter of course--so I thought it would be fun to find out if he'd really be surprised to have a prayer answered right away. . . . There was a sort of trap-door in the chapel roof just over the pulpit, and one Sunday during the summer term, after there'd been no rain for a month, I guessed he'd start praying for it, and he did . . . so I just opened the trap-door and tippled a bucket of water over him. . . . I thought he might think I was G.o.d. . . .'

When Chips and David reached the hotel, the first glimmer of dawn lay over the mountain horizon. Renshaw was pacing up and down in his room, perplexed, alarmed, and--as soon as he saw David--in a furious rage. Chips tried, and eventually was able, to pacify him somewhat. They all breakfasted together a few hours later--David, very tired and subdued, half dozing over ham and eggs. Renshaw was still--and perhaps not without reason--in a grumbling mood.

'I'm d.a.m.ned if I know what to do with him,' he said, glancing distastefully at his stepson, and careless whether the boy heard his words or not. 'If only schoolmasters were any use I'd try to send him to another place, but they won't have him, y'know, when they find out he's been sacked twice already. d.a.m.ned lazy fellows, schoolmasters--take your money and then say the job's too hard for them. After all, that's what they're paid for, to deal with boys--even with bad boys--why do they s.h.i.+rk it? . . . I tell you, I've no patience with schoolmasters--too easy a life, too many holidays--they don't know what real work is. . . . What's your opinion, Chipping?'

Chips smiled. 'Perhaps it's a prejudiced one, Mr. Renshaw,' he answered. 'You see, I am a schoolmaster.'

'What? Oh . . . I didn't mean . . .'

'Don't apologise--I'm not offended. . . . I should never have told you except that . . . well, I wonder if you'd consider sending David to Brookfield . . . he could be--umph--directly under my--I won't say "control"--let's call it "guidance" . . .'

'Do you really mean it?'

'Yes.'

'Well, I'm sure it's very generous of you. . . .'

'Not at all. It's just that--as you say--schoolmasters oughtn't to s.h.i.+rk their jobs.'

At this point David looked up from his dozing and Renshaw turned to him. 'David--did you hear that? Mr. Chipping is a schoolmaster . . . how would you like to go to his school?'

David stared at Chips and Chips looked at David and they both began to smile. Then David said: 'What? You a schoolmaster? I don't believe it!'

'I take that as a compliment,' answered Chips.

CHAPTER SIX.

MR. CHIPS MEETS A STAR.

'Coming out of the Royal Hotel the other day, who should I espy but Randolph Renny . . .' wrote Miss Lydia Jones ambiguously, ungrammatically, but in substance correctly. For it really was Randolph Renny himself, and by identifying him she made the scoop of a lifetime. A pretty long lifetime, too, for she had been doing an unpaid-for social gossip column for the Brookfield Gazette for over thirty years. Prim and spinsterish, she knew the exact difference (if any) between a pianoforte solo 'tastefully rendered' and one 'brilliantly performed'; and three times a year, at the Brookfield School end-of-term concert, she sat in the front row, note-book and pencil in hand, fully aware of herself as Brookfield's critical and social arbiter.

She had occupied this position so long that only one person could clearly remember her as an eager, ambitious girl, hopeful about her first and never-published novel; and that person was Chips. She had been a friend of his wife's, which was something he could never forget. As she grew primmer and more spinsterish with the years, he sometimes meditated on the strange chemistry of the s.e.xes that so often enabled a man to ripen with age where a woman must only wither; and when she withered out of her fifties into her sixties, and Brookfield began to laugh at her and the Gazette to print fewer and fewer of her contributions, then Chips's att.i.tude became even more gentle and benevolent. Poor old thing--she meant no harm, and she loved her work. He would always stop for a chat if he met her in the village, and he only smiled when, from time to time, she referred to him as 'the doyan [sic] of the Brookfield staff.'

Indeed, it was Chips who had given her the scoop about Randolph Renny--a scoop which many a bright young man from Fleet Street would have paid good money for. But Chips chose to give it to Miss Lydia Jones, of the Brookfield Gazette, and Miss Jones, faced with something far outside her customary world of whist drives and village concerts, could only deal with it in the way she dealt with most things . . . that is to say, ambiguously, ungrammatically, but in substance correctly.

This is how it had all happened. One August evening Chips had been returning by train from London to Brookfield. The School was on summer vacation, and though he had long since retired from active teaching work (he was over eighty), he still experienced, during vacations, a sense of being on holiday himself. Travelling back after an enjoyable week-end with friends, he had been somewhat startled by the invasion of his compartment at the last moment by a youngish, almost excessively handsome, and certainly excessively well-dressed fellow, who slumped down into a corner-seat breathlessly, mopped his forehead with a silk handkerchief, and absurdly overtipped a porter who threw in after him some items of very rich and strange luggage.

Now it was Chips's boast that he never forgot the faces of his old boys, that somehow their growing up into manhood made no difference to his powers of recognition. That was mainly true; but as he grew older he was apt to err in the other direction, to recognise too often, to accost a stranger by name and receive the bewildered reply that there must be some mistake, the stranger had never been to Brookfield School, had never even heard of Brookfield, and so on. And on such occasions, a little sad and perhaps also a little bothered, Chips would mumble an apology and wonder why it was that his memory could see so much more clearly than his eyes.

And now, in the train, memory tempted him again--this time with the vision of a good-looking twelve-year-old who had almost established a record for the minimum amount of Latin learnable during a year in Chips's cla.s.sical form. So he leaned forward after a few moments and said to the still breathless intruder: 'Well--umph--Renny . . . how are you?'

The young man looked up with a rather scared expression. 'I beg you, sir, not to give me away . . .' he stammered.

'Give you away . . . umph . . .' Some joke, obviously--Renny had always been one for jokes. 'What is it you've been up to this time--umph?'

'I'm trying to get away from the crowd--I thought I'd actually succeeded. . . . I chose this compartment because--if you'll pardon me for saying it--I noticed you were reading the paper through double spectacles--so I guessed--I hoped--'

'I may be--umph--a little short-sighted, Renny--but I a.s.sure you--umph--I never forget a Brookfield face. . . .'

'Brookfield? Why, that's where I'm going to. What sort of a place is it?'

Chips looked astonished. Surely this was carrying a joke too far. 'Much the same--umph--as when you were there fifteen years ago, my boy.'

Then the young man looked astonished. 'I? . . . But--but I've never been there before in my life--this is my first visit to England, even. . . . I don't understand.'

Neither did Chips understand, though he certainly--now that the other had suggested it--detected an accent from across the sea. He said: 'But--your name--it's Charles Renny . . . isn't it?'

'Renny, yes, but not Charles . . . Randolph--that's my name--Randolph Renny. I thought you recognised me.'

'I thought so too. I--umph--must apologise.'

'Well, I hope you won't give me away now that I've told you.'

'Give you away? I--umph--I don't know what you're driving at.'

'My being Randolph Renny--that's what I mean. I'm travelling incognito.'

'Mr. Renny, I'm afraid I still don't understand.'

'You mean you don't recognise my name?'

'I fear not. . . . My own name--since you have been good enough to introduce yourself--is Chipping.'

'Well, Mr. Chipping . . . you fairly beat the band. I reckon you must be the only person on this train who hasn't seen one or other of my pictures.'

'Pictures? You are an artist?'

'I should hope so. . . . Oh, I get you--you mean a painter? . . . No, not that sort of artist. I'm on the films. Don't you ever go to the cinema?'

Chips paused; then he answered, contemplatively: 'I went on one occasion only--umph--and that was ten years ago. I am given to understand--umph--that there have been certain improvements since then . . . but the--umph--poster-advertising outside has never--umph--tempted me to discover how far that is true.'

Renny laughed. 'So that's why you've never heard my name? My goodness, wouldn't I like to show you round Hollywood! . . . I suppose you're not interested in acting?'

'Indeed, yes. In my young days I was a great admirer of Henry Irving and Forbes-Robertson and--umph--Sarah Bernhardt--and the immortal Duse--'

'I guess none of them ever got three thousand fan letters a week--as I do.'

'Fan letters?'

'Letters from admirers--total strangers--all over the world--who write to me.'

Chips was bewildered. 'You mean--umph--you have to read three thousand letters a week?'

'Well, I don't read 'em. But my secretary counts 'em.'

'Dear me--umph--how extraordinary. . . .' And after a little pause for thought, Chips added: 'You know, Mr. Renny, I feel--umph--somewhat in the mood of the late Lord Balfour when he was taken to see the sights of New York. He was shown the--umph--I think it is called the Woolworth Building--and when--umph--the boast was made to him that it was completely fireproof, all he could reply was--"What a pity!"'

'Good yarn--I must remember it. Tell me something about this place Brookfield.'

'It's just a small English village. A pleasant place, I have always thought.'

'You know it well?'

'Yes, I think I can say I do. . . . But why--if I may ask--are you going there?'

'Darned if I know myself, really. Matter of fact, it's my publicity man's idea, not mine. Fellow named McElvie--smart man. . . . You see, Mr. Chipping, your English public--bless their hearts--have fussed over me so much during the last few weeks that I'm all in--gets on your nerves after a time--signing autographs and being mobbed everywhere . . . so I said to McElvie, I'm going to take a real rest-cure, get away to some little place and hide myself, travel incognito . . . just some little place in the country--must be lots of places like that in England . . . and then McElvie suddenly had one of his bright ideas. You see, I was born in Brooklyn, so he looks it up and finds there isn't a Brooklyn in England, but there's a Brookfield. Sort of sentimental a.s.sociation . . . you see?'

'I see,' answered Chips, without seeing at all. He could not really understand why a man born in Brooklyn should have a sentimental desire to visit Brookfield: he could not understand why letters should be counted instead of read; he could not understand why a man who wished to avoid publicity should travel around with the kind of luggage that would rivet the attention of every fellow-traveller and railway porter. These things were mysteries. But he said, with a final attempt to discover what manner of man this Randolph Renny might be: 'In my young days we used--umph--to cla.s.sify actors into two kinds--tragedians and comedians. Which kind are you, Mr. Renny?'

'I guess I'm not particularly either. Just an actor.'

'But--umph--for what parts did you become--umph--famous?'

'Oh, heroes, you know--romantic heroes. Fact is . . . I guess it sounds stupid, but I can't help it . . . I've sometimes been labelled the world's greatest lover.'

Chips raised his eyebrows and answered: 'I have a good memory for faces--umph--and also for names--umph--but in the circ.u.mstances, Mr. Renny, it seems fortunate that I--umph--easily forget reputations. . . .'

Thus they talked till the train arrived at Brookfield, by which time Chips had grown rather to like the elegant strange young man who seemed to have acquired the most fantastic renown by means of the most fantastic behaviour. For Chips, listening to Renny's descriptions of Hollywood life, could not liken it to anything he had ever experienced or read about. For instance, Renny had a son, and in Hollywood, so he said, the boy was taken to and from school every day in a limousine accompanied by an armed bodyguard--the reason being that Renny had received threatening letters from kidnappers. 'To tell you the truth, Mr. Chipping, I almost thought of sending him to a school in England. D'you know of any good school?'

'Umph,' replied Chips, thinking the matter over--or rather, not needing to think the matter over. 'There is a school at Brookfield.'

'A good school?'

'Well, I have--umph--some reason--to believe so.'

'You were educated there yourself?'

Chips answered, with a slow chuckle: 'Yes . . . umph . . . . I rather imagine I have picked up a little knowledge there during--umph--the past half-century or so. . . .'

By such exchanges of question and answer Chips and Hollywood's ace film-star came to know each other and each to marvel at the strange world that the other inhabited. It was on Chips's advice that Renny tore some of the labels off his luggage and wrapped up his Fifth Avenue hat-box in brown paper and did a few other simple things to frustrate the publicity he was apparently fleeing from. And at the Royal Hotel (still taking Chips's advice) he registered as plain Mr. Read, of London, and was careful to ask for 'tomahtoes,' not 'tomaitoes,' and to refrain from asking for ice-water at all. A few days later he rang up Chips on the telephone, said he was feeling a little bored and suggested a further meeting. Chips asked him to tea at his rooms opposite the School, and afterwards showed him over the School buildings. Renny was horrified at the primitiveness of the School bathrooms, and was still more horrified when Chips told him they had just been modernised. But he was pleased and relieved when Chips told him that there had not been a single case of kidnapping at Brookfield for the past three hundred years. 'Before that--umph--I cannot definitely say,' added Chips. 'There were very disturbed times--we had a headmaster hanged during the sixteenth century for preaching the wrong kind of sermon--yes--umph--we have had disturbed times, Mr. Renny.'

'You talk about them, sir, as if they were only yesterday.'

'So they were,' replied Chips, 'in the history of England. And Brookfield is a part of that.'

'And you're a part of Brookfield, I guess?'

'I should like to think so,' answered Chips, pouring himself tea.

The two men met again, several times. One afternoon they lazed in deck-chairs on the deserted School playing-fields; another day Chips took Renny to the local parish church, showed him the points of historic interest in it, and introduced him to the verger and the vicar as a visiting American. Renny seemed surprised that neither recognised him, and uttered a word of warning afterwards, 'You know, Mr. Chipping, you're taking a big chance showing me round like that.'

'No,' replied Chips. 'I think not. There are--umph--quite a number of people in England who--umph--have never heard of you, Mr. Renny. The vicar here, for instance, is much more familiar with the personalities of Rome during the age of Diocletian--he has written several books on the subject . . . while our verger is so pa.s.sionately devoted to the cultivation of roses that--umph--I doubt if he ever goes to the cinema at all. . . . So I think you may feel quite safe in Brookfield--n.o.body will annoy or molest you.'

But after another few days had pa.s.sed and there had been other meetings, a dark suspicion began to enter Chips's mind. Renny looked much better for his rest-cure; idle days in suns.h.i.+ne and fresh air had soothed the tired nerves of an idol whose pedestal too often revealed him as merely a target. All the same, there was this dark suspicion--a suspicion that suggested itself most markedly whenever the two men walked about the streets of Brookfield. Just this--that though Renny was doubtless sincere in wanting to get away from crowds of autograph-hunting admirers, he did not altogether relish the ease with which in Brookfield he was doing so. There were moments when, perhaps, the success of his incognito peeved him just a trifle. It would have been truly awful if a mob of girls had torn the clothes off his back (they had done this several times in America), but when they didn't, then . . . well, there were moments when Renny's att.i.tude might almost have been diagnosed as: Why the h.e.l.l don't they try to, anyway. . . ?

All of which came to a head in the sudden appearance of McElvie on the scene. This wiry little Scots-American arrived in Brookfield like a human tornado, expressed himself delighted with the improvement in Renny's health, demanded to meet the old gentleman with whom he had been spending so much time, wrung Chips's hand effusively, and opined (gazing across the road at the School buildings) that it certainly looked 'a swell joint.'

'And see,' he added, taking Renny and Chips by the arm and drawing them affectionately together, 'I've got a swell idea, too. . . . I'll work up a lot of phooey in the papers about your disappearance. . . . "Where is Randolph Renny?" "Has anybody seen him?"--"He's hiding somewhere--where is it?"--you know the sort of thing . . . and then, when all the excitement's just boiling over, we'll discover you here . . . spending a vacation with the old professor. . . .'

'I'm not a professor . . .' protested Chips, feebly.

'Aw, it's the same thing . . . and you knew Irving, too . . . and Forbes-Robertson . . . Sarah Bernhardt . . . the immortal Dewser. . . .'

'I didn't know them,' protested Chips, still feebly. 'I only saw them act.'

'Aw, what does that matter? . . . after all, you saw 'em and you're old enough to have known the whole bunch of 'em . . . they gave you tips about acting--and you took in what they said--and now you pa.s.s it all on to Renny here. . . . Oh, boy, what an idea--handing on the great tradition--Randolph Renny vacations secretly with Dewser's oldest friend--you were room-mates, maybe, you and Dewser--'

'Hardly,' answered Chip. 'It was--umph--before the days of co-education. . . .'

'Oh, a woman?' replied McElvie, seizing the point with an alertness Chips could not but recognise and admire. 'I beg your pardon, Mr. Chipping--no offence meant, I'm sure. . . . But you got the idea, haven't you?--why it's stupendous--it's unique--I don't believe it's ever been thought of before--Oh, boy, it'll be the greatest scoop in the history of movie publicity. . . .'

Which was why, that same evening, Chips gave Miss Lydia Jones the news that Randolph Renny was staying in Brookfield at the Royal Hotel. He decided that if there were to be a scoop at all (whatever a scoop was), Brookfield, as represented by the Brookfield Gazette and by its social reporter, should have it. And thus it came about that Miss Jones began her column of gossip ambiguously, ungrammatically, yet in substance correctly with the words: 'Coming out of the Royal Hotel the other day, who should I espy but Randolph Renny. . . .'

It only remains to add that the following term Renny's son began his career at Brookfield School, and, during a preliminary interview with Chips, remarked: 'Of course you know who my father is, don't you, sir?'

'I do, my boy,' Chips answered. 'But--umph--you need have no fear--on that account. We all know--but at Brookfield--umph--we do not care. . . .'

CHAPTER SEVEN.