Loose Ends Part 18

"The door's unlocked," I heard her say.

When I walked in, Kree was sitting on the edge of her bed in a silk bathrobe.

"I feel so foolish. So stupid," she said, biting her nail.

"Kree, no. Don't feel that way. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman."

"I thought we could pay them back if we got together. Give them a dose of their own medicine."

"Then we'd be lowering ourselves to their level. What would that say about us?"

She just looked up at me with sad, pitiful eyes.

"Kree, believe me, if circ.u.mstances were different . . . Like I said, you're a beautiful, s.e.xy woman. Any man would give his right arm to make love to you."

"Any man but you, right?" She twisted a strand of her hair around a finger.

"If I went there tonight, I'd just be using you, and I care about you too much to do that."

"You still love her, don't you? After everything they've done to us, you still love her."

I didn't answer. My silence said it all.

"You know Mia doesn't deserve you. You're a good man, Christian. She doesn't realize what a gem she had in you."

"I guess not or I wouldn't be here. Anyway, are you okay now?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am," she said as if she were contemplating something.

"Look, it's getting late. I should be going. I have a full day tomorrow, but I'm here if you need me. You know my number."

"I do, thanks. Wait, Christian, I need to talk to you. I want to tell you a story." She took a deep breath. "I know you still love Mia even if you don't want to admit it."

"I-"

"You don't even have to answer. Just listen carefully to my story. As you know, Mia is not my favorite person in the world. Even before I met her, I felt I was living in her shadow. In my heart, I knew Brice wasn't over her. And as much as I hate to admit it, I understand the pull Brice has on her. It took me a while to come to that realization, but I understand. And . . . I don't hate her as much."

I sprawled across Kree's bed and waited out of curiosity for her to continue. I had a feeling her story was going to shed some light on our present situation.

"I have never told anyone this story before-I was too ashamed-but after I finish, you'll understand why I can relate to why Mia did what she did." Kree took a deep breath and continued the story.

"After dating Brice for about a year in Germany, I knew I loved him with all my heart. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Everything was perfect. Too perfect. We communicated, we had tons of fun together, we shared common goals and dreams. Our s.e.x life was great, but Brice kept talking about taking it to the next level. He had this fantasy about having a threesome with me and another woman. Brice explained that he had had menage a trois before, but it was just with casual acquaintances. With me-with us-this would take our lovemaking, our intimacy, to the next level, he said. I heard this over and over until he finally persuaded me to do it for him."

Kree scrutinized me closely, took a deep breath, and continued. "He chose this lady, Jade, that he knew from one of the bars he frequented. She was really lovely, s.e.xy and the complete opposite of me. She wasn't reserved or inhibited, to say the least. Brice and I had discussed the rules before I agreed to do it. The number one rule was that she couldn't touch me. He could touch me, he could touch her, but she couldn't touch me under any circ.u.mstances. Brice agreed-only he would be making love to me."

Kree closed her eyes as the memories flooded her.

"The night of our date came. We'd checked into a luxury hotel for the night and had dinner and drinks. I had a buzz going when we arrived back to the room-room 203. I figured that I needed to be high to carry it out. I was nervous as h.e.l.l. We got back to the room and Jade was there. She'd already set the mood. You know, dim light, candles, the whole nine yards. Everything started happening quickly.

"Brice took control as usual. By now, we had all undressed, checking out one another's bodies. There was nervous laughter. We were on the king-size bed and Brice started kissing me, real pa.s.sionate kisses, and then he'd kiss Jade. Things were getting hot and heavy as he went back and forth between us. Jade and I would sit there and wait for our turn. Then Brice stopped, jumped off the bed, naked, and quickly pulled up a chair from the desk and placed it in front of the bed."

By now, Kree's voice was trembling. She struggled to continue.

"He was sitting there like he had center-stage seats at a performance or something. Brice coaxed me to kiss Jade. I said no, because he had promised me that I wouldn't have to touch her. He finally talked me into just kissing her. Jade's warm tongue was in my mouth, kissing me like Brice had just done. Brice watched with no emotion. After a while, he told me to touch Jade. This time, I refused. So he told Jade to touch me. I begged her not to, but I guess she had seen something in his eyes that convinced her to follow his instructions instead of mine.

"By now Brice had moved back to the bed. Anyway, Jade started to touch me with her hands, mouth and tongue. She started from my neck and worked her way slowly down. She left wet, moist spots as she went down. What did I do? I sat there and stared at Brice while he watched us and fondled her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. I didn't take my eyes off him. The scene was turning him on. As Jade continued, I started to cry uncontrollably. She hesitated, but Brice commanded her to continue.

"He told me to lie down and open my legs. I wouldn't do it. Brice said it again in that military, commanding voice of his. I leaned back and spread my legs, and Jade was down between my legs, with her tongue and fingers going in and out. I was crying while Brice watched and enjoyed it. Jade was making this moaning, slurping sound over and over.

"Brice caressed my breast with his hands and mouth. Jade was still busy, working my c.l.i.t. Brice inserted a finger into my wetness. My body betrayed me and I came, came hard. He finally pushed Jade away from me and climbed on top of her. I tried to get up and walk away, but Brice pulled me back down by my wrist and gave me that look. I lay there crying beside the two of them while he screwed her. I heard all the groans and moans and I knew the exact moment he came in her. Afterward, he acted like nothing had happened.

"The next day, he sent me a dozen red roses, and I pushed that night into the dark recesses of my mind. Brice got his wish and was satisfied. So I was happy. That night was never mentioned again. Months later, when he asked me to marry him, I accepted. I didn't even hesitate for a second. I married him," she said with no emotion, and then burst out crying.

"Kree, don't cry. It's going to be okay. Don't cry. You didn't deserve that." I rubbed her back through her thin robe.

"I'm sorry. I guess I never allowed myself to think about that night. I blocked it all out, and Brice never took me back to that bar and I didn't see Jade ever again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Brice has this hold on women and gets them to do whatever he wants. They-we-want to please him. So I can understand how Mia got caught up with him."

When I was sure Kree was really okay, I let myself out after thanking her for an enjoyable and enlightening evening. Kree left me with much to think about.

Another two weeks had pa.s.sed since my dinner with Kree. I finally made my decision: I was going to see Mia. It was time. I couldn't hide from her forever. It was time for some closure in my life. Actually, Mia's moms had asked me to check on her. Apparently, Mia wasn't doing well; she was sinking deeper into a depression and finding it harder and harder to take care of Lyric.

I pulled up in front of the brick, ranch-style house which used to be my home. It hadn't been that long, but everything looked different. The lawn needed cutting and the hedges needed tr.i.m.m.i.n.g. Mia's rosebush was dead. I had planted that for her when we first moved into the house. It was supposed to be symbolic of our love.

After a few minutes, I slowly walked up the driveway, not knowing what to expect behind the closed doors. I rang the doorbell and held my breath as I mentally prepared myself. Okay, here we go. Mia opened the door on the third ring. She stood there for a few seconds and just stared at me like she was seeing a ghost.

"Hi, Mia. May I come in?" I found my voice again.

She kinda nodded and turned to walk into the living room, expecting me to follow. Walking behind her gave me a moment to compose myself and check her out. Dressed in sweats and a gray T-s.h.i.+RT, Mia had changed. She was still beautiful, but she seemed more mature. She had lost a lot of weight. Mia had always been pet.i.te, but now she was just flat-out skinny. Her hair had grown out some and wasn't as short as before. It wasn't really in a style; it just hung from her head. It was funny, because Mia and Kree looked even more alike now.

Mia sat in the recliner across from the sofa, hands primly folded in her lap, and stared at me without uttering a word. She hadn't cracked a smile.

"How have you been? Did you get the money I sent?"

"I'm okay. I'm taking a leave of absence from Fairfield until . . . Yes, thanks for the money," she said in a monotone voice.

"Yeah, no problem. I couldn't have my daughter living on the streets."

"No, you couldn't have that."

"Where is she?"

"Sleeping."

Mia answered my questions with as few words as possible, looking down at her hands. She was afraid to look into my eyes. Something in my heart lurched forward.

"Listen, Mia. I'm not going to lie; your moms is worried about you. Why aren't you eating? You've lost a lot of weight."

"I wish Mama would leave me alone about eating. I don't have an appet.i.te. I can't keep anything down most of the time," she said, shrugging her bony shoulders.

"Well, you haven't had one of my famous omelets, bacon and toast in a while." I smiled at her.

She didn't smile back. "I guess not."

"And your moms is concerned about you."

Mia just shrugged her bony shoulders.

"Listen, go and do what you were doing; don't mind me. I'm going to take a quick peek at my baby doll and then I'm going to whip you up one of those omelets."

"Christian, you don't have to . . ."

"I know, Mia. I want to."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

As she started to walk up the hallway, I called out her name. She turned.

"Your hair. Are you letting it grow out for him?"

"No, I'm not. It was over between me and him before it even started. I haven't seen Brice in weeks; I told him to leave me alone, and, surprisingly, he has."

"Yeah, now that everything and everyone is f.u.c.ked up." I felt my temper rising.

Mia quickly left. I guess she didn't want to see me lose my temper again. I heard her moving around in the bathroom as she took her shower and changed into her pajamas. She shyly entered the kitchen just as I was finis.h.i.+ng up. She resembled a little girl, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Mia started to clean up the kitchen, which was in disarray. In fact, I had a chance to look around, and the entire house was not too tidy. That wasn't like Mia.

"No, you sit down. I'll take care of the mess. Eat." I placed a full plate of hot food in front of her, along with a big gla.s.s of cold milk. For the first time, I saw a hint of a smile.

When she finished eating, I had washed the dishes in the sink.

"Thanks, Christian. I'm not someone for whom you'd want to do any great acts of kindness. I know you are doing this for Mama. Thanks for the gesture."

"No, actually I'm doing this for me. Because I want to. Come sit down, Mia; we need to talk. Really talk for once."

I held out my hand and she took it with hesitation. I felt chills when our hands touched. Mia was so fragile; Brice had done a serious number on her. She was an emotional basket case. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

I led her over to the sofa. We sat side by side this time, and cried and talked and cried some more into the early-morning hours. A lot of words were spoken that should have been said months earlier. For once, Mia expressed her true feelings to me. Was it too late? I couldn't say. I left knowing one thing: I still loved Mia.

Mia.

I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.-Author Unknown..

Christian literally saved me. His visit gave me back my life. I had given up. Lyric was the only reason I woke up each morning, but I wasn't really living. Christian gave me the will to live again because he no longer hated me. I went back to Fairfield and did the one thing I loved to do-teach. By the way, I wasn't pregnant. Thank G.o.d. My ob-gyn told me that many times when women are under a great deal of stress, our cycles temporarily stop.

I also contacted a psychologist to help me deal with some of my issues. Losing my dad at a young age and growing up with an alcoholic mom contributed to my lack of self-esteem. I had my first session the other day. I probably went through a box of Kleenex. I couldn't stop crying.

Mama and Sharon have been my angels in disguise. They have been very supportive.

Mama babies both me and Lyric, and Sharon keeps me laughing over her usual antics. I'm trying to get my life back on track so I can be a mother to whom Lyric can look up to. I want her to grow into a strong, independent woman. So I have to become one.

Brice has tried to contact me a couple of times, but I won't return his calls. There's really nothing more to say. It's over. The final chapter has been written for us. Well, I did leave a message on his answering machine at work to tell him I wasn't pregnant. I know-I took the coward's way out.

I admit that I still think about him. A lot. My psychologist, Dr. Barnett, and I are going to discuss why I still care about Brice after what happened in our past together. I remember the details of the last time I saw him, when we said our final good-bye. For some reason, it sticks out in my mind.

Christian may not love me anymore, but at least he doesn't hate me. That means the world to me. I see him at least once a week when he drops by to pick up Lyric. He doesn't stay long. So far, Christian hasn't served me divorce papers, but he hasn't moved back in either. I try to keep hope alive. That's all I have for now.

My life is slowly moving back toward the light. But, sometimes, we have to take three steps backward in order to take two steps forward. We have to crawl before we can walk. I would soon learn the true meaning behind those words.

Christian gave me the news! I'll never forget that day as long as I live. Once again, my life went spiraling out of control. It started out as a routine, normal Friday evening. The six-o'clock news was ending. I was drying a load of clothes. Dinner dishes were in the dishwasher. Lyric was over at Mama's house. I was enjoying some "me" time at home. The doorbell rang and I was surprised to see Christian on my doorstep. Based on his expression, I knew something was drastically wrong when I opened the door. He pulled me into a crus.h.i.+ng embrace.

"What's wrong, Christian? Tell me. What happened?"

He didn't say anything, only hung his head.

"Christian? You're scaring me. Are Lyric and Mama all right?"

"There was a car accident, and Brice . . . Brice is dead," he said in a trembling voice as he lowered his head again.

"What?" I screamed, frantically searching his face for the truth. "What are you saying?"

"I'm sorry, Mia. He's gone. They say it was instant."

"No, no, I don't believe you! I don't believe you! You're lying!" I screamed over and over, pounding my fists against his chest. Christian managed to restrain me by my thin wrists. The next thing I felt was a lovely, calming blackness engulfing me as I fell to the floor and collapsed. A welcoming blackness. I felt no more pain.