Second Chances - Unraveling Part 31

I shook my head. "But I don't know who I want to be."

"How about you start by just being Katy? Do you think you can do that?" his voice was husky.

I nodded. "I can do that."

"From this moment on," his fingers grazed my neck and I jumped, "you aren't old Katy or new Katy. You're just... Katy."

I pulled out of his arms and stood up. I wrapped my arms around myself and said, "Yeah... just Katy."

Jared went back downstairs with Karlie, giving me time to compose myself.

I picked up my phone and saw a missed call from Sharon's office.

c.r.a.p.

I smacked my forehead with my good hand and hit redial.

The person on the other end came on with their standard greeting.

"Hi, this is Katy Spencer. I missed my appointment with Sharon, yesterday," I paced across the length of Jared's bedroom.

"Oh, yes. Would you like to reschedule?" the woman asked.

"Do I need to?" I asked, halting my pacing.

"There's no need, unless you want to," she said in a pleasant voice. I'm pretty sure she probably went home and practiced it. No one sounded that sweet.

"I'll just see her next week... but can you tell her that I'm okay and she doesn't need to worry?" I asked.

"Of course," the woman said before I hung up.

I tossed my phone on Jared's bed and quickly followed suit. I stared up at the smooth white ceiling, looking for any kind of imperfection. I was full of them, but I couldn't find any on the ceiling.

Preston had been the tipping point, but I'd already been cracking before he raped me, he's just what shattered me completely.

"Hey," Jared said softly.

I sat up to see him standing in the doorway. He leaned against the doorjamb, his arms, causing his s.h.i.+rt to tighten over his lean chest.

"You okay?" he asked. "You look like you're still upset."

"I'm fine," I said, lying back down.

I heard his footsteps across the room and then the pressure of the bed going down as he lay next to me.

"What are you looking at?" he asked quizzically.

"The ceiling."

He chuckled and warm tingles swam through my body at the sound. "I can see that, but why?"

I shrugged. "Looking for answers... something to prove to me that not everything is perfect."

Jared snorted. "Nothing is perfect." Some time pa.s.sed before he raised himself up on his elbow to look at me. "What's with your fixation with perfection? Of all people, you should know that no one is perfect. Perfection, is impossible... although," he leaned close to me, brus.h.i.+ng his thumb across my bottom lip, "these lips come pretty close."

I let out a nervous laugh and Jared pulled away.

"I guess... most of the time, my life seems to be in constant chaos, while everyone else's is smooth sailing," I mumbled.

Jared chuckled. "Nothing, no one, and no life, is perfect, Katy. You know that. Everyone has problems but most people never open up about them. They tuck their problems away into neat little boxes and pretend they don't exist."

I forgot about the ceiling and rolled onto my side. I cupped my hands under my head and eyed Jared. "That's what you do... it's what I used to do. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to keep pretending it didn't happen."

Jared smiled. "Kitten, we both crossed that bridge when we told each other. We stopped filing it away. The truth is out there now, between the two of us and that can't be undone. I had a s.h.i.+tty childhood. You had a s.h.i.+tty childhood. I was raped. You were raped."

"How are you always so calm about it?" I asked.

Jared shrugged. "I'm older than you and I was younger when it happened. I've had a long time to come to terms with it. Not many people know the truth..." He paused, considering something. "Just me, you, and Dan."

"That's it?" I had just a.s.sumed that Patsy and Holden knew as well.

"Yep," Jared nodded. "I don't tell people, because it's not exactly the kind of thing you tell just anyone," he rubbed his face. "Dan pried it out of me and I swore him to secrecy. I know it would break Patsy's heart if she... if she knew the truth. I mean, she knows about the beatings, but not the... other thing. I know Holden could handle the truth, but he doesn't need to know. As for Karlie, she's only sixteen and she believes in the good of the world, if I told her the whole truth, it would shatter that image. Knowing that I was abused and that our mother was murdered is enough. She doesn't need to know what else was done to me."

"Why tell me? Deal or no deal, you didn't have to tell me." I watched his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath.

"Katy, I've told you before. You're special and I don't want any lies or demons in the closet, between us. I want everything in our relations.h.i.+p to be based on the truth. I want you to know everything about me. How about we use today to further our 'get to know' session? Would that be good?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."

He grinned crookedly. "Forget about getting a car today," he said, hopping up from the bed. "Let's be spontaneous."

25.

"WHERE ARE WE GOING?" I asked Jared, with a mystified tone to my voice.

"Spontaneity, Katy. I have no idea, that's the point of this. If we see somewhere we want to stop, we'll stop. Until then, we just drive," he shrugged.

I settled back into the seat and watched the streets flas.h.i.+ng by.

"What about Karlie? Will we be back before she gets home?"

Jared rubbed his chin. "Katy, chill, okay? Karlie's sixteen years old, she'll be fine." He glanced at me and winked.

"Is this like a road trip?"

"No," he shook his head, "a road trip would mean we'd be gone for a while. This is just for today. We'll be back home tonight. I'm not kidnapping you," he peeked over at me. "Stop biting your finger."

"Sorry, nervous habit," I blushed, dropping my hand to my lap.

"I'll add that to the list," he chuckled, making a right turn.

"What list?" my voice came out all panicky. List for reasons why I was crazy?

He grinned at my reaction. "I'm just filing away things I learn about you."

"Oh." That wasn't so bad.

"Did you ever have a pet growing up?" he asked.

"No," I snorted. "My mom would have been afraid it might destroy her precious floors. Did you?"

"Dan and Patsy had a dog, it was some kind of mutt, but she was the sweetest thing ever. If you could have a pet, what would it be?" He asked, turning the volume on the radio down.

I thought for a moment. "A cat. I've always wanted a little gray cat. They're so cute and fluffy."

Jared shook his head, a laugh escaping from between his lips. "You just sounded like a normal girl."

I rolled my eyes. "You're mean."

He laughed. "What? It's true. You're voice went all girlish and high when you said, 'cute and fluffy.'"

"Don't mock me," I blushed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm not," he said, "it's nice to see that side of you."

Wanting to steer the topic away from me, I asked him, "Besides fighting, what's your favorite thing to do?"

"Um," he mused, "a few months ago, I would've told you hanging out with Holden and acting like a normal twenty-four year old. Sometimes, I need a break... from Karlie. It gets a bit exhausting raising your kid sister, but I wouldn't change it for the world. But now... my favorite thing to do... is spend time with you," he glanced over at me, gauging my reaction.

"Oh," was all I could say. I wasn't expecting that.

He leaned his back against the seat. "I noticed you the moment you walked into that club. It was your beauty that first caught my eye," he looked over at me with a grin and then turned back to the road. "I'm a guy. I couldn't help it. But then, I got a good look at your eyes and I saw..." he took a deep breath. "I saw something in your eyes that I've only seen in my own. I knew then, that something bad had happened to you. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't want to come off as creepy. So, I stayed back and I watched you-"

"Which isn't creepy at all," I interrupted him with a laugh so he'd know I was joking.

He chuckled, running a hand over his short hair. "I was mesmerized by you. I sat at the bar, sipping my beer, trying to think of some way to introduce myself without making you flee." Jared's hands suddenly tightened on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white, his jaw clenched. "And then that f.u.c.ker put his hands on you and I saw your face, your fear. I would have gladly beaten him to a b.l.o.o.d.y f.u.c.king pulp, but I didn't think that would score any points with you," he winked. "I put my hand on you and d.a.m.n," he shook his head, "it was a jolt to my system. I asked you if you needed a ride, even though I knew you'd say no. Then I offered to help you find your friend. When you said your friend was a 'him' I saw red. I thought you had a boyfriend and I was so angry that I was going to lose you before I even knew you. When you told me he was just a friend and gay, I've never felt so relieved in my entire life. I took your hand and you tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let you. I needed to feel your skin on mine, to make sure you were real and not some figment of my imagination. You told me what Rollo looked like and I spotted him immediately, but kept steering you in the opposite direction. I just wanted a few more minutes with you. And then... you left. Like a dumba.s.s, I didn't get your number. But I'm guessing you wouldn't have given it to me anyway," he looked over at me for confirmation.

I laughed. "I wouldn't have."

"I decided then, that if by some miracle I ever saw you again, it would be destiny. When you came cras.h.i.+ng into my training room, I was so p.i.s.sed at first, but then you looked up and my stomach dropped out of my body. I knew then, that I would do whatever it took to get to know the girl with the pain filled eyes," his voice filled the car, my head, and every crevice of my heart, "and that I would do anything to make happiness s.h.i.+ne in her eyes again."

I think I stopped breathing.

"There's happiness in your eyes now, Katy, and I put that there," he spoke fiercely, "and I will spend the rest of my life making sure it stays there."

I was stunned into silence. Thankfully, Jared seemed to understand that I couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone speak.

We continued on down the road, while I tried to wrap my mind around his words.

I couldn't believe that this crazy, beautiful man was so affected by me.

I was nothing special. I was just Katy.

But I felt it, the draw to him, like the one he felt towards me.

It was a pull that went beyond love, beyond human understanding. We were connected now, and we always would be.

"This place looks interesting," Jared said, pulling off the road in a quaint town. He dropped some change into the parking meter before helping me out of the car.

I looked up and down the street, where unique little shops and restaurants took up residence.

"Where do you want to go first?" I asked Jared.

He shrugged. "I just thought it looked like a neat little town to explore. Wanna head this way and make a loop?" He pointed to his right.

"That's good with me," I said, falling into step beside him. "This was a good idea," I said, looking down at my feet as I walked. "It's nice to just get out, no destination, no plan. It feels a lot like freedom."

"That's because it is freedom," Jared said, stopping and staring up at the sky. The sun bathed him in a warm golden glow.

I watched him, the way the light played over his skin, the peaceful look on his face. I wanted that peace he possessed.

Jared tilted his head down and his eyes flickered to meet mine. "Our pasts don't define us, Katy."

"I know," I whispered.

"No, you don't," he shook his head, pulling a pair of sungla.s.ses from the collar of his s.h.i.+rt and sliding them on. "One day, you'll understand that, but you don't, not yet."

He started walking again and I had to jog to keep up with his long stride. With a chuckle, he slowed his steps so that we were side by side.

"I want today to be about us. Just you and me. Katy and Jared. Not about our pasts and those that hurt us. For this one day, I want us to just be us, no baggage. Do you think you can do that?" Jared asked me.

"I can do that," I said.

"Good," he grinned crookedly, holding open a door to one of the various stores.

I went in first and was immediately taken by all the artwork. It was incredible. They were all landscapes and if I had to guess, I'd say they were done locally.

The woman behind the counter confirmed my theory. "Beautiful, aren't they? A local artist does them."