Live To Tell Part 40

I peel off my flimsy hospital gown, inspecting the bandage on my side. Dark pinp.r.i.c.ks of rust. Old blood. Not fresh. Good enough for me.

I work carefully, wrapping the gauze around my rib cage, pulling it tight with each pa.s.s, until the constriction forces me to elongate my back and breathe in shallow gasps. Finally, I secure the binding, stabilizing my ribs and easing the sharpest edge of my pain.

Next I explore the duffel bag. Michael has thrown together the basics: sweats, underwear, socks, flip-flops, toiletries. I have a sense of deja vu, then it comes to me: The duffel bag holds the same items as the hospital bag I packed for Chelsea's birth, and the one I'd planned to pack for Evan's birth, had I not gone into premature labor.

I struggle again. Wanting to finger each item as if it's a talisman of the life I can't give up, of the woman I'd hoped to be. I'll sit here. Cry pathetically with my sweatpants on my lap.

The wash of self-pity disgusts me. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of loving a man who left me. And I'm sick of nurturing a child who drove a knife between my ribs, then phoned to tell me he'd get it right next time.

The life I thought I was going to lead is over. It's time for a new beginning, a new woman. One who walks white sandy beaches in a long purple peasant skirt, with a salt-rimmed margarita in hand. Maybe I'll meet a young, handsome surfer dude. We'll have s.e.x under the palm trees and get sand in interesting places. I'll watch the sun rise while listening to the call of the gulls. I'll think only of myself and what I want to do every minute of every day. And I'll like it.

I have lost my mind.

f.u.c.k it. I get dressed.

It hurts like h.e.l.l. I use the pain to stiffen my resolve. Underwear. Sweatpants. T-s.h.i.+rt. Flip-flops. I brush my teeth and comb my hair. World, look out.

I'm sweating. My side burns. I drink the water left in the cup by my melted ice.

I have no money, no pa.s.sport, no sanity. Not exactly a recipe for success.

And I remember now that I've never really liked the sun. I burn too easily, especially the top of my head. I don't want a margarita. I don't even want a surfer dude.

Mostly, I want to see Evan again.

Eighth floor, they said. Maybe I could creep upstairs, gaze in on him sleeping....

I will tell him that I love him, whisper it in his ear, the way I used to do every night when he was a baby.

I'll touch a blonde curl, the stubborn cowlick above his right eye. I'll finger its softness, and that'll remind me of all the times Evan hugged me, Evan kissed me, Evan told me he loved me.

To the moon and the stars and back again ...

I don't want to run away. I just want to hold my son. I want us to be all right again.

Eighth floor. Not so far. Not so hard. A short elevator ride to Evan.

I crack open my door, peer down the hall. Coast is clear. I make a break for it, hobbling my way to freedom.

I pa.s.s the nurses' station, getting halfway down the hall, then three-quarters of the way. Almost to the elevator banks. So close. Fifteen more feet. Ten. Five. Two more steps, I'll be able to reach out- "Victoria?"

The voice behind me brings me up short. I turn reluctantly, feeling doomed. I can't go back, I think wildly. I need my son. I need my freedom. I need something other than this incredible ache in my chest.

"Victoria?" my lover says again. His face a picture of concern. "What are you doing up? You shouldn't be out of bed."

"I'm feeling much better, thank you."

"Victoria, I think your side ..."

I look down. What do you know? I'm bleeding.

He holds out an arm. "Come on, follow me."

"No."

"Victoria?"

"I have to go upstairs. Find Evan. Please. Please help me."

I realize for the first time that he's holding a large black gadget between his hands. It looks like a gun, but not really. "What's that?" I ask.

He looks around. Still no nurses in sight. "Expediency," he says.

He points it at me. I feel a sudden electric jolt, and then ...

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX.

D.D. and Alex bypa.s.sed the elevators in favor of the stairs. They needed to stretch their legs, and the empty stairwell was excellent for talking.

"What d'you think?" she asked Alex the moment the heavy fire door closed behind them.

"About Gym Coach Greg?"

"About all of them. We have Nurse Danielle, whose family history dovetails with the crimes, as well as having a personal connection to both Lucy and Lightfoot."

"Lightfoot?"

"He was into her, even if she wasn't into him."

Alex considered this as they descended the first flight of stairs. "Meaning, if someone were targeting Danielle, the methodology of the first two crimes and the targets of the second two crimes would make sense."

"Which also points the finger at Gym Coach Greg, who has motive."

"Unrequited love."

"Exactly. Wors.h.i.+ps Danielle for years, can't even get dinner with her, though she accepts Lightfoot's invite. He has opportunity-knows the Harringtons, knows the Laraquette-Solis family. He was on duty the night Lucy disappeared, and working tonight when someone spiked Lightfoot's drink."

"He claims to have an alibi for the Harringtons' murders."

"An alibi not easy to verify, given that the mother has been stabbed and the child's psycho."

"Attack gone awry?" Alex mused.

"What d'you mean?"

"The son stabbed the mother. Sounds a bit like our first two crime scenes."

D.D. shook her head. "Too small. This family is just a mother and child. No father figure, and in the first two attacks, the father figure mattered. That's who had to be posed just so. The crimes had to reflect on the fathers."

"Dads are evil."

"At least the ones who kill their families."

Alex seemed to accept this. "Problem is, Lightfoot knew the families, too. So now we have two suspects to consider. Both of whom have lied to us."

"Lightfoot told us he didn't know Tika Solis, when he did."

"And Greg said he'd never met Tika's family, when he had."

"Actually," D.D. pointed out, "Greg never said he hadn't met the family. He just said they didn't visit the ward."

Alex gave her a look. "You're letting him off on a technicality? Remind me to wear more tight-fitting T-s.h.i.+rts and speak in a baritone."

D.D. rolled her eyes. "Don't get me wrong-Gym Coach still makes the most sense. After all, Lightfoot wasn't working the night Lucy was hanged. Plus, there's the matter of him being poisoned."

Alex nodded. "Kind of wonder," he said as they rounded the fifth-floor landing. "First we had no links between the families, now we have all kinds: the unit, an MC/respite worker, and the local spiritual healer. Begs the question, who else don't we know about? Mentally ill kids appears to be a small and incestuous world. So maybe there are other experts-a psychiatrist, a therapist, a respite worker, a nurse?"

"Meaning we should check in with Phil and Neil: Phil, who's running the background reports, and Neil, who's making the list of all the employees who regularly visit the unit. Put those two items together ..."

"See who else shakes out."

D.D. liked it. They had four more flights to go, so she worked her cell phone.

She got Phil on the first ring. He sounded tired and hungry. Apparently, back at the ranch, they hadn't gotten around to take-out pizza. Then again, HQ hadn't dealt with a bunch of kids threatening to gouge out eyeb.a.l.l.s. Win some, lose some.

So far, Phil had covered the basics: DMV records, employment history, and various criminal databases. Running the list of employees that Karen had supplied, Phil could report that no one had any outstanding warrants or history of arrest. Ed, the burly MC, liked to speed, and Danielle needed to clean up a few parking tickets. Greg, on the other hand, was clean as a whistle. D.D. supplied the MC's sordid family history. Phil promised to dig deeper into Greg and his sister's past.

"Though, by the sound of it, Sally was a juvenile and it never went to trial, so not sure what I'll find in the system," Phil warned.

"Let's start with verifying that Sally exists, that her parents were poisoned with strychnine, and that her current residence is costing Greg an extra twenty grand a year."

"That I can do." D.D. could practically hear Phil cracking his knuckles over the phone lines. He loved a good data search.

"Have you heard from Neil? How's he coming with the list of other hospital employees, contractors, etc.?" D.D. asked.

"He turned in a preliminary list of janitors, food service workers, deliverymen, and a few contractors an hour ago. Still working on those, though one name did jump out-the healer, Andrew Lightfoot. Guessing Lightfoot's not a real name, because it's not in the system."

D.D. glanced at Alex, then remembered. "He mentioned in the first interview that he reverted to an old family name. Sounded better for business."

"Well, if you want the skinny, get me better info."

"Deal." D.D. snapped her phone shut, turned to Alex. "More questions for Lightfoot," she reported. "Starting with his real last name."

Which shouldn't have been too hard, except when they reached the main ward of the hospital, Lightfoot had disappeared.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN.

DANIELLE.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked Greg.

"Why didn't you ever ask?" he replied.

We were huddled at the interrogation table, confined to the cla.s.sroom, under another detective's watchful eye. The nanny detective was on the other side of the room, eating pizza and reading files. That gave us the illusion of privacy, though he probably had crack hearing and was writing down every word we said.

"I would've understood," I said. I sounded petulant, even to me. Greg's secrets angered me. I was the one with baggage. He was supposed to be an open book. Now I had to face the fact that Greg had his own tragic past, and was still a better-adjusted person than me.

Greg regarded me thoughtfully. "Why?"

"How can you even ask? Your family history, my family history. You could have told me about your sister. I would've understood!"

"Why?" he asked again. "For me to presume to know what you're feeling, for you to presume to know what I'm feeling ..." He shrugged. "Isn't there some quote: 'All happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way'?"

"Anna Karenina. Only line of the book I read. But still ..." I sat back, hands tucked in my front pockets, still scowling. "Most people know who their families were, or what their families were. But we don't. Our family history remains a question mark. Was your father that bad or was your sister that ill? Was my father that bad or did the drinking make him that ill? We don't know. We'll never know. And that kind of not knowing really sucks."

"I miss my parents," Greg said after a moment. "My dad was a good dad to me. My mom was a good mom. I wish they could see me now. I wish they could know that at least one of their kids got it right."

I nodded. I thought that, too, the few times I allowed myself to think of my family. Would my mom be proud of me? Would Natalie and Johnny appreciate my work with troubled kids? Maybe, when I'd graduated from the nursing program, they would've cheered for me. And maybe, when I saw success with my first disturbed child, they would've liked to hear my stories from work.

I should've gone to dinner with Greg. He was a good person. The decent guy who didn't get the girl, because most girls, including me, were stupid about things like that.

"I don't want you feeling sorry for me," he was saying now, voice grim. "I don't need your pity."

"Not what I was thinking."

"I mean, look at the kids here. Most of them don't have fathers. Most of them don't have involved caretakers of any kind. That's life. If we expect them to get over it, we can, too."

"You should come to my place," I said. "In two weeks. I'll be saner then. The dust will have settled on this mess. I'll fix you dinner."

Greg blinked. Paused. Blinked again. "Your place?"

"I don't have roommates. And we have unfinished business."