Hope. Part 18

'I'll never accept that,' Nell said indignantly. 'That's what Albert wants us to believe. You agreed with me that her letter didn't sound right.'

Matt groaned; it was too early in the morning for this. He'd told her his views on that letter dozens of times, but once again he repeated that Hope had been in a hurry. And that no amount of explaining herself to Nell was going to make her hurt less.

'But she would have written again later to stop us all worrying.' Nell's eyes filled with tears yet again. 'You know she would, Matt.'

As always when Matt saw the pain in Nell's eyes, he was sorry he'd been sharp and irritated with her. He got up and put his arms around her, holding her to his shoulder and patting her back comfortingly. 'Maybe she's too ashamed? I know if I skipped off the way she did and caused all this trouble I'd just want to stay missing.'

Matt wished his feelings were as clear-cut as that explanation. He lurched from extreme anxiety for Hope to near hatred for what she'd done to Nell and the embarra.s.sment to his family.

It was understandable that people were shocked by Hope running off with a soldier; after all, the Rentons had always been steady, sober and well-respected people who never caused scandals. But it would have been just a nine-day wonder if Nell hadn't reacted so dramatically about it. Leaving her husband and Briargate had created all kinds of suspicions, and the way Nell had acted since then only added more fuel to the fire. Many people thought she had gone mad, others thought Albert or even Sir William must have ravished Hope. Hardly a day pa.s.sed without Matt or Amy being cornered by someone determined to get to the bottom of what they considered a sinister mystery.

When Nell ran in here on Christmas Eve so distressed, Matt had taken her accusations of murder seriously. He'd gone rampaging up to Briargate straight away and would have killed Albert himself if he'd shown his face. But Sir William had taken him into his study and calmed him down. He pointed out that Albert had been chopping wood in the shed on the afternoon Hope disappeared; he said he'd seen him himself when he came back from a ride on Merlin. He reminded Matt too that Albert had gone straight to Baines when he found Hope's letter at the gatehouse, and it was Baines who talked him out of informing Nell by letter because it would be too great a shock for her.

Sir William couldn't have been more understanding. He even agreed that he would get the police to make an investigation to convince Nell no crime had been committed, in the hopes that it would persuade her to return to Briargate and Albert.

On Boxing Day, Matt helped the police comb the grounds of Briargate, the surrounding woods and even the gatehouse, but they found nothing suspicious. Yet still Nell ranted and sobbed, refusing even to speak to Albert when he came to the farm to try to persuade her to go home with him.

Matt had tried to talk her round, explaining that a woman who left her husband became an outcast, and reminding her of the vows she'd made on her wedding day. But it did no good, she said she didn't care what people thought about her, she knew the truth about what Albert had done.

Matt had talked to Albert a couple of weeks after the police search, and he had been very reasonable. He admitted that he could have been kinder to Nell when she arrived home to find her sister gone, but explained that she had woken him up to blame him, and he could hardly get a word in edgeways. He said bluntly that their marriage hadn't been a happy one for a long time and he thought this was because they hadn't had a child. He said he was willing to try again, but Nell must hate him to believe he'd killed Hope.

Matt had never liked Albert, he found him cold, critical and superior, but the man was honest enough to admit he'd been hard on Hope in the past, and that perhaps he should have been more understanding with Nell. In the light of how Nell had been in the past weeks, Matt even felt a little sympathy for the man, for it had to be galling to be branded a murderer by his own wife.

A few weeks later Lady Harvey wrote to Nell. Nell didn't divulge what was in the letter, but Matt had seen the glowing character which was enclosed with it. Yet Nell wasn't even grateful for that kindness. She claimed, rather mysteriously, that she knew bad things about Lady Harvey and the woman had only sent the character because she was afraid Nell would start revealing them.

Matt thought it was very big of Lady Harvey to overlook that Nell had run out on her on Christmas Eve and that she'd brought the police to Briargate's doors and thereby created gossip all over the county. If she hoped the character would get Nell a position well away from Briargate, Matt could hardly blame her, for he was at the end of his tether with Nell too. She filled the farmhouse with her misery; she upset Amy and often frightened the children.

He cursed Hope for all this, yet despite his anger, he couldn't stop worrying about her too. She was so young and unworldly, and a man who could talk her into turning her back on her family would be able to persuade her into anything. Everyone knew the big cities were dens of iniquity and a pretty little thing like her would soon be ruined.

He watched as Nell filled the teapot with hot water. She had become thin and gaunt, her once rosy plump cheeks were pale hollows now, and the dark blue dress she was wearing hung in folds on her. She was thirty-two, but she had suddenly turned into an old lady: her voice had become shrill and whining, she muttered to herself, her dark hair had lost its s.h.i.+ne, and she'd even taken to pulling it back so tightly that it made her face almost skeletal. Nothing distracted her from her distress, not his children, the signs of spring arriving, or even a letter from James or Ruth. She didn't worry about Joe and Henry, who had left to seek their fortune in London. She didn't seem the least interested in Ruth's baby boy either. She was too obsessed with Hope to care about anyone else.

What was he going to do?

Amy wanted him to ask her to leave. She said she'd had more than enough of this. But how could he show his own sister the door, knowing she had now here else to go?

Nell put the teapot on the table and then got the cups from the dresser. 'I'll take the eggs into Keynsham today, and while I'm there I'll look for work,' she said suddenly.

Matt nodded; he didn't trust himself to speak. He doubted she'd find any work there, but it would save him the journey to sell the eggs, and while Nell was gone it would at least give Amy some respite.

'If I can't get anything there, I'll go to Bath tomorrow and see Ruth.'

'She'll be pleased to see you,' Matt managed to get out.

He had ridden into Bath shortly after Hope disappeared to tell Ruth and John about it. Although Ruth was surprised and concerned, she had pointed out that any young girl would want more life than there was at Briargate. In the New Year when Matt went back to tell them about Nell's reaction and her conviction that Albert had killed Hope, Ruth was irritated by what she saw as melodrama. 'What would he gain by killing her?' she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. 'Nell will end up in the asylum if she goes on this way.'

James, Toby and Alice had all reacted much the same way too. While none of them approved of Hope running off so recklessly, and were very concerned for her safety, they all felt she had been looking for some excitement, and that Nell should accept that.

Matt was pretty certain Ruth wouldn't have much patience with her older sister, especially now she had a baby of her own. He just hoped she wouldn't be too sharp with Nell and make her even more distraught.

When Nell left the farm around six-thirty with the basket of eggs on her arm, it had stopped raining and the first rays of daylight were creeping into the sky. She took the footpath across the fields to Compton Dando, and came out close to her childhood home.

Gerald Box, the gamekeeper's brother, lived there now with his wife and three children. Nell stubbornly kept her eyes averted from the cottage as she didn't want any reminders of her parents or Hope today.

She was very aware that Matt and Amy were losing patience with her. She knew too that she wasn't holding together very well and everyone was horrified that she'd left Albert. Sometimes it was very tempting to tell them that it had been a marriage in name only, for if nothing else it would make Albert a laughing stock. Likewise, she'd like to shame Lady Harvey by telling the story of Hope's birth. Perhaps then people would see how unquestioningly loyal she'd been to her mistress for all these years, and be shocked that a mother took her daughter's disappearance so lightly.

But to tell these things now when people were already convinced she was going mad would only reinforce that belief. No one would believe her and she might well be put into an asylum to shut her up.

Reluctantly she'd come to see that the only solution to everything was to find work well away from here. She was tormented by memories of Hope everywhere she looked, creating friction at Matt's, even though she tried to make herself useful. Lady Harvey had dressed up her real feelings about her former maid in her letter. She went to great pains to avoid saying anything about Hope, she even sympathized with Nell's difficulties with Albert, and pointed out that she'd used Nell's maiden name on the character to help her get another position. But Nell could sense the ice beneath the honeyed phrases about how hard she would be to replace, her loyalty and caring nature. Lady Harvey's real feelings were clearly that she hoped Nell would go as far away as possible, and that she'd shut the door tightly on the maid she once claimed was her only real friend.

By the time Nell had got to the hamlet of Chewton the sun had come out, and though the wind was cold, she noticed for the first time that there were green buds on the hedges and a few early primroses peeping through beneath them. Only last night Matt had said that lambing would be starting within a week, and she remembered how excited she used to get as a child when she saw the first newborn lamb of the season.

Ducks quacking on the river by the mill made her stop and put her basket down to look over the bridge. She had never seen so many in one place, at least twenty or more all chasing one another around on the water. The willows were coming into leaf, and there were a great many daffodils swaying in the wind on the bank. A lump came into her throat at the beauty of the scene, and she realized it was the first time since Christmas that she'd been aware of anything other than her own unhappiness.

Hearing horses' hooves coming around the bend towards her, she stayed by the bridge railing, but turned her head to see who it was.

To her astonishment it was none other than Captain Pettigrew on his piebald horse, and in her position on the bridge she couldn't hide.

'Why, Nell!' he exclaimed in surprise, reining his horse in and looking down at her. 'How are you? I was told you'd left Briargate and I rather a.s.sumed you'd gone right away from the village.'

Despite Nell's initial feelings about this man, he had won her over when Cook was taken ill. While her puritanical streak still told her she ought to be wary of a man who had come between a husband and wife, now she knew far more about the relations.h.i.+p between him and her ladys.h.i.+p, her instinct told her that he had truly loved her, and probably still did. It was also hard not to look into that strong, handsome face, knowing that he was Hope's father, and not be willing to trust him.

'I ought to leave here,' she said, blus.h.i.+ng because he was looking at her so keenly. 'I have nothing but sad memories here now my sister has gone.'

'I was told about that,' he said, dismounting and moving closer to her, still holding his horse by the reins. 'Rather a rum do! I understand you don't believe she ran off with a soldier?'

'No, sir, I don't,' Nell looked him square in the face. 'For one thing no one had seen a soldier around here, and just before I left with Lady Harvey when her father was sick, Hope told me quite sadly that she had no chance of ever having a sweetheart because she never had the opportunity to meet anyone.'

'She could have made opportunities while you were gone,' the Captain said with a wry smile.

'She only had a half day off each week and she spent those with our brother at his farm.'

'Forgive me being so blunt, Nell, but as I understand it you believed your husband, the gardener, killed her. Is that so, or just foolish gossip?'

'I did believe it, and I still do,' Nell said defiantly. 'Now I am being scorned because I deserted him, but how could I stay with such an evil man?'

'Strong words, Nell,' he said shaking his head thoughtfully. 'But I think you are very brave to stand by what you believe. Lady Harvey must be missing you a great deal; I know how fond she was of you.'

'Lady Harvey cares for no one but herself,' Nell blurted out before she could stop herself.

The Captain raised one dark eyebrow.

'Apart from you,' Nell added, and blushed furiously because she shouldn't have said that either.

'Oh, Nell,' the Captain sighed. 'I know Lady Harvey had no secrets from you, and therefore I feel I can speak frankly. We are both victims of a very rigid society; Lady Harvey and I could have no future together without disgrace. She probably told you that I asked her a year ago to face that disgrace and come away with me?'

Nell was surprised and shocked to hear that. 'No, she didn't tell me that, sir. Only that she wrote while we were in Suss.e.x and told you it was all over.'

'That sounds like Anne.' He gave a humourless chuckle. 'She's a great one for only telling half a story! But maybe that is why she was so hard on you, because you were brave enough to leave Albert!'

'Lady Harvey's situation and mine were very different,' Nell said. Even after all she'd been through she still could not bring herself to be spiteful about her old mistress. 'Albert left me no alternative but to desert him.'

The Captain put one finger under her chin and lifted her face up. 'You look thin and deeply troubled, Nell. I am told that Lady Harvey looks the same. I think you two fell out about far more than Albert?'

Nell's stomach lurched. 'If she is thin and troubled too, then it will only be because she's finding it hard to cope with all the things I used to do for her,' she said tartly.

He half-smiled. 'Another man might believe that to be the reason, but not me. However, I do admire your loyalty,' he said. 'So where are you off to with those eggs?'

'To sell them to a shop in Keynsham, then I shall look for work.'

'I shouldn't imagine there's much call for a lady's maid there.'

Nell shrugged. 'I'll take anything, I can cook and clean. Beggars can't be choosers. I'll even work in an ale house if they give me a bed and food.'

He looked at her appraisingly for so long it made Nell nervous.

'Would you consider being my housekeeper?' he said eventually.

Nell's eyes widened with surprise. 'But you don't have a house, sir,' she exclaimed.

'I do,' he said. 'I acquired it a year or two back. Nothing grand, you understand, just a place to spend my leave and retire to when I get too old for soldiering. I had been thinking of getting someone for some time, but there is so much that needs doing there before I could expect a stranger to cope with the inconvenience. However, it might suit you just now, and you'd certainly suit me.'

Nell's first thought was that he saw her as a way back towards Lady Harvey. But whether that was his reason or not, it was an offer she was in no position to refuse. 'Well, thank you, sir,' she said. 'I'm very grateful for your kindness.'

After giving her directions to the village of Saltford on the Bath road and suggesting she called after selling her eggs, the Captain rode off. Nell picked up her basket and walked on with a much lighter heart. She didn't really care what his house was like, or that she'd be the only servant. He was a gentleman, he cared enough about her plight to help her, and it felt as though she'd been offered a lamp on a dark night.

Nell stood outside Willow End, the Captain's house, for some little while before she opened the gate and walked up to the front door, a little puzzled as to why he'd chosen it. She would have expected a military gentleman to find a residence in either Bristol or Bath, not half-way between the two cities. While it was bigger than a cottage, with a stable and other outhouses, it was the kind of house a shopkeeper or a schoolmaster would live in.

It was one of a few houses straggling along the road into Bath, outside the village of Saltford, around half a mile before the crossroads of the lanes that led to the villages of Corston and Lewton St Loe. It was a pleasant enough spot, overlooking the fields which ran down to the river Avon, but the Great Western railway to London ran through those too.

Captain Pettigrew was right in saying it needed a lot doing to it. The roof and windows were sagging and the garden hadn't been tended in years. She expected that the inside would be no better. But it would be a good place for her to work, far enough away from Albert and yet close enough to both Matt and Ruth to feel safe. She relished the amount of hard work she'd have to do; she didn't want time on her hands.

'So what do you think, Nell?' the Captain asked as they returned to his drawing room after he'd taken her on a tour of his house. 'Could you live here and look after me?'

Nell smiled; it was difficult not to do so for he had shown her round with boyish enthusiasm, vividly describing what he intended to do with each of the rooms. For a single gentleman he had a great many possessions hundreds of books, many of them still in packing cases, some fine pieces of furniture, clocks, rugs and china but most of them were still piled up in the downstairs rooms as the roof leaked.

The parlour was the only room that had a semblance of order. It was cold without the fire lit, but he had armchairs, a rug and a table and chairs arranged, even a couple of pictures on the walls. His bedroom offered less comfort than a prison cell, with no rugs on the floor and just a bed, curtains and his clothes hanging from hooks behind the door.

'I would be happy to live here and look after you,' Nell said with sincerity. 'But you must get the roof mended quickly before the rainwater seeps down here too.'

'I have that in hand,' he said with a wide grin. 'Work starts tomorrow. But could you cook in that terrible kitchen?'

Nell laughed then, and it struck her that it was the first time she'd had anything to laugh about in months. It wasn't a terrible kitchen to her; it was filthy, but it was a good size and there was plenty of light, and after a good scrub it would be just fine. 'I learned to cook on an open fire,' she reminded him. 'The stove will work well enough once I get the chimney swept, and it's got a good cold pantry.'

'I brought some friends here to see it and they shuddered,' he admitted ruefully. 'You see, I was looking at its potential. It has a good bit of land, the stables and outhouses, and I thought it had a good feel to it. But my friends said I'd taken leave of my senses and it made me think they might be right.'

'Then we'll have to show them they were wrong, sir,' she said.

He poured some sherry wine into two gla.s.ses and handed one to her. 'To the future, Nell,' he said, raising his gla.s.s, his dark eyes twinkling. 'And to you for coming along in my hour of need.'

Nell sipped the sherry cautiously, for she had a long walk back to Matt's and she hadn't eaten anything more than a slice of bread. 'I can be here first thing in the morning,' she said. 'That is, if you want me then?'

'The sooner the better,' he said. 'But I shall come and get you in the gig, and we can pick up whatever provisions and other things you'll need on the way. I won't have you creeping away from your brother's farm like a thief in the night.'

'You are very kind, sir,' she said, dropping her eyes in a moment of embarra.s.sment.

'I can imagine what you've been through in these past weeks,' he said softly. 'People can be very cruel, even those who claim to love you. But tell me, Nell, and I want the truth now. Was Hope your daughter?'

'No, sir,' Nell retorted, her chin coming up in defiance. She could see why he might have made that a.s.sumption: many a servant girl who had a child out of wedlock might, with a willing mother, pa.s.s their offspring off as a sibling. 'She felt like she was sometimes, me being sixteen when she was born, and then our parents dying so sudden. But she was not born to me.'

It was so tempting to tell him then who Hope's real parents were, but a small voice inside her head told her that it was too soon to reveal that secret.

He looked at her long and hard and she stared back into his eyes without faltering. 'If it's any consolation at all, I don't believe Albert killed her,' he said. 'But I do suspect he found some way of driving her away.'

'But what would stop her writing to me, or her brother or sister, telling us that?' Nell asked, her voice shaking because she sensed he knew something.

'Maybe he threatened to hurt you,' he said, putting one hand on her shoulder, 'or Lady Harvey, or even Rufus. I command men, Nell; I am used to a.s.sessing their characters. I have always seen something in Albert that worried me. Perhaps when we get to know each other better you'll feel able to tell me more about your life with him?'

Tears p.r.i.c.kled the back of Nell's eyes, for not one person, not even Matt who had always disliked Albert, had offered her such understanding.

'Perhaps,' she said in a small voice. 'But it is difficult to tell a man personal things.'

'I know,' he said, lightly touching her cheek with the palm of his hand. 'It is a sad state of affairs that both men and women feel the opposite s.e.x is so very different. We are indoctrinated from birth to believe this, we are encouraged to hide our true feelings from one another, and so often pushed into loveless marriages. It is no wonder that we cannot communicate freely.'

'You are a very kind man,' she blurted out. 'It will be my pleasure to housekeep for you.'

'I hope we can become friends too,' he said. 'We have more in common than you realize, Nell, both of us out on a limb, victims of circ.u.mstance. But I see our meeting today as fortuitous, and I hope you share that view.'

As Nell cut across the fields to home she felt like singing. Not just because she'd got work and a new home, but more because she felt her pain had been acknowledged. Whether that was enough to get her to pull herself together she didn't know. But she felt optimistic, for if the Captain didn't believe Hope was dead, maybe she could start to believe it too.

'I'm glad for you,' Matt said as he bent to kiss his older sister goodbye the next morning. 'It's not what I would've chosen for you, mind! Him being a bachelor an' all.'

Nell managed a wry smile. She knew Matt's first thoughts were that she wouldn't be safe alone with any man. But then he didn't know that in the six years she'd slept in the same bed as Albert, he'd never wanted to lay a finger on her. A gentleman was even less likely to want her.

'Half the people round here think I've gone mad, the other half think I'm half-way to h.e.l.l already,' she laughed. 'A bit more scandal won't bother me. But the Captain will be away a great deal of the time. You can come and check up on me at any time. I like him, he's a good man. Don't fret about me.'

'There's talk about him,' Matt blurted out. 'He's got a way with women.'

'You have a way with women too,' Nell said indignantly. 'I've seen those Nichol girls giving you the glad eye at church. Some men are just born that way; it doesn't mean they can't be trusted. Now let me go, we can't leave the Captain sitting out there any longer.'

As Nell climbed up into the gig beside the Captain, Amy came out of the dairy. She was all smiles, hastily shouting out how much she'd miss her. But Nell wasn't fooled any more than she had been on the previous night when Amy had taken her side against Matt's disapproval. She just wanted Nell out of her house; she wouldn't have concerned herself if it was to work in a bordello.

It was close to midnight when Nell finally undressed and got into bed. The only room upstairs that was dry enough to sleep in was the Captain's, so until the roof was fixed she had a truckle bed in the small store room adjoining the kitchen. But the men had begun work on the roof that morning, and when they'd finished they were going to repair all the ceilings, so then she'd have a bedroom of her own.

Nell was exhausted. She had scoured every inch of the kitchen and pantry, the walls and floor, repapered the shelves and cupboards, and unpacked at least a dozen boxes of china, gla.s.s and pots and pans. She was a little mystified that a bachelor soldier should have all these household things, but she hadn't liked to ask him about it.

Tired and aching as she was, she felt more like her old self, and she'd even been hungry enough to eat some of the mutton stew she'd made for the Captain. He said it was the best meal he'd had in weeks, and laughed when she said they'd have to get part of the garden clear to grow some vegetables. She didn't think he really believed she knew all about that too.