Jake: Jake Understood Part 3

"Time for what exactly?"

I shook my head and gazed out the window. Light snow was beginning to fall outside. "Time to think, I guess...time away from me."

Skylar reentered the room holding a mug. She'd gone to the kitchen to put on some tea and to call and check on their two older kids, Henry and Lara, who were staying with Mitch's mom back in New Jersey. Henry was Mitch's son, and Lara was adopted. So, Mitch Jr. was their first biological child together. His birth was a really big deal because Skylar was told she might not ever be able to have children after cancer treatments for lymphoma in her teens. Thankfully, she was in remission now.

"What did I miss?" she asked.

"Nina just texted. She's fine but says she needs more time to be alone."

"Do you want me to call her?"

"No. I know my wife. That would annoy her even more if she thought I got you involved. She doesn't even know you're here, remember?"

"Okay. Let me know if you change your mind."

"She just needs to blow off steam. It'll be okay. She'll come back tonight."

That was what I kept telling myself at least. Truthfully, her walking out scared me s.h.i.+tless. It made me afraid that even after all this time, Nina had finally figured out that she could have done better and that she deserved better.

Sporting fuzzy socks, Skylar kicked her feet up on Mitch's legs. "So, we need to get back to this story."

"Yeah, Jake," Mitch said. "What happened after she moved in?"

"Oh, this is the best part." Skylar laughed. "This was where the quote end quote tutoring started."

"Hey, I took it very seriously." I smirked. "I wanted to help her pa.s.s math."

"You wanted to help yourself to her Pootang."

Skylar always made me laugh.

I chuckled. "Maybe. But at the time, I never thought I'd have a real chance at that. I was really trying like h.e.l.l to keep it platonic just so I could be around her."

Skylar turned to Mitch. "They came up with this bet that if she got below an A on her math exams, she would have to let Jake take her out to face one of her irrational fears."

Mitch nodded as he rubbed Skylar's feet. "So that brought you closer."

"You could say that."

CHAPTER 5.

Past Holy s.h.i.+t. It was show time.

Nina had gotten a C+ on her first exam. That was actually way better than I thought she'd do given our tedious first study session.

A few days after she moved in, we shared a beer in the kitchen. I'd been home for lunch when she walked in after her first day of cla.s.ses. (Alright, so I came home in the hopes that I'd run into her.) I'd been gone all weekend to Boston and hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. Even though she was still acting shy around me, she was really easy to talk to, and I enjoyed her company.

We got to chatting about her troubles in math, a subject she needed to pa.s.s as part of her nursing curriculum. Math was so easy for me, so I offered to tutor her. Then, the brilliant idea of a bet popped into my head. She'd have to get an A on every exam or face one of her phobias. Fear, after all, is a master motivator. If she didn't accept the bet, I told her I'd renege my offer. It was a win-win situation: either she excelled in math or started overcoming things that were preventing her from fully experiencing life.

Since she feared several things-heights, subways, planes, enclosed s.p.a.ces, crowds-it took me a while to figure out where to start. But by the time the grade came in, I was ready.

That's how I ended up in the granola aisle of Trader Joe's.

I wanted to ask the sales clerk what she recommended, but what exactly would I say? Excuse me. I was wondering if you could recommend some light fare that might compliment trapping someone in an elevator and torturing them?

I second-guessed my choices as I stood in the checkout line, but it was too late to go back since I was already running late.

Prime example: hummus. Nothing like garlic breath in a small, enclosed s.p.a.ce.

Genius, Jake.

Unsure of how she was going to react to my plan, my heart was pumping the entire way home. It was really more out of excitement, because it would be the first time we'd hung out together outside of the apartment.

Okay, apparently, I had no clue what I was really getting myself into.

Nina wouldn't even look at me as we walked side by side down Lincoln Street. She was really freaking out about this, and I needed to a.s.sure her that everything would be okay. I stopped suddenly while she kept walking ahead of me oblivious. When she noticed I was no longer beside her, she turned around.

"Why did you stop?" she asked.

I walked toward her and placed my hands firmly on her shoulders, causing her to wince. I wasn't sure if it was because she was nervous or because it was the first time I'd ever touched her outside of our initial hand shake. It was colder out than I antic.i.p.ated, and neither of us were wearing jackets. The wind blew the blonde strands of her hair around wildly. She had some beautiful hair.

I rubbed my hands firmly along her shoulders to warm her. The need to comfort her was enormous, but I'd recently studied up on cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy and knew it was necessary to be firm today so that she wouldn't back out. "Nina, I can tell you're going through all these little scenarios in your head right now. It's not helping. The only thing that is ever happening to you is what is happening in the moment, not all of the disastrous possibilities in your mind. So, cut the s.h.i.+t, okay? I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

When we arrived at the DeKalb Avenue subway station, it took some prodding to get her to descend the stairs. I stood down a few steps into the dark stairwell looking up at her as she stayed on the sidewalk. The fear in her eyes was palpable. My heart began to beat faster, and I wasn't sure if it was because I was nervous for her or because of how heart-stoppingly pretty she was as she looked down at me with the sunlight in her hair.

Lifting my hand toward her, I willed her to come to me. "Nina, come on. I've got you."

I continued to silently urge her forward with my eyes.

I've got you.

When she slowly moved toward me, the second she was close enough to touch, I took her hand and wrapped her fingers inside mine. I couldn't remember the last time holding someone's hand triggered that kind of reaction in me, a sensation I could feel from my head to my feet and everywhere in between.

My hand squeezed hers tightly as I led her down the stairs. Even though I didn't want to, I had to let her go in order to pay the fare.

The faint smell of urine lingered in the air as we sat down on a bench to wait on the platform. The sounds of a man playing the saxophone echoed through the station. When the approaching train screeched to a halt, I grabbed her hand again and led her into the crowded car.

It was the middle of the evening commute, so there were no seats. Her body started to shake as soon as the train doors slid closed. I wanted to hold her, but that probably wasn't the best idea for multiple reasons. I had to constantly remind myself of the boundaries that needed to be set for my own good. Instead, I simply rested my hands on her shoulders to keep her balanced.

"It's okay to feel nervous, Nina. You're not supposed to be comfortable. Stop trying to fight it and just let those feelings be there."

As the train swayed, I kept my eyes fixed on her face to make sure she wasn't going to hyperventilate or anything. She wouldn't look at me. Her cheeks were flushed, and her body continued to tremble in fear. I could only take so much before I placed my hand on her chin and forced her eyes on mine. "How are you doing?"

"Fine. I just want this to be over."

My stomach sank. She had no clue what was in store for her next. I felt bad but reminded myself it was all for her own good.

"Our stop is next." I smiled, and for the first time since stepping on the train, she returned it.

"Eighth Avenue," the announcer shouted over the loud speaker.

She seemed to calm down a little after that. When the train stopped abruptly, my body accidentally pushed into hers, and I could feel her soft b.r.e.a.s.t.s against the hardness of my chest. An unintentional moan escaped from under my breath. She looked up at me, and I smiled down at her.

Leading Nina out of the train, I joked, "You're still with us. Was that so bad?"

"It was about what I expected, but I'm glad it's over. Can we take a cab home now?"

c.r.a.p. She really did think that was it; she was going to friggin' hate my guts.

If it were anything but a crowded city, we would have attracted a lot of attention. Nina looked like I'd taken her hostage as she reluctantly let me lead her through the sidewalks of New York to an unknown destination. Picture this: A tall, tatted and pierced dude dragging around a little innocent looking thing who was practically shaking in her boots. It must have been like watching Marilyn Manson and Laura Ingalls heading toward you down the street.

After walking in silence for several blocks through Manhattan, we'd arrived at our destination, a high-rise apartment building that my friend Vinny from work managed part-time. He'd set it up so that we could have full use of one of the elevators for as long as necessary.

After I introduced Nina to Vinny, she probably figured I was taking her on an elevator ride. What she didn't know was that it would be so much more than that.

The second I pushed the up b.u.t.ton, her panic set in. "Jake, listen, I don't know if Ryan ever said anything, but this whole thing...all of my problems...they started in an elevator. It was where my first panic attack happened. I was in high school and got stuck in one and-"

"All the more reason to get past that. If you get in one right now, you can help undo the damage created by your own mind."

She grabbed me by the arm. "Please...I'll do anything else but this." The fear in her eyes was like nothing I'd ever seen before.

She looked like she was about to cry. s.h.i.+t. I had really picked a doozy of an inaugural exercise.

The bell dinged, signaling that the elevator had arrived to the ground level. The doors opened, and I stuck my arm inside to prevent them from closing.

The first teardrop fell down her cheek.

"f.u.c.k. Nina, don't cry. Come on, I promise you that nothing will happen to you in there."

It was amazing how an irrational fear could take hold of someone's common sense. She needed to overcome this, and I'd be d.a.m.ned if I let her chicken out. But I couldn't force her to do anything. Ultimately, she had to be the one to make the decision to step inside.

The black backpack I'd brought with reinforcements was weighing me down, so I placed it on the ground, figuring I would need all my strength in case she spazzed out on me. I stepped inside and reached my hand out to her.

After several minutes, she finally took it and let me pull her in.

Yes.

Her voice was shaky. "Leave the door open."

"Okay. We can take this slow."

I continued to hold the door open but knew she was never going to tell me to close it. "You tell me when you are ready to take a ride."

"I won't ever be ready. Don't you understand? I won't ever be ready for that door to close."

"Then, you need to let me decide when, okay? You trust me, Nina?"

She squeezed my hand tighter. For a pet.i.te girl, she sure as h.e.l.l had a lot of strength when she was clinging on for dear life.

Then, something amazing happened. She looked me in the eyes, and there seemed to be a s.h.i.+ft in her expression. I knew it was the exact moment she decided to put all of her trust in me. For the second time since our adventure began, I had to squelch the urge to pull her into my chest.

"I probably shouldn't trust you, Jake, but the truth is, I do. I'm just scared."

If it was the last thing I did, I wanted to eradicate every last bit of the fear that lived inside of this girl. I wanted her to be happy and wanted to be the one to make that happen even if I couldn't understand where that need was coming from.

"Nina, I'm going to let the doors close now, okay?"

She nodded.

Good girl.

I released the b.u.t.ton, but when the doors closed, Nina started shaking. I kept with the plan and pressed the b.u.t.ton for the highest floor. She caught me off guard when she grabbed a hold of me, wrapping her arms around my waist and placing her cheek on my chest. Every muscle in my body tightened to resist the feelings that were rocketing through me. My heart thundered against her cheek. I looked down to find that her eyes were closed. Her nails dug into my sides, and I silently willed her to do it harder. I wanted her pain. I wanted anything she could give me in that moment and relished her touch even if it wasn't meant to be enjoyed. I breathed in the clean scent of her hair to calm my sensory overload. She likely had no clue that my own body was in flux for an entirely different reason than her own.

My mouth lightly touched her ear when I said, "You're doing good." I looked up at the digital numbers. "Look. We're on fifty now."

She refused to move her face which was still buried in my chest. "Don't tell me! I don't want to know how high we are."

As much as I never wanted to let her go, we'd reached the top floor. I reluctantly backed away from her, my body instantly craving the return of her warm b.r.e.a.s.t.s against my chest. "You want to walk around up here for a bit or do you wanna go right back down?"

"Go back down. Please."

"You got it."

You got it, dude.

She grabbed a hold of my s.h.i.+rt again as the car descended. While I was tempted to bring her closer into me, it was better that I didn't because in seconds, I was about to become the most hated man in her universe.

Nina, I promise. It's for your own good.

I took a deep breath and pressed the red b.u.t.ton.

The elevator came to a grinding halt, and Nina screamed like a banshee.

"Jake! Jake? We're stuck! What's happening? What's happening?"

With one hand on the stop b.u.t.ton, I kept my cool and held my index finger to my mouth. "Shh."