Hell: A Prison Diary Part 20

I reread Mary's and Will's letters. They cheer me up.

8.15 am.

My cell door is at last opened by a Mr Knowles.

'Good morning,' he says cheerfully. 'We'll be moving you just as soon as we've got all the remand prisoners off to the Bailey.' He checks his watch. 'So I'll be back around 9.30. If you'd like to take a shower, or if there's anything else you need to do, I'll leave your door open.'

Forgive the cliche, but I breathe a sigh of relief to have it confirmed that I really am leaving. I take a shower I've now mastered the palm, press, soap, palm, press method.

During the next hour several prisoners drop by to say farewell as the news spreads around the spur that I'm departing. Del Boy relieves me of my last bottle of water, saying he could get used to it. Once he's left, I suggest to an officer that I would like to give my radio to one of the prisoners who never gets a visit. The officer tells me that it's against the regulations.

'To give something to someone in need is against the regulations?' I query.

'Yes,' he replies. 'You may be trying to bribe him, or repay him for a supply of drugs. If you were seen giving a radio to another prisoner, you would immediately be put on report and your sentence might even be lengthened by twenty-eight days.'

My problem is that I just don't think like a criminal.

I wait until the officer is out of sight, then nip downstairs and leave the radio and a few other goodies on Fletch's bed. He'll know whose needs are the greatest.

9.36 am Mr Knowles returns to escort me to the reception area where I first appeared just three long weeks ago. I am placed in a cubicle and strip-searched, just as I was on the day I arrived. Once I've put my clothes back on, they handcuff me only for the second time and then lead me out of the building and into what I would describe as a Transit van.

Down the left-hand side are four single seats, one behind each other. On the right-hand side is a cubicle in which the prisoner is placed like some untamed lion. Once I'm locked in, I stare out of the little window for some time, until, without any warning, the vast electric barred gates slide slowly open.

As the black Transit van trundles out of Belmarsh, I have mixed feelings. Although I am delighted and relieved to be leaving, I'm also anxious and nervous about being cast into another world, having to start anew and form fresh relations.h.i.+ps all over again.

It has taken me three weeks to pa.s.s through h.e.l.l. Am I about to arrive in Purgatory?

A PRISON DIARY. Copyright 2002 by Jeffrey Archer. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010. Not all images included in the print edition of this t.i.tle are available in this ebook edition. www.stmartins.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Archer, Jeffrey, 1940...

A prison diary / Jeffrey Archer. p. cm.

ISBN: 978-0-312-32186-4.

1. Archer, Jeffrey, 1940Diaries. 2.

Archer, Jeffrey, 1940Imprisonment. 3.

Novelists, English20th centuryDiaries. 4. PrisonersGreat BritainDiaries.

5. HMP Belmarsh. I. t.i.tle.

PR6051.R285Z474 2003.

828'.91403dc21 [B].

2003046688.

* 73 people committed suicide in British prisons in 2001, 22 of them were first-time offenders Over 1,500 prisoners attempted hanging, strangulation or suffocation in 2000, a rise of 50 per cent over the 1999 figures * There are no wooden items in the cell, as first-night prisoners often smash up everything.

Nick Purnell QC asked Mr Justice Potts if I could be excused from the court to be with my mother. He refused our request. A second request was made at the beginning of the afternoon session, which he reluctantly agreed to. I reached my mother's bedside an hour before she died.

* They also emphasize in the same booklet that Belmarsh will not tolerate any form of bullying and they have a firm policy of no racial, ethnic or religious discrimination.

* It is not uncommon for a lifer to be moved from prison to prison, so that they can never settle or gain the upper hand.

* On 2 July 2002, Barry George lost his appeal * There are four categories of prisoner, A, B, C, D. A-cat are violent and dangerous prisoners, with the possible resources, i.e. money, to escape; B are violent and dangerous, but not always murderers (i.e. GBH, ABH, manslaughter or rape), C, the vast majority, are repeat offenders or convicted of a serious, non-violent crime, e.g. drug-dealers; D are usually first offence, no history of violence, often with short sentences, and likely to conform to the system, as they wish to return to society as quickly as possible * Selected prisoners are invited to become Listeners. They are then trained by the Samaritans so that they can a.s.sist fellow inmates who are finding prison hard to come to terms with, especially those contemplat-ing suicide.

* I will only use foul language when it's reported in speech, which for most inmates is every sentence. f.u.c.kin' is the only adjective they ever bother with.

* This is a common experience in most jails, and can go on all night.

They are known as 'window warriors'.

* You're allowed one Bic razor a day, and not until you hand in your old one will they supply you with a new one. It was several days before I discovered why.

* Lyndon Baines Johnson, the thirty-sixth President of the United States.

* I discovered later that you can buy a plug from the canteen for 25p, but if you leave your cell door open for more than a minute, it disappears.

* White cards denote Church of England, red cards Roman Catholic, yellow, Muslim, and green, Jewish. This is to show any dietary needs, and if you are attending a service when you should he locked up.

* Kevin Meredith was tried and convicted at the Old Bailey on 18 Febru-ary 2002 for conspiracy to steal, and sentenced to five years' imprisonment.

* In prison, the morning meal, breakfast, is usually taken between 7 30 and 8.00, the midday meal is called dinner, and the evening meal tea. In Belmarsh, the following day's breakfast is given to you in a plastic bag when you go down to the hotplate for tea the night before.

* The reason Mark feels so strongly is because tea-boys, Listeners and hotplate workers spend far longer out of their cells than the rest of us, so it's a real privilege.

* One pip is a senior officer, two pips a princ.i.p.al officer.

* Actual Bodily Harm and Grievous Bodily Harm.

* For example, if my sentence was reduced by one year, from four to three, I would end up only serving sixteen months and be released on 19 November 2002; whereas with a four-year sentence, the earliest I could hope to be released would be 19 July 2003 * In-cell electricity for television * The Director General of Prisons, Martin Narey, has since issued a directive that officers should not smoke when on duty.

* Inmates are given 90 when leaving prison if they are of NFA (no fixed abode), 45 if they have somewhere to live. They can go back on social security after a fortnight.

* Beatings up (hammerings) usually take place in the shower room, which is why some prisoners don't wash from one year to the next The reason the shower room is the preferred place for retribution is because it's on the top floor at the end of a long corridor, more than four prisoners are allowed to congregate at any one time, and any excess noise is usually ignored as exuberance * On 30 June 1990, there were 1,725 inmates serving life sentences. On 30 June 2000 this figure had risen by 163 per cent to 4,540, 97 per cent of them male, of whom 3,405 were convicted murderers It's important to remember that murderers are different to other criminals. For over 50 per cent it's a first offence, and when they are released, they never commit another crime It's equally true to say that the other 50 per cent are professional criminals, who do not deserve a moment of your sympathy * I am an admirer of the eminent heart surgeon, Sir Magdi Yacoub, and any donation you give will a.s.sist his current research * This picture of my cell was drawn by Derek Jones I was not allowed to take a photograph of it.

* Drugs are often packed into a condom and then pushed up the r.e.c.t.u.m.

Transferring them in the back pew of the chapel can't be a pleasant experience.

* Convicted prisoners, Members of the House of Lords, and certified lunatics are ineligible to vote. I now qualify in two of the three categories * I checked later It is in the prison regulations, under 'Locks, Bolts and Bars'.

* This sentence was added two weeks after I had written the original script * Since this was written, the Home Secretary has downgraded cannabis/ marijuana to Cla.s.s C cla.s.sification.

* A joey is about the size of two aspirins.

* Almost all of the prisoners have stopped swearing in front of me.

* This sentence was added while I was editing Volume One, and had finally been transferred to a D-cat. As of today, 1 October 2002, William Keane is still 'on the out'.

* You never enter someone else's cell unless invited to do so.

* I presented Fletch's original script to my publisher in full; names and places have been necessarily omitted from the final text.

* Fletch subsequently attempted to commit suicide on 7 January 2002 * Since the court case, Dr Susan Edwards, a.s.sociate Dean of Bucking-ham Law School, has researched every perjury case during the last ten years * Michael Beloff QC is an Olympic judge and is allowed to take a guest to the World Champions.h.i.+ps. His wife Judith has never shown much interest in watching half-naked men running around a track, so we've been a regular 'item' at such events for the past thirty years.

On the circuit we're known as Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau.

* The novel has since been renamed Sons of Fortune .

* Bleaching powder can be added to pure heroin, diluting its strength, thus ensuring a larger profit for the dealer It's against regulations to have two pillows.

* I have already decided, once I'm released I will visit Billy (14 more years) and Fletch (19 more years) if they will allow me to.

end.