Bad Habits Part 24

Kim glared. "You got a thing for hurting women?"

As soon as she said it, she regretted it. The look that crossed his face was unlike anything she expected. It was as if she struck him. "Mathew? I'm sorry."

"Get out!" he shouted.

"What?"

"Get the h.e.l.l out!" He turned from her and went back to his desk. She watched, confused as he sat down and completely shut her down. "Get out of my office now," he said, his eyes looking up at her with such raw anger, she had no choice but to leave. As soon as the door closed behind her, she turned and marched back in.

"Look, I was out of line, okay? But I saw... I saw the article where it said you hurt that woman. And there are rumors that you did it to your wife."

"And you think I could do that?" Mathew glowered.

"I don't know you!" she shouted back at him.

"You're right, Kim. We don't know each other at all. I won't make the mistake again at pretending we do. Now go."

She bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. She couldn't even bring herself to apologize. She stood there feeling like an idiot. Sighing, she gave up. She found herself doing that often. Giving up.

"Whew, my dogs are barking!" Lacy plopped down in the chair next to her. It squealed as she leaned back, dragging her left ankle up to rest her foot up to her lap. "Honey, Murphy needs to deal with the shortage of nurses around here instead of busting our b.u.t.ts. I'm on three floors, Kim."

"Un huh."

Kim chewed the back of her pen. She tapped her fingers on the side of her chair, eyes fixed straight ahead on the board. His routine was standard. Mathew would appear between rounds to wipe off one patient and pick up another. He was a workhorse in triage or times of crisis. That was the first thing she noticed about him when he started. Dr. Mathew Donnelly aka Dr. Hottie was every nurse's dream in a surgeon, except her Dr. Hottie was a no show. It had been over an hour. What was going on?

"Did you know that they're talking about mandatory doubles? Saying we all will be stuck on these c.r.a.ppy rotations until we unload some of these patients on to County General? Is that true?"

"Mmhm," Kim mumbled.

Kim's eyes only s.h.i.+fted when she heard Patel's voice. He pa.s.sed with another doctor walking at his side. His head turned so he could glance her way with a snide smirk that chilled her. Looking into his eyes, she knew it was clear. She owed Mathew an apology. Whatever happened to him in Carolina wasn't her business. He had been kind to her, and she'd been a b.i.t.c.h, again. She'd apologize. She'd make sure it was clear. No one was perfect, least of all her.

"I'm thinking of going back to school. Earl says that I should get into Business Administration. Maybe work the corporate levels of the hospital. I'm just not feeling nursing. It's like indentured servitude. You know?"

"Un huh," Kim answered.

Kim tossed the pen over to the top of the desk and pushed back in her rolling office chair. Lacy's eyes flashed up as she did. "Where you going? Rounds?"

"Need to take some files to Dr. Donnelly," Kim lied, s.n.a.t.c.hing up a couple of folders.

"No need, he's gone."

For the first time Lacy said something that registered. "When?"

"When what?"

"You said he was gone? He isn't off schedule. He's not off for another few hours."

"He's off now. Heard him with Murphy. Sounded kind of sour if you ask me. Told her he was leaving for the rest of the day. Then he left," she said nonchalantly. "Do you think I can get bunions in these types of shoes? I mean the thick soles are to comfort your feet, but mine hurt like the d.i.c.kens."

Kim walked out around the desk and hurried down the hall. Lacy was a motor mouth, but she wasn't a liar. Mathew left? That wasn't like him. Was it because of what she said? G.o.d, she hoped it wasn't because of her. She really screwed up this time.

"I'm such a d.a.m.n hypocrite," She mumbled, hurrying to his office door. Knocking twice, she opened it to find it empty. He was gone. "Good grief! I don't even have the man's number."

"Wait, let me get my wallet." Kim hurried back into the living room in search of her purse. She turned to find Anne packing up her things.

"No, don't worry about it. Just clear it up with me at the end of the week."

The offer brought a smile to Kim's face. Of course she appreciated it, but she had enough bills piling up on her. She wouldn't cut any corners on the only consistent help she had left. Though payday was four days away, she had set aside her babysitter's cut. "Here you go," she said, fis.h.i.+ng out the bills from her wallet.

"Kim?"

"Take it, Anne. Thanks for everything."

"You sure? Cause I can wait on this."

"I'm going to get you about those drums. Not cool," Kim said avoiding the charity.

Anne laughed, accepting the money. "Every little boy needs a set of drums."

"Right, but not every little boy's mama. Hey, you sure I shouldn't get them and give you a ride home?" The horn blew out front. "Guess not, huh?" Kim said.

"I can't come in the morning, but I'll pick them up from the daycare if you take them in tomorrow," Anne said, hurrying to the door with her bags. Kim nodded, following. Anne stopped and looked back at her. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been working some long hours, Kim."

"I'm fine. I have a mother, remember?"

Anne blushed. "Call me if you need me. Denny's bowels been a little loose, and Danny has a runny nose. I stopped with the juice so-"

"I'm a nurse, remember? I can handle it. Go see about your family. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye."

Kim closed the door on her and exhaled. She was exhausted. The day had gone on forever, and tomorrow promised to be more of the same. Moving from the door, she walked around the house turning off the lights. And soon her thoughts went to Mathew. She again felt the bite of regret over her actions. Her stomach soured at the thought that she'd hurt him. She had handled it all wrong. How could she ever look the man in the eye again? As she reached under the lampshade and turned it off, she recalled the article. He hit a doctor. He was charged with a.s.sault? How did he keep his license if he did something so egregious? There had to be more to it than that. If Patel knew, then Murphy knew. Something didn't add up.

She started toward the bedroom when she heard knocking at the door. Apparently Anne had left something. She went back through the house, stopping to turn on the lamp in the living room to cast away the shadows; she went to the door and peeked out of the peephole. It was Diane.

Kim dropped her forehead to the door. The last person she needed now was her mother. How did she make it over there? Why tonight of all nights?

"What is it, Diane?"

"Can I come in?"

"Why?"

"Cause I drove d.a.m.n near an hour to get over here and I need to talk to you. Kim, open the door."

Kim undid the locks. Diane marched inside before she barely got the door open. "Keep your voice down. The babies are sleeping."

She closed the door, studying her mother's appearance. Her hair looked like it hadn't been combed in two days. Her skin had an ashen grey color to it. She turned and faced her. "I waited until that girl left. She won't even let me see my babies. Did you tell that little b.i.t.c.h to talk to me like that?"

"I told her not to let you in when I'm not home, and you know why."

Diane snorted. "Where's your sister? She done up and moved. I went by there." Diane scratched her scalp, her eyes darting around the place. "I thought they was leaving next week." She scratched her arm. "I can't find her number."

"She left over a week ago. You knew that. Have you been drinking?"

Diane shuffled away, headed for her kitchen. Kim followed. Her mother was in her fridge, pulling out packs of meat, cheese, and pickles. She was at her breadbox getting the loaf. She then went to her drawer, retrieving a large knife for spreading mayo on sandwich bread.

"Did you drive here drunk?"

Diane ignored her. So Kim checked for the obvious signs. Instead of the slurred speech and sluggish movements, her mother was jumpy with noticeable tremors to her hands as she fixed the sandwich. She wasn't drinking. She was dry. And her restlessness explained the agitation of withdrawal she saw in her eyes. "Why are you here, Diane?"

"I'm sick, d.a.m.n it!" she shouted.

Kim looked back, fearing the boys would wake. Diane slammed the mayonnaise jar down on the countertop. "I'm taking my meds. I'm off the booze, and I need help. I need your sister and she's gone! Who the f.u.c.k is going to take care of me?"

"You leave Simone alone. She has one narcissist in her life. She doesn't need two."

Diane's eyes narrowed. She pointed the butcher knife at Kim. "You did this, didn't you? You told her to move with him and leave me behind. You know I got an illness. Simone saw to me and made sure I was okay, despite her snooty husband. If Dennis was alive, he'd be ashamed of you!"

"Don't bring up Dennis," Kim shouted.

Diane smirked. "Dennis loved me." She turned her chin up. "You know it. He called me Mama."

Kim crossed her arms, ignoring the dig. Dennis was the only reason she was speaking with her mother. Growing up without a mother, Dennis felt any mother would do. Diane worked her husband like she worked her sister, but she wasn't getting away with it. Not anymore. "I told Simone to focus on her marriage, not fixing you, not fixing me, and to do something for herself for a change. Don't think I don't know about how you used her."

"What the h.e.l.l are you talking about? You're my daughters!"

"And what good did that do either of us? We spent more time taking care of you than you ever did of us."

Kim exhaled loudly. She pressed the ball of her palm to her left eye to ward off the headache that was forming. "I'll call you a cab. You can't stay here tonight. Go home, and sleep it off."

"I have my own f.u.c.king car!"

"I don't think you should be driving in your state of mind," Kim said.

"You really think you're different than me?" Diane asked, taking a large bite from her sandwich. Kim went to the counter and opened the drawer. She removed her phonebook. She'd call the usual cab company and then have someone from the old neighborhood come out for Diane's car. Whatever it took to get her out of her house.

"You're not. You're my child, aren't you? Just like your mommy. I know what you are. I know!"

"What do you know, Diane?" she said in a bland tone.

"That you too prideful and too f.u.c.king judgmental to admit that you just as f.u.c.ked up as the rest of us! That you trying to fake-the-funk." Diane laughed. "You hiding! I knows a sneak when I see one!"

Kim froze. She looked back at her, and her mother sneered. Diane wiped the drool from the side of her mouth. Apparently she was that hungry. Talking with a mouthful, she continued to glare at her oldest daughter. "Simone is my good-baby. She humble. She gracious, and forgiving. That's why that a.s.shole husband of hers treats her like s.h.i.+t. Like your daddy treated me like s.h.i.+t!"

"Get off the cross, Diane. You aren't a saint in this. Not even close."

"Oh I know I'm not a saint. I'm a bipolar drunk. I can admit it. I'm sick. What's your excuse? Dennis? He the reason?"

"Stop. Just shut up," Kim said reaching for the phone. Her hand shook as she dialed the numbers.

"Dennis is dead and it happened to all of us. We lost him too, Kimmy. Them my grandbabies and they need me. They need Simone, but you got that skinny black b.i.t.c.h in here instead of family. Think you 'betta than us, 'cause you got all that insurance money."

"h.e.l.lo, I need a cab at 334 Elliot Street."

"You ain't 'betta than us! Like I said, you faking-the-funk!"

"Shut up!" Kim closed her eyes. She tried to calm herself, but Diane knew all the b.u.t.tons to push.

"You ain't perfect. Your problem is that you want to pretend you are. Think the rest of us are beneath you. You think being weak makes you me. Truth is, Kim, being the b.i.t.c.h and hiding from what you are is what makes you like me. Just like me!" She bit into her sandwich.

"Get out!" Kim slammed the phone down.

"I don't need no f.u.c.king cab. I'll find my own way home."

Kim stood in the very same spot holding on to the counter. She heard the door open. She heard it close. She waited until her lungs burned, desperate for a breath. She inhaled deep and exhaled slow. She was a fake, a junkie just like her mother. Is this what she'd become? What her sons had to look forward to? She felt so hopeless.

It always took awhile to come down from her rage when she had a run-in with her mother. Tonight, she just felt weak. How much more of this could she take before something in her broke? And then what?

There was a knock at the door.

"Dammit, Diane!" Kim snapped. She marched out of the kitchen and walked into the living room. She'd call the police on Diane this time. She was tired of her mother's antics. Kim tied down the front of her robe and yanked the door open. The shock she got had her doubling back. "Mathew?"

"I'm sorry, I know it's late. Can we talk?"

Kim stood there stunned. She wiped away her tears. "Ah yeah, come in."

Chapter Fourteen.

I Try Simone "Simone?"

The door slammed shut. Her eyes lifted from the page of the magazine. She fixed her stare on the entranceway. His keys clinked as they dropped in the dish by the door. His briefcase hit the floor with a soft thud, falling to the familiar spot next to the umbrella stand. She could hear the soft shuffle of mail he undoubtedly flipped through as he walked out of the vestibule into the foyer hall, and then turned toward her in the living room.

She waited on the antique chaise his mother gave them for their first anniversary. She had told Simone it was a fainting couch that women in Victorian times used. Why in the h.e.l.l she thought Simone would want the thing was beyond her. Still, in her new overpriced suburban home, it seemed to fit.

Simone had just given herself a pedicure. Her feet were propped up with strands of cotton woven between each toe. They gleamed like ripe strawberries in the fading rays of suns.h.i.+ne pouring in through the picture window.

Patiently, she set the Essence magazine in her lap. When Keith stepped into the room, he spoke with his eyes glued to the mail. "You ready, babe?"