Bad Habits Part 40

"It's something I have to work through on my own. I might take a few days off. I need to get my act together, and these attorneys want to meet soon. I'm really close to settling my case," Kim said.

"Take the time to get stronger, but promise me you and I will talk about whatever it is. Promise me?" Mathew asked.

She nodded. "I promise."

"You still here?" Diane asked, walking out holding Denny's hand. She frowned at Mathew and Kim's embrace. Kim immediately stepped away from him.

"Good night," she said, her eyes pleading that he go.

He looked to Diane and smiled. "It was nice meeting you."

"Mmhm," Diane said, picking up Denny.

Kim walked Mathew to the door. She closed it on him before he could say anything more. If she didn't, she'd ask him to stay. That would be wrong for both of them with her and her secrets.

"What's going on with you and that white boy?" Diane asked.

"His name is Mathew. Don't call him 'white boy' again."

"You dating him?" Diane pressed.

"That's none of your business."

"Does he know you on drugs?"

Kim looked back, stunned. Diane held her gaze. The silence between them was so thickly charged with all the years of distrust and anger that she didn't dare speak until she could catch her breath and suppress the urge to lunge for her mother's throat. "What are you talking about, Diane?"

"Talking about you being a hypocrite, that's what! I spent most of your life drunk, popping pills. I brought you into this world. I know my babies just like you know these twins. You think I wouldn't figure it out? Hypocrite!"

"You're drunk," Kim said, turning away to head to the hall.

"And you're lying to yourself if you think this won't cost you. Big! d.a.m.n it, Kim, why would you do this? Why?" Diane asked.

Kim clenched her hands into fists and spoke through clenched teeth. "Denny go in Mommy's room with Danny and watch TV."

Diane lowered Denny. The toddler hesitated, then ran from the room crying at being sent away. She glared at her mother. "I put up with you because that's what I'm supposed to do. Be the dutiful daughter to a mother who has done nothing but blame everybody else for her problems. A mother that has never cared about nothing but herself! But don't come in here accusing me of something you know nothing about!"

"And you different from me huh? You go to work all day every day abandoning your kids. I knows it 'cause when I come here that stank heifer is here with my grandbabies."

"I have to work!" Kim shouted her down.

"No you don't. You got all that insurance money. You could take the time to grieve, not get high!"

"That's what this is about? You still think I'm sitting on some money? You're pathetic." Kim threw her hands up in defeat.

"And you're just like me! Go to work to hide from them babies and let somebody else raise them. Then sneak them pills, to try to keep it going, to go dead, to stop hurting. You hiding and I know better than anyone that it don't work! Oxycodone? You taking them by the tons. I found your stash and found the other empty pill bottles too. Seen the crushed powder and your little c.o.c.ktail straws. You snorting it, Kim? You smoking it too?"

"That's a lie!" Kim shouted.

"You the liar! It takes one to know one. What happen when them boys see you one day the way you see me? What happens then? 'Cause they will you know. Think about how long you've hated me if you don't believe me."

Kim shook, on the verge of tears. "I want you to get out. Now!" She went to her purse and got her mother's keys. She threw them at Diane. "Get out!"

Diane picked up her keys. "You can hide it from that white boy, from your sister who is in pain and you ignoring. Hide it from everybody, but you can't hide it from me or yourself. Look at me, Kim! LOOK AT ME d.a.m.nIT! This is you if you don't wake up! Funny how you won't let me be with my babies cause you think I'm a drunk, and you nothing but a junkie yo d.a.m.n self!" She walked to the door and she looked back over her shoulder with tears in her eyes. "I spoke to Kitt. She coming home. I told her you on the drugs. So it's on now. You ain't foolin' n.o.body no more! Maybe she'll be able to help you, since I can't."

"Get out!" Kim screamed at her mother. Diane slammed out. Kim put her hands to her eyes, and pressed the ball of her palms into her eyes until she saw stars. She dropped on the sofa giving way to tears. There was no stopping her tears.

Kim woke. She shot up on the sofa. The burning in her chest, and the cold s.h.i.+vers drawing goose b.u.mps over her skin weren't the worst of it. It was that itch that lay in the palms of her hands, the bottoms of her feet. Deep in her gut was that internal flame burning for her to use again. She rose shakily, her knees wobbling. Oh G.o.d! The boys! She braced against the realization that she'd fallen asleep on her sons. Running through the hall, hands to the wall to keep standing, her cramping was that severe. She found them both lying on the floor in front of the TV, toys around them. They were asleep.

Kim sucked in several deep breaths to calm down. How long had she been asleep? When did she fall asleep? She stared down at her babies trying to normalize her racing heart. She didn't have the strength to pick them up. She could barely remain standing. She gripped her side and went to the bathroom. Inside she saw what Diane saw. Her mother hand emptied her medicine cabinet and her makeup bag. She dug out all the bottles from the cabinets beneath the sink. She had fished out the empty two bottles from the wastebasket. She was now going through a bottle of 30 tablets in two weeks, using twice a day, sometimes three. No wonder her mother put it together.

Kim went to the toilet and puked, gagged, flushed, and cried. The dizziness gripped her, fleeting as it was. She needed something to take the edge off. Kim checked for her pills and froze in abject horror. Diane had emptied her last supply. She looked around hoping she was wrong but saw a blue pill on the floor near the toilet. Her mother had flushed them all down the toilet. "No, Mama. Why? Why!" she sobbed. "Oh G.o.d, Mama, why!"

Dropping to her knees, she picked up the tablet and swallowed it. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as her head dropped back to the wall. She remembered she had four pills in her purse. Then that would be all. She'd have no access to any more.

She was going to quit but not like this. She needed more time. More pills. She needed to go off it slowly. That's how they did it. One day at a time. She couldn't just go cold turkey. Four pills would last her another day or two at the most. She could kill Diane.

Suddenly, the calm moved in and the panic seizures gripping her stomach lessened. She sucked in a deep breath, feeling at ease. Rising, she steadied herself on her feet and went to the mirror. She couldn't believe who she saw. "This can't be me."

Mathew walked along the patient wing headed for the elevators. He looked up curiously when Dr. Patel fell in step with him, carrying a box of his things. "So, I guess I have you to thank for this?"

Mathew cut him a look. Patel smirked. "Nice move. Cut out the compet.i.tion by getting the nurses to gang up on me. Nice. So what you vying for, chief resident now?"

"You did it to yourself." He dismissed him, turning to go down the next hall.

"Maybe, but that junkie nurse you think is so hot is who's going to do it to you," Patel chuckled.

Mathew stopped. He turned and looked at Patel. "What did you say?"

"She's an addict. Nurse Jensen is a junkie. Been one for years. Why do you think she can't remember how those drugs came up missing from the medical supply closet? She swipes the meds from patients too." He snickered. "Waves that cute little a.s.s under your nose for a free prescription. Ask me how I know. She got you thinking you're some kind of hero, but with me gone you'll be nothing more than her pusher. Has she sucked your c.o.c.k yet?"

He lunged for the doctor. His actions so swift, he nearly brought them both down in his fury. The little man was again thrown up into the wall under his chokehold as he had been before. Patel gasped. Mathew let him go immediately, but before the doctor could recover he threw a punch to his jaw. Mathew grabbed him by the collar repeatedly beating him in the face until two other doctors who were summoned by witnessing nurses dragged him off. It was a blind rage. A familiar rage. A rage he swore he would not unleash again on another colleague, no matter the offense.

Dr. Patel was helped to the floor with a b.l.o.o.d.y nose. Three security officers came running along the hall with Dr. Murphy leading the charge. Patel yelled that Mathew had attacked without provocation but everyone glared at him instead. Mathew couldn't hear any of them, any of it. He just heard Patel's nasty accusations and wanted to throttle his a.s.s some more for leveling them at Kim.

"What is this about? Fighting in the halls? What has gotten into you? I will not have this! Do you hear me?" Murphy said. "Leave. Take a few days and figure out what's important, your male ego or the job you're charged to do."

Mathew was leaving before she ordered it. He needed to see Kim. He needed to see her now.

"Hi, Keith, what are you doing home?" Kim dropped the fresh load of laundry into the washer. She reached for the detergent and began to fill the plastic cup. She felt better hours ago, and had been up cleaning ever since, cleaning and thinking of Mathew. She missed him. Maybe they could catch a show, actually go on a date. But Diane's words haunted her too. She needed to talk to Simone. "h.e.l.lo? You there?" she frowned.

"Have you spoken to your sister?" Keith asked.

"No, why? Is she not home?"

Keith hung up on her. Kim blinked, shocked. She looked to her cordless wondering if she had lost the battery charge again. The call was disconnected. But she soon got a dial tone. Keith had hung up on her. She dialed again, and no one answered. She dialed Simone's cell and no answer. "That's strange." She soon shrugged it off, figuring it was Keith being an a.s.shole again. She'd try her again later. Walking out of the laundry room, she noticed the quiet. Anne had taken the boys to the park. Now she could think. The rest of the week she was going to do the hard things to get her act together. What choice did she have? Diane was right, if she didn't change, and soon, she'd lose it all.

Four pills, she only had four pills left.

Kim put it out of her mind, for now. For now she was okay. There was knocking on the door, more like pounding. Concerned, she left the laundry room and walked through her house. She stopped at the window to look out. Mathew paced. He looked distressed.

She opened the door and he nearly knocked her over charging in. "I want the truth."

"Mathew, what are you doing here?" Kim asked, trying to hide her excitement. d.a.m.n, did she really have it bad for him already?

"The truth, d.a.m.n it. Tell me the truth." Mathew said.

"About what?"

"Are you on drugs?" Mathew asked.

"What?" Kim gasped.

"The truth, Kim!" he advanced on her. She'd never seen him in this state. His face twisted in anger, his hard stare unforgiving. "Have you been stealing drugs from the supply cabinet? From patients?"

"How dare you accuse me-"

"I asked you a question," Mathew shouted at her.

"Who the h.e.l.l do you think you are to come charging in here and questioning me?"

"Who? The man that is falling in love with you! The man who trusts you. Now look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Are you abusing the Oxycodone?"

"No. No!" she said repeatedly. "NO, I'm not!"

He stepped toward her. Kim took another step back, her eyes darting from him to the door. She tried to smile. "Mathew, you know he hates me. He's crazy, perverted. I'm not lying."

He looked her over, took another step, then another. Kim kept backing away. "Mathew? Mathew? You're scaring me."

From nowhere his reach took hold of both her elbows. He s.n.a.t.c.hed her roughly to him. At first, confused by his handling of her, she fought back. She tried pus.h.i.+ng at him, trying to turn to escape him, but it became clear he was looking for something, something a doctor would look for. He held her firmly by one arm as she struggled, then grabbed the lower half of her face squeezing her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye. "You're high right now," he said. Stunned, he released her, stepping back. She stumbled, shaking all over with denial, anger, and fear.

"No I'm not. But you've lost your d.a.m.n mind coming in here attacking me."

"Don't change the subject. Stop lying to me, d.a.m.n it!"

Kim let go a deep sigh. She bit down on her lip. Mathew closed his eyes, stepping back with defeat. "You've been playing me all along."

"No! No! It's not like that..."

He turned for the door and the fog cleared. The thought of him leaving, of her hurting him, of her losing him made it all clear. She rushed the door and threw her back to it. "It's not what you think."

He glared at her.

Kim let tears fall, despite her strength. She couldn't lose him when she just discovered that she didn't want to. She was planning to quit. She was, d.a.m.n it! "I can explain. Please... let me explain."

"I don't want to hear it." He forced her aside and walked out. Kim put trembling hands to her eyes, to her mouth. She shook all over before her body caught up with the screams in her head. She threw the door open, running outside. He was already in his truck speeding out of her driveway. She hugged herself, watching him. Dropping to the step, she sat there, hugging her knees.

"Let me explain."

Chapter Twenty.

Down Here in h.e.l.l Simone He recited seductive words against the sh.e.l.l of her ear in such a deep whisper that each word felt as if it were wrapped in velvet. And his touch was equally divine. The warmth of his hand radiated through the cells beneath her skin as it pressed firmly to her lower abdomen and made its decent. He slept, spooning with her from behind, and every time she stirred, he moved as if breaking contact would cause them both harm.

"Mmm...that was beautiful. Who's the poet?" She snuggled his warmth.

"I believe his name was Sisqo."

"Sisqo?" Simone frowned.

"From Dru Hill."

She laughed out loud, hearing the song in her head. Cain bit her shoulder, then neck, laughing with her. Simone kicked her legs under the sheets, trying to escape him. The maneuver was what he needed to gain greater access. His hand slipped lower, two fingers parting the swollen lips of her l.a.b.i.a. She knew what he wanted. The man was a machine. He'd worked muscles she didn't know existed.

"Let me sleep, Cain. I'm tired," she moaned, smiling, turning away.

"I wish I could," he said, bringing her back, parting her legs with his thighs and getting situated between. She looked up into his blue eyes. He stared down at her in silence and there was such pa.s.sion in his stare. She couldn't dare look away, not even when his head slowly lowered and she lost focus. Soft lips touched hers, gently at first, brus.h.i.+ng tiny kisses from one corner of her mouth to the other. He then dove in for that familiar connection that bonded them to each other. He murmured something she didn't understand as he deepened the kiss and lifted her legs to the inside bends off his arms. It was a kiss of claiming, of branding, or marking her one last time. Because in this kiss she and he both knew that it may very well be their last.

She clung to him forcing any semblance of that reality away. His hands slipped under her and caressed her a.s.s as he lifted his hips to push the blunt head of his p.e.n.i.s at her opening. He took a deep breath and plunged into her, both of their eyelids lowering with pleasure. Silent tears slipped out of the corners of Simone's. Sin shouldn't be this good.

G.o.d forgive me. G.o.d forgive me. G.o.d forgive me. She repeated that mantra over and over through the night in her head. It wasn't revenge or some misplaced need to escape. She wished it was that simple. The truth was, from the first moment he made her laugh; this was what she had longed for. But the fantasy was never as delicious as the feelings he drove through her body.

Slow strokes gave way to faster, more urgent movements. Her legs were flung apart at odd angles, unable to lock in on him, but she moved her hips the best she could, encouraging him to pick up the pace. Each deep penetration brought her throbbing c.l.i.t into exquisite contact with the rough hair surrounding the base of his c.o.c.k. Her need to c.u.m built steadily and so tightly wound in her pelvis she felt it coiling into a pa.s.sion knot in her lower belly. She held tight to him as he kept going, never breaking eye contact. Suddenly, her p.u.s.s.y flooded with moisture and heat from the friction and her body came apart as muscle spasms gripped her all over. Simone cried out.

"I can do this all night," he said between grunts. He caught the trickle of sweat running down her temple with his tongue. She thrashed, wanting to ask him not to and to release her, set her free, but she couldn't. Her heart was in her throat, and her body was under his complete command. He dropped her legs.

"Wrap your legs around me, love." He breathed hot and heavy against her cheek before lifting, bracing his hands to the headboard above her head. She did as he requested, wrapping her legs around his waist, locking her ankles together. He seemed pleased as a sly smile formed on his lips and he buried his c.o.c.k six inches deep. Cain wasn't done. He withdrew with a torturous slow rhythm until just the head of his d.i.c.k remained at her opening. Then he thrust into her hard and swift, sinking each thick inch expertly. Simone met every thrust with one of her own, slinging her hips from left to right and surprising him with her skill.

He gritted his teeth with his jaw clenched. She felt him losing the fight-it pleased her. But he then balanced on one hand and used the other to reach down and press her c.l.i.t, thrusting into her harder and harder until she felt her inner walls clenched and released in time with his rhythm, sending tremors through her legs. She arched her back, mouth gaping in a silent cry as she got nearer, and nearer to her release. Cain swallowed her cries, covering her mouth with his own. He delivered another deep throat pa.s.sionate kiss as he followed her, c.u.m spurting deep into her womb. In and out, out and in he went, until he drained his b.a.l.l.s dry.

He collapsed.

She hugged him, moaning, unlocking her legs to rub her inner thighs against his rock hard sweaty ones.

"So good. It's so good with you. I forgot how good it could be," she panted. That saddened her. It hadn't been good between her and Keith in years. Cain gave a deep chuckle before planting a soft kiss to her shoulder and all thoughts and devotion returned to him.

"I want some more," he groaned.