Myth-Nomers And Im-Pervections Part 9

"But ..."

"Residence?"

"The New Inn."

My protests seemed to be only making things worse, so I resolved to answer any other questions he might have as simply and honestly as possible.

"A hotel, eh?" The pencil was moving faster now. "And where would your regular residence be?''

"The Bazaar at Deva."

The policeman stopped writing. Raising his hand, he peered at me carefully.

"Now I thought we had gotten this matter of disguises settled," he said, a bit too casually. "So tell me, Mr.

Skeeve, are you a Klahd ... or a Deveel masquerading as one?"

"I'm a Klahd . . . really!"

"... Who lives on Deva," the policeman finished grimly. "That's a pretty expensive place to be callin' home, boyo. Just what is it you do for a livin' that you can afford such an extravagant address ... or to pay for expensive meals you aren't going to eat, for that matter?"

"I uh, work for a corporation . . . M.Y.T.H. Inc. . . .

It's a co-op of magik consultants."

"Is that a fact?" The policeman's skepticism was open.

"Tell me, boyo, what is it you do for them that they had to hire a Klahd instead of one of their local lads?"

Maybe I was recovering from pa.s.sing out, or maybe his sarcasm was getting to me, but I started to get a bit annoyed with the questions.

"I'm the president and founder," I snapped, "and since I personally recruited the staff, they didn't have whole bunches to say about my qualifications."

Actually, they had had a lot to say. Specifically, they were the ones who railroaded me into my current lofty position. Somehow, though, this didn't seem to be the time to try to point that out.

"Really?" The policeman was still pus.h.i.+ng, but he seemed a lot more respectful now. "It's clear that there's more to you than meets the eye, Mister Skeeve."

"Steady, Skeeve," the Djin said quietly. "Let's not get too aggressive with the representatives of the local law."

76.

It was good advice, and I tried to get a handle on my temper.

"You can check it out if you like," I said stiffly.

"Oh, I intend to. Would you mind tellin' me what the president of a corporation from Deva is doin' in our fair dimension? Are you here on business?"

"Well ... I guess you could say that."

"Good. Then I'm sure you won't mind givin' me the names of our citizens you're dealin' with."

Too late I saw-the trap. As a businessman, I should have local references. This may seem like a silly oversight to you, but you'll have to remember my background up to this point. Most of my ventures into the various dimensions have been more of the raider or rescue mission variety, so it never occurred to me there was another way of doing business.

Of course, admitting this would probably do little toward improving the impression I was making on this stalwart of the law.

I considered my alternatives. I considered trying to lie my way out of the predicament. Finally, I decided to give the truth one last try.

"There isn't anyone specifically that I'm dealing with."

I said carefully. "The fact of the matter is that I'm looking for someone."

"Oh? Then you're hirin' for your corporation? Out to raid some of our local talent?''

That didn't sound too good either.

"It's not a recruiting mission, I a.s.sure you. I'm trying to find my ... one of our employees."

The policeman straightened a bit, looking up from his notebook once more. .

"Now, that's a different matter entirely," he said. "Have you been by a station to fill out a missing person report?''

I tried to imagine Aahz's reaction if I had the police pick 77.

him up. Mercifully, my mind blocked the image.

"Are you kidding? I mean ... no, I haven't."

"... Or do you think you're better at locatin' folks than the police are?"

I was getting desperate. It seemed that no matter what I said, it was getting twisted into the worst possible interpre- tation.

"He's not really missing. Look, officer, I had a falling out with my old partner, who happens to also be the co-foun- der of the corporation and a Pervect. He left in a huff, presumably to return here to Perv. All I want to do is locate him and try to convince him to come back to the company, or at least make amends so we can part on more agreeable terms. In short, while it's business related, it's more of a personal matter."

The policeman listened intently until I had finished.

"Well, why didn't you say so in the first place, lad?"

he scowled, flipping his notebook shut. "I'll have you know my time's too valuable to be wastin' chattin' with everybody who wants to tell me his life story."

"Nice going, Skeeve!" Kalvin winked, flas.h.i.+ng me a high sign. "I think we're off the hook."

I ignored him. The policeman's comment about wasting his time had reignited my irritation. After all, he had been the one who had prolonged the interrogation.

"Just a moment," I said, as he started to turn away.

"Does this mean you won't be running that check on me?''

"Skeeve!" the Djin warned, but it was too late.

"Is there any reason I shouldn't?" the policeman said, turning back to me again.

"It's just that you've taken up so much of your valuable time asking questions about a simple fainting, I'd hate to see you waste any more."

' 'Now don't go tryin' to tell me how to do my job. Mister 78.

Robert Asprin 79 Skeeve," he snarled, pus.h.i.+ng his face close to mine. "Per yer information, I'm not so sure this is as simple as you try to cut it out to be."

"It isn't?"

That last snappy response of mine was sort of squeaked out. I was suddenly aware that I was not as far out of the woods as I had believed.

"No, it isn't. We have what seems to be a minor distur- bance in a public restaurant, only the person at the center of it turns out to be travelin' in disguise. What's more, he's from off-dimension and used to usin' aliases, and even though he claims to be an honest businessman, there doesn't seem to be anyone locally who can vouch for him, or any immediate way of confirmin' his story. Now doesn't that strike you as bein' a little suspicious?"

"Well, if you put it that way ..."

"I do! However, as I was sayin', we're pretty busy down at the station, and for all yer jabberin' you seem harmless e.nough, so I don't see much point to pursuin' this further.

Just remember, I've got you down in my book, boyo, and if there's any trouble you'll find I'm not so understandin'

next time!"

With that, he turned on his heel ,and marched out of the restaurant.

' 'That was close,'' Kalvin whistled.' 'You shouldn't have mouthed off that last time."

I had arrived at much the same conclusion, but nodded my agreement anyway.

The waiter was still hovering about, so I signaled him for our check. The last thing I needed to do now would be to forget and try to walk out without paying.

"So where do we go from here?" the Djin asked.

"I think we'll settle up here and head back to the hotel for some sleep. Two run-ins with the police in one day is about all the excitement I can handle."

"But you haven't eaten anything."

"I'll do it tomorrow. Like I said, I don't relish the thought of risking another brush with the law... even accidentally."

Despite his advice to go easy with the police, the Djin seemed unconcerned.

"Don't worry. So far it's been just talk. I mean, what can they do to you? There's no law against being polite on the sidewalk or fainting in a restaurant."

"They could run that check on me. I'm not wild about having the police poking around in my affairs."

The Djin gave me a funny look.

"So what if they do? I mean, it's annoying, but nothing to worry about. It's not like you have a criminal record or have connections with organized crime or anything."

I thought about Don Bruce and the Mob. Suddenly, my work with them didn't seem as harmless as it had when I first agreed to take the position as the Mob's representative on Deva. Fortunately, no one on Deva except my own crew was aware of it, and they weren't likely to talk. Still, with the way my luck had been running lately, there was no point in risking a police check. Also, I could see no point in worrying Kalvin by letting him know what kind of a powder keg I might be sitting on.

Chapter Nine:.

"... You gotta start somewhere."

-S. MCDUCK.

I HAD PLANNED to sleep late the next morning. I mean, I was eager to locate Aahz and all that, but it was rare that I had the opportunity to lounge in bed a couple extra hours.

Business had been brisk enough that I usually headed into the offices early to try to get some work done before the daily parade of questions and problems started. Even when I did decide to try to sleep in, the others would be up and about, so I felt pressured to rise and join in for fear I might be excluded from an important or interesting conversation.

Consequently, now that I had a chance to laze about I fully intended to take advantage of it. Besides, between the res- taurant and the police it had been a rough night.

Unfortunately, it seemed the rest of the world had different ideas about my sleeping habits.

I had had trouble dozing off anyway, what with the unac- customed traffic noise and all. When I did finally manage to get to sleep, it seemed I had barely closed my eyes when there was a brisk knocking at the door of my room.

81.

82 "Wazzit?" I called, struggling to get my eyes open far enough to navigate.

In response, the door opened and the bellhop who had brought my luggage up the day before came bustling into , the room.

"Sorry to bother you so early, Mr. Skeeve, but there's ..."

He stopped abruptly and peered around the room. I was still trying to figure out what he was looking for when he returned his attention to me once more.

"Mr. Skeeve?" he said again, his voice as hesitant as his manner.

"Yes?" I responded, trying to hold my annoyance in check. ' 'You had something to tell me? Something I a.s.sume couldn't wait until a decent hour?"

If I had hoped to rebuff him, I failed dismally. At the sound of my voice his face brightened and he relaxed visibly.

"So it is you. You had me going there for a minute.

You've changed since you checked in."

It took me a second to realize what he was talking about.

Then I remembered I hadn't renewed my disguise spell since I had my run-in with the law the night before. I suppose it could be a little jarring to expect to find a Pervect and end up talking to a Klahd instead. I considered casting the spell again, then made a snap decision to leave things the way they were. The Pervect disguise seemed to be causing me more trouble than it was averting. I'd try it for a day as a Klahd and see how things went.

"Disguise," I said loftily. "What is it?"

' 'Well, there's... Is this the disguise or was the other?"