The Help. Part 41

There is silence, except for an exhale of cigarette smoke. I s.h.i.+ft on the flour can. "I'm . . . the one writing about the colored women? In Mississippi?"

"Yes, I remember," she says, but I can't tell if she really does. But then she says, "You're the one who applied for the senior position. How is that project going?"

"It's almost finished. We just have two more interviews to complete and I was wondering if I should send it directly to your attention or to your secretary."

"Oh no, January is not acceptable."

"Eugenia? Are you in the house?" I hear Mother call.

I cover the phone. "Just a minute, Mama," I call back, knowing if I don't, she'll barge in here.

"The last editor's meeting of the year is on December twenty-first," Missus Stein continues. "If you want a chance at getting this read, I've got to have it in my hands by then. Otherwise it goes in The Pile. You don't want to be in The Pile, Miss Phelan."

"But . . . you told me January . . ." Today is December second. That only gives me nineteen days to finish the entire thing.

"December twenty-first is when everyone leaves for vacation and then in the new year we're deluged with projects from our own list of authors and journalists. If you're a n.o.body, as you are, Miss Phelan, before the twenty-first is your window. Your only window."

I swallow, "I don't know if . . ."

"By the way, was that your mother you were speaking to? Do you still live at home?"

I try to think of a lie--she's just visiting, she's sick, she's pa.s.sing through, because I do not want Missus Stein to know that I've done nothing with my life. But then I sigh. "Yes, I still live at home."

"And the Negro woman who raised you, I'm a.s.suming she's still there?"

"No, she's gone."

"Mmm. Too bad. Do you know what happened to her? It's just occurred to me, you'll need a section about your own maid."

I close my eyes, fighting frustration. "I don't . . . know, honestly."

"Well, find out and definitely get that in. It'll add something personal to all this."

"Yes ma'am," I say, even though I have no idea how I'll finish two maids in time, much less write stories about Constantine. Just the thought of writing about her makes me wish, deeply, that she was here now.

"Goodbye, Miss Phelan. I hope you make the deadline," she says, but before she hangs up, she mutters, "and for G.o.d's sake, you're a twenty-four-year-old educated woman. Go get an apartment."

I GET Off THE PHONE, stunned by the news of the deadline and Missus Stein's insistence to get Constantine in the book. I know I need to get to work immediately, but I check on Mother in her bedroom. In the past three months, her ulcers have gotten much worse. She's lost more weight and can't get through two days without vomiting. Even Doctor Neal looked surprised when I brought her in for her appointment last week.

Mother eyes me up and down from her bed. "Don't you have bridge club today?"

"It's canceled. Elizabeth's baby is colicky," I lie. So many lies have been told, the room is thick with them. "How are you feeling?" I ask. The old white enamel bowl is next to her on the bed. "Have you been sick?"

"I'm fine. Don't wrinkle your forehead like that, Eugenia. It's not good for your complexion."

Mother still doesn't know that I've been kicked out of bridge club or that Patsy Joiner got a new tennis partner. I don't get invited to c.o.c.ktail parties or baby showers anymore, or any functions where Hilly will be there. Except the League. At meetings, girls are short, to the point with me when discussing newsletter business. I try to convince myself I don't care. I fix myself at my typewriter and don't leave most days. I tell myself, that's what you get when you put thirty-one toilets on the most popular girl's front yard. People tend to treat you a little differently than before.

IT Was ALMOST FOUR MONTHS ago that the door was sealed shut between Hilly and me, a door made of ice so thick it would take a hundred Mississippi summers to melt it. It's not as if I hadn't expected consequences. I just hadn't thought they'd last so long.

Hilly's voice over the phone was gravelly sounding, low, like she'd been yelling all morning. "You are sick," she hissed at me. "Do not speak to me, do not look at me. Do not say h.e.l.lo to my children."

"Technically it was a typo, Hilly," was all I could think to say.

"I am going over to Senator Whitworth's house myself and telling him you, Skeeter Phelan, will be a blight on his campaign in Was.h.i.+ngton. A wart on the face of his reputation if Stuart ever a.s.sociates with you again!"

I cringed at the mention of his name, even though we'd been broken up for weeks by then. I could imagine him looking away, not caring what I did anymore.

"You turned my yard into some kind of a sideshow," Hilly'd said. "Just how long have you been planning to humiliate my family?"

What Hilly didn't understand was, I hadn't planned it at all. When I started typing out her bathroom initiative for the newsletter, typing words like disease disease and and protect yourself protect yourself and and you're welcome! you're welcome!, it was like something cracked open inside of me, not unlike a watermelon, cool and soothing and sweet. I always thought insanity would be a dark, bitter feeling, but it is drenching and delicious if you really roll around in it. I'd paid Pascagoula's brothers twenty-five dollars each to put those junkyard pots onto Hilly's lawn and they were scared, but willing to do it. I remember how dark the night had been. I remember feeling lucky that some old building had been gutted and there were so many toilets at the junkyard to choose from. Twice I've dreamed I was back there doing it again. I don't regret it, but I don't feel quite as lucky anymore.

"And you call yourself a Christian Christian," were Hilly's final words to me and I thought, G.o.d. When did I ever do that? G.o.d. When did I ever do that?

This November, Stooley Whitworth won the senator's race for Was.h.i.+ngton. But William Holbrook lost the local election, to take his state seat. I'm quite sure Hilly blames me for this too. Not to mention all that work she'd put into setting me up with Stuart was for nothing.

A FEW HOURS after talking to Missus Stein over the phone, I tiptoe back to check on Mother one last time. Daddy's already asleep beside her. Mother has a gla.s.s of milk on the table. She's propped up on her pillows but her eyes are closed. She opens them as I'm peeking in.

"Can I get you anything, Mama?"

"I'm only resting because Doctor Neal told me to. Where are you going, Eugenia? It's nearly seven o'clock."

"I'll be back in a little while. I'm just going for a drive." I give her a kiss, hoping she doesn't ask any more questions. When I close the door, she's already fallen asleep.

I drive fast through town. I dread telling Aibileen about the new deadline. The old truck rattles and bangs in the potholes. It's in fast decline after another hard cotton season. My head practically hits the ceiling because someone's retied the seat springs too tight. I have to drive with the window down, my arm hanging out so the door won't rattle. The front window has a new smash in it the shape of a sunset.

I pull up to a light on State Street across from the paper company. When I look over, there's Elizabeth and Mae Mobley and Raleigh all crammed in the front seat of their white Corvair, headed home from supper somewhere, I guess. I freeze, not daring to look over again, afraid she'll see me and ask what I'm doing in the truck. I let them drive ahead, watching their tail-lights, fighting a hotness rising in my throat. It's been a long time since I've talked to Elizabeth.

After the toilet incident, Elizabeth and I struggled to stay friends. We still talked on the phone occasionally. But she stopped saying more than a h.e.l.lo and a few empty sentences to me at League meetings, because Hilly would see her. The last time I stopped by Elizabeth's house was a month ago.

"I can't believe how big Mae Mobley's gotten," I'd said. Mae Mobley had smiled shyly, hid behind her mother's leg. She was taller but still soft with baby fat.

"Growing like a weed," Elizabeth said, looking out the window, and I thought, what an odd thing to compare your child to. A weed.

Elizabeth was still in her bathrobe, hair rollers in, already tiny again after the pregnancy. Her smile stayed tight. She kept looking at her watch, touching her curlers every few seconds. We stood around the kitchen.

"Want to go to the club for lunch?" I asked. Aibileen swung through the kitchen door then. In the dining room, I caught a glimpse of silver and Battenburg lace.

"I can't and I hate to rush you out but . . . Mama's meeting me at the Jewel Taylor Shoppe." She shot her eyes out the front window again. "You know how Mama hates to wait." Her smile grew exponentially.

"Oh, I'm sorry, don't let me keep you." I patted her shoulder and headed for the door. And then it hit me. How could I be so dumb? It's Wednesday, twelve o'clock. My old bridge club.

I backed the Cadillac down her drive, sorry that I'd embarra.s.sed her so. When I turned, I saw her face stretched up to the window, watching me leave. And that's when I realized: she wasn't embarra.s.sed that she'd made me feel bad. Elizabeth Leefolt was embarra.s.sed to be seen with me.

I park On AIBILEEN'S STREET, several houses down from hers, knowing we need to be even more cautious than ever. Even though Hilly would never come to this part of town, she is a threat to us all now and I feel like her eyes are everywhere. I know the glee she would feel catching me doing this. I don't underestimate how far she would go to make sure I suffered the rest of my life.

It's a crisp December night and a fine rain is just starting to fall. Head down, I hurry along the street. My conversation this afternoon with Missus Stein is still racing through my head. I've been trying to prioritize everything left to do. But the hardest part is, I have to ask Aibileen, again, about what happened to Constantine. I cannot do a just job on Constantine's story if I don't know what's happened to her. It defeats the point of the book, to put in only part of the story. It wouldn't be telling the truth.

I hurry into Aibileen's kitchen. The look on my face must tell her something's wrong.

"What is it? Somebody see you?"

"No," I say, pulling papers from my satchel. "I talked to Missus Stein this morning." I tell her everything I know, about the deadline, about "The Pile."

"Alright, so . . ." Aibileen is counting days in her head, the same way I have been all afternoon. "So we got two and a half weeks stead a six weeks. Oh Law, that ain't enough time. We still got to finish writing the Louvenia section and smooth out Faye Belle--and the Minny section, it ain't right yet . . . Miss Skeeter, we ain't even got a t.i.tle yet."

I put my head in my hands. I feel like I'm slipping underwater. "That's not all," I say. "She . . . wants me to write about Constantine. She asked me . . . what happened to her."

Aibileen sets her cup of tea down.

"I can't write it if I don't know what happened, Aibileen. So if you can't tell me . . . I was wondering if there's someone else who will."

Aibileen shakes her head. "I reckon they is," she says, "but I don't want n.o.body else telling you that story."

"Then . . . will you?"

Aibileen takes off her black gla.s.ses, rubs her eyes. She puts them back on and I expect to see a tired face. She's worked all day and she'll be working even harder now to try to make the deadline. I fidget in my chair, waiting for her answer.

But she doesn't look tired at all. She's sitting up straight and gives me a defiant nod. "I'll write it down. Give me a few days. I'll tell you ever thing that happened to Constantine."

I WORK FOR FIFTEEN HOURS straight on Louvenia's interview. On Thursday night, I go to the League meeting. I'm dying to get out of the house, antsy from nerves, jittery about the deadline. The Christmas tree is starting to smell too rich, the spiced oranges sickly decadent. Mother is always cold and my parents' house feels like I'm soaking in a vat of hot b.u.t.ter.

I pause on the League steps, take in a deep breath of clean winter air. It's pathetic, but I'm glad to still have the newsletter. Once a week, I actually feel like I'm a part of things. And who knows, maybe this time will be different, with the holidays starting and all.

But the minute I walk in, backs turn. My exclusion is tangible, as if concrete walls have formed around me. Hilly gives me a smirk, whips her head around to speak to someone else. I go deeper into the crowd and see Elizabeth. She smiles and I wave. I want to talk to her about Mother, tell her I'm getting worried, but before I get too close, Elizabeth turns, head down, and walks away. I go to my seat. This is new, from her, here.

Instead of my usual seat up front, I slip in the back row, angry that Elizabeth wouldn't even say h.e.l.lo. Beside me is Rachel Cole Brant. Rachel hardly ever comes to meetings, with three kids, working on her master's in English from Millsaps College. I wish we were better friends but I know she's too busy. On my other side is d.a.m.n Leslie Fullerbean and her cloud of hairspray. She must risk her life every time she lights a cigarette. I wonder, if I pushed the top of her head, would aerosol spray out of her mouth.

Almost every girl in the room has her legs crossed, a lit cigarette in her hand. The smoke gathers and curls around the ceiling. I haven't smoked in two months and the smell makes me feel ill. Hilly steps up to the podium and announces the upcoming gimme-drives (coat drive, can drive, book drive, and a plain old money drive), and then we get to Hilly's favorite part of the meeting, the trouble list. This is where she gets to call out the names of anyone late on their dues or tardy for meetings or not fulfilling their philanthropic duties. I'm always on the trouble list nowadays for something.

Hilly's wearing a red wool A-line dress with a cape coat over it, Sherlock Holmes-style, even though it's hot as fire in here. Every once in a while, she tosses back the front flap like it's in her way, but she looks like she enjoys this gesture too much for it to really be a problem. Her helper Mary Nell stands next to her, handing her notes. Mary Nell has the look of a blond lapdog, the Pekingese kind with tiny feet and a nose that perks on the end.

"Now, we have something very exciting to discuss." Hilly accepts the notes from the lapdog and scans over them.

"The committee has decided that our newsletter could use a little updating."

I sit up straighter. Shouldn't I decide on changes to the newsletter?

"First of all, we're changing the newsletter from a weekly to a monthly. It's just too much with stamps going up to six cents and all. And we're adding a fas.h.i.+on column, highlighting some of the best outfits worn by our members, and a makeup column with all the latest trends. Oh, and the trouble list of course. That'll be in there too." She nods her head, making eye contact with a few members.

"And finally, the most exciting change: we've decided to name this new correspondence The Tattler. The Tattler. After the European magazine all the ladies over there read." After the European magazine all the ladies over there read."

"Isn't that the cutest name?" says Mary Lou White and Hilly's so proud of herself, she doesn't even bang the gavel at her for speaking out of turn.

"Okay then. It is time to choose an editor for our new, modern monthly. Any nominations?"

Several hands pop up. I sit very still.

"Jeanie Price, what say ye?"

"I say Hilly. I nominate Hilly Holbrook."

"Aren't you the sweetest thing. Alright, any others?"

Rachel Cole Brant turns and looks at me like, Are you believing this? Are you believing this? Evidently, she's the only one in the room who doesn't know about me and Hilly. Evidently, she's the only one in the room who doesn't know about me and Hilly.

"Any seconds to . . ." Hilly looks down at the podium, like she can't quite remember who's been nominated. "To Hilly Holbrook as editor?"

"I second."

"I third."

Bang-bang goes the gavel and I've I lost my post as editor. goes the gavel and I've I lost my post as editor.

Leslie Fullerbean is staring at me with eyes so wide, I can see there isn't anything back there where her brain should be.

"Skeeter, isn't that your your job?" Rachel says. job?" Rachel says.

"It was was my job," I mutter and head straight for the doors when the meeting is over. No one speaks to me, no one looks me in the eye. I keep my head high. my job," I mutter and head straight for the doors when the meeting is over. No one speaks to me, no one looks me in the eye. I keep my head high.

In the foyer, Hilly and Elizabeth talk. Hilly tucks her dark hair behind her ears, gives me a diplomatic smile. She strides off to chat with someone else, but Elizabeth stays where she is. She touches my arm as I walk out.

"Hey, Elizabeth," I murmur.

"I'm sorry, Skeeter," she whispers and our eyes hang together. But then she looks away. I walk down the steps and into the dark parking lot. I thought she had something more to say to me, but I guess I was wrong.

I DON'T GO STRAIGHT HOME after the League meeting. I roll all the Cadillac windows down and let the night air blow on my face. It is warm and cold at the same time. I know I need to go home and work on the stories, but I turn onto the wide lanes of State Street and just drive. I've never felt so empty in my life. I can't help but think of all that's piling on top of me. I will never make this deadline, my friends despise me, Stuart is gone, Mother is... I will never make this deadline, my friends despise me, Stuart is gone, Mother is...

I don't know what Mother is, but we all know it's more than just stomach ulcers.

The Sun and Sand Bar is closed and I go by slow, stare at how dead a neon sign seems when it's turned off. I coast past the tall Lamar Life building, through the yellow blinking street lights. It's only eight o'clock at night but everyone has gone to bed. Everyone's asleep in this town in every way possible.

"I wish I could just leave here," I say and my voice sounds eerie, with no one to hear it. In the dark, I get a glimpse of myself from way above, like in a movie. I've become one of those people who prowl around at night in their cars. G.o.d, I am the town's Boo Radley, just like in To Kill a Mockingbird. To Kill a Mockingbird.

I flick on the radio, desperate for noise to fill my ears. "It's My Party" is playing and I search for something else. I'm starting to hate the whiny teenage songs about love and nothing. In a moment of aligned wavelengths, I pick up Memphis WKPO and out comes a man's voice, drunk-sounding, singing fast and bluesy. At a dead end street, I ease into the Tote-Sum store parking lot and listen to the song. It is better than anything I've ever heard.

. . . you'll sink like a stone For the times they are a-changin'.

A voice in a can tells me his name is Bob Dylan, but as the next song starts, the signal fades. I lean back in my seat, stare out at the dark windows of the store. I feel a rush of inexplicable relief. I feel like I've just heard something from the future.

At the phone booth outside the store, I put in a dime and call Mother. I know she'll wait up for me until I get home.

"h.e.l.lo?" It's Daddy's voice at eight-fifteen at night.

"Daddy . . . why are you up? What's wrong?"

"You need to come on home now, darling."

The streetlight suddenly feels too bright in my eyes, the night very cold. "Is it Mama? Is she sick?"