The Help. Part 6

"Go head outside then," I say, trying not to sound too excited. "Take some exercise. Get some fresh air." Get out a here. Get out a here.

"No," Miss Celia sighs. "I shouldn't be running around out there. I need to be still."

It's really starting to irritate me how she never leaves the house, how she smiles like the maid walking in every morning is the best part of her day. It's like an itch. Every day I reach for it and can't quite scratch it. Every day, it itches a little worse. Every day she's there there.

"Maybe you ought to go make some friends," I say. "Lot a ladies your age in town."

She frowns up at me. "I've been trying. I can't tell you the umpteen times I've called those ladies to see if I can help with the Children's Benefit or do something from home. But they won't call me back. None of them."

I don't say anything to this because ain't that a surprise. With her bosoms hanging out and her hair colored Gold Nugget.

"Go shopping then. Go get you some new clothes. Go do whatever white women do when the maid's home."

"No, I think I'll go rest awhile," she says and two minutes later I hear her creeping around upstairs in the empty bedrooms.

The mimosa branch knocks against the window and I jump, burn my thumb. I squeeze my eyes shut to slow my heart. Ninety-four more days of this mess and I don't know how I can take a minute more.

"Mama, fix me something to eat. I'm hungry." That's what my youngest girl, Kindra, who's five, said to me last night. With a hand on her hip and her foot stuck out.

I have five kids and I take pride that I taught them yes ma'am yes ma'am and and please please before they could even say before they could even say cookie cookie.

All except one.

"You ain't having nothing till supper," I told her.

"Why you so mean to me? I hate hate you," she yelled and ran out the door. you," she yelled and ran out the door.

I set my eyes on the ceiling because that's a shock I will never get used to, even with four before her. The day your child says she hates you, and every child will go through the phase, it kicks like a foot in the stomach.

But Kindra, Lord. It's not just a phase I'm seeing. That girl is turning out just like me.

I'm standing in Miss Celia's kitchen thinking about last night, what with Kindra and her mouth, Benny and his asthma, my husband Leroy coming home drunk two times last week. He knows that's the one thing I can't stand after nursing my drunk daddy for ten years, me and Mama working ourselves to death so he had a full bottle. I guess I ought to be more upset about all this, but last night, as an I'm sorry I'm sorry, Leroy came home with a sack of early okra. He knows it's my favorite thing to eat. Tonight I'm going to fry up that okra in some cornmeal and eat like my mama never let me.

That's not the only treat to my day either. It's October first and here I am peeling peaches. Mister Johnny's mama brought back two crates from Mexico, heavy as baseb.a.l.l.s. They are ripe and sweet and like cutting through b.u.t.ter. I don't take charity from white ladies because I know know they just want me to owe them. But when Miss Celia told me to take a dozen peaches home I pulled out a sack and plopped twelve right in. When I get home tonight, I'm eating fried okra for supper and peach cobbler for dessert. they just want me to owe them. But when Miss Celia told me to take a dozen peaches home I pulled out a sack and plopped twelve right in. When I get home tonight, I'm eating fried okra for supper and peach cobbler for dessert.

I'm watching the long, fuzzy peel fold down into Miss Celia's basin, paying no mind at all to the driveway. Usually when I'm standing at her kitchen sink, I map out my getaway from Mister Johnny. The kitchen's the best room for it because the front window looks out to the street. Tall azalea bushes hide my face, but I can see through enough to spot an approacher. If he came in the front door, the back door would escape me into the garage. If he came in the back, I could slip out the front. Another door in the kitchen leads out to the backyard, just in case. But what with the juice running down my hand and me nearabout drunk on the b.u.t.ter smell, I am lost in a peach-peeling reverie. I don't even notice the blue truck pull in.

The man's made it halfway up the walk by the time I look up. I catch a sliver of a white s.h.i.+rt, the variety of which I'm used to ironing every day, and the leg of a pair of khaki pants like I hang up in Mister Johnny's closet. I choke on a yelp. My knife clatters in the sink.

"Miss Celia!" I dash into her bedroom. "Mister Johnny home home!"

Miss Celia jumps out of bed faster than I've seen her move before. I turn around in an idiot circle. Where am I going? Which way do I go? What happened to my getaway plan? Where am I going? Which way do I go? What happened to my getaway plan? And then I snap into decision--the guest bathroom! And then I snap into decision--the guest bathroom!

I slip in and keep the door cracked. I crouch up on the toilet seat so he can't see my feet under the door. It's dark in here and hot. I feel like my head's on fire. Sweat drips off my chin and splats on the floor. I feel sick by the thick smell of gardenia soaps by the sink.

I hear footsteps. I hold my breath.

The footsteps stop. My heart is thumping like a cat in a clothes dryer. What if Miss Celia pretends she doesn't know me so she won't get in trouble? Acts like I'm a burglar? Oh, I hate her! I hate that stupid woman! Oh, I hate her! I hate that stupid woman!

I listen, but all I can hear is my own panting. The thud-thud in my chest. My ankles hurt and creak, holding up my body like this.

My eyes grow sharper in the dark. After a minute, I see myself in the mirror over the sink. Crouched like a fool on top of a white lady's toilet.

Look at me. Look what it's come to for Minny Jackson to make a d.a.m.n living.

MISS SKEETER.

chapter 5.

I DRIVE MY mama's Cadillac fast on the gravel road, headed home. Patsy Cline can't even be heard on the radio anymore, for all the rocks banging the side of the car. Mother would be furious, but I just drive faster. I can't stop thinking about what Hilly said to me today at bridge club. DRIVE MY mama's Cadillac fast on the gravel road, headed home. Patsy Cline can't even be heard on the radio anymore, for all the rocks banging the side of the car. Mother would be furious, but I just drive faster. I can't stop thinking about what Hilly said to me today at bridge club.

Hilly and Elizabeth and I have been best friends since Power Elementary. My favorite photograph is of the three of us sitting in the football stands in junior high, all jammed together, shoulder to shoulder. What makes the picture, though, is that the stands are completely empty around us. We sat close because we were close.

At Ole Miss, Hilly and I roomed together for two years before she left to get married and I stayed on to graduate. I rolled thirteen curlers in her hair every night at the Chi Omega house. But today, she threatened to throw me out of the League. Not that I care so much about the League, but I was hurt by how easily my friend would be willing to cast me aside.

I turn up the lane that leads to Longleaf, my family's cotton plantation. The gravel quiets to smooth, yellow dust and I slow down before Mother sees how fast I'm driving. I pull up to the house and get out. Mother is rocking on the front porch.

"Come sit, darling," she says, waving me toward a rocking chair beside her. "Pascagoula's just waxed the floors. Let them dry awhile."

"Alright, Mama." I kiss her powdery cheek. But I don't sit. I lean on the porch railing, look out on the three mossy oak trees in the front yard. Even though it's only five minutes outside of town, most people consider this the country out here. Surrounding our yard lie ten thousand acres of Daddy's cotton fields, the plants green and strong, tall as my waist. A few colored men sit under a distant shed, staring into the heat. Everyone is waiting for the same thing, for the cotton bolls to open.

I think about how things are different between Hilly and me, since I came home from school. But who is the different person, her or me?

"Did I tell you?" Mother says. "f.a.n.n.y Peatrow got engaged."

"Good for f.a.n.n.y."

"Not even a month after she got that teller job at the Farmer's Bank."

"That's great, Mother."

"I know," she says, and I turn to see one of those lightbulb-popping looks of hers. "Why don't you go down to the bank and apply for a teller job?" know," she says, and I turn to see one of those lightbulb-popping looks of hers. "Why don't you go down to the bank and apply for a teller job?"

"I don't want to be a bank teller, Mama."

Mother sighs, narrows her eyes at the spaniel, Shelby, licking his nether parts. I eye the front door, tempted to ruin the clean floors anyway. We've had this conversation so many times.

"Four years my daughter goes off to college and what does she come home with?" she asks.

"A diploma?"

"A pretty piece of paper," Mother says.

"I told you. I didn't meet anybody I wanted to marry," I say.

Mother rises from her chair, comes close so I'll look her in her smooth, pretty face. She's wearing a navy blue dress, narrow along her slim bones. As usual her lipstick is just so, but when she steps into the bright afternoon sun, I see dark stains, deep and dried, on the front of her clothes. I squint my eyes, trying to see if the stains are really there. "Mama? Are you feeling bad?"

"If you'd just show a little gumption, Eugenia--"

"Your dress is all dirty on the front."

Mother crosses her arms. "Now, I talked to f.a.n.n.y's mother and she said f.a.n.n.y was practically swimming in opportunities once she got that job."

I drop the dress issue. I'll never be able to tell Mother I want to be a writer. She'll only turn it into yet another thing that separates me from the married girls. Nor can I tell her about Charles Gray, my math study partner last spring, at Ole Miss. How he'd gotten drunk senior year and kissed me and then squeezed my hand so hard it should've hurt but it didn't, it felt wonderful the way he was holding me and looking into my eyes. And then he married five-foot Jenny Sprig.

What I needed to do was find an apartment in town, the kind of building where single, plain girls lived, spinsters, secretaries, teachers. But the one time I had mentioned using money from my trust fund, Mother had cried--real tears. "That is not what that money's for, Eugenia. To live in some rooming house with strange cooking smells and stockings hanging out the window. And when the money runs out, what then? What will you live on?" Then she'd draped a cold cloth on her head and gone to bed for the day.

And now she's gripping the rail, waiting to see if I'll do what fat f.a.n.n.y Peatrow did to save herself. My own mother is looking at me as if I completely baffle her mind with my looks, my height, my hair. To say I have frizzy hair is an understatement. It is kinky, more pubic than cranial, and whitish blond, breaking off easily, like hay. My skin is fair and while some call this creamy, it can look downright deathly when I'm serious, which is all the time. Also, there's a slight b.u.mp of cartilage along the top of my nose. But my eyes are cornflower blue, like Mother's. I'm told that's my best feature.

"It's all about putting yourself in a man-meeting situation where you can--"

"Mama," I say, just wanting to end this conversation, "would it really be so terrible if I never met a husband?"

Mother clutches her bare arms as if made cold by the thought. "Don't. Don't say that, Eugenia. Why, every week I see another man in town over six feet and I think, If Eugenia would just try If Eugenia would just try . . ." She presses her hand to her stomach, the very thought advancing her ulcers. . . ." She presses her hand to her stomach, the very thought advancing her ulcers.

I slip off my flats and walk down the front porch steps, while Mother calls out for me to put my shoes back on, threatening ringworm, mosquito encephalitis. The inevitability of death by no shoes. Death by no husband. I shudder with the same left-behind feeling I've had since I graduated from college, three months ago. I've been dropped off in a place I do not belong anymore. Certainly not here with Mother and Daddy, maybe not even with Hilly and Elizabeth.

". . . here you are twenty-three years old and I'd already had Carlton Jr. at your age . . ." Mother says.

I stand under the pink crepe myrtle tree, watching Mother on the porch. The day lilies have lost their blooms. It is nearly September.

I WAS NOT a cute baby. When I was born, my older brother, Carlton, looked at me and declared to the hospital room, "It's not a baby, it's a skeeter!" and from there the name stuck. I was long and leggy and mosquito-thin, a record-breaking twenty-five inches at Baptist Hospital. The name grew even more accurate with my pointy, beak-like nose when I was a child. Mother's spent my entire life trying to convince people to call me by my given name, Eugenia.

Mrs. Charlotte Boudreau Cantrelle Phelan does not like nicknames.

By sixteen I wasn't just not pretty, I was painfully tall. The kind of tall that puts a girl in the back row of cla.s.s pictures with the boys. The kind of tall where your mother spends her nights taking down hems, yanking at sweater sleeves, flattening your hair for dances you hadn't been asked to, finally pressing the top of your head as if she could shrink you back to the years when she had to remind you to stand up straight. By the time I was seventeen, Mother would rather I suffered from apoplectic diarrhea than stand up straight. She was five-foot-four and first-runner-up as Miss South Carolina. She decided there was only one thing to do in a case like mine.

Mrs. Charlotte Phelan's Guide to Husband-Hunting, Rule Number One: a pretty, pet.i.te girl should accentuate with makeup and good posture. A tall plain one, with a trust fund.

I was five-foot-eleven but I had twenty-five thousand cotton dollars in my name and if the beauty in that was not apparent then, by G.o.d, he wasn't smart enough to be in the family anyway.

MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM is the top floor of my parents' house. It has white-frosting chair rails and pink cherubs in the molding. It's papered in mint green rosebuds. It is actually the attic with long, sloping walls, and I cannot stand straight in many places. The box bay window makes the room look round. After Mother berates me about finding a husband every other day, I have to sleep in a wedding cake.

And yet, it is my sanctuary. The heat swells and gathers like a hot-air balloon up here, not exactly welcoming others. The stairs are narrow and difficult for parents to climb. Our previous maid, Constantine, used to stare those forward-sloping stairs down every day, like it was a battle between them. That was the only part I didn't like about having the top floor of the house, that it separated me from my Constantine.

Three days after my conversation with Mother on the porch, I spread out the help-wanted ads from the Jackson Journal Jackson Journal on my desk. All morning, Mother's been following me around with a new hair-straightening thing while Daddy's been on the front porch growling and G.o.dd.a.m.ning the cotton fields because they're melting like summer snow. Besides boll weevils, rain is just about the worst thing that can happen at harvest time. It's hardly September but the fall drenches have already begun. on my desk. All morning, Mother's been following me around with a new hair-straightening thing while Daddy's been on the front porch growling and G.o.dd.a.m.ning the cotton fields because they're melting like summer snow. Besides boll weevils, rain is just about the worst thing that can happen at harvest time. It's hardly September but the fall drenches have already begun.

My red pen in hand, I scan the squat, single column under HELP WANTED: FEMALE.

Kennington's Dept. Str. seeks salesgirls w/poise, manners & a smile!

Trim, young secretary wanted. Typing not nec. Call Mr. Sanders. Jesus, if he doesn't want her to type, what does he want her to do? Jesus, if he doesn't want her to type, what does he want her to do?

Jr. Stenographer wanted, Percy & Gray, LP, $1.25/hr. This is new. I draw a circle around it. This is new. I draw a circle around it.

No one could argue that I hadn't worked hard at Ole Miss. While my friends were out drinking rum and c.o.kes at Phi Delta Theta parties and pinning on mum corsages, I sat in the study parlor and wrote for hours--mostly term papers but also short stories, bad poetry, episodes of Dr. Kildare Dr. Kildare, Pall Mall jingles, letters of complaint, ransom notes, love letters to boys I'd seen in cla.s.s but hadn't had the nerve to speak to, all of which I never mailed. Sure, I dreamed of having football dates, but my real dream was that one day I would write something that people would actually read.

Fourth term of my senior year, I only applied to one job, but it was a good one, being six hundred miles away from Mississippi. Piling twenty-two dimes in the Oxford Mart pay phone, I'd inquired about an editor position at the Harper & Row publis.h.i.+ng house on 33rd Street in Manhattan. I'd seen the ad in The New York Times The New York Times down at the Ole Miss library and mailed them my resume that very day. On a sprig of hope, I even called about an apartment listing on East 85th Street, a one-bedroom with hot plate for forty-five dollars a month. Delta Airlines told me a one-way ticket to Idlewild Airport would cost seventy-three dollars. I didn't have the sense to apply for more than one job at a time and I never even heard back from them. down at the Ole Miss library and mailed them my resume that very day. On a sprig of hope, I even called about an apartment listing on East 85th Street, a one-bedroom with hot plate for forty-five dollars a month. Delta Airlines told me a one-way ticket to Idlewild Airport would cost seventy-three dollars. I didn't have the sense to apply for more than one job at a time and I never even heard back from them.

My eyes drift down to HELP WANTED: MALE. There are at least four columns filled with bank managers, accountants, loan officers, cotton collate operators. On this side of the page, Percy & Gray, LP, is offering Jr. Stenographers fifty cents more an hour.

"Miss SKEETER, you got a phone call," I hear Pascagoula holler at the bottom of the stairs.

I go downstairs to the only phone in the house. Pascagoula holds the phone out to me. She is as tiny as a child, not even five feet tall, and black as night. Her hair is curly around her head and her white uniform dress has been tailored to fit her short arms and legs.

"Miss Hilly on the phone for you," she says, and hands it to me with a wet hand.

I sit at the white iron table. The kitchen is large and square and hot. Black-and-white linoleum tiles are cracked in places, worn thin in front of the sink. The new silver dishwas.h.i.+ng machine sits in the middle of the room, attached to a hose stretched from the faucet.

"He's coming next weekend," Hilly says. "On Sat.u.r.day night. You free?"

"Gee, let me check my calendar," I say. All traces of our bridge-club argument are gone from Hilly's voice. I'm suspicious but relieved.

"I can't believe this is finally finally going to happen," Hilly says, because she's been trying to set me up for months with her husband's cousin. She's intent on it even though he's much too good-looking for me, not to mention a state senator's son. going to happen," Hilly says, because she's been trying to set me up for months with her husband's cousin. She's intent on it even though he's much too good-looking for me, not to mention a state senator's son.

"Don't you think we should... meet first?" I ask. "I mean, before we go out on an actual date?"

"Don't be nervous. William and I will be right next to you the whole time."

I sigh. The date's been canceled twice already. I can only hope it'll be put off again. And yet I'm flattered that Hilly has so much faith that someone like him would be interested in someone like me.

"Oh, and I need you to come on by and pick up these notes," Hilly says. "I want my initiative in the next newsletter, a full page next to the photo ops."

I pause. "The bathroom thing?" Even though it was only a few days ago that she'd brought this up at bridge club, I'd hoped it was forgotten.

"It's called the Home Help Sanitation Initiative--William Junior you get down or I will s.n.a.t.c.h you baldheaded Yule May get in here--and I want it in this week."

I am editor of the League newsletter. But Hilly is president. And she's trying to tell me what to print.

"I'll see. I don't know if there's room," I lie.

From the sink, Pascagoula sneaks a look at me, as if she can hear what Hilly's saying. I look over at Constantine's bathroom, now Pascagoula's. It's off the kitchen. The door's half open and I can see a tiny room with a toilet, a pull string flusher at the top, a bulb with a yellowing plastic shade. The small corner sink hardly holds a gla.s.s of water. I've never once been inside. When we were kids, Mother told us she'd spank us if we went in Constantine's bathroom. I miss Constantine more than anything I've ever missed in my life.

"Then make room," Hilly says, "because this is pretty darn important."

CONSTANTINE LIVED ABOUT a MILE from our house, in a small Negro neighborhood called Hotstack, named after the tar plant that used to operate back there. The road to Hotstack runs along the north side of our farm, and for as long as I can remember, colored kids have walked and played along that mile stretch, kicking at the red dust, making their way toward the big County Road 49 to catch a ride.