Sean's Reckoning Part 20

He had her there. "I'll meet you out front at noon," she agreed.

Sean laughed. "See how easy that was?"

"Only because I agreed with you," she retorted.

"That goes without saying. You should consider making it a practice. We'll see how you do when it comes to picking out furniture."

Even as Deanna deliberately hung up on him, she chuckled at his completely unrepentant att.i.tude. She couldn't deny, though, that she was looking forward to the trip to the hardware store as if it were a date for champagne and caviar. Heck, maybe more. Given her family background, she'd long ago discovered that she wasn't really a champagne and caviar kind of woman. That was her mother's domain.

Deanna could just imagine what Patricia Locklear Tindall would have to say if she knew her daughter was going on a date to pick out paint at a neighborhood hardware store. Truthfully, her mother probably wasn't even aware such stores existed, and she surely wouldn't have approved of Deanna dating any man whose idea of a good time was taking her to such a place. Add to that her mother's opinion of any home that hadn't been fully decorated by an interior designer before the move, and Deanna was pretty sure her actions would have her mother's head spinning. And that was even before she discovered that all Deanna's furniture was likely to come from thrift stores.

Sean realized he'd made a mistake in agreeing to let Deanna accompany him when she spread ten different shades of yellow paint chips out on a counter and started pondering them, musing aloud about the advantages of one over the others. As far as he could tell, yellow was yellow. Maybe that was why she'd insisted on coming along.

She finally turned to him, a perplexed expression knitting her brow. "What do you think?"

"This one," he said at once, choosing one at random.

"Really? Don't you think it's a little bright?"

He shrugged. "Looks fine to me, if cheerful's what you want."

"I want cheerful, but not overpowering." She picked up a lighter shade. "How about this one?"

Eager to end the process, he nodded. "Fine. I'll have 'em start mixing it."

Before he could move, she picked up a second paint chip. "Then, again, this one is nice. It's kind of soothing, like warm suns.h.i.+ne."

Sean sighed and waited as a third chip was debated. "Could you at least rule out a couple?" he inquired. "You only have an hour for lunch, and we still have to look at all the blues."

She frowned at him. "This is an important choice, one Kevin and I will have to live with for years and years."

A knot formed in Sean's stomach that had nothing to do with her disinclination to make a decision. It was the "years and years" comment that got to him. She was making a commitment to paint, for heaven's sake. Why should that bother him?

He answered the question himself. Because it implied that there was going to be no place for him in her life, not for "years and years." She had more faith in the endurance of paint than she did in their relations.h.i.+p.

So what the h.e.l.l was he supposed to do about it? Was he supposed to ask her to marry him just to keep her from choosing a paint? Of course not. The whole idea was ridiculous, but d.a.m.ned if he wasn't tempted to do just that.

Because the temptation was so real and so disturbing, he fell completely silent and let her struggle on all alone with her debate over the new apartment's color scheme. He wasn't going to be a party to it, no matter how ridiculous that made him feel. It was better than admitting to her just how badly he wanted her to forget all about this whole move and stay with Ruby.

Or move in with him. He was so stunned that such a thought had even crossed his mind, he had to clutch the edge of the counter to steady himself. That notion was even more absurd than marriage. She had a child. She had deeply held values. She wasn't going to move in with him on a whim, not when she was gun-shy about relations.h.i.+ps to begin with. Nope, with Deanna it was going to be permanence or nothing. He was so stunned that such a thought had even crossed his mind, he had to clutch the edge of the counter to steady himself. That notion was even more absurd than marriage. She had a child. She had deeply held values. She wasn't going to move in with him on a whim, not when she was gun-shy about relations.h.i.+ps to begin with. Nope, with Deanna it was going to be permanence or nothing.

Sean sighed.

"Sean, what do you think?" she prodded, holding out what were apparently her two final choices.

Since one was right under his nose, while the other was barely in the air, he a.s.sumed there was a subliminal message there. "This one," he said reluctantly, pointing to the closest choice.

Her expression brightened. "I think so, too. Now for the blues." A frown puckered her brow. "Or do you think the bedrooms ought to be more neutral, maybe a soft cream color?"

He couldn't do it. He could not debate the virtues of cream over blue, or vice-versa. Instead, he swooped in and kissed her to shut her up. He threw himself into the task, too, feeling the heat that spread through her almost at once, the way her knees buckled, so he practically had to hold her up. When he finally pulled away, she stared at him with dazed eyes.

"What was that for?"

He grinned and shrugged nonchalantly. "Just felt like it."

"We don't have time to go home and do anything about it," she told him.

As if she'd even consider the notion in the first place, he thought, but encouraged by her teasing, he decided to push the point a little more. "We would if you'd finish picking out the paint."

She laughed. "Nice try, but if you think I'm racing out of here to make love with you for the very first time with barely ten minutes to spare, you're completely bonkers."

"Fifteen minutes, if you let me come back and get the paint later," he coaxed.

She patted his cheek. "Not a chance. I want lots and lots of time when we finally make love."

When, not if. He made note of the distinction. Intrigued, he met her gaze. "Just out of curiosity, what do you intend to do with all that time?"

A blush crept into her cheeks. "Use your imagination."

"Sweetheart, the way my imagination's working overtime, we wouldn't have enough time if we locked ourselves away for a month."

She grinned. "Precisely."

Sean stared at her. The woman had a wicked streak he'd noticed only once before, way back when she'd taunted him with that ice-cream cone. It was now clear that hadn't been an aberration. It was also evident that boredom would certainly never be a problem. Now if he could just shake this overall terror that the thought of marriage and forever instilled in him, he might actually work up the nerve to propose.

In the meantime, he'd just have to settle for getting her to decide on the paint before the store closed for the night.

Deanna was slamming pots and pans around in the kitchen when Ruby got home that night. Ruby stood in the doorway and watched her warily.

"You and Sean have a fight?"

"Nope."

"You did go to pick out paint at lunchtime, right?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And nothing," Deanna grumbled, then sank onto a chair. "The man is making me crazy. Out of the blue, right there in the middle of the hardware store, he kissed me as if there were no tomorrow."

Ruby stared. "Oh, my. Were you embarra.s.sed?"

"No, not really."

"Mad?" Apparently, curiosity won out over wariness, because Ruby risked coming in and sitting down at the table.

"Only because there wasn't time to finish what he'd started," Deanna admitted. "I have never wanted a man to make love to me so badly in my life. If he'd pushed just a little harder, I would have gone home with him then and there. Instead, he gave up."

"You mean he took no for an answer," Ruby teased. "Isn't that what a gentleman's supposed to do?"

"Well, of course it is," Deanna conceded impatiently. "But it was annoying just the same. He should have figured out what I really wanted."

"Men who think they know what a woman wants when she's saying no tend to get themselves in a whole lot of trouble," Ruby pointed out. "I'm sure Sean knows that. I think you'd better be a little more specific if you really want him to make love to you. Maybe set the scene, light some candles, put some flowers on the table, cook him a fabulous meal, kiss him till he can't breathe."

Deanna sighed at the suggestion. "Oh, yeah, that's easy for you. You date all the time. You have confidence in yourself. I've been dumped by the only man I ever made love with. Maybe I'm really lousy at s.e.x. Maybe I send out hands-off vibes."

She knew that wasn't entirely true. She had evidence that Sean wanted her, verbal evidence and solid proof, so to speak. His arousal today-and on other occasions, for that matter-had been unmistakable.

"Oh, please," Ruby said. "Frankie Blackwell was a selfish, inconsiderate rat. He left because he was an irresponsible, immature idiot who thought you were going to be his meal ticket, not because you weren't good in bed. He and Sean Devaney are nothing alike." She regarded Deanna intently. "Is it really about being scared you're not s.e.xy, or is it about the fact that you're terrified because you have feelings for Sean, the kind of feelings you'd told yourself you would never have again?"

"I don't have feelings for him, not the way you mean," Deanna insisted heatedly. "I just want to make love with him. He's gorgeous. He's s.e.xy. It's all about l.u.s.t, nothing more."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "If you were the type to go in for uncomplicated s.e.x, I'd be the first to tell you to go for it, but you're not. You're the happily-ever-after type. You want romance and commitment. You've got a kid. You're not going to indulge your hormones on a whim. If you were, you'd have done it long ago. You've had chances."

"None worth considering," Deanna said defensively. "And I could have uncomplicated s.e.x. I'm not opposed to it."

"Oh, please," Ruby said dismissively. "How many times have you told me that you don't even like to date because it might be confusing for Kevin? Now you're willing to go to bed with a guy because you're in l.u.s.t with him? I don't think so. It's more than that. You're completely crazy about Sean. You're at least half in love with him, if not head over heels. Why not admit it and go from there? Men like Sean Devaney don't come along every day, you know."

Deanna flatly refused to consider that possibility. She didn't want to be in love, therefore she wasn't. Period. "I'm not going to admit to anything, because you're wrong," she said emphatically.

"I have one word for you-denial."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Deanna insisted. But the sad truth was, Ruby had pegged it.

And that was the crux of the problem. Deep down, buried in a part of her heart she hadn't listened to for years, were feelings she wasn't ready to acknowledge, not aloud, not even to herself. Deep down she knew she wanted more from Sean than s.e.x. A tiny untested part of her wanted the one thing he'd vowed never to do. She wanted to get married, have a family with him and live happily ever after.

Those were the kind of feelings, hopes and dreams that led to heartache. It was far better-safer-to pretend they didn't exist. It was far wiser to accept that there were limits to the relations.h.i.+p. Sean certainly thought there were. His reasons were valid. So were hers.

Deanna might believe with all her heart that Sean was capable of making that kind of commitment to a future, that he was steady and dependable and would never abandon his family the way his father and mother had abandoned him-the way Frankie had abandoned her.

Unfortunately, she wasn't the one who needed to have faith in him. Sean had to have faith in himself. Without that, it didn't matter what she wanted or what she needed. Thinking she could control Sean's emotions-could heal old hurts for him-was a surefire way to get her own heart broken.

She met Ruby's worried gaze and forced a smile. "Stop looking at me like that. I know what I'm talking about."

"You're deluding yourself," Ruby insisted, clearly unconvinced. "Stop making a.s.sumptions about what Sean does or doesn't want. Tell him how you really feel. Total honesty is the only way to get what you want."

Deanna regarded her curiously. "Have you told Hank what you you want?" want?"

The question clearly fl.u.s.tered Ruby. Bright patches of color burned in her cheeks.

"You haven't, have you?" Deanna said triumphantly. "You're pretty good at dis.h.i.+ng out advice, but not at following it."

"Two different situations," Ruby said tightly.

"Meaning you have no interest whatsoever in pursuing a future with Hank?" Deanna asked skeptically.

"I didn't say that."

"Well, then? What are you waiting for?"

Ruby's expression turned thoughtful. "I suppose you and I could make a pact. We could vow to jump off this particular bridge together. That way, if we crash land, we can always console each other. What do you think?"

Deanna studied her with a narrowed gaze as she considered this so-called pact Ruby was proposing. "I tell Sean how I feel, and you tell Hank how you feel, is that the deal?"

"Pretty much."

If it would give Ruby the shove she needed to be honest with Hank, Deanna was willing to agree to just about anything. "Okay."

Ruby stared at her with obvious shock. "You'll do it?"

"If you do," Deanna said.

"Okay, then. It's a deal. When?"

"First opportunity. You're seeing Hank tonight, right?"

Ruby swallowed hard. "I said I'd call him if I was free."

Deanna grinned at her. "Then make the call." Her grin spread. "I guess I won't bother waiting up for you to get home tonight."

"You're being a bit overly optimistic, aren't you?" Ruby grumbled.

"No way. I've seen the way Hank looks at you."

"That doesn't mean he wants any more than a quick roll in the hay. He probably wants it a lot, since I've been keeping him at arm's length all these months."

Deanna regarded her with a pitying look. "Ruby, think about it. If s.e.x were the only thing on Hank's mind, he could have dumped you weeks ago and moved on to someone more willing. He never had any trouble finding playmates in the past, at least not to hear Sean tell it. He's stuck around because you fascinate him. You're unpredictable. You keep him on his toes. Honey, you're a terrific woman. Any man with half a brain would know he's lucky to have you in his life."

Ruby grinned as she stood up and headed out of the kitchen. "Nice pep talk. But if he says yes to going out tonight, I think I'll put on something outrageously s.e.xy, in case you're wrong. What about you? When are you seeing Sean?"

Deanna shrugged. "I'm not sure."

Ruby stopped in her tracks. "Hold it. I'm going out there with my heart on my sleeve, and you're what? Curling up with a good book?"

"A couple of decorating magazines, actually."

"I don't think so," Ruby protested. She handed the phone to Deanna. "Call Sean right this second. Invite him over. I'll run downstairs and see if Kevin can spend the night at Timmy's."

"Timmy's out of town," Deanna said, not even trying to hide her relief at the excuse to put off the promised encounter with Sean. She'd never intended to make good on her end of the deal, anyway.