Let Me: Let Me Fall Part 24

"Later, lover boy," she teased as she turned her attention to the cranky lady next in line.

"That was so f.u.c.king awkward," Frank huffed as he plopped down onto my sofa.

"I can't believe you actually had a Carolyn Harris sighting," Vince mused. "I haven't left this town for the past three years and I have not seen the girl once."

A bunch of guys were over watching the Patriots' game. When my dad left after the first quarter, the events of last night were rehashed in agonizing detail. Frank piled on the drama thick. "Brutal...just brutal. Jeremy thinks he had it bad," he lamented, gesturing to me. "Meanwhile I'm the one who had to listen to Sadie b.i.t.c.h and moan for the entire ride home and then I went through it again after she spent an hour on the phone that night with Kenzie."

"I kinda feel bad for that girl but I feel worse for Carolyn," Mike Hanson said. "I wouldn't want to be waiting on an ex and his new girl."

"Kenzie's not my girl," I shot back, defensively.

"Just saying," Mike said, shrugging. Mike was there with two of his frat brothers, guys I'd come to call friends of my own. Never thought much of frat boys before, but Mike's friends had changed my opinion of that entire scene. They were good people. "How is she?" Mike asked, looking almost hurt on her behalf, concern in his eyes. I understood. The mere mention of Carolyn's name was a direct link to Will and Drew. I knew Mike would never truly get over their loss.

"She looks good," Frank said, his expression uneasy.

I spoke quietly, directly to Mike. "I think she's doing a lot better. I talked to her last night. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten for her."

"I heard rumors but I never knew anything for sure. The last time I saw Erica, like a year ago, she told me Carolyn was in a nuthouse. Said she'd wigged out and gone postal at Penn." He shook his head and grimaced. "Yeah, the b.i.t.c.h used those exact words."

I wouldn't confirm or deny. Not my story to share. "I know things were rough but she's doing well now. She looks incredible. She seems happy." I added smiling, "She's running the Boston Marathon this spring. She organized some group that's raising money for the victims of that terrorist bombing."

"That's awesome."

Yeah, it is, I thought. I was proud of Carolyn.

I caught wind of Frank's side conversation then. "Kenzie's gorgeous," he said to Vince. "Totally nuts about that moron, too," he said, nodding his head back in my direction. "But you know Jeremy. Now that he got a taste of Carolyn again, it's all about her."

That's right, I thought, it just might kill me this time, but it's all about her.

"So when am I finally going to get an invite to Killington?" Mike asked, changing the subject, acting miffed. "I'm jealous. Vince said the location is sick. And I'll have you know, I'm an apres-ski legend at The Lookout."

I narrowed my eyes. "Since when do you need an invite? Mi casa es tu casa, a.s.shole. Depending on the forecast, I'll be up there every weekend after Thanksgiving.

"Finals those first two weeks of December," he said, shaking his head. "After that, I'm in. Just say the word. I'm basically free from Christmas until January twentieth."

"Must be nice, college boy," Frank chimed in from across the room. "Some of us have to work. But I'm counting on some weekends, Rivers. Just ordered my new Burton."

"The only weeks we're renting out this year are Christmas and February break. And the family that's renting for Christmas is taking it early. I'm thinking a New Year's bash may be in order."

"Did you have any luck with the hot tub?" Vince asked, looking hopeful.

"That was a b.i.t.c.h but well worth it. It took me and my dad a full weekend to get it up and running. I cannot wait to soak my sore a.s.s in that after a day on the slopes."

"Kristi can come with?" Mike asked.

"Absolutely. There are five bedrooms all together and stragglers can crash on the couches. There's room for everyone."

Five rooms, I was thinking. I knew who I wanted to be sharing a room with.

"So?" Tori asked, expectantly.

"So it was good, I guess," I answered noncommittally. I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face, though.

"Holy c.r.a.p! You better spill it right now, Harris. I'm dying here."

"It was good because we...we talked about a lot of things, Tori. It felt so good to talk to him. But," I said, shaking my head, "I'm not getting all swoony over this. Jeremy's hard to read. Like, he didn't pledge his undying love to me or even ask me out for that matter. He did say he wanted to meet for coffee. I think he said he wanted to get together to talk some more. I'm fuzzy on the details." I looked up at her, embarra.s.sed.

"I was so freaking wired up, Tori. I wanted to crawl into his lap the entire time and just telepathically will him to kiss me." I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm a mess!"

Tori looked up over the edge of her winegla.s.s cautiously. "He came in to see me yesterday, Carolyn."

"You're holding out on me? I feel so betrayed!"

She laughed when I flung a piece of popcorn at her face and then deftly caught the next two pieces I tossed right in her mouth. "I wasn't holding out," she said while chewing. "It's just weird being friends with you both. Like, he says stuff to me and I kind of think he wants me to pa.s.s it along, but I'm not sure if I should, you know?"

"You don't have to. Just...be my friend, Tori. Tell me if I'm pining away for the idea of something that's never going to happen. He has every reason to move on, to walk away. But the way he was the other night? It was confusing. I felt like he wanted more but then I also felt like maybe I was reading too far into things. Maybe he just wants to be friends. I'm afraid to hope, you know?"

"He wasn't exactly divulging his deepest, darkest secrets. And I think he's also confused...unsure of where you stand. I can say with certainty that he has no feelings whatsoever for that girl he was with at La Viola. And by the way, you poor baby, that must have been awful for you."

"You have no idea."

"Well, she's history."

"You're sure?"

"I'm pretty certain, Carolyn. He barely mentioned her."

I wasn't totally convinced but felt a little relieved. "She was really pretty and so...curvy. She looked like a pin-up girl. I hate feeling so jealous."

"She's pretty?" Tori asked, laughing. "Have you gotten a good look at yourself lately?" I shook my head, brus.h.i.+ng her off. I still found it hard to take a compliment. "Let me quote your boy, Robert, shall I?" Tori teased. "I think his exact words were something along the lines of, 'She's the total package...sweet and also drop dead gorgeous'."

"Well," I said, deflecting, "he obviously hasn't seen Kenzi."

Now it was my turn to be pelted with popcorn.

More than a full week had pa.s.sed since that Sat.u.r.day night at the lake. It's not like I was expecting to grab that coffee with Jeremy the next day or anything, but as time went on, my hopes fell.

Tori said he seemed confused. I got it, really, I did. Taking me on, especially after I had laid out everything I'd been through the past few years, was a risk. The prospect of having me in your life would be daunting.

So I waited...and my heart sank just a little bit more with every pa.s.sing day.

I ran every morning, read ahead on my cla.s.s a.s.signments, helped my mother with the Thanksgiving preparations...anything to keep myself busy. I tried to resign myself to the idea that Jeremy and I would be nothing more than casual acquaintances.

And then on that following Tuesday, an unknown number flashed on my screen.

Hallelujah.

"h.e.l.lo."

"Hi, uh, Carolyn?"

"Jeremy?"

"Yeah, it's me. I got your number from Tori. I hope you don't mind."

My pulse spiked and I was filled with this almost giddy-like excitement. I took a deep calming breath, silently chastising myself. Coming off as overly eager when I wasn't sure where he stood was foolish. For all I knew, Jeremy was calling to tell me that on second thought, rekindling even a friends.h.i.+p with me wasn't a good idea.

"No, it's fine. Of course I don't mind."

"So...I was hoping we could get together for that coffee if you're not too busy."

"Is tomorrow good for you?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. You are such a dork, Carolyn! So much for not looking too eager. "I mean, it's just that I don't have cla.s.ses tomorrow since it's the day before Thanksgiving. But you're probably busy so just forget-"

"No, tomorrow's good," Jeremy cut in, interrupting my rambling nonsense. "You want to meet at one o'clock at Le evier? Instead of coffee, we can grab some lunch. I've been hooked on their chicken soup ever since you brought it to me that time I was sick."

"Yeah," I answered, smiling as a tear simultaneously slid down my cheek. "I'm hooked on that soup too. That sounds good."

"Great. I'll see you there."

I was always punctual but today I was downright itchy. I'd been sitting in my car outside Le evier since quarter to one. I forced myself to wait until just a few minutes before one and then took a seat in a cozy booth close to the window.

I'd always loved this place. It was a little cafe that served breakfast and lunch and then catered to the dinnertime take-out needs of their upscale clientele. My parents were an anomaly in these parts-either Mom or Dad cooked dinner nearly every night. But they loved this place too, and I'd been enjoying Sunday morning croissants that were light as air and b.u.t.tery good since I was a toddler.

I looked around...no sign of him yet. When the waitress came over, I was tempted to order myself a big, giant gla.s.s of Cabernet to calm my nerves, but I opted for an iced tea.

Wine was something I enjoyed in moderation. I loved having a gla.s.s with my girlfriends or with my parents after we cooked a great meal together, but I had a strict policy of avoiding anything akin to self-medicating. If I was anxious, I'd just have to work through it.

I sat there, talking myself back into a calm state, rea.s.suring myself that no matter what happened, Jeremy was a kind and good person; nothing would happen that would make me regret meeting up with him today.

Maybe I spoke (to myself) too soon.

She turned from the counter holding take-out bags in both hands. Deeply tanned, with hair five shades blonder than I remember, Samantha stopped dead in her tracks when she locked eyes with me. I contemplated turning away but I didn't. She stood transfixed as well.

What to say? What to say? I didn't really want to know what she'd been up to these past few years so I wasn't asking, and really, I didn't want to know how she was in general, so the generic "How are you?" wasn't happening either. I just went with, "Samantha," paired with what I hoped was a comfortable, confident looking smile.

"Carolyn? I can't believe it's you! How are you?" she gushed as she approached the table.

You're still as fake as ever, I mused. I should say: You know me, I'm still the same s.l.u.tty b.i.t.c.h I was back in high school. That's how you referred to me in those friendly posts, correct?

I shrugged with a smile as I answered, "I'm doing well." I was going for the not rude, yet not friendly vibe.

As she began lowering herself into the booth across from me, she used a super-duper upbeat voice as she said, "I'd love to catch up with you!"

I held my hand up and shook my head just slightly to let her know that was not happening. "Samantha, I'm meeting someone."

"Oh," she said, eyes wide, dejected and surprised. I'm sure being rebuffed was a very rare occurrence in her life.

With that, who comes striding in but Mr. Gorgeous himself. All six-foot-three of him-hair adorably tousled, dressed in a snug long-sleeved thermal s.h.i.+rt, jeans and work boots. I smiled at Jeremy, nearly forgetting that Samantha was still standing there, now with her mouth hanging wide open.

He slid into the booth across from me and automatically took my hand across the table, giving me a rea.s.suring squeeze. "Sorry I'm late," he said, ignoring Samantha entirely.

"Jeremy, it's me, Samantha! Oh my G.o.d, it's been sooo long!"

And what Jeremy did next? Let's just say I wanted to marry him and have his babies right there on the spot.

Jeremy looked up at her, c.o.c.ked his head and repeated her name absently, as if it barely registered with him at all. Then he smiled politely and looked back to me. "Well, Samantha, I've got to be back at my job site in an hour, so Carolyn and I had better get started on lunch." He pretty much dismissed her when he added, "Good seeing you."

I didn't look at Samantha, but the weak way in which she replied, "Um, yeah, it was great seeing both of you, too," pretty much told me that Jeremy's words and lack of interest had worked better than any smack down I could have delivered.

I couldn't help but chuckle as she walked away. "You're my hero, you know that?"

He looked down at his menu, shaking his head while failing miserably at reigning in his smile. "I cannot stand that girl."

"That's the first time I've seen her."

"Yeah, since high school?" he asked, looking up, surprised.

I nodded. "I think it was you who once told me that some friends.h.i.+ps aren't meant to last forever." Shaking my head, I added, "My friends.h.i.+p with Samantha should have ended in seventh grade. And our mothers are no longer on speaking terms either. My mom made it her mission to confront everyone who wronged me back then," I added, rolling my eyes.

"Good for her. I always liked your mom and dad. How's Thomas doing? Andie told me he's quite the artist."

"Yeah, he was never into art before. I think his newfound interest is because Andie is so adorable. He has a girlfriend but I think he also has a crush on your friend. I mean," I added, laughing, "I even kind of have a girl crush on her. She's one of the nicest, most genuine people I think I've ever met."

"Girl crush? Should I be worried?"

The waitress came over then, interrupting our nice easy conversation. I realized in that moment that I felt completely and totally at ease.

Jeremy ordered us both chicken soup and then I convinced him to trust me when I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich for us to split. At Le evier, grilled cheese wasn't your typical white bread fare, greasy with b.u.t.ter and sticky yellow American slices. No, it was an experience.

"d.a.m.n," he whispered reverently, as he savored the lightly toasted French bread slathered with herbed b.u.t.ter, oozing creamy Gruyere. "This could be my new addiction."

"You could scarf one of these down every day and you'd still look like that." I blushed, catching myself as I gestured to him.

"I'm sure you could, too. How many miles are you logging each week?"

"It depends. I do a six-mile loop most days. Sundays I do my longer run, usually ten to twelve."

"That's when you run with Todd?" Jeremy raised his eyebrows, smiling as he said his name.

"Yes. That's when I run with my entire group," I teased back.

"Ummm," he moaned as he took another bite. Lordy, he made my insides quiver when he made those sounds. "There's a place up in Killington that makes great fondue and all sorts of good cheesy sandwiches, but I think this one has them beat."

"My family always skied at Bromley when I was younger. I haven't been there in years."

"Did you like skiing?"

"I used to love it and I was pretty decent. I'm out of practice now, though."