Pet Peeve Part 44

"Goody!" Gwenny called from below.

He was so excited that he jumped down into the cave to hug her.

"Why didn't the demons haul them out?" the parody demanded petulantly.

They gazed at each other. Why not indeed?

"Because goblins and demons aren't as smart as peeves," Goody said.

"The great light dawns at last!"

"Let's complete the deal Gwenny made," Hannah said. "First the kraken."

The two demons formed a double cloud around the kraken and carried it away. They had promised to take it directly to the salty ocean. That was another matter of trust.

Meanwhile the others labored to break down the edge of the cave wall to form a ramp up to ground level. Gwenny took the robot by a hand appendage and led it up though the hole.

"Now we need to make the soul program," she said. "Do you think Com Pewter can handle it?"

"Maybe we should take the robot there," Hannah said. "So Pewter can a.n.a.lyze it."

"When the demons return," Gwenny agreed. She turned to the robot.

"Com Pewter is a machine himself, so he should understand. Maybe you should forage for some more wood before the demons return."

"I understand." The robot walked to the nearby woods.

Goody resumed hugging and kissing Gwenny, who cooperated with vigor. "When you disappeared, I was so afraid!"

"I knew you'd come for me. I trusted you."

Goody appreciated her confidence. He just wished he had shared it throughout.

Chapter 18: Roland.

"We need a third dybbuk," Metria said.

"A third what?" Goody asked before catching himself.

"Devil, fiend, h.e.l.lion, specter, djinn-"

"Demon?"

"Whatever," she agreed crossly. "The crazy spirit can't even get her own type right!"

"Why?"

"Because now there are three of you to transport."

"Are you sure?" Gwenny asked.

"Sure: You, Goody, and Hannah."

"And what of the robot?"

"Neither can she count," the peeve noted. "Oh, dishwater!"

"Oh, what?" the robot asked. "Refuse, bilge, carrion, garbage, trash, waste,'s-"

"Slops!" Gwenny said quickly, lest an unfortunate word emerge.

"Whatever," Metria agreed, really crossly. "We can get a third demon we can trust, but I don't think a forth exists."

"Why?" the robot asked.

"Because only three of us have souls," Dara answered. "Because we married mortals. Nada Naga's hungry husband D. Vore is the third."

"Take one, then have that demon return for another," Hannah suggested.

"Got it." Metria put three fingers to her mouth and made a piercing two-toned whistle.

Demon Vore appeared. "What, is it my turn to take the children already?"

"No such luck, Ravenous. We need you to carry Gwenny Goblin again. Plus a robot."

"Why carry it anywhere? Why not just dump it in the sea?"

"Not this one," Gwenny said. "I promised it a soul program."

Vore considered. "Would such a program have the effect on a robot a soul does on a demon?"

"We think so."

He nodded. "Makes sense to me." He oriented on Gwenny. "Where to, you luscious tidbit?"

"Com Pewter's cave. We'll rendezvous outside it."

"Shall we snuggle on the way?"

Gwenny paused as if considering. "My boyfriend wouldn't like it."

"He won't get it," he said, as he dissipated into smoke and surrounded her.

"That's what you think!" Metria called as the smoke faded.

In three-quarters of a moment Vore was back for the robot. This time Goody and Hannah went also. Metria did sneak in a snuggle, though Goody was sure Vore had not done so with Gwenny. Metria was an irrepressible temptress, while other demons could tempt or not, depending on mood.

They arrived outside the cave. "We demons prefer not to enter," Vore said. "You understand."

"We do," Gwenny said.

"I'm not sure I do," Goody said.

"Pewter changes reality in his cave," Gwenny explained. "And he doesn't like demons."

As they walked into the dark recess, Vore turned to Metria. "What was that about what I think?"

"He thinks you stink!" the peeve called back.

"Whatever," Metria agreed automatically. "Hey, wait-"

They lost the rest of the dialogue as the cave enclosed them. Then they came to the central chamber.

It was already occupied. A man and a dog stood before Com Pewter's screen.

A troll intercepted them. "I am Tristan, Com Pewter's mouse. Pewter is busy at the moment. Do you care to share your business with me?"

What was this-a polite troll? "Yes," Gwenny said. "I am Gwenny of Goblin Mountain."

"Welcome, Chiefess."

"And this is Goody Goblin, with Hannah Barbarian, and a robot. We need a new program for the robot."

Tristan nodded. "You are of course aware that Pewter does not do favors out of the goodness of his circuitry."

"Is there anything we can trade?"

"There may be. Our prior visitors have a problem I suspect Pewter will not be able to address directly, because it occurs well beyond the cave."

Then the chamber seemed to expand, and they were standing in a large pleasant garden. Pewter had changed local reality.

"Now I will introduce you to the others," Tristan said, picking up on Pewter's wish without any obvious signal. "This is Matt Heffelbower of Mundania, and Sam Dog." Tristan addressed the man and dog. "This is Chiefess Gwendolyn Gobliness, with Goody Goblin, Hannah Barbarian, and a nameless robot."

"How do you do," Matt said in the Mundane manner. He was young and handsome; Goody couldn't figure what he was doing in Xanth. The dog was a black lab; Goody wasn't sure how he knew that, but in this magic cave somehow did. Maybe it was because the dog looked but did not smell similar to the chocolate lab he had encountered in the dream realm.

"Matt and Sam came recently to Xanth and settled with an isolated village," Tristan said. "Now that village has a problem. The panties of the local girls no longer freak out men. This is a crisis for the local women, as they can't exert proper power over the men, and it seems the men are not entirely pleased either. Matt and Sam have come to ask Pewter's a.s.sistance for the village."

"Panties don't work," Gwenny said thoughtfully. "That would disenfranchise women." Hannah nodded agreement.

"Matt and Sam volunteered to walk here and try to make a deal," Tristan said. "Pewter is amenable, but is unable to change reality away from his cave. Here is his offer: Go to Pieria and solve their problem, and Pewter will make the program you need."

"But what if we can't solve it?" Gwenny asked.

"Then you won't get the program."

Gwenny seemed to stifle a sigh. "We'll try." She turned to Goody. "I will have to stay here with the robot, because its trust does not extend to others. Can you and Hannah handle it?"

"We'll try," Goody said. What else was there? He turned to Matt. "We have special transportation. If you will come outside with us and pick up Sam, we will take you to your village. Then we'll study the problem, and hope to find a solution."

"That seems fair," Matt agreed.

Outside, Goody introduced the demons, and explained how they could move people rapidly. "If you will carry Matt to Pieria, we'll join you there."

Matt looked doubtful, but picked up the dog. Vore dissolved into smoke.

Then Metria surrounded Goody, goosing him as she moved him. She seemed compelled to make naughty touches much the way the parody had to make insults. They landed outside a rather nice-looking village.

Matt set Sam down. "That was amazing!"

"Maybe to you, you ignorant lout."

"That's the bird, using my voice," Goody said hastily. "It insults everybody. We're trying to find a home for it."

Matt smiled. "Good luck."

Now what? This was Goody's challenge. "Maybe we should verify the effect. Um, Hannah-"

"I'm curious too," she said. "Watch." She hiked up her metallic skirt.

"Snap out of it," Hannah said as she jogged Goody's shoulder.

He blinked. "What?"

"Your mind was glop," the parody said. "As usual."

"You truly freaked out," Hannah said. "Even after I covered them. I've never had that kind of power before."

Obviously he had. That was weird, because he had seen her all the way bare; her panties should have had minimal effect. "What about Matt?"

"He's still out."

So he was. The man was standing still, staring at the spot where Hannah had stood. Even the dog seemed stunned.

Hannah went to jog the man back to life. "Oh, sorry," Matt said. "I must have-"

"Freaked out," Goody said. "We both did. So obviously the effect remains. Could it have been restored during your absence?"

"I suppose it could. I'll inquire."

They walked to the village. "What deal did you make with Com Pewter?" Goody asked.

"The village of Pieria lies near the famous fountain sacred to the Muses, the Pierian Springs. Its water inspires anyone who drinks it. We offered to deliver enough water so Pewter could have a pool of it in his cave."