On A Godless Planet Volume 1 Chapter 11

"Is something wrong!? Something worth calling the cops over!? Is there a bad guy around here!? Just so you know, I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Yes, well, it seems we were mistaken. Based on the information we received, there must be a boy who looks a lot like you. Sorry for being so rude."

He got down on one knee and bowed his head.

"I should not have said what I did. I apologize."

"Apology Punch!"

His lowered head was in the perfect position, so I reflexively sent out my right fist.

It made a really dull sound and I could really feel the impact in my fist. Oww! How hard a head did this guy have?

"C-curse you! What do you think you are doing!?"

The busty girl was laughing her a.s.s off next to us, so it all felt pretty great. I struck a pose.

"That was the Apology Punch used to accept an apology! You didn't know about that!?"

"Of course noooooooooooot!? Who would punch a complete stranger in the head!?"

"Who would see a cute girl practicing her b.o.o.b groping technique and mistake her for a boy!? Give me back my dignity! Give it back! Besides, if you think that's a normal thing for a guy to be doing, that must mean you practice groping those busty girl's b.o.o.bs in 30 sets of 5 every single day! ♪Raise your fingers high and spread them nice and wide♪"

"I do nothing of the sort!!"

The busty girl laughed and looked my way.

"We came here to check out the clothes here, but this was way more fun than I expected. Bil, you lose this round. This girl…well, I'm not entirely sure what she is. She has no more power than a household G.o.d, but she has guts."

She then held out a hand.

"Sorry about this. He has a really hard head, doesn't he? Those differences can be a surprise."

She held my right hand in hers.

…Hm?

Something felt wrong. And aside from that…

"Oh, the pain in my hand is going away."

In fact, my hand felt even better than before all this. I wasn't sure what it was, so maybe the blood flow had improved. Or…

"Is this an illusion?"

"There, there. …Doing crazy things without thinking about the other person is fine, but be more careful, okay?"

After the girl rubbed my head, the boy sighed in exasperation.

"Well, that was shameful in the worst possible way. …Hato should be here soon, so let's join her."

"Yes, it has been a while since the three of us were together. …Bye."

The busty girl stood up and then whispered in my ear.

"I was originally created as a guy. What do you think about that?"

"I think it's wonderful!"

I answered immediately. And this made sense. When she had taken my hand earlier, her hand had felt weird. It had clearly been too hard to be a girl's hand. But…

"I think that's really cool!"

"Whatever your reasons were, you chose to look like that because it's what you want to look like, right!? If people can choose their clothes to express who they are, then why not change their body for the same reason!? And that you chose to have big b.o.o.bs fits perfectly into my big b.o.o.bs wors.h.i.+p."

The busty girl's expression softened. And she rubbed my head again.

"My name is Kidou En. You can call me Ki. …Use that name where people know me and I'm sure they'll help you out."

"Hey, Ki! We're going!"

"Yes, yes," said the person going by the name of Ki. After waving at me, she turned swiftly toward the boy and spoke.

"I will follow you wherever you might go."

"Isn't Sumeragi-chan running late?"

s.h.i.+fu spread the convenience store meals out on the table in the game club's clubroom.

They had rice b.a.l.l.s and salad. They also had a makunouchi bento for Sumeragi since he would be hungry, but they had also bought a lot of sweets to snack on while playing games.

"The other times, we would spot him on the way here and call out to him."

"Yeah. We usually see him from the hallway over there. …But we came here when he never showed."

"Does Sumeragi-kun know wherrre the clubroom is?"

"Yeah, he knows, he knows. He automatically comes to the right place after we call to him."

Tooru had been playing Gameboy with Yomoji for a while now, but…

"Ah, you a.s.shole! You aren't using your absurdities against me, are you!?"

"Nooo, no, nooo. I'm actually having troubllle because I keep getting too many loooong ones. I either have to errrrase four lines at once or staaaaack them up."

"Whoever loses needs to let someone else play. But Tetris can be weird. The pieces can look a bit like runes after all."

"Yeah, it sometimes looks a lot like some kind of diagram. …How are you doing, Kuwajiri? Have you finished Sokoban 2 yet?"

"Kuwajiri-chaaan?"

"Eh!? Oh, yes!? What is it!?"

"Why are you zoning out?"

"Um, well, uh."

While Kuwajiri tried to find something to say, the door to the game club burst open.

"Is that Sumeragi?"

"Excuse me! What is going on!? Sumeragi-kun has turned into a cute girl!"

What in the world was that supposed to mean?

Decoding what Senpai-chan was saying was no easy task.

"Um, we split up earlier and you went to the apartment, right? And then you called us because you forgot your luggage."

"Yes! And when the door opened, a girl walked out! A girl left Sumeragi-kun's room! So I panicked! All the fl.u.s.terediness vwooshed up inside me!"

"And you didn't attack her on reflex? I'm impressed. A European G.o.d might have transformed her into a goat or fish on the spot."

"But when I took a closer look at the girl, I realized it was Sumeragi-kun!"

"The girl was? Are you sure it wasn't a sister or cousin?"

"It was him! I could tell from the mannerisms and scent!"

"This uppercla.s.sman is fairly dangerous herself…"

"Hmm. Well, it's a kind of illness, so don't worry about it too much."

"When I tried talking with her, she kept talking about and staring at my chest, so I decided that was normal for Sumeragi-kun."

"Normal?"

"Sounds like turning into a girl didn't change him at all…"

"Did turrrning into a girl really mean anythiiiing?"

"Are you sure he wasn't just crossdressing?"

"I mean, s.h.i.+nto is 100% okay with crossdressing and I'm ready to accept it as just one more weird thing if he started doing it! But that was not crossdressing! I mean, the b.o.o.bs were jiggling a little."

"Eh? So Girl Sumeragi has big enough b.o.o.bs for that? So can she just wors.h.i.+p herself now?"

"No, no, no. Mine are bigger, so Sumeragi-kun will still wors.h.i.+p me."

"Not sure that's something to brag about…"

"But! But! It's true! It's absolutely true! Sumeragi-kun wants to wors.h.i.+p my big girl chest more than your big man chest!"

"Senpai-chan, Senpai-chan. I get that you're freaking out over this, but you're getting really childish. Yeah."

"Kuwajiri-chan, are you worried that a former boy has you beat in the chest department?"

"No, that's not it! It's not!"

"Anyway, I spoke with Balancer while rus.h.i.+ng here, but…look at this Revelation Board!"

"Oh?"

"Right here! It says Sumeragi-kun is still a boy!"

s.h.i.+fu thought for a bit.

"What does that mean? Was Sumeragi-chan rolled back as a girl despite being a guy?"

"That's what I want to know!"

"Could his big b.o.o.bs wors.h.i.+p have gone too far and transformed him?"

"Um, excuse me a moment."

s.h.i.+fu looked to the side.

The undercla.s.sman there had not been saying much.

"Look, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, so stay calm and listen, Kuwajiri-chan."

"I will tell you whatever I can."

"Good, good," nodded s.h.i.+fu before asking the crucial question.

"You're in charge of handling Sumeragi-chan's rollbacks right now, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

I voiced my confusion.

"I thought Kunugi-san and Kido-san were in charge of that."

"Well, they're pretty busy and it was a bit too much to ask of them personality-wise…or lifestyle-wise I guess you could say. So that task was given to us. We're a lot closer to Sumeragi-chan, after all. …Senpai-chan, you should really come visit us more often like this."

"Eh? Um, uh, well, but, I…"

"Kuwajiri, did you turn Sumeragi into a girl for fun or something?"

"No, but I was handling the rollback work while having a meeting with Kunugi-senpai this morning…"

"Yes, yes. And then what?"

"Well, remember how we were having a meeting over yakiniku two rollbacks ago when it went really well?"

"We ate a loooot of lamb."

"I gained some weight from that."

"Yeah, you are kind of made of alcohol."

"Eh? Eh? What does that mean?"

s.h.i.+fu was hesitant to respond, but she did so when Kuwajiri gave her the go-ahead with a look.

"Kuwajiri-chan, the legends say you were born from the mead we G.o.ds made, right? That affects your body, so your blood alcohol level is always really high, isn't it? You couldn't get a moped license because of that, could you?"

"No, I couldn't. It's the same as how fire G.o.ds have a high body temperature. In my case, it only appears in the test results, but I do wonder if I can think so fast because I am effectively intoxicated at all times."

"Oh… So you don't get drunk and it doesn't show on your face, but it's different on the inside?"

"I wish I was a more traditional kind of G.o.d…"

"Yes, but not showwwwing that you are drunk is a goooood thing."

"Is it? Well, I guess it is."

"Yes, yessss. Back during my heyyyyday, drinking was really popullllar among my followers. At the tiiime, I had bit of a short temper, so when I couldn't get to sleep because they kept wors.h.i.+pping meeee in the middle of the night, I dropped three - I guess you would calllll them meteors? - on their heads to give theeeeem a h.e.l.l of a party! I can see why they feared me."

"Wow, Yomoji-chan doesn't mess around."

"I mean, is there any difference between you and an evil G.o.d?"

"Now, now, now. I've calllmed down a lot since then. So, Kuwajiri-kun, not getting druuunk is for the best."

Kuwajiri tilted her head a bit as if to admit defeat.

But they could not end the conversation there.

"So, Kuwajiri-chan, what happened with Sumeragi-chan?"

"Yes, well, I have been on a banana diet for breakfast lately. Although come to think of it, my blood sugar must be high enough to shock the medical G.o.ds, so maybe there's no point. But my body is obedient and I have been losing weight."

"Ohh, straightforward is best with you, Kuwajiri-chan."

"Thank you. Now, I was adjusting the settings as appropriate while peeling and eating my breakfast banana this morning."

And…

"In the middle of the work, the banana broke in half and it really surprised me, so I accidentally b.u.mped into the Revelation Board I was using to set up Sumeragi's rollback. But there weren't any errors and I managed to catch the banana, so I decided it all worked out."

"That's what happened?"

"Yes, that is what happened"

"Hey, Senpai-chan?"

I spoke to the dumbfounded girl.

"I'm pretty sure this is the banana's fault, not Kuwajiri-chan's."

"W-wait just a minute!"

"Oh, have you switched back on?"

"O-of course I have! I mean, a banana!? The banana broke and Sumeragi-kun turned into a girl!? Is the banana a euphemism!? Th-then what do I need to do with a banana to turn Sumeragi-kun back into a boy!? Peel it! Hold it in my hand! And then what!?"

"Hey, Senpai-chan? You're headed in a weird direction here."

"So does this mean you prefer Sumeragi as a guy?"

"Eh?"

Senpai-chan's expression went blank and then she rapidly blushed.

"B-but, um, uh…the banana! Yes! You want a banana! A banana to go with the corresponding fruit! The, um, peach, I guess!?"

"Hey, you're still headed in that weird direction."

"Wahhhhhhhhhh! s.h.i.+fu-san, what do I do!?"

"There, there. Come cry in my real-life big b.o.o.bs."

I couldn't help but think how much Sumeragi-chan would have loved to see this.

But just then, a knock came at the door. It was a metallic sound but also a light one.

"Sumeragi?"

"Eh!? W-wait, if I'm here, he'll think I'm stalking him!"

"Aren't you, though?"

Everyone tensed up a bit, but then the person outside spoke.

"Is Raidou or s.h.i.+fu there? It's me. Kunugi."

Raidou looked over from his chair.

"Hey, what is it? If you need to carry out some art, I can help you."

"No, it isn't that. I went to the library for some research and Kubiko told me something."

That being…

"Three big names have been sent here by the Divine Committee."

"Wow, Balancer is completely useless."

Well, that was true. And what did this mean, anyway?

"Did they send some inspectors because the s.h.i.+nto terraforming is taking too long? Do they think they should take over instead?"

"Be careful. If only we had a bit more progress, we could probably manage the real manifestation of some physical types."

"But you've got us instead. Anyway, about Sumeragi…"

"Yes, that would be-…"

The voice suddenly stopped. After a quick apology, the presence behind the door left and was replaced by some extremely careless footsteps and a rough but light knock on the door.

"Are you there, Senpais!? I'm here to play some games!"

"Waaaah! Wait! Wait! I need somewhere to hide! It would seem really weird if I had just moved in today but was also already in the same club, wouldn't it!?"

"Give up. That s.h.i.+p has already sailed."

I shook my head.

"No, no! Th-there's a locker in here, right!? There it is!"

"Senpai-chan, we're about to start a pretty long gaming session, so can you really go that long without visiting the bathroom?"

"G-G.o.ddesses don't use the bathroom!"

"s.h.i.+fu-senpai, is that true?"

"What do you say, Tooru?"

"Don't pa.s.s this off to me!"

"C'mon, I want to know what you think. I won't get mad no matter what you say."

"In that case," began Raidou.

"You're the kind of girl that knows it's better to get rid of what you don't need. Plus, you're always pretty and cute no matter what you do."

"Heh heh."

"Wow…"

The pa.s.sion was pretty intense. And…

"Heh heh."

"What's so funny?"

"Say stuff like that more often! Then I'll be even prettier and cuter!"

"If you do, I'll probably be too awed to say anything."

That was what you got with a heroic couple from Norse mythology.

"This is kind of embarra.s.sing to watch."

"Kuwajiri-kun, do you not let it show on your face?"

"This really isn't the time! I need somewhere to hide!"

"Hiiiii! Sumeragi Izumi, coming in!"

She came in!

"Wah!"

Now I've done it, I thought.

This was clearly out of the ordinary. It didn't add up. I mean, the girl who had just moved in next door was all of a sudden in the same club as the uppercla.s.smen Sumeragi-kun already knew. Plus, I was freaking out.

"U-um, Sumeragi-kun? I-I can explain…"

"C'mon, Senpai-chan, just go with the standard explanation for this."

"What's the standard explanation? Is there some magic word to solve all this?"

"You bet. It's 'stalker'."

"It might explain this, but not in a good way!"

Meanwhile, Sumeargi-kun looked at me.

"Oh! You're the busty uppercla.s.sman from next door, aren't you!? Yay! Are you joining this club!? Yahoo! I'm so happy the busty neighbor can also be a busty club neighbor! Thank you so much!"

Oh, thank goodness.

"Even as a girl, he's an idiot…"

No, no, no, no. Well, yes, but it really saved me this time.

"O-okay, since Senpai-chan is thinking about joining, let's go easy on her and have a welcoming party for her!"

I felt like I could never thank s.h.i.+fu-san enough for playing along.