I Didn't Even Want To Live, But God Forced Me To Reincarnate! Chapter 139: Icarus

"Cyan-sama!!"

Suddenly, a familiar voice full of concern could be heard from behind Cyan.

Shortly after, a familiar figure was seen running towards him.

After looking at the current situation—Cyan who was on the ground as his mother dodged his touch again, and Hillde, Dius, and the other maids who were about to leave, Firis could more or less guess what had happened.

"Hillde-sama, on Cyan-sama's behalf, I apologize," Firis deeply bowed her head in front of Hillde.

"Hmph, really. And you still continue to address him as Cyan?"

"That is… He's more used to 'Cyan', and…"

"Like I said, the name Icarus fits him better. He shouldn't try to fly too close to the sun, he should stay on the ground where he should be. And you, how stupid can you be, you can't even watch over a little kid? Do you really want to get punished so much?"

"…I apologize, Hillde-sama."

"Hmph, you think by apologizing, everything will be solved? How should I punish you, I wonder?"

Hearing those words, Cyan snapped out of his daze.

He quickly stood up between Hillde and Firis.

"Don't punish Firis! It's my fault, so I should be the one to get punished!!"

Cyan resolutely said as he extended his small arms, as if gesturing to protect Firis who was behind him.

Looking at his conduct, Hillde was exasperated.

"Oh? Choosing a lowly maid over your n.o.ble mother? What a joke."

At Hillde's words, Cyan was surprised.

"No, Mother, I…"

"Enough. You all, return. And you, little maid, I'll have your salary deducted."

"Thank you for your mercy, Hillde-sama."

Firis quickly came in front of Cyan and bowed to Hillde. With this gesture of hers, Cyan's dazed expression was hidden from Hillde.

"I'm sorry, Firis! You get punished because of me!"

After returning to his room, tears fell from Cyan's eyes as he grabbed on Firis' skirt tightly.

"No… you don't have to apologize for that, Cyan-sama. Rather, I'd like to thank you for speaking up for me at that time, even though you were facing your mother," Firis hugged Cyan and caressed the back of his head, trying to soothe his sobbing.

"No, it's all my fault! Firis is not wrong at all!!"

Cyan continued to insist that it was his fault, as he indulged himself in Firis' familiar scent.

After calming down, Cyan continued to voice his thoughts.

"Why would Mother do that, Firis? Why would she say that?"

"Why did she hate me so much? Did I do something wrong before? Did I upset her?"

"Why did I see Dius-niisama with her? And why did I feel like mother's treatment to him was so different from the way she treated me?"

"Why? Why? I don't understand… Tell me, Firis, what is my fault?"

Listening to Cyan's innocent wailing, Firis' throat choked. The hand that was patting Cyan's back stopped.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong, Cyan…sama… You weren't at fault at all…"

Firis hugged Cyan even tighter and tried to let him know that he wasn't at fault. Then, with a very low voice, she muttered to herself, "It's all my…"

"Mm? Firis, did you say something?"

Cyan felt like Firis was saying something, but he couldn't hear her words clearly, so he looked at Firis' face and asked.

Firis gently smiled, rubbed his head, and said, "It's nothing."

Cyan felt strangely refreshed after Firis coaxed him.

It was true that his mother's rejection hurt him, but for some reason, he managed to calm down with Firis' help.

He didn't even protest that his mother criticized him for speaking up for Firis, and he didn't see anything wrong with it.

After all, though Firis wasn't his family, he felt much closer to Firis, who had been raising him all this time.

Although they received punishment from Boris who heard about the matter from Hillde, it didn't discourage Cyan for trying to do the best again, to make his mother see him and like him again. He tried to be the best in every education he was given, to the point that some tutors praised him over his older brother.

However, Cyan would never thought that this backfired, and instead, he was more scrutinized by his mother. Even his older brother began to loathe him more, and started to bully him.

Cyan couldn't understand why and what he should do.

His sixth birthday and debut to the n.o.ble society was coming soon, but he wasn't excited at all by this, although his birthdays had never been celebrated by his family members.

The day he turned six was the first time his parents held a celebration for him.

During the party, his parents and his older brother treated him very well. But for some reason, Cyan felt that they weren't sincere, somehow. Somehow, he could sense the pretentiousness. But nevertheless, he still foolishly hoped.

He hoped that after this, his parents and older brother would treat him more warmly, that they would let him be with them more often.

After the party ended, he quickly ran towards his parents and older brother's place, only to feel like he wasn't included in their 'family of three'.

When he came and hoped that they'd welcome him well just like how they treated him at the party, the atmosphere turned awkward.

A hint of disdain could be seen through Hillde's face which was half-covered by the fan. His older brother's gaze towards him was filled with hostility.

However, perhaps since the head of the Hartmann family was here with them, Hillde and Dius didn't show their blatant rejections.

Still, Cyan was too observant of his mother and older brother's expressions, as he spent his great focus and care to see through them—since he wanted to see if he was received or not. So, obviously their slight hints of rejection were seen through by him.

In the end, his hope was shattered completely.

He had no more spirit to object, so Cyan obediently returned to his room—at the most secluded part of the house.

Along the way, he tried to hold back his tears. He still couldn't comprehend why his family would treat him like this?

Was he a failure? But his tutors praised him… His affinity to magic was also good, even better than his older brother…

Just now, he saw many other n.o.ble families. Some were cold and seemed distant, but he envied those n.o.ble children who seemed to grow up in warm families.

He watched with envy as there were some n.o.ble children who threw their childish tantrums and had their parents sweetly coax them.

Or that child who insisted they wouldn't leave their parents' side, and instead of getting scolded, that child's parents showered them with affections instead.

He never experienced any degree of warmth and closeness with his own family.

Wasn't family supposed to be people who'd be there for you?

Why was it different from how families were portrayed in the stories?