Transition And Restart 247 Chapter Four, 2017, Dark And Bitter: 6

It was broken.

The room was dark when Christina woke. Some kind of timer must have switched off the lights. Still sleepy she moved her legs out of the sofa and rose. They were a bit wobbly when she walked to the fridge. On her way there she hit the water tap in preparation for cleaning up the sink and its contents.

'It looks good!' she thought when she looked inside. 'Maybe I can stay with him after all.' That her magic thinking lacked any semblance of reasoning wasn't important. She had made life changing decisions based on even weaker reasons before.

'Let's see how it looks in the light before I write on it.' She took out the heart-shaped, flat disc from the fridge. It was heavy in her hands, compact in the way only dark chocolate can be.

With her elbow she switched on the lights and walked to the work surface beside the sink. The sound of running water followed her there.

There are reasons why people should stay rational, because when we don't our reactions to the results will refuse to stay in proportion to what happened. This was one such time.

A few threads, most likely her sweater had caught in something while she slept. Now they caught in the fridge, and just as she was about to place her Valentine's gift to Urufu on the works.p.a.ce those threads pulled her left arm back.

A second. One second.

It was broken.

Among the dishes, in running water, lay her failed attempt at making him home made chocolate. She stared at the disaster in disbelief.

'No!'

She spun the wheel of fortune, and lost. This time she lost. Every fibre in her body reacted as if the universe conspired against her. So unfair!

Christina broke down and wept. First sobs, but then as she slid down onto the kitchen floor those were replaced by the anguished wails of a hurt animal.

It was broken.

She loved him so much it hurt. There would be no other love like this. Not for her. For the first time she understood what Ulf had feared so much. For the first time she wondered if it had been worth it daring to love fully.

Her magic failed her, and only one road remained.

She cried as she crawled over the floor to the entrance. She cried as she put on her shoes, and she was still crying when a naked Noriko came rus.h.i.+ng down the stairs still wet from her bath.

From upstairs came two more voices filled with worry. While Kuri slept Ai-chan and Kyoko must have arrived.

Before they had a chance to descend the stairs Noriko barked an order of silence to them.

'I never heard that voice of yours before.'

It was broken.

"It's only chocolate! You can use mine," Noriko said from where she hastily jumped into panties and a tracksuit. She blocked the door, so there was no way for Christina to get out before Noriko agreed.

"I don't want yours!"

"But dammit! You can't just give up on him because you dropped some sweets."

"It's bitter. I told you Ulf wants his chocolate bitter. It's not sweet!" Deep inside her Christina heard how hysterical she sounded.

"Kuri, please!" Noriko begged, but she obviously didn't trust Christina, because she stepped into her loafers.

"I promised him chocolate. I'll give him what I promised." Then the pain stabbed at her again and Christina doubled over and let her tears run.

She felt Noriko hug her. Ryu's pet.i.te twin sister wasn't a rival any longer. Hadn't been for a long while. Now she was the only support and friend Christina had to manage walking down to the convenience store.

"You're an idiot, and I'm one as well for doing this with you." Noriko opened the door and stepped outside. "I'll make you company at least."
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Outside it was as dark as in her mind. Her body moved. Coat and boots, and she stood beside Noriko in the night.

'What's happening with me. What am I doing?'

"I promised him I'd always love him. I promised him I'd always stay by his side. I promised him he'd never lose me if he only loved me." And again Christina sank to her knees. "I'm a disgusting woman! I'm awful! I'm broken!"

It was broken.

She had to lean on Noriko on their way to the convenience store. Christina used her as support when she picked up a couple of bars with the least sugar in it, and she held Noriko's hand when she paid the cas.h.i.+er.

He must have thrown her a strange look, because at her side Noriko shook her head and waved away any questions before he could voice them.

'I don't want this.'

Christina dropped her chocolate in a coat pocket and started on the way back to Noriko's house.

"Kuri, are you sure?"

"I have to." Her voice came out a rough whisper. She had cried too much.

It was broken.

"Please, Kuri, why? It's just chocolate. You can't break up with the man you love because of chocolate. Please! At least make me understand!"

"Because I promised." Even Christina heard how it made no sense, but a promise was a promise.

Noriko blocked her way and grabbed her coat. For a while the short girl stood there shaking her. "Why? It's a stupid promise. It's wrong!"

'Christina, for the love of all G.o.ds, listen to her! Christina, why are you doing this to yourself?'

Because she had never dared to stay happy. She knew that. Because breaking her heart over a stupid promise was easier than feeling the pain that always was the closest companion to happiness.

"Because I promised," Christina repeated again. Something in her cracked when she said those words.

"But it's a flawed promise. You can't keep a promise as broken as that one!"

It was broken.