Transition And Restart 344 Midsummer's Day, 2040, Midnigh

Christina grimaced.

'We were so young back then. Even I was much younger than I understood at that time.' Experiencing a second youth had been much more than going through the motions. She had been young once again, young and unprepared for the new life ahead of her. 'So many mistakes, so many regrets. Ulf, I hurt you so much. How could you ever forgive me? Did you ever really forgive me?'
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There would be reasons to remember again soon. Three more days. That was all they had. After that some of them would be gone, would transit to the downstream world. Not all of them. At least not now, and Christina suspected a few would live and die in this world by choice.

To become a teenager again sounded less appealing the older you got. To accept that you wouldn't be treated like an adult, to actually partially regress into adolescence.

Better now, sure. Much better now when the dirty infighting was gone, if it was gone in the downstream world as well. That was the risk with transiting. You didn't know exactly what that world would be like. Almost the same as this one, just like this one was almost the same as the one she left quarter of a century earlier. But there were differences, differences that tore her life apart because she tried to grab control over it.

Christina stared into the night sky and glittering stars. They s.h.i.+mmered through tears welling up in her eyes.

'Ulf, even if you can't for real, please pretend you'll forgive me! U-kun, I wish I could call you that again.'

She choked down feelings of misery. 'I lost the right to feel sadness back then.'

Christina looked back at choices she had made. Some made her proud, some surprised, and the one she recalled most clearly right now, just disgusted with herself.

'How could you ever fall in love with someone like me?'