My Soul Will Find Yours 120 The Past Is In The Pas

"I was in Edo during the Kanda Matsuri," Mirei said while staring deep into my eyes.

"So you were," I said unflinchingly. "And then?"

"It was my first time in the shogun's city. I was amazed to see how beautiful it was," she said while continuing to study my face. "But what really struck me the most was the tenka bito's residence. It was vast and magnificent. Living there must be a dream for all its inhabitants."

"It is indeed a beautiful place," I agreed with a smile. "However, I don't understand why you're telling me this. Surely you didn't ask to speak to me in private just to inform me of your experience?"

She bit her lower lip and looked away, unable to dodge my frankness. I crossed my arms on my chest while narrowing my eyes at her, waiting for her to speak. Three minutes later, the men standing guard at the villa's entrance changed but she still remained silent. Thinking that she had nothing else to tell me, I decided to go back inside.

"Please wait," she said. "I have more to say…"

"Mirei, it is almost time for me to nurse my children. I do not have time to stand here and wait for you to collect your thoughts," I told her impatiently.

"I-I'm sorry. It's just that your reactions are not what I was expecting…"

"Not what you were expecting?" I snorted. "What, did you expect me to be surprised that you know our real ident.i.ties?"

"I…"

"So you know that Ryoji is the great shogun Kiris.h.i.+ma and I am his second wife, Hinata," I scoffed. "Big deal."

"Y-you're not afraid that I might spread this information?" she asked incredulously. "His secret ident.i.ty should remain hidden, why are you so calm about this whole thing?"

I smiled evilly, "Do you know what happened to me and the official wife after the festival?"

"Y-yes," she replied, completely perplexed by my smile and question. "Everyone in the country knew."

"So that means you also know what happened to the people behind that unfortunate event, am I right?"

"Yes, they were publicly executed and their families did not escape from the wrath of the shogun," she gulped. "Even the original second wife was punished. I heard her tongue was cut off and she was exiled to a remote island."

"And I also take it that you know that you're not the only person who knows of Kaname's other ident.i.ty," when she nodded, I continued, "Do you know why they never dared to spread this vital piece of information?"

"B-because they're afraid of incurring his w-wrath," she stammered, her face drained of color when she realized that her supposed threat held no weight.

"I'm glad you're quick to understand," my smile widened. "My husband does not treat his enemies kindly. Challenge him and you will surely wish you were never born into this world."

"I would never dare," she shook her head viciously, her eyes were wide with fear.

"If you don't intend to, why did you say those things?" I tilted my head to the side. "Or are you just backpedaling because you just realized that it could mean your death?"

"No, that has truly not crossed my mind! I only mentioned it because I a.s.sumed that you would be alarmed," she confessed. "The reason why I wanted to talk to you was because I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize for what?" I asked sarcastically, not buying a word she was saying.

"For coveting Ryoji, erm, I mean, the shogun," she hung her head low in shame.

"Mirei, save it. I know you're just sorry because you realized that you came across with someone of great power."

"Even if I didn't know that he was the shogun and that you're the second wife, I still would have apologized. When he came back for the first time in a long time last year with you, I couldn't accept that the reason why he was gone for such a long time was because he finally met the woman he was waiting for."

I just stared at her and let her continue.

"I knew he wasn't lying when he said that he loves you. During all the years that we were together, not once did he look at me the same way he looks at you," when she looked up, there were unshed tears in her eyes. "From the very start, he made it clear that it was just a purely physical relations.h.i.+p between us and yet… And yet I found myself caring for him on a level that I shouldn't."

It was my turn to look away. Could I fault her for falling for Kaname? I sighed inwardly, of course I couldn't. They met each other first, leaving me with no say whatsoever on their agreement. Although to be frank, they were both immature and foolish to have agreed on such a thing. It was a decision that only ended up putting the both of them on different levels of disadvantage.

"The past is in the past, what is done cannot be undone," I told her, my tone was not as harsh as it was earlier. "Mirei, I would not have had any ill feelings towards you even if I found out about your history with the shogun had you not done what you did on our first night here last year."

"I hope you can still forgive me, my lady," she wiped the tears from her eyes. "I should have known better."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded my head.

"I will be leaving this town for good tomorrow. I only came back because I wanted to apologize for my horrible behavior then," she said. "The shogun also knows this. I believe Yasumori-san informed him of my decision when he sent word that you will be traveling here as a family."

"Where will you go?"

"When I left last year, I went to the nearby town of Kusatsu and worked part-time in a sento[1] there. It's almost winter and they're always in need of extra hands so I'm thinking of going back."

"I'm glad you've found the strength to start over again."

"Hai," she nodded. "I believe it is not yet too late. I am hoping to meet the person who will give me the same happiness the shogun feels because of you, Lady Hinata. I also want to feel that kind of joy."

"Don't look for it. Love will find you when it's the right time," I told her. "In fact, I never expected to meet Kaname. I was so accustomed to being alone I almost forgot what it felt like to love and be loved."

"Really?" she was surprised. "But I heard that you're a royalty from another country. You were abducted and sold to some bandits. Luckily, you were saved by the tenka bito. That fated encounter led to love and you were secretly married."

My lips twitched. How the heck did my little lie leak out of the castle? And where did the secretly married part come from?

"Still, I was neither betrothed nor seeing someone before we met," I answered, which was true. "Anyway, I have to go and check on my children. I wish you good luck on your future endeavors."

"Thank you," she replied sincerely. "And I wish for nothing but the best for the shogun and his family."

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[1] A type of j.a.panese communal bath house where customers pay for entrance. (wikipedia.org)