My Soul Will Find Yours 126 Sounds Like Someone I Know

"Jin-san," she said my other name softly, her dark brown eyes glimmered with hope. "I simply won't give up."

I looked at Kaname for help but his face was rigid with displeasure. I turned to Taneyuki-san but the old man hurriedly avoided my gaze. c.r.a.p, I was on my own on this one!

"Is there somewhere we could talk in private?" I didn't want to make a scene. This was the emperor's birthday banquet, for heaven's sake!

Sen nodded her head and led me to a secluded balcony. I felt Kaname's eyes boring through my back as we walked away but I ignored it.

"Lady Sen," I started as soon as I made sure we were alone. "My apologies but I am a one-woman man." Or one-man woman. Whatever.

"I am willing to be your concubine!" she a.s.sured me. "This is the first time I felt this way. Ever since I saw you earlier, my heart has not stopped beating fast."

"Maybe you should cut back on the tea...?" I said unthinkingly.

"This has nothing to do with my tea intake," she grabbed my hands and pressed them on her soft and ample bosoms, it felt weird. "Can't you feel my heartbeat?"

I was about to comment that I was touching her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and not her chest when I unexpectedly felt a thumping beneath one of them. b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, she was not lying! Her heart was indeed beating fast! I nodded awkwardly.

"Jin-san, this is what you do to me. Please make me yours!"

"I am but a mere guard," I told her helplessly. "You are of royal blood. I am not fit to be your husband."

"I will gladly lower my social status to be with you. I will do anything to be with you!" she freed my hands only to jump at me.

"My lady, please…" I tried to gently push her away but she was one tough cookie. She fought me until our lips almost touched. Panicking, I pushed her away with all my strength. When she fell on the floor, her eyes were wide with shock. I took a step forward when I saw that she looked like she was about to cry.

With her head lowered, she whispered, "This is true love, Jin-san. You are the man I have waited for so long. I offer you my heart and body. You do not have anything to worry about. While my cousins have indulged in physical relations.h.i.+ps, I have remained pure all these years."

I took a deep breath and summoned my inner gentleman. I squatted in front of her, reached for her chin, and made her look at me. With a kind smile, I told her, "My lady, as much as I would love to be your man, I truly can't. I am committed to my beloved and breaking her (his) heart would mean breaking mine as well. You are a beautiful and kind woman but I do not have the heart to accept you because I will only end up neglecting you."

"Jin-san…" she said tearfully. "Is there really no way I can be with you?"

I shook my head. "Forgive me."

She started sobbing as soon as I said those two words. I was torn between running away and comforting her. What should I do?

"Lady Sen, please get up," a voice said.

We looked up to see that my husband had joined us. After helping the weeping Sen up, she buried her face on my chest. I sighed inwardly, thank goodness I wore the leather armor Kaname always made me wore whenever I traveled as Jin-san. Not only did it guard my torso from any possible attack, it helped conceal my own b.r.e.a.s.t.s and further reinforced my male disguise. I patted her back clumsily.

"Look at me," Kaname said, annoyed at the skin contact between Sen and I. The woman wiped her tears and looked at him. "As Jin-san's master, I have met his wife and kids. She is perfectly attractive and you are worlds apart. There is no way Jin-san would look for another when she is so exceptional."

Sen flinched as if he had hit her. I frowned at Kaname, this savagery and unreasonable jealousy of his were unnecessary.

Ignoring me, he continued, "His children are his spitting image and he dotes on them very much. He will never have the heart to disregard them by taking in a new wife and fathering new children with you."

"My lord…" I tried to interrupt but he lifted his hand, a signal for me to shut up.

"If you are so keen on getting married, I can introduce you to someone else. As Jin-san's master, it is my duty to make sure that my subordinates have great character. I simply won't allow them to fool around and ruin people's lives."

Sen bit her lower lip and tried her best not to cry again; I held her shoulders as a means to comfort her, unwittingly committing another awful gaffe.

"You are still young, my lady. You will meet someone who deserves you," I told her. "Please accept that I am not the man for you."

"Maybe if I met you earlier, things would have turned out differently," her voice shook as she said this. "I can't believe I fell in love and got my heart broken all in one evening."

"I'm sorry," I apologized for hurting her with my disguise. Her heart was destined to be crushed from the start.

"I hope I get over you quickly," she gathered her robes and ran back out of the balcony.

"What is it with the members of the imperial family?" Kaname muttered. "They always want what's mine. Even disguised as a man, they still covet my wife!"

"Did you really have to say those things to her?" I hissed at him. "I had things under control."

"Really? She almost claimed your lips!"

"The key word is 'almost,' okay? She was unsuccessful."

"You're so easily fooled. Had I not intervened, she would have pounced at you again."

"Even if she did, I would have dodged her with all my might."

"At the sight of a weeping woman, you forget that you are Jin-san. You shouldn't have touched her. Always remember that whenever you're out as a man, there are things you cannot do recklessly to a woman. A simple touch is enough to get you in trouble. Not to mention that she is part of the imperial family," he said, finding another reason to scold me.

"I'm sorry, I forgot," I said sincerely.

Seeing how guilty I was, he took me in his arms. We stood there in silence, neither of us caring about the ongoing party.

"You still haven't answered my question," I said after a while.

"What question?" he asked.

"Why did you have to say those harsh words to the poor girl? She's only what? Seventeen?"

"I had to crush whatever hope she had left. I know her type; they will follow you everywhere until they get what they want regardless of your feelings."

"Wow! Sounds like someone I know," I looked at him meaningfully. "Even when I'm mad as h.e.l.l and need my s.p.a.ce, he just won't let me be."

"What!?" he looked at me in both confusion and ire. "Tell me the name of that insolent b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I shall make him pay for his actions!"

"Oh, anata…" I shook my head sadly at him and left him alone in the balcony.

~~~

The sixth month of the year came and so did the summer solstice. As it was an even year, it was time for the tenka matsuri[1] to be celebrated. As though it was a resemblance of the kanda matsuri three years ago, Kaname headed the festivities with one of his wives expecting.

Inside the viewing pavilion, Mami and I, along with the three adorable little rice b.a.l.l.s, watched as around three hundred people formed a procession dressed in their best costumes with musicians, mikos.h.i.+s[2], das.h.i.+[3] floats, and riders on horseback.

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[1] AKA sanno matsuri, a festival celebrated in honor of the shogun.

[2] Portable shrines.

[3] Floats pulled by people during festivals.