Shambala Sect 52 The Drunk And His Donkey

"Heehaw," A distinctive and noisy bray made many heads turn and look around, though most of them failed to locate the source of the sound.

"Lost are... you lot—not the ticket," the voice that came from the slurring lips of a man reached many ears and especially jerked that of Gon. On the other hand, all the pleasantness vaporized off Jehez's face pretty d.a.m.n quick.

When Jehez hastily looked through the gaps in the crowd, he caught glimpses of a man riding a dressed-up donkey. Wearing and a yellow-collared red s.h.i.+rt under a blue coat which had lemony star-shaped b.u.t.tons, the mischievous-looking man used a fis.h.i.+ng rod to suspend a carrot in the air in front of the donkey and guided the donkey by carefully maneuvering the fis.h.i.+ng rod so that the carrot always stayed out of the donkey's reach. A baby crow was resting atop his red hat, and three small gilt bells decorated his baldric sword belt that supported an ultrfine ethereal sword at his waist on the left while a fine wine-bottle was hanging on the right side. A gold coin served as his right earring whereas a golden dice served as his left earring. With a face mostly coated in some white powdery substance, lips decored in crimson, and a subtly showcasing twenty-four fingers in total, he was a man not at all hard to agnize by appearance alone.

One man among the crowd raised his brows. "Who's this drunk dude on the donkey?"

"Is that a gown that the donkey's wearing?"

As he blew the red, round fan in one of his hands, he climbed down the donkey and tapped the floor rhythmically with his high-heeled, red-soled black boots. "Woo-hoo! My shoes are dancing without me." With a simple wave of his hand that held the fis.h.i.+ng pole, he made the carrot drop in the donkey's mouth. He tossed the fish pole onto the donkey before beaming at everyone with partially open eyes. "Hic, it's my pleasure to meet all the jacka.s.ses on the twelfth deck," he bowed deeply with elegance, but his words twitched many veins of the crowd.

"Who are you calling jacka.s.ses, you stupid drunk!" many nostrils among the crowd flared.

The man in the red hat tilted his head in different directions and took a look at all those who just spoke before promptly replying, "I'm not drunk, hic!" He was a little over six foot and looked sinewy. Though his exact skin color was hard to tell, the tan on his hands subtly showed that he had spent quite a time under the sun.

"No, you're not just drunk—you are wholly drunk!" no one in the crowd was stupid enough to believe his words.

"Care to tell us where you got to drink so much on this deck, buddy?" some others couldn't help but pose that question.

"I'm not drunk," the mischievous man in the red hat replied again, standing straight, his eyes still half-closed.

Lirzod, who was standing at a distance, raised his hand and asked aloud, "How many fingers do you see?"

"Mm?" the man in the red hat glanced in Lirzod's direction and halted a moment before bending forward to bring his face closer to the donkey. "Tell them I'm not drunk."

The donkey, however, was busy in licking its lips, for it had just completed consuming a carrot.

Most people in the crowd sighed and shook their heads whereas a few had their upper lips curled.

"Heehaw is busy, so she can't speak," the man in the red hat said in a slurred fas.h.i.+on, but no one in the crowd was even remotely ready to believe his words. "None of you seem to be trusting my words... All right. Can anyone among of all of you jacka.s.ses answer a simple question of mine then?" he looked around with eyes that demanded an answer, but because they were half-closed, his stare wasn't that effective.

"Screw you!" the crowd bellowed back at him. "We are not jacka.s.ses. You are the jacka.s.s! Your mother's a jacka.s.s! Your father's a jacka.s.s! Your entire family's full of real jacka.s.ses!"

The man in the red hat seemingly paid no mind to their words, for he cleared his throat a bit before responding, "Eyes that can't see, ears that can't hear, and hearts that can't hearken… who has all these?" he asked, but only silence replied.

Without themselves knowing, many men in the crowd murmured among themselves, but none were able to come up with an answer, including Jehez.

"Who has all those?"

"Tell us the answer."

Though the ma.s.ses wanted to ask him that question, their pride came in the way.

"Hic," the man in the red hat smiled to himself before answering, "Everyone here except b.o.o.boo."

"b.o.o.boo? Who's b.o.o.boo?" the men among the crowd looked around at each other's faces.

"Hey, are you b.o.o.boo?"

"No, I'm not. I heard you loud and clear, and my eyes can certainly see too—you fool!"

"b.o.o.boo… I feel like I've heard the name somewhere, or maybe not."

"I've never heard that name before. Who'd have such a lame name?"

As the men in the crowd were in a discussion, the man in the red hat stated in a rising and stretching tone, "I'm b.o.o.boo."

"Eek!" After the truth sunk in during the next couple of seconds, the blood of most people in the crowd boiled quick. "You dare try to make fools out of us!"

"I didn't," the man in the red hat, b.o.o.boo, said.

"Shut up, you meathead!" some men among the crowd howled back. "It's a miracle that you were able to climb up to this deck, looking like this!"

b.o.o.boo smiled a little, his eyes still partly closed. "It seems that, even with me being as less able as I'm right now, hic, none of you can still see through the hiddenness of my heart, which makes you all nothing more special than my Heehaw."

"Enough with your Heehaw bulls.h.i.+t," Some popped their knuckles and was about to step forward. "You'll now pay the price for that loose tongue of yours. We are gonna pull it all the way out for as long as your chicken brain can take it."

b.o.o.boo took the wine bottle off his waist, opened its lid and tilted his head a bit backward to take a sip when the little crow that had been resting on the cat all this while now slid along the surface of the hat, forcing the crow to abruptly fly away.

One man, who noticed the wine bottle, squinted his eyes and took a closer look, and upon spotting the word 'Naive' labeled on it, he stopped mid-stride. "That's Naive Wine!"

"What?" All the men who were stepping onward stopped straight away.

"Don't joke. Why would a twerp like him own Naive Wine?" As the crowd observed the bottle with no expectation, their eyes gradually swelled upon seeing the five-letter word printed on the gla.s.s bottle. "I-It's… It's really Naive Wine!"

The mouths of many men hung open.

"W-Why does he have such an expensive wine?"

"He probably stole it from someone. Taking his getup into consideration, I won't be surprised if my guess. .h.i.t the nail."

"How lucky he must truly be to get his hands on such a precious thing!"

Envy filled many hearts to the extent they throbbed. Several men had long set their eyes on b.o.o.boo's earrings, but now, this wine bottle was not something they could act through as if they had never noticed it, especially when it came as a surprise.

When a few drops of wine got wasted on b.o.o.boo's black trousers, many men inwardly cursed his recklessness. Some even wanted to lick the wasted wine off his pants but couldn't come forward for trivial reasons.

Meanwhile, Gon was standing silently among the crowd, his brows furrowed to the max. Seeing Gon's expression, Jehez hurried off to b.o.o.boo. "Hey, mister, you said that you have the ticket, didn't you?"

Boboo scanned Jehez from top to bottom with his half-closed eyes, "Are you the referee?"

"Yeah, if you have the ticket, then be quick," Jehez said in haste, "we can't waste any more time."

b.o.o.boo took out the ticket—a small card with cat painting, deck number 12, and the entry number 181818 on it—from under his belt and handed it to the referee.

After confirming the ticket, Jehez nodded. "Hm, you can choose a cat."

"Just send in a random cat," b.o.o.boo said, giving a half-smile. "By the way, can I make a bet on myself?"

"No, you can't bet on yourself," Jehez was quick to reply, "but you can let someone else do that for you given you trust them of course."

"Of course, of course," b.o.o.boo pointed his finger toward the donkey behind him. "Can Heehaw bet for me?"

"You mean the donkey?" Jehez was startled. "No, you can't. Since it doesn't have a conscience, you can't use it."

Upon hearing their conversation, the crowd responded with hoots of laughter.

"My ears weren't hearing things, or did that dimwit really say he wanted the donkey to bet for him?"

"He surely did."

"A donkey becoming a bettor like us? How insulting!"

"Yeah, this is a joke. I'm sure that stupid a.s.s is just as drunk as its master if not more, haha."

"Yeah, this drunken fool's taking things too far."

b.o.o.boo gaze s.h.i.+fted toward the men who had just spoken about him. "Are you lot laughing at me?" His words alerted those men into holding their laughter back; however, b.o.o.boo's next gesture truly confused them, for he gracefully bowed a little, "It's a pleasure to be laughed at, too." As he was rising back, he stumbled and fell to his front. Luckily, Jehez caught him before he crashed into the ground.

"Geez, man, you're a mess," Jehez made him stand straight. "Are you sure you want to partic.i.p.ate in the test like this?"

"Sure? Yeah, sure as death—of this one, hic," b.o.o.boo's thumb pointed toward the donkey as he stepped past Jehez and wobbled on his way toward the Cat Ring.

"'Sure as death' he says," some men among the crowd snorted, letting derision detail their expressions. "I bet a silver that he hasn't a clue on how hard this test could get. Before taking part in any deck test, the least an entry could do is devise a plan, however stupid it may seem, but I doubt if this dunce even has one."

"Haha, we should be somewhat thankful to him though, guys. After all, we can be sure that we have a loser this time around."

"Yeah, it's time for our pockets to finally profit."

"Kekeke." The words of the crowd were icicles of scorn—slung right at their common target. Having lost a lot of money in the last few rounds, it didn't take much for the crowds to gather their disdain and direct it at the contestant through all means that came to their minds.

"Planning before partic.i.p.ation huh… hic," b.o.o.boo just entered the ring and seemed unbothered by the cold spells the crowd cast at him without cessation. "What's the big deal? Putting the fear of b.o.o.boo into a p.u.s.s.y should be a piece of p.i.s.s." b.o.o.boo's voice was if wine continually bubbled at the back of his throat.

Jehez's heartbeat spiked as he gave a secret glance at Gon, but upon seeing Gon stand rooted to the ground with subdued ire shaping his expression, the stiffness in Jehez's facial muscles lightened to some degree.

"Wasted on wine and as drunk as a skunk," Lirzod opined, one of his eyes closed, as he watched b.o.o.boo, "It'd be a shocker if he gets through the test somehow."

"I too highly doubt that he can win," the long-nosed man, who still stood beside Lirzod, said in a hurry. His nose was longer than any of his fingers. "Look, many people are already betting against him because it's too obvious. I wouldn't be surprised even if most people are willing to bet a silver or two."

Sariyu was all ears, and she took a glimpse of Burton who stood like a rock at a distance. She s.h.i.+fted her gaze in the direction of a cat that Lirzod previously sent flying away with a kick. Currently, that cat was chasing after the baby crow which was hovering in the skies while sticking close to the ceiling. The cat fearlessly jumped on people's shoulders, heads, and all other surfaces it could make use of as it desperately stretched the duration of its hunt, not wanting to face the failure at the end of it.

The baby crow came flying in Lirzod's direction and excreted as it hovered past him.

Lirzod heard a faint sound and felt a strange sensation but didn't bother much about it; however, the long-nosed guy took a step away from Lirzod and shut his nose without delay. "Ew!"

"Mm? What's wrong?" Lirzod glanced at him, and immediately, his eyes enlarged, and his hands clutched the nose. "I knew it! Who emitted wind down their bottom?" He looked around, and his gaze eventually stopped at Sariyu.

Sariyu gave back a deathly stare. "Do you want to die?"

"I-I never said it was you," Lirzod turned his head back toward the long-nosed man. "Was it you?"

"No," the long-nosed man cried out.

"Then who was it? Who was that foul fellow?" Lirzod's voice held a sense of urgency.

"It was a bird."

"B-Bird?" Lirzod knitted his brows. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"Just look at your shoulder—there's something on it that none would be pleased to see."

"My shoulder?" the moment Lirzod's eyes took notice of the nasty stuff on his shoulder, his expression darkened, and a second of recollection was all it took for him to recognize the culprit, and rage overtook his face as he glared directly toward the ceiling. "Which d.a.m.n bird had the heart to shed its weight on me! If I don't beat some dread its guts, then—" However, the moment his eyes lay on the baby crow, all the tightness in his face loosened just as fast as it had formed. "Wait, that chick… Is it the one from the—library?" He couldn't help but remember the time when he met a baby crow in the unauthorized library on the tenth deck. After reminiscing the past, Lirzod's gaze sharpened again as he darted his eyes at the baby crow, "I gave you a nut for free, yet this is how you repay that kindness." He clenched his fists, and a vein popped out in his neck, "Thankless chicks are always on my list."

"Bwuff," Sariyu could barely control her laughter.

"What's so funny?" Lirzod's took a gander at her, his voice—sharp and stony.

"I could totally imagine why it gifted you the way it did," Sariyu replied, still covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm sure you must have given a spoiled nut to that bird. No wonder, it came looking for you because it held a grudge against you." Her words ignited animosity in Lirzod's stomach, brought forth a distaste up into his mouth which further reflected through the flicker of hatred in his eyes.

"Spoiled?" A vein in Lirzod's forehead protruded through the skin as he controlled himself from las.h.i.+ng out his tongue. "Yeah, as per human standards, you can consider it that, but as per crow standards, it still was as toothsome as any nuts a crow could find."

"Uh," the long-nosed man scratched his jaw as he voiced his mind, "crows don't have teeth, do they?"

Lirzod slowly turned his head and gave an icy glance toward the long nose of the man, "If you speak again, I might do unspeakable things to your nose out of frustration."

Lirzod's voice was a cold blade that threatened to cut through the long-nosed man's habit of mind, and it made him spontaneously cover the nose with his hands. "Please don't do that. If this nose is gone, then I'm gone," he said, but the very next moment, his eyes bulged. "Sorry, I won't speak again." He shut his mouth with one hand while the other hand took care of the nose.

Lirzod felt a burning desire to at least pinch his nose, but another urge took over its pace, making him s.h.i.+ft his attention back to the baby crow which seemed to have almost emptied its energy tank and would land at any moment, but the cat also appeared to be waiting just for that.

Just as the baby crow plummeted down for landing, the cat sprang in the direction of the fall, but Lirzod also dashed straight toward the spot. "Wait, you s.h.i.+tty cat! That bird's mine. The only one who should be bothering the chick is me!"

However, he was a bit too late to react, and the cat successfully caught the crow by its mouth in midair. With a few hops, it separated from the crowd and went off toward to secluded spot, startling both Lirzod and the a.s.sistant referee who had been trying to catch the cat all this while. But because the test for b.o.o.boo was about to start, the a.s.sistant referee couldn't chase the cat anymore. Lirzod, on the other hand, went after the cat as if he was another hungry cat himself.

Tens of seconds later.

Inside the Cat Ring, b.o.o.boo and the white cat had been eyeing each other with half-closed eyes. After receiving enough bettings, Jehez closed the bettings and signaled the start with a meow.

For the first half a minute, there was nothing but a simple stare off between b.o.o.boo and the white cat.

"Hehe, he's so drunk that he didn't even bother to take any food. Now, the cat will, without a hitch, worst him." A chorus of delirium spread throughout the hall as well as the antic.i.p.ation reflected in the eyes of many bettors. "This is our win."

With the leaden cloud that forecasted a loss as it hung in the skies above b.o.o.boo, it seemed as if he'd succ.u.mb to the heartless harrying done by most of the audiences. Though it was a customary illusion the crowd always cast, it still worked wonders against the weak-willed contestants. Even if the cloud just leaked out a drizzle, an already hypnotized contestant would consider it as a downpour, and only few could go further in the contest with the storm cloud.

b.o.o.boo lifted his arm and swayed it slowly and smoothly in the air, puzzling many audiences, but the slurred words that came out of his mouth next added up to a distinctive ditty which truly dumbfounded and dismayed them all.

"Sleepy cat, sleepy cat

Shut your eyes, shut your mouth

Just go to your sleep mode

s.h.i.+tty cat, s.h.i.+tty cat

Open your eyes, open your mouth

Just come at me clawing out

Do either of those

Or I s.h.i.+t you not

I'll f*** you out."