Married 24 Times 21 Renewed Determination

A door shutting in the next room pulled me from my memories. I heard footsteps in the hallway and panic filled my chest. If I were caught in here, I wouldn't have an explanation! I closed out of the windows on Julian's computer, turned off the screen, and immediately started searching for a place to hide.

The only option that might work would be the window. Anywhere else I was bound to be discovered, since Ileana would vacuum under and around all the furniture. I ran to a window and threw it open. The footsteps came ever closer and I scrambled out the window onto the roof. I managed to get the window shut behind me and darted out of sight just as the door was opening.

Safe...

But now I was stuck on the roof. I sighed as I pulled my knees up to my chest. I'd just have to wait until Ileana was done cleaning Julian's office and then sneak back inside.

I thought back to my memories of that trip. After Eric had kissed me in the hallway, I'd hidden in my room. Julian had become distant after that as well. Looking back, I was sure it had something to do with Mia. I wouldn't even be surprised if she had set the entire incident up.

There must have been something more to it than Mia simply telling Julian about Eric's kiss. Even if he had been jealous back then, his avoidance of me couldn't have stemmed only from that incident. That may have been when it started, but I didn't believe for a moment that was Julian's only reason to give up on this marriage before it even began.

I was certain something else had happened. Judging from my lack of memories about our trip to Hawaii, I guessed Eric probably had something to do with it. My fear of him was deep and raw. I didn't want to address where that fear came from, but if I wanted to figure out my present, I might have to face more of my past.

I wasn't an expert on psychology, but I knew traumas could cause memory loss. Facing whatever it was my mind was trying to protect me from frightened me. I'd already suffered through multiple deaths. What could be more traumatic than that? The violence I witnessed from Mia and the emotional abuse I received from my mother-in-law were also awful to the point of wanting to die. I knew that, but why was it my mind only wanted to protect me from Eric?

Before I'd remembered the trip where I'd met him, I had two memories of Eric. The first from the wedding shower the Leonhart's had thrown for me and Julian, and the second was from my past lives. In the first, Eric had cornered me in a garden, but I remembered Mia was there, so nothing had happened. In the second, it was about a year into my marriage, Eric came to visit Julian. Neither of those memories gave me nearly as much revulsion as the memory of Eric kissing me.

Though it was frightening, I knew I had to find my past somehow. Photos were a good place to start, it seemed. And I'd have to look between February and September, the eighth months between the first time I met Eric and my wedding.

As I renewed my determination, I felt my eyes growing heavy. I could still hear Ileana vacuuming inside Julian's office. Maybe shutting my eyes for a little bit wouldn't be such a bad idea. I scooted backward up the roof to lean against the outside wall of Julian's office in between the windows. Planting myself firmly, I let my eyes drift shut. I'd have a small nap, just until Ileana finished cleaning.

I said that, but when I woke, the light in the sky had changed position drastically. Instead of the long shadows of morning, they were replaced by the long shadows of dusk. I had slept all day!

I inched carefully along the roof to take a peek into Julian's office. It was empty and Ileana had long disappeared. I slid the window up and slipped my way back inside. I rubbed at my tender b.u.t.t, which was numb from sitting on uneven roof tiles for so long. If I never had a reason to get on the roof again, I would be happy.

I shut the window behind me, flipping the lock. I was sure Ileana would be wondering where I'd been the past few hours, but if she asked, I'd just tell I fell asleep in the back gardens. They were ma.s.sive, so even if she walked through them, she might no necessarily see a sleeping person.

"Did you enjoy your nap?"