TEARS OF A WOMAN 5 Chapter Five

A few minutes to New Year when everybody was waiting to welcome the year, Susan was in deep thought what the year would be; whether it would be the same story like the previous years. Some minutes past 12 O'clock, people were shouting, "Happy New Year." She heard different sounds of fireworks as they hovered over the air. Susan mumbled, "What do I have to celebrate; if I have anything to celebrate, who would I celebrate it with?"

She glanced at herself, sighed sorrowfully and complained, "another year has dawned, a year I did not know anything about. A year I have never walked on. I have no one to hold my hand and lead me in this lonely path. If I'm walking and get tired, I have no-one to cheer me up. Another year to trust no man or even the universe because it robbed me the privilege of getting married to a man who truly loved me.

Another year to worry again because I don't know what the future holds for me…" after looking at her fingers she sobbed and continued, "…I'm no longer getting younger…" tears rolled down her cheek and she mumbled again, "…it's another year to either love or remain unloved; to marry or remain single, to be happy or remain sad." Gripped with fear, she prayed, "Lord, into your hand I commit my future."

Six months later when almost all hope was gone and it seemed she had come to the end of the tunnel, and yet, there was no light, she decided to take a step, she changed her environment, she believed things might change for good. Before she took the decision to live, she was seeing herself as a visitor in her own father's house. She looked like a visitor who had overstayed her welcome. She was not feeling comfortable anymore.

Her mother, Lois, kept telling her it would be fine. "But when would it be fine; is it until I reach menopause? Was it like this with the people of the old?" Susan said. She remembered when her mother used to tell her how men were asking for her hand in marriage at a very tender age; and Susan asked, "But why is it not like that with me; why is my case different? My mother told me how men were coming to her father's house then, begging to marry her but she was toying with them until when my father finally came. Was it because my mother toyed with men who wanted to marry her that the universe is now paying me back"

Still looking thoughtful she said, "Gone are days when a woman marries when she wanted to. But why did things changed so sudden? Is it because we lost our men in the war that we have the scarcity of men these days or because of the unfavorable economy that most of them are not talking about marriage? The economy is bad…" Susan nodded, "Yes I know because a hungry man cannot think of marriage when he has not been able to feed himself. The few ones that have money will not like to marry but would like to be gallivanting with the beautiful girls in town."

Susan shook her head and sighed, "Gone are days when the character of a woman was her pride, now are days were the beauty of a woman is her pride. Gone are the days when men married because of one's character now boys marry girls because of their beauty." Glancing at her body again she said, "…but I'm not ugly, I'm beautiful."
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When Susan noticed her situation was giving her mother a serious concern and worry, she decided to leave town for city to save her some sad moments. Susan knew that running away from home would not solve the problem, and that did not mean she was running away from the reality of life, but to take the bull by the horns. When she told her mother she was leaving, Lois was speechless but after a while, she said, "Susan, my daughter, we don't have power over the future, and we cannot question G.o.d. Some circ.u.mstances have no explanation. It's only G.o.d that knows the best, and he is the only one that has the answer to all of the questions lurking in our minds…"

Lois went closer to Susan, held her at the shoulder, took a deep breath and said, "In life, friends will continue to act like the sun, while your mother will continue to act like the moon. So where is the sun during the dark hour?" she looked at Susan, smiled and continued, "…it only comes when the darkness is over. Only the moon will be there for you in your darkest night. Many will claim to be your suns.h.i.+ne, but only your mother and the few trusted ones are your moonlight. In your darkest night when everybody will run away, your mother will be the only one that will stay by your side. When the storm will be over then you will see others coming, that is when you will realize why they chose to be the sun instead of the moon.

Don't look for sun, it only comes when the storm is over, but ask for the moon, it stays even in your darkest night when the sun gives up on you. Where the sun grows weak, it remains strong for you. Where the sun fades, it s.h.i.+nes brighter. Where the sun frowns, it smiles on you. Where the sun gets angry, it laughs with you. Where the sun gives up, it tries harder. Where the sun vanishes, it stays by your side. Where the sun complains, it encourages you. Where the sun s.h.i.+nes harsh, it s.h.i.+nes mild.

When you are so tired and in deep sleep, the moon will stay awake for you because it fully understands what you are pa.s.sing through. The darker the night, the brighter it s.h.i.+nes. When it seems that the night is taking so long to dawn, the moon will not complain or get tired of keeping you company. Even when the stars refuse to go further with you due to the distance of the night journey, and cunningly disappear in the darkness, the moon will remain strong for you.

When the sun is s.h.i.+ning in its strength, it hurts the skin, but when the moon s.h.i.+nes in its strength, it rejoices the heart. When tomorrow seems too far, the moon will make you close your eyes in the stormy night to dream of the paradise. It marks the season of life, and that makes it able to know when one is in the season of sorrow to keep him company till the storm is over.

The friendly nature of moon makes the stars always want to gather around it while the burning nature of the sun scares the stars away. Moon shows darkness the way to light, and lead the stars in the pathway of life. Desire sun, but pray for moon because when the power of the sun fails, the strength of the moon would always be there for you in your darkest night." Susan became contemplative silent probably pondering over what her mother told her.

Lois stared at the ground, on raising her face up she had eye contact with Susan, she said, "May the good Lord be with you wherever you go, and may he grant you your heart's desire."

Susan did not know it would be the last time she would see her mother again. After Lois had finished praying for her, she told Susan to still trust G.o.d no matter the situation of things in life. Lois advised her to never be wayward but to always remember that her body was the temple of the Holy Spirit. Lois told her not to take what does not belong to her and she promised her mother that she would never fail her.

She took her leave. While walking on that lonely pathway with her luggage, she turned to take a look at the beautiful face of her mother who gave birth to her, and when she saw the mother still waving, she felt like cancelling the journey. Lois' hand was still hanging on the air waving while tears were running down her cheek. Immediately Susan saw the tears, she could not help, but to cry along.

No one to console each other; Lois was crying because of her daughter and the daughter was also crying because she knew how lonely her mother would feel in her absence.

When Susan finally reached the bus station, she saw a lot of people waiting for bus, some were happy while others were playing and talking with their relatives. Susan had no one to talk with and she was not in the mood to talk to anybody. When the bus came, they boarded. She went straight to the last seat. She later brought out the picture of her mother from her handbag.

As she was looking at it, a thousand memories flashed through her mind; starting from the day she used to take her to school, to when she used to bathe her, play with her, take her along while going to church, and how they used to pray before going to bed; a thousand of them which she could not mention. All these she was meditating on when she fell asleep. She slept until they reached where they were going.

When they got to the city, the bus alighted and while everybody was going down, she still remained on her seat. She was so confused, not knowing where to start and where to go. Everybody in the bus had alighted when the driver came to her and informed, "Lady, this is the last bus stop, are you waiting for someone that will pick you up?" Susan apologized for staying more than she was expected to; she started gathering her luggage to leave. She felt like going back with the bus.

When she alighted, she looked around as if she was lost. A man was observing her from afar and when he noticed how long she had stood there. The man approached Susan and told her how he had been observing her for a very long time. Susan told him how stranded she was and he offered to help her. He took her to his house where he was managing one-room apartment. Susan had no option than to go in and by then it was getting dark; the man went outside to get her what she would eat.

Susan didn't eat earlier because she lost appet.i.te, she didn't also eat anything on the way except the bottle of drink she bought. Later the man told her to go and shower. He showed her the bathroom.

Before sleeping, Susan made sure she wore a clothe that covered her body very well as if she knew what would happen in the midnight. But what she feared finally happened and before she could realize what was going on in the middle of the night the man had already had his way.

Susan wept bitterly and cursed the day the man was born. He was pleading all night for forgiveness, but the harm had been done. She was raped by the man she did not know; the man who did not know anything about the story of her life, and how she had been keeping her virginity. He took it on a platter of gold.

Early in the morning she took her luggage and left not knowing where she was going when she ran into a woman called Teresa who took her home. After telling Teresa her story, she consoled her; Teresa even told Susan her own life story. Susan learnt she lost her husband at the early stage, but she decided not to marry again."Had it been that I met you yesterday when I came, I would have escaped the ugly **** experience I had last night." Susan said. "It's alright, you are safe here." Teresa a.s.sured.

Teresa later told Susan that she lost her two children in the cold hand of death two years after she lost her husband. Susan thought she was the only person life was not fair to until she heard Teresa's sad story. Teresa lost everything including the two children who were supposed to be her joy. She took Susan as her daughter and treated her well. Susan became the source of her joy, and she treated her like her own mother.

Three months later after she went to the city, she got a call from home that her mother was sick at the point of death. She wanted to rush home to see her, but the news came very late in the night, and she could not get a night bus, but first thing the following morning, she boarded the first bus. On the way the bus developed fault; the mechanic spent five hours to repair it.

Their bus arrived late and before she could reach her home, it was almost dark. When she got home, she saw people gathered in her house. She wasn't sure what it was, but she noticed they were shaking their heads in sorrow when they saw her. She went straight to her mother's room when she saw men embalming her. She shouted and broke in tears. Some of the sympathizers around comforted her. If not because of the bus that developed a fault on the way, she would definitely see her before she died, at least to hear what she had to tell her.

The following day Susan lamented: "Mama, it's yet another day still waiting to hear your voice, but I can't believe I'm waiting in vain.

Another new day has come still hoping that someone would tell me that your death was not true. Another day has gone by, and the rose of love you planted in my heart is withering because you are no more to tend it and see how I'm going to give it to that lucky man.

It's yet another night still going from one room to the other hoping to see you in your room, and to hear your voice calling me to come out that it's time for prayer, but I don't believe I can sleep alone in our house. Still remembering the very first night we slept together on your bed.

I promised to go to city and come back to better our lives, but you've left me to grow old alone. What would happen to the promises I made to you when I was leaving town for city? To whom would I fulfill it for? What would I tell my children when I marry and give birth and they begin to ask me about grandma? You did not even wait to see your grandchildren, why were you in haste to leave? You did not live long to enjoy the fruit of your labor?

Who else would I call mama? Who else do I still have on this earth? Mama, why did you leave me to wander alone in this world? Who else would I run to for the motherly advice when the need arises? How would I explain your death? You did not even wait for me to come back to see your face before pa.s.sing away. Not even a word from you. When I heard you were sick, I rushed to see you but before I could reach home, you had given up the ghost that I did not hear your last word. You used to be a strong woman, but you were too weak to resist death that it overpowered you.

How have the mighty fallen. Tell it not in the street and let the daughters of the land mourn. O let daughters of our land mourn for the woman who fought with the last drop of her blood to bring the women's emanc.i.p.ation. How did the strong woman easily surrender to death? Oh death, whenever your name is mentioned, fear grips everyone. I'm not saying we will live immortal, but you should at least allow us to enjoy the fruit of our labor before going our eternal home.

What did you gain by taking the epitome of beauty and the paragon of character away? Are you now satisfied? The woman of virtue is gone. Mama, you were irreplaceable in my life. And how do you expect me to say this saddest goodbye to you? Even if I would say it, why should it be you? Why should it be me that would say it? Why should it be at this time? And why should it be at this age?

How could I explain to the singing birds that always perch on the green plant in our garden to sing for you that you were gone? Where would I start telling this story? The sun has suddenly set in the brightest of the day. The unspeakable has happened, and now the unquestionable is imagined. The great tree of Africa has fallen, and the birds left to wander in the thick forest of Africa. The mother of Africa is gone with her beauty leaving her child to cry alone.

Another day has gone by still hoping you would come home and kiss the lips that longs for you. Another day has gone by still praying you would come home to be with the daughter that misses you a lot. Another day has gone by still thinking when you would come back to hug the one that loves you. Another day has gone by still believing you would come back to meet the heart that beats for you. Another day has gone-by still trusting that you would walk in to hold the hands that need you. Another day has gone-by still wandering in the shadow of doubt, fear and pain. Another day is gone and I'm still counting.

If this is a dream, please let somebody wake me up, it is tormenting me. Could someone tell me that all these are just a dream and I would soon wake-up? If it is a film show, please could someone pause or change it? If this is a drama, let the act end and scene stop. If it is music, let the drum stop, the melody cease and the dance stop. Could someone tell me this is hallucination but not reality that I will soon recover to see it is imagination of the highest order? If I'm hallucinating, could someone do something about it because the experience is too traumatizing and too bad to my soul? If this is a play, please let the episode end because it's tormenting my spirit. If it is a story, cut it short or better off change the topic.

Oh! Death, you came in through the back door. You came in to steal a soul but in disguise of sickness. Before everyone could know it, you have already made the strong woman stoop low and forced the giant to crawl like a baby. When everybody was thinking that you would soon leave, you started pulling off the strength of a warrior that she could not stand to defend herself.

You forced a warrior to accept defeat. The great woman has fallen. The pride of the family is gone.

You overcame a warrior and made her lie like a sleeping baby when you silently took away her breath. Death, you made a man widower and turn a wife to become a widow and render children fatherless and motherless. You did not wait to listen to the plea of relatives or consider the cries of the children. You turned the joy of the family to sadness and left a bad memory to everyone. At the resurrection day, we shall all rise to laugh at you."