My Second Life Is An Absurdist Power Fantasy 3 3.

"I want to be an incredibly powerful magic user who can bend the world to my will!" He said with a grand flourish.

Frumpkin looked at him with a bored expression. "Sorcerer, Wizard, Warlock, Priest, or Shaman?"

Jack stopped mid-pose and looked at the man, and dropped his arms. "Uhm, what's the difference?"

Frumpkin started rubbing his temples and muttered something to himself. He threw his hands up. "You know what? Doesn't matter. I'll surprise you," He said, snapping his fingers.

Jack felt a sudden glow of energy course through his body. He dramatically raised his hands, and imagined a jet of fire shooting out of them as he shouted the first word that came to his head.

"RACHMANINOFF!"

To his surprise and horror a ma.s.sive jet of flames engulfed the air around him, completely consuming the area in front of him, including Frumpkin, in a ma.s.sive fireball. Jack s.n.a.t.c.hed his hands shut, and the fire instantly dissipated, leaving a soot-blackened and very displeased looking Frumpkin floating in front of him.

"Sorry! I had no idea that would actually do anything!" Jack said, feeling sheepish.

Frumpkin glowered at him, and coughed once. He then snapped his fingers, and the soot on him dissolved.

"Yeah well, now you know," He said, and followed up with ,"so what's your second wish?"

Jack thought for a second.

"I want to be an incredibly powerful warrior with an enchanted magic weapon I am a master of!" He said, striking another pose.

"What is it with you and striking poses when you make wishes?" Frumpkin asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Jack dropped the pose, embara.s.sed. "I dunno... just felt right, I guess. It's what I've always seen characters in stories do when they're in situations like this."

"Well stop it. You're giving me a headache. Now, hold still..." Frumpkin said, rubbing his hands together rapidly. He laid them on Jack's shoulders.

Jack felt another sudden course of energy, and then the sudden sensation of every muscle in his body growing and swelling. He couldn't explain it, but he suddenly felt a whole lot stronger. However, when he looked down, he saw that he was still his same chubby, flabby self, complete with grease-stained s.p.a.ce Invaders s.h.i.+rt and cargo shorts.

"Wait, I though you were gonna make me into a great warrior!" Jack said.

"I did," Frumpkin said, before adding, "now hold out your hand."

"No you didn't! I'm still super fat and out of shape!" Jack said, pointing to his stomach.

"Yes, I did. Being a great warrior doesn't mean getting rid of being fat. There are plenty of great warriors where you're going who are fat," Frumpkin said. "Now, if you want to use your last wish on being muscular looking, we can do that in a moment. In the meantime, hold out your hand!"

Jack sighed and held out his hand. With a sudden rush of light and energy, a long handled axe with a wide, sweeping blade appeared in his hand. The blade was covered in ornate scrollwork carvings, and the handle was wrapped in some kind of leather-like material that Jack didn't recognize immediately.

"Whoa, cool!" Jack said, moving the axe around and inspecting it.

"I figured you'd appreciate that," Frumpkin said. He looked at Jack and asked, "What's your last wish, kid?"

It only took Jack a moment to decide on his last wish.

"I want a harem of 'hot' girls who want me!", he said.

"A harem of...hot girls?" Frumpkin asked, looking very confused.

"Yeah! Super ridiculously hot! With big t.i.ts!" Jack added, trying desperately not to strike another pose.

"Uhm, okay...? One harem of blazing hot women coming up..." Frumpkin said with a befuddled expression. He muttered something under his breath to himself, snapped his fingers, and added "You'll find your harem waiting for you just outside where you sp.a.w.n. And try not to get burned. I suggest forge gloves if you plan on touching them."

"Alrighty! Hey...wait, what do you mean, burned?" Jack asked, but Frumpkin was already gone.