My Second Life Is An Absurdist Power Fantasy 5 5.

["Why do guys like you always say that when I do things like this?"] Frumpkin said more than asked. ["Two days ago climbing that hill would have been the peak accomplishment of your week, but no, as soon as you get your wishes it's all 'oooh, look at me, I need a harder challenge because I'm too good to be rewarded for beating my previous records'".]

"I mean, I'm grateful... It's just not very....heroic, I guess", Jack said.

["So, you want a more 'heroic' challenge, huh? You want me to give you a chance to 'be a hero'?] Frumpkin asked in a voice Jack would have used when talking to a small child.

"Yes, please", Jack replied.

["Ooookay, you asked for it."] Frumpkin said, before adding a moment later ["...you might want to duck."]

Jack got three-quarters of the way through saying "huh?" before the resounding crack of something hard and heavy smashed against the back of his head, sending him sprawling and filling his vision with stars. He instinctively tumbled, s.h.i.+fting his weight in the roll to spring up to his feet. He turned to see a single small, green-skinned creature wearing ragged leather and holding a large wooden club made out of an old tree branch. The thing stood only three feet tall, with large yellow eyes and comically oversized ears and features, and was currently convulsing with belly laughter. When it looked up to see Jack staring down at him with displeasure, axe in hand, however, he stopped laughing, and nervously took a step backwards. As the thing turned to run, Jack buried his newly-obtained magic axe in the back of the greenskin's head, causing it to cry out with a gurgling scream before tumbling to the ground in a heap of green blood and odd angles. Jack tried to remove his axe from the goblin's skull, only to find it firmly wedged in place. It took him far longer than seemed reasonable to get the thing removed, when he finally decided to stand on the goblin's shoulders with both of his feet and put his full weight into the pull. The blade finally popped free with a wet thunking sound, and Jack tumbled a.s.s-backwards onto the turf at the dead goblin's feet.

"Seriously? One goblin? That's what you consider a heroic challenge?" Jack thought, rubbing his tail-bone as he stood up.

["One? Oh no, there's more than one."] Frumpkin said. ["...Speaking of which, head's up."]

Jack looked up just in time to have a large log collide end-first with his face. He folded over, holding his face with both hands and hurling obscenities into the air.

["Tried to warn ya. Anyways, there's about 30 more. I'll check in again when you're done, or dead. Whichever comes first. Good luck!"] Frumpkin said, putting a sing-songy trill on the last two words that made Jack want to punch him square in the face.

Jack blinked away the tears in his eyes from the impact, and glanced around to see himself surrounded by a dozen or so more goblins, each one laughing and snarling in equal measure. A couple of them spoke to each other in some kind of guttural language he didn't understand, and one called up loudly towards the tree canopy, where Jack saw over a dozen more taking aim at him with more large, rough-hewn logs.

"Hey, uh, Frumpkin…? I, uh, take it back. I'm good with being rewarded for the hill climb now...", Jack thought.