Absolute Shopping Addict 1 Chapter 1

For him, "special sale" is a synonym of "must purchase".

When he found the phrase "special sale" in the site's terms and conditions regarding sale items, it was like a missile locking onto its target.

"This month's bill will be no joke, but you know what they say, you only live once," he muttered as he clicked on the 'purchase b.u.t.ton'.

The notification that his purchase was successful appears on the corner of his eye, along with a picture of a standing hanger, his newest acquisition.

Will it be useful?

He does not know.

The only thing that matters is that it was on a special sale.

And the delivery was free.

Just like all the other things he had never used or opened, piling up in his house.

Jake enunciated the words as he opened the e-mail confirming the receipt, not believing his good fortune.

"Free delivery… within twenty-four hours."

He tingled with antic.i.p.ation, his shopper's instincts taking over as he began to rock back and forth with excitement.

It had been a long time since he made his first online purchase.

But the feeling of opening a package fresh from the courier… even now, the thrill of putting your hands on it, carefully opening the box, packing tape and bubble wrap to see your purchase…

…It was a high that was unmatched by nearly anything.

"These look interesting… 'Summer Sale'?"

Mere minutes after purchasing the hanger, Jake Smithson was once again on the lookout for the next bargain, the next sale, the next item up for bid.

Welcome to the daily life of a shopping addict.

***

When you're addicted to shopping, you cease buying things because they're useful or beautiful.

You buy them because they're cheap.

Or if you'll get a bargain by buying them in bulk.

Or if they come with extras.

Or if they come with 24-hour next-day at-your-doorstep delivery.

Every part of this process, from prowling online stores to scheduling sales, all the way to making the perfect online purchase… for someone like Jake, this is the essence and meaning of joy.

It's gotten to the point where nearly everything Jake purchases is either discounted, wholesale, or comes with extras.

With the fervor of a man of faith, Jake even thinks that buying things from a catalog without seeing if they're on sale is somewhat of a heresy.

Just like today, where we find Jake squinting at the screen after a perfectly ordinary and normal workday.

A few clicks in, his finely-honed shopping instincts activated, and he spun the mouse wheel down, hoping to find a rare item or bargain...

…and then, one item caught his eyes.

"With our revolutionary new embossing technique, it not only absorbs more, but it also glides off your skin! You've never had a wiping experience like this before! Buy two, take one! Stocks are low, so purchase now!"

Huh.

Toilet paper rolls.

Jake's mind started whirring with the possibilities.

Buy two packs, get one free – so it's a 33% discount, 30 rolls in a pack, 3 packs, that's 90 rolls.

"Now why would I want to buy 90 rolls of toilet paper?" he grinned.

You never ran out of uses for toilet paper.

He pushed the 'purchase' b.u.t.ton.

As soon as he did, though, out popped a most peculiar window from the computer.

[You have been summoned by Nohas.]

[You are awakened as "Shopping Addict".]

As soon as he clicked on 'ok', Jake's computer's screen flashed in a brilliant white, and he was summoned to the world of Nohas.

***
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"Okay, did anyone see the plate number of the car that hit me?"

"Where the h.e.l.l am I?"

The first thing Jake could see after coming to his senses was people running around in confusion.

'd.a.m.n, what the h.e.l.l was that?' he thought, while pulling himself up.

"Well," he said, looking around to see that he had awakened in some sort of Middle Age town, and decided to punctuate his situation with the word best appropriate for it, "...s.h.i.+t."

Stopping for awhile to make sure he was decent enough, Jake began to slowly walk through the town.

'Pretty sure I haven't been sucked into a portal or run over by a truck or van, because that's typically how you end up in another world,' he thought, remembering the types of novels he read back in middle school.

He had barely gone a hundred meters or so when the announcement stunned everyone close by.

[Welcome to Brino, also known as the 11th tutorial area for Nohas. For all of you who have awakened here, you have been chosen as Awakeners to serve and protect Nohas from the hordes of monsters seeking to destroy it. While this is considered a tutorial area, be warned that outside the tutorial area is not friendly to beginners, and those with the hubris to venture forth without sufficient preparation can and will pay for it with their lives.]

"f.u.c.k me," Jake whispered.

[Fortunately, your wounds will be healed during your stay at the novice village. Also, do your best with your own growth, so that you'll have easier time adapting to the new environment after the tutorial period.]

[While you may think this is the next great adventure to embark on, know that it is not only the fate of this world that depends on your actions, but the fate of the world from which you came from. Because, when the last citadel on Nohas falls, the monster horde will devour this world, and then move onto the next one: Earth.]

People around Jake were beginning to panic.

[One more thing, use the status window to check your stats, equipment, and other valuable information you may need in this brave new world.]

More panic.

[Because this is a one-way ticket, and there's no turning back from here.]

Even more panic.

[Good luck – you'll need it.]

Pandemonium erupted.

"Send us back!"

"What the h.e.l.l are you saying?"

"I didn't ask to be sent here!"

In the midst of all the chaos and everyone yelling and running around, Jake was standing there like an idiot, trying to process what just happened.

'Tutorial? Monster? What is it talking about?'

The voice was explaining the situation as if it was some sort of a video game.

'Calm down, Jake Smithson. Panicking isn't going to solve the situation,' he thought, pulling himself together to figure out what was going on.

'So, going back to what the voice said, I am summoned to a world where I have to fight monsters. And I am what? An Awakener?'

Despite his effort to remain calm, he couldn't stop his legs from s.h.i.+vering. He was even breaking out in a cold sweat.

'WAKE UP!' he slapped himself in his own face. 'This isn't a dream or anything. You served in the army as well. What are you so freaking scared of? Man up, Jake!'

After ceaseless self-scolding, he was finally able to find composure and looked at the situation clearly.

'Phew, alright,' he took a deep breath. 'First things first. It said this is a one-way ticket. Which means what I can do at the moment is to adjust myself to this new environment. There's no way back.'

As soon as he gave up on going back home, he rather became more poised.

If he already knows the only answer to the question, there's no need to strive to find another one.

However, as soon as he set his mind, he instantly encountered a new problem.

"90 rolls," he whispered in a panic. "Ninety rolls of high-quality, embossed, toilet paper."

It wasn't the absurdity of the situation that unraveled Jake; it was that he couldn't do shopping anymore.

'c.r.a.p,' he thought, as his hands began to s.h.i.+ver again.

It may sound ridiculous that the biggest concern he has now is that he cannot do shopping anymore: he's summoned to an unknown place, and now he has to fight monsters.

For him, however, it was a problem beyond anything.

Because Jake Smithson is a COMPLETE shopping addict, and there is a reason why we call it addiction.

Just like addiction to gambling, alcohol, drugs, or any subject, his addition towards shopping was a legitimate one.

In any sorts of situation, shopping has been and always will be his number one priority.

'What would I do without shopping? Where will I find my joy? My happiness?' he murmured, as he, in all seriousness, was considering what he could do to survive in a no-shopping situation.

'Good game, and well played. It's over. Who cares about monsters and awakeners when there's no shopping? I'm done. Completely done. Not able to do shopping is hundred times more unacceptable than this absurd situation.'

And there he came up with conclusion: No shopping, no life.

It's just impossible for him to imagine himself living without shopping.

Even during the time when he was broke, he could still find hope and joy in his life when he unboxed the packages he ordered.

No shopping means a complete despair for him.

But the great mankind has always found their way during the hard times.

One faint memory crossed his mind while he was striving to find his way out.

"I was shopping for toilet paper. Then something showed up and... yeah, I remember now. The dialog box said I was awakened as some sort of 'Shopping Addict'."

He nodded, as a shopping addict himself, he would never miss his favorite word, "shopping".

'But what does it mean I was awakened as something? What about the shopping addict?' he was lost in thoughts again.

"Wait a sec, what did that thing say to do? Was it window? Status Window? All right, let's try that."

But before he did anything further, a square lit up on the corner of his eyes as soon as he said the phrase "Status Window" to himself.

[Name: Jake Smithson

Level: 1

Cla.s.s: Shopping Addict

Basic Stats

Strength: 10

Agility: 10

Intelligence: 10

Skills

Shopping (Awakening Store currently in beta)]

***

As soon as the screen pops up, Jake looked around – most of the people around him also found out the status window and are looking at their own cla.s.ses with surprise.

Nearly everyone did – it's part and parcel of what happens when you wake up in a different world that also happens to be working on role playing game logic.

However, Jake's reaction was completely different from everyone else's.

No distress, no surprise, no anger – all emotions have been swept away by a single word he happened to fixate on in his own status window.

That word was "shopping", and it happened to be his skill.

The blank expression on his face slowly transitioned into that of someone who struck gold.

"Excellent," Jake said out loud before going into a deep and very disturbing laugh.

One thing is clear. His mind is set.

As he laughed and laughed, he finally realized that maybe being stranded in role-playing game land isn't such a bad deal after all.

Because, after all, he lives to shop.

He brazenly disregarded the onlookers beginning to edge away from him, whispering to their fellows about the creepy man laughing in the town square as soon as he opened his status window.

It was these very eyes and whispers that drove Jake to a nearly reclusive lifestyle, but at this moment, he does not care at all – not one whit – about the stares and gossip.

While he laughed outside, inside, he was pleading.

'Please let me shop.

Please.

If you want me to defend this city, I'll defend this city.

If you want me to fight monsters, I'll fight monsters.

Monsters, demons, witches, warlocks, whatever.

For the need to shop... I'll gladly kill anyone you point me at.'

He stopped laughing.

He wanted to kick himself.

"Okay, if the store is available... how do I access it?"

He knelt, put his hands together and prayed like he never prayed before.

"If there is G.o.d, if there is any justice in this world… connect me to the Awakening Store!"

[Connect to Awakening Store (currently in beta)?]

"YES!"

He spread his arms wide and welcomed his personal heaven, as he could almost hear a choir of angels singing as they ushered in his home away from home – the online marketplace.

[Awakening Shop (Beta)

CATEGORY

1. Basic Items.

2. To be updated, please check back later.

3. To be updated, please check back later.

CURRENT EVENTS:

SPECIAL DEAL – Package Set!

3 Strength Up, 3 Agility Up, 3 Intelligence Up altogether currently on sale!

Original Retail Price is 2700 points, but we're selling this to you for the low, low price of 1900 points!

Don't wait, this sale is only valid for 72 hours!]

As he browsed through the shop's catalog, the onlookers noticed that Jake's expression had changed to something positively beatific.

The closed eyes and the calm yet happy smile he carried outside matched well with what he was telling himself inside.

'Yes, indeed,' Jake Smithson thought as he continued to browse the spa.r.s.e Awakening Store, 'this is heaven.'