Absolute Shopping Addict 19 Chapter 19

He mindlessly ran a thumb over his arm, feeling the thickened scars that had formed from all the fights he was in.

'Not going to lie, it was extremely tough.'

Some people may think two weeks isn't that long. Others think two weeks isn't long enough.

But to Jake, it was a slog from the starting line all the way to the finish; he only managed to catch up on sleep as soon as he got on board the turtle s.h.i.+p, and in his exhaustion, forgot that he was supposed to feel seasick.

'…yeah, one of the longest two weeks I've ever been through, because I barely had the time or peace of mind to get enough sleep.'

The grind was such that Jake could not even recall parts of his stay there, because if he wasn't fighting off the monsters appearing from nearly everywhere, he was training.

'It was only the thought of "the little turtle s.h.i.+p that could" that kept me going.'

Every chance he had, whenever he got to a place with little to no monsters, he trained and trained to fulfill the requirement needed to gain the Cherry Blossom Sword Art.

'If I had to choose which was harder between hunting monsters and training for the Cherry Blossom… I'd say it was the training.'

Jake started off by thinking that improving his agility stat would help solve the problem… but that wasn't it.

For the first two days he started practicing with leaves, and early on, when he figured out he needed to swing his sword faster, he used the points he gained from the monsters he hunted to raise his Agility stat to 35… except that didn't work out at all.

Jake quickly figured out that an Awakener who can go head-to-head with a ton of monsters but can't even cut a bunch of leaves in midair is a joke.

But some time during his third day on the island, Jake eventually came onto the fact that he wasn't supposed to rush this skill: he just needed to train how to wield his sword better and not rely on brute force swings alone.

A little over a week later, he cut a leaf into eight pieces after his Great Sword Mastery had gone up to level 2. And two days after that, he had accomplished the heretofore-thought impossible: the cherry blossom was thrown into the air… and cut into sixteen pieces.

Just like that, Jake obtained the skill, and completely changed his fighting style.

His Great Sword Mastery skill only helped him wield weapons like the Swiftstone, but the Cherry Blossom Sword Art itself was a killing blow.

"The difference between them and me?" Jake asked to no one as he used the skill and the scent of flowers spread through the air, "I don't just make it look elegant. I make it SMELL elegant, too."

After taking a few hours off to further test out his newly-acquired means of monster destruction, Jake quickly made his way back to where he escaped from the Cherry-Sh.e.l.l Snapper, his intent to make the giant turtle pay for wrecking his turtle s.h.i.+p written all over his face.

'It was quite a sight to see the giant turtle crying at me. You remember me chopping off that branch, huh?'

Normally, you needed to defeat the Snapper first before learning the Cherry Blossom, but again, Jake was the type of Awakener who, when he sees convention, gives it the finger and goes about his own way to finish a task.

'Even with my new skills, it still wasn't easy, though.'

Thanks to twelve days worth of buying and saving up healing items, Jake was able to fight toe-to-toe with the Cherry-Sh.e.l.l Snapper.

'Well, I remember what you did to my poor turtle s.h.i.+p, which is why I saved up healing items for twelve days, just for you!'

And two days after Jake baited the Cherry-Sh.e.l.l Snapper into battle, the monster finally stopped moving.

Jake Smithson burst into joy at the sight of the huge form of the giant turtle lying dead in the meadow, and when he saw a whopping twenty-two thousand points show up on his account in the corner of his eye.

He didn't waste any time and paid to have his poor turtle s.h.i.+p returned to its previous, pristine condition.

Additionally, Jake bought a little something with the points that remained as a reward for himself.

[BlissTone Microphone and Amplifier: A two-item set for the aspiring singer! A microphone and a portable speaker are included so if you've always want to sing, now's your chance to belt like a pro and flow for show!]

[Be warned, though: the amp is calibrated to inflict maximum auditory annoyance on nearby monsters. Should you choose to sing, be prepared to fight off hecklers.]

Though Jake did read the fine print and knew it was monster bait, it still didn't stop him from buying the item.

"Once again, after much hards.h.i.+p and effort… I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me, I'm sailing on a turtle boat!"

It was typical of Jake to make an impulse buy after going through what he had been through.

He thought of catching up on all the sleep he missed out on while on the turtle s.h.i.+p, and after several hours, he was back in fine form, standing on the prow of his s.h.i.+p, spitting out rhymes, the joy never leaving his system despite his nap.

[Arriving at the previous departure point: sh.o.r.es of the river due south of Brino Village]

With the widest smile on his face, he stepped off the boat onto terra firma and took in the sights.

In his state of happiness, he seemed to have disregarded the pointed glares his fellow Awakeners were sending his way.

'Wait, they made an outpost here? How convenient,' Jake thought. 'Wait a minute, why is everyone bringing out their weapons?'

***

At the Awakening Store back office, the door to the manager's office opened not with a bang, but with a whimper.

And from the darkened doorway emerged the back office's highest-ranked employee – the manager called Keldarian.

He took slow steps out of the office, trembling hands reaching for the railing so he could make it down the stairs without falling, and when he reached the production floor, nearly everyone in the back office could see just how ghastly he looked – nearly all the color on his face was gone, except for two black circles under his eyes.

"We're done," he whispered, and when no one could read his lips he yelled. "WE'RE f.u.c.kING DONE! CLOSE THE d.a.m.n SHOP, I AM f.u.c.kING OUT OF HERE AS SOON AS I WRITE MY RESIGNATION LETTER."

Pandemonium ensued.

"What?"

"What's going on, sir?"

The rant seemed to bring Keldarian back to life, and he stomped towards the hapless a.n.a.lyst who had to ask him the question.

"This, minion," Keldarian replied, venom dripping out of every word, "our resident nutjob just happened to accomplish this."

He motioned to the projector, and when the rest of the back office saw what was going on, it looked like there was a fire or earthquake drill about to happen in the office.

Granted, where they were, there was a slim to none chance of that happening, but they were all still running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Five minutes of confusion later, Keldarian managed to wrest control over his office.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our beloved customer, Jake Smithson," he began, sarcasm heavy on his tone, "has just acquired the Cherry Blossom Sword Art in just two f.u.c.king weeks."

"But other areas have already defeated the Werecrocodile by now –"

"And, not only that, he has also managed to defeat the Cherry-Sh.e.l.l Snapper…"

"He would need at least a team of five Awakeners to do—"

"…by himself."

For a minute, there was the most uncomfortable silence in the Awakening Store back office.

One of the a.n.a.lysts let out a word that summarized how everyone was feeling.

"...f.u.c.k."

Obviously, this wasn't something they planned for.

What they were expecting was that Jake would defeat the Snapper before getting the Cherry Blossom Sword Art.

Unfortunately, what they got was an Awakener getting the skill first, and THEN defeating the boss monster.

One of the senior a.n.a.lysts tried to mitigate the situation.

"This isn't wholly our fault. We're just going according to how the Awakening Store on another branch sells it. If we ever get nailed for this, that's the only good defense we can mount."

"True," another a.n.a.lyst added, "The Black Label catalog does have the Cherry Blossom by default. I think we did make a mistake by promoting it as an event. That got this guy to focus on getting the skill."

"We knew he was good, but we never expected him to be THIS good..." a junior a.n.a.lyst chimed in.

"Okay," Keldarian declared. "Scenario time: our favored customer is now wielding a Swiftstone Sword and is using the Cherry Blossom Sword Art. Imagine the kind of reaction other Awakeners will show when they run into him. "

"Only those with a death wish would not run and hide," an a.n.a.lyst remarked.

"That's right," Keldarian said. "Back in his home world there's a story about how a scientist made a monster who inevitably destroyed him. I dare say we are in the same boat as this Frankenstein fellow. We made someone so strong that things such as game balance are no longer relevant. Face it, we just broke the game."

"So instead of griping about it, how about we throw some ideas together so we can fix it?"

"Fix it? Other than exterminating Nohas as a whole, I can't think of anything!"

"We send in a request to IT and ask them to balance the monster stats or something?"

"Then he'd be the only one who could fight them!"

As the a.n.a.lysts argued, Kelderian remained silent as his thoughts about how to stop this customer from ruining the simulation deeply troubled him.

He came to a decision just as two of the junior a.n.a.lysts were about to come to blows.

"Team building," he declared loudly, and the comment was so out of left field the a.n.a.lysts about to punch each other's lights out just dropped their fists and turned their open-mouthed stares to their boss.

"Team building?" a senior a.n.a.lyst asked, unsure if her boss had already gone off the deep end.

"Yes," Keldarian said. "Team building."

"What?!"

"Let's close down the shop for a week. If I'm a d.a.m.ned nervous wreck right now I can only imagine what you guys are going through. I'll put in the pet.i.tion to management for a week off for team bonding and decompression."

"Well if we do that, we're not going to stop this guy from buying right? We're only delaying the deliveries of whatever he purchases."

"Why not just put all his purchases on a time delay, while you're at it?" another a.n.a.lyst snapped, and Kelderian considered his options.

Because if he was honest, this Jake Smithson's purchasing savvy was, quite frankly, frightening to him.

So, Kelderian decided to make a managerial decision and make a momentary retreat so he and his back-office team could figure out what to do next – and work the stress of this Smithson fellow's antics out of their systems.

"Sir, you do realize that you're supposed to give management at least a week's notice before taking any leave of at least 3 days or more, right?" Kelderian's beleaguered a.s.sistant asked.

Kelderian's face fell.

'f.u.c.k me. If I go through with this, Corporate is going to get on my a.s.s so hard I won't be able to sit for a week. I have to do this via official channels. Wouldn't do to torpedo my reputation out of stress… I am a service provider, after all.'

He sighed the sigh of the long-suffering and made the proper adjustments to his plan.

"You're right," he said, his voice sounding defeated. "Notify Corporate, we're taking the week after this one off."

"What kind of notification should we place in the Awakening Store then, boss?"

"Just follow the format Corporate uses when making company memos. You can easily fill in the blanks."

"Roger that!" and with that announcement, the Nohas branch of the Awakening Store returned to its usual working environment, a plan to take a vacation just to slow down their beloved customer's purchasing obsession already under way.

But as he returned to his office to take a long-deserved power nap, he had the distinct feeling that he had forgotten something important, but his eyes closed the moment he put his head on his desk, right before he could start figuring it out.

[Awakening Shop customer list:

Name: Jake Smithson

Members.h.i.+p Status: General Members.h.i.+p

Points Left Before Members.h.i.+p Upgrade: 36,000]

***

It was just before Jake took the s.h.i.+p back to Brino that he realized that he had gained a significant amount of power.

Before the Island of Delusion, Jake could say that he was a cut above most of the other Awakeners, but now?

It was a whole different story.

'Status window,' he thought, and the window appeared before him.

[Name: Jake Smithson

Level: 1

Cla.s.s: Shopping Addict

Basic stats

Strength: 45

Agility: 35

Intelligence: 14

Mana: 2

Physical Defense: 4

Magic Defense: 6

Luck: 2

Skills:

Shopping (Awakening Store currently in open beta)

Great Sword Mastery Lv. 2

Cherry Blossom Sword Art Lv. 1

Even Flow Lv. 1 ]

He let out a low whistle as he saw his stats and skills, as he could see the significance improvement with his basic stats.

But not only that, he has acquired an unbelievable skill: Cherry Blossom Sword Art – the skill that single-handedly defeated the second calamity-cla.s.s boss monster Cherry-Sh.e.l.l Snapper.

But as he stepped off the turtle s.h.i.+p, still walking on suns.h.i.+ne, something happened to him that would be best described as ridiculous.

One of the Awakeners approached him cautiously, weapon out.

"Where have you been?"

"Do I answer to you, sir? I was hunting."

"Did you run away?"

"What did I run away from?"

The Awakener quickly lost patience. "What I'm saying is, you ran away because you're the prime suspect in the death of Seamus and his party!"

"No, I didn't," Jake said as his smile slowly changed into a frown. "I returned here, didn't I?"

"If you're not the killer, why did you hide for two weeks?"

"I didn't hide," Jake said as his joy quickly died away at the hostile looks and sudden inquisition brought upon him.

'Didn't actually have time to think about this while at the Island,' Jake thought. 'Too busy fighting to think about the killer.'

"What were you doing during those two weeks, then?"

"I. Was. Hunting. Monsters," Jake replied slowly, as if he was talking to a toddler.

'You've already pre-judged me, so any explanation I make, you're not going to consider.

I've run into my fair share of people like you.

So I'm not going to bother going into the details – you're not going to listen, anyway,' Jake thought, his experience with people serving him well at this point.

"You're not going to admit to your crimes, huh?" the knight said, and took up a fighting stance.

"I guess the time for talking has finished."

As soon as the knight said that, the tension in the riverbank ratcheted up, and Jake was able to understand what they were really intending to do, even as his hands hovered around the hilt of his weapon.

'Predictable.'

Jake could see that he was right as he saw them beginning to ready their weapons for a fight.

That was when a chime prompted Jake to look at the corner of his eye, because a notification came, deflating all the tension out of him.

[IMPORTANT NOTICE:

Good morning, dear customer!

We would like to inform you in advance that the Awakening Store staff will be taking a week off for various teambuilding and job enrichment activities starting next week.

Please note that we will not be able to s.h.i.+p any items you purchase for the duration of our time off.

Please keep that in mind while you shop with us, and thank you for your continued patronage!]

As soon as Jake read a notice that he never wanted to see, his face paled and his pupils shrank to pinp.r.i.c.ks.

"ARE YOU f.u.c.kING KIDDING ME?!" he roared almost reflexively after the shock of the announcement pa.s.sed through him, unaware of his present situation.

"No," the knight replied, incorrectly a.s.suming that Jake was asking them that question, "it would be easier for everyone if you come at us like that."

As Jake continued to grapple with the news, the other Awakeners slowly began to surround him.

'f.u.c.k me with a face full of facef.u.c.k, these jokers are going off the grid for a week? I get the f.u.c.king shakes if a day pa.s.ses by without me buying anything!

How the f.u.c.k am I going to survive one f.u.c.king week?!'

"He's snapped," one of the Awakeners said as a trickle of cold sweat began to flow down Jake's face as he stood stock-still at the disastrous notification sent his way.

'What do I? How do I...?'
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As Jake began to think of ways to address this situation, the team slowly made their way towards him.

'Think, Jake, think!'

"That's it. We'll move to capture him now."

'Hmm. Okay, I'll buy a week's worth of items in advance, keep them in the inventory…'

"We tried to talk him out of this but he resisted," the knight said, and the rest of the search team nodded along.

'…and ration it so I open one package a day. That's it. That's it!'

Jake's back shuddered with satisfaction at his ingenuity.

'I can last the week if I buy seven items. Which means I need to earn points – now!'

"This is your last warning! Come with us or be prepared to have blood spilled – yours!" one of the team yelled.

The malicious intent of the search team permeated the banks of the river, and Jake knew they wouldn't be content with just capturing him.

And then the tension broke as Jake's clouded eyes returned back to its piercing s.h.i.+ne.

"Vacation!" Jake roared. "They said they were going on a vacation!"

His sudden burst of anger stopped the search team in its tracks.

"Will you guys get the h.e.l.l off my back? The next week will be the most important seven days for me!" Jake yelled, and furiously rushed towards the Awakeners.