Strange Love 53 Say Something

She looked around her own room. Her bed was wrinkled, obvious signs that someone had been sleeping in here while she was gone. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She lifted one of the pillows and brought it to her face. The sent of Oleander and Sandalwood engulfed her as she buried her face deeper into the fabrics, wrapping the pillow in a tight hug. Tears streamed down her face saturating the entire surface as she thought back over everything that had happened… all the wrong a.s.sumption he had made… and all the ones she had made. She had no clue how long she had been there when the sound of light footsteps jarred her out of her emotional haze. Her tear-filled eyes automatically shot up to the opened doorway. Her heart sank as she watched the mountain of a man walk toward her with uncertainty, she had never thought to see from him.

Russ fought the urge to rush at her, to capture her in his arms and never let her go again. He took measured steps unable to take his eyes away from her overpouring aqua pools. He stopped directly in front of her, reaching his hand out to cup her face. "Joslyn…" Her name was said with the weight of a sea of broken hearts, all cras.h.i.+ng down at once.

She jerked back and cried out as if the notion of him touching her brought forth agonizing pain. Russ let his hand fall away, his own anguish eating at him. He fell to his knees before her letting his head drop. He ignored her surprised intake of breath as he spoke. "Jos, I've messed up in so many ways… I've hurt you so many times..." He gazed sadly up into her tear-filled eyes, "I don't deserve you… I've been so caught up in what I wanted… what I thought I needed… I couldn't see the pain I was causing you…" He glanced down at her hands as they squeezed tightly into the fabric of the pillow. He let out a heavy sigh… "No… that's a lie… I saw the pain I was causing you… I just chose to ignore it…" He cupped his hand over hers, "I was so convinced that if we were together nothing else mattered, that in time you would get over all the things that were bothering you… that I was the best thing for you…" He cupped her hands as she slowly loosened her grip on the pillow. He gazed up at her as tears began over-flowing in streams down her cheeks. "I never for a second thought to ask you what you really wanted… I just kept forcing myself on you over and over again." Warm liquid began trailing down his own cheeks as he continued talking, refocusing on their connected hands. "I am a child… I'm willing to admit that now… and a jealous, arrogant one at that…" His brows furrowed as he looked back up at her tears still streaking his handsome face, emphasizing the spark of determination s.h.i.+ning brightly in his eyes, "But G.o.ddammit I love you, Joslyn. More than anything in this world or the next."

A whimper escaped Joslyn's lips. She squeezed her eyes tightly closed shaking her head frantically in an attempt to shake loose the emotions building there. She pulled her hands out of his as she cried, "Russ stop! Get up and… just…" His head fell against her knee. {How many times had he done this exact thing as a child… How many times had he came to rest his head in this exact spot… when he was sick… after a nightmare… or when he had just been missing his parents…}? It was her undoing. With trembling hands, she pushed his head up off her lap. Instead of looking up at her he just hung it lower, staring at the floor as tears streamed down his face and drip onto the dark wood. Jos slid from the bed and sank onto the floor in front of him. He no sooner lifted his grief-ridden eyes to her than she had thrown her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. She squeezed tighter as her own crying became hysterical. The thin material of his s.h.i.+rt quickly became saturated, but it didn't matter. He held her tightly against his chest, sinking his face into her soft, clean hair.

It took her several minutes before she could calm down enough to speak, "I'm the one who is sorry…" she tightened her grip on him, "I've been so scared of my own feelings… I've never been able to tell you how I truly feel… I've made you suffer so much…" She slowly loosened her grip and sat back, still on his lap, to look him in the eyes as she continued. "You were right… all this time… you were right. Russ… I…" She glanced away, "I've been so afraid of my own feelings, the last time I thought myself in love those feelings weren't reciprocated… I… I didn't want to admit my feelings for you were stronger than anything I've ever felt before." She cupped his sharp jaw, wiping a tear away with the pad of her thumb. I guess deep down I thought if I never said them then they wouldn't be there… and that I wouldn't be able to get hurt… once you discovered that our love was just a… pa.s.sing fling for you." She tried to smile through the sadness, "You are still so young. There is still so much ahead of you. You are just getting started on life and soon you will be the ruler of your people… what place do I have by your side? The most I could ever hope for is to be your mistress once you take your crown… My heart can't take it… I can't love you the way you want, the way you deserve… not because I don't feel it, but because I can't put myself through the endless torment of first loving you with every fiber of my being… only to lose you in less than a year and never be able to be with you… to watch you from afar as you rule… as you start your own family…" Her voice went hoa.r.s.e as emotions pushed violently for release. She closed her eyes tightly as she pushed herself back up out of the floor. Without looking down at him she turned and grabbed the small bag from the bed and slowly walked over to the nightstand.

Russ remained in the floor as he watched her move around, his brain frantically trying to process everything she'd said. {Did she just admit to loving me equally… 'pa.s.sing fling… mistress… own family'… did she just break up with me? NO! This can't be the end!} By the time his brain had finally worked its way through all she had said, she had already filled the small bag and was now headed out into the hallway. He quickly moved to follow. "Wait! What are you saying?" He slammed down the hall after her, following her into the bathroom. "What are you doing? Are you leaving? Where are you going? How long are you going to be gone?"

He shot question off one after another, but she didn't respond she simply took out her tiny travel bag and threw it into the other before pus.h.i.+ng past him back into the hall. Tears welled up threatening to overflow at any minute as she made her way out into the living room. She unplugged her phone charger and threw it into the bag as she went. She was about to open the front door when large hands seized her arm.

Morbid eyes met hers, "Joslyn, stop, what are you doing? Please, just talk to me for a minute." When she was still silent he shook her gently, "Say something, I'm not giving up on us this easily... Please..." the word 'Please slid past his lips with a desperation that tore at her very soul.

Jos frowned, anxiety weighing heavy on her shoulders, "What do you want me to say, Russ? Yes, you are the love of my life… There will never be anyone else that could ever captivate me so entirely as you have. I love you in every way… as wholly as any one person can love another." She sent him a sad smile, "I never wanted to lose you, I thought that having you by my side as some odd form of friend… as family... would be better than to never have you in my life at all… but I was wrong… from the moment your mother placed you in my arms something inside of me broke. I lost what little bit of soul I had to you… I do truly love you…" Her voice trailed off, "But what does that change? We are too different." She tried to turn away from him, but he gripped her arm tighter and pulled her back around to face him. Her head was still spinning from the movement when his lips came down hard on hers. Within seconds they softened making the kiss a sweet tender kiss. She couldn't stop herself from responding. He wrapped her tightly in his arms as he deepened their kiss.
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When they were both gasping for air, he gently rested his forehead against hers staring lovingly down into her radiant aqua eyes, "You don't understand how much I've wanted to hear you say those things." He tightened his grip on her, "I feel like if I let go of you right now I'll lose you forever, but you have to know…" he continued as he now tucked her head under his chin and held on to her even tighter, "As long as I have you none of the other stuff matters. I would gladly give it all up for you." He chuckled, "h.e.l.l, look at me! What kind of leader would I make anyways? I just quit a part-time job as a barista." He laughed light-heartedly.

Joslyn pushed away. She gazed up at him, thousands of years of pain and hurt reflecting in her eyes, "You will make an excellent leader. There is no doubt, you are the alpha your people have been waiting for… I can't ask you to give that all up for me… to let down all those people… for me…" A knock sounded on the door as Jos turned back around toward it. With her hand rested on the k.n.o.b she whispered, "This is goodbye, Russ… I'm going out of state for the weekend. I've already made arrangements with a moving company. I'm moving out… I'm going home…"

Russ quickly grabbed her in a flash. Shock and horror at the thought of losing her, and grief all mixing together inside him pus.h.i.+ng his control to its limits. He could feel the instability of the wolf clawing at his insides. "NO! What you just said! What I said… G.o.ddammit! Does it mean nothing to you? Why would you still leave? Why would you leave Raven? Sh.e.l.ly?... You can't!" Tears streamed down Russ's cheeks in angry waves.

Jos cried out, not only in emotional pain but now in physical, "Russ let go! You're hurting me!" His nails had already s.h.i.+fted into sharp claws that dug into her flesh and hair had begun sprouting along his arms.

The door suddenly burst open; a huge mammoth of man zipped past her. Before Joslyn had time to process what was going on, the intruder had already pinned Russ on the ground. "It's time to cool it boy." The man said calmly and smoothly as Russ struggled against his hold to no avail.

{That voice…} Joslyn's heart began to race as she stood frozen in the doorway of the apartment.

He shot her a smug smile before asking, "Well are you going to just stand there, or are you going to say h.e.l.lo to… an old friend?"

Her eyes nearly popped out of her eye sockets. Unwanted Memories invaded her brain, "YOU!" She forced her body to move as she quickly grabbed her bag, gripping it tightly against her chest. "You…" She spun on her heels and ran from the room, not bothering to shut the door behind her.

Orion laughed as Russ pulled a few more times against his grip, "Well Pup, if there was any doubt of the truth of my words before…" He grinned down at Russ as he removed his knee from the boy's back and released his wrists, "I supposed that answered that, huh?" Russ swung a punch toward Orion's face but his fist was caught midair, "Don't make me pin you again, boy."