We Real Cool 11 Thinking Out Loud

It's almost like he's naturally drawn to taking risks. It's as though it's innate for him to leap before he looked. And I, having been raised in a totally opposite manner, can only dream that such a person, let alone, a student at a university that has always been labeled to be a home for smart and straight-laced people, exists.

He jumps off the bus to help a clumsy girl. He talks about the death of his sister as though he were talking about his favorite ice cream. He goes on adventures with strangers without second thoughts. He performs in front of a crowd just because someone dared him to. And now, just to put the cherry on top, here he is again, waiting for his friend to pick us up in the middle of nowhere for another adventure.

Had the circ.u.mstances been different or had I been different, I probably wouldn't be with him here at the moment. Had I known him before and how much of a daredevil he is, I would have gone cold turkey the minute he said hi or h.e.l.lo. I wouldn't have been as grateful and as friendly as I'd been when he helped me out earlier. I would have transferred to another seat when he sat beside me. And if I were to be so unlucky as to not have been able to grab another spot, I would have put on my earphones and pretended to be busy on my phone just to avoid having a conversation. None of this would have happened at all.

While I'm not a fan of joie de vivre, there's something about him, something about Red, that I admire. Maybe it's his chivalry, maybe it's his selflessness. I don't know. I cannot exactly point my finger at this something, but what I can tell you is that something is currently making me feel nuts. It's as though he has some kind of magic, and I am under his spell.

After all, no one has ever made me feel this way before. No one has sent electric sparks run down my spine. For ordinary cases, it would only be a flutter or a momentary stopping of the heart. But when I'm with him, it's different. It's as though I've unlocked another level in League of Legends or something. There's that feeling of excitement and at the same time, a little bit of fear. I'm excited to know that I'm capable of falling for someone at first sight or something like that. I'm happy to know that this flirty and adventurous side of me, thanks to Red, actually exists.

On the other hand, I'm afraid of what happens after what happens tonight.

Will we still talk? Will we still be friends or at least, pretend to be? Will he ask me out before my flight two days from now and tell me that he likes me? Will we get into a long-distance relations.h.i.+p or something? Will I apply to Harvard? Will I get in? If I don't, will he transfer to wherever I end up so we could be together? Will we be friends?

I've had a couple of happy crushes and celebrity idols, but I haven't been exactly as giddy as I am when I'm with Red. Sure, Leonardo di Caprio in t.i.tanic and Ryan Gosling in The Notebook made my heart flutter the second the camera focused on their angelic looks, but it all ends there. The same is true with the non-celebrity non-famous boys whom I liked in school, some of whom liked me back.

But like I said, with Red, it's different. I know it's crazy, but in my mind, I'm already imagining how he'd propose or how our wedding would be like. I'm mentally seeing how our kids would look and who would have his traits and who would have mine. I'm thinking long-term, in brief.

In fact, in my mind, I have this little speech for him.

"Dear Red," I would begin.

"Being with you, even just for a short while, changed my life. You made my heart stop beating every time you spoke, which I know sounds crazy because you talk a lot and by doing so, you would've already killed me. But then again, you know how much of a drama queen I am, so please, hear me out and let me get through this cheesy speech.

"I feel sparks run down my spine every time our hands meet. When we were in the bus and you told me that you wanted to buy me dinner, you turned my knees into noodles; you made my mind feel like it was solving a Math Problem. The uncertainty of where I'm going next or what I'm going to do when I'm with you him makes my heart pump with excitement.

"The sparkle in your eyes inspire me to actually go out my comfort zone; your smile rea.s.sures me that everything will turn out perfectly alright even when there's a bigger probability that everything will go wrong.

"Your knack for turning serious moments into unforgettable and fun or at least, less serious, scenarios makes me want to be your friend forever. In short, you'll be my personal clown, and I will be your ever faithful client on pro bono.

"The fact that you kind of make a big deal out of the opportunities that life has to offer makes me want to go with you wherever you go. Your inherent enthusiasm, optimism, and charisma would be of huge help to my more serious, uptight, and awkward demeanor.

"When something comes up, you're probably going to be the first to step forward and say, "I'm down" and I like that. I'm not saying this because you've done all this for me; I've seen you do this for others as well. Remember that time when you stood up for Ericka in the bus? That really took a lot of courage so it's good to know that even when you can be a jerk at times, you're also a good man.

"In fact, your very grit inspired me to come up with this funny little speech. And although you seem to have the power to wreak havoc or to explode at the snap of your fingers, with you, I feel an almost paradoxical sense of comfort. Call it a fling, infatuation or foolishness. Call it what you may, but to me, it is magical."

End of speech. Period. That, dear reader, was my great monologue.

Now standing beside him as we wait for our ride, I'm feeling that magical, tingling sensation again. I don't know what time it is, how long it's been since we left the park, Blaze Pizza, or even Limelight. I don't know what time we'll be back or how we'll get back to Fenway either. All I know is that I'm with Red, and that thought rea.s.sures me well enough.

"You look like you could use some help," he said earlier. "I can hold onto your stuff for you."

He held out his hand, and though I wanted to throw my arms around him as a "thank you" for his rather chivalrous act, I didn't. I just gave him a smirk and raised my brows when it dawned on me that he was might just be fooling around. Instead, I keep the smug look on my face, thinking, Liz, that means you look like you don't have your stuff together. When he said you could use some help, that's just a nice way of saying 'you're all over the place, I feel bad for you,' so don't sell yourself short by being all nice.

I just looked at his hand and waited for his next course of action. I was practically staring at his outstretched arm for a few good seconds before I s.h.i.+fted my gaze to his face. I wanted to see how he'd react. And let me tell you how huge of a mistake it was because boom. It happened. He flashed a smile. And almost instantly, my heart stopped. He did it again. Awesome.

"After dragging me into this mess and doing all the craziest things possible, you're finally doing something right," I tell him.

As for Red, he had everything sorted out. It was as though we weren't waiting in the middle of nowhere when we're supposed to be cheering for the Red Sox. He was still on his phone, typing away. I know that it's weird at best and creepy at worst to be looking at him the whole time so in an attempt to take my eyes off him, I look away again and this time, take my phone out of my pocket.

Time check: 7:58. I have 29% of battery life, and I hope it will get me through the night. 19 messages consequently pop up from messenger; two messages, both of which are from mom. I didn't realize why I was receiving so many messages from friends back home until my phone rang.

"Hi, dad," I say. I didn't know why he was calling at this time. After all, it was probably early morning back home. "What's up?"

"Happy birthday, Lizzie," he shouted back. "I hope you're having fun there at Harvard!"

"Geez, dad!" I replied rather loudly, which got Red's attention. He looked at me and I mouthed the word 'my dad' to him.

"Thank you," I reply with a laugh. I could tell that he just woke up for some reason. "It's not until tomorrow, though."

"Not here in the Philippines," he says.

"I figured," I reply. "My friends also sent me a couple of messages and I think they're all wis.h.i.+ng me a happy birthday, too."

"Okay, honey," my dad says. "I have to start my day in a bit, but before I do that let me give you your birthday present. Are you ready?"

"Dad, you don't have to—"

He cut me off and started singing a happy birthday.

I didn't know what to do the whole time he sang the song, so I ended up looking at Red, hoping that he wasn't hearing any of this. There he is, leaning on the other side of the post, and here I am, on the other side. Since there is barely s.p.a.ce between us as the pole isn't very broad, we look like we were leaning against each other. He on me, and I on him while we were both on our phones.

"Thanks, dad," I tell him.

"I love you," he says. "Happy birthday."

"You, too," I reply. "I really appreciate it."

I know my dad isn't perfect, but at least he's trying. So, just to get my feelings out there and maybe even make him feel a little better, I add, "Love you, too." Before he ended the call.

I still cannot believe my dad made a long distance called me first thing in the morning. He's never done it before, and I'm guessing it's because this year is special. I'm turning 18, that's probably why.
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"If you feel cold," Red says out of nowhere, breaking the silence and my little moment of reflection. "Let me know."

"Is 'the' Red of Harvard offering me his jacket?" I reply, excited to hear his answer.

"If I had I would," he said, turning his head towards me, which makes my heart flutter.

"Sorry to disappoint you, too," I reply. "But judging by the way you devoured your food earlier, I doubt that you'd be willing to share anything at all. So don't bother making empty promises, buddy. And besides, I'm not-"

"Hey! Hold on a minute," he cut me off. "You gobbled your own pizza like a monster yourself."

I'm now laughing so hard as I didn't expect this kind of response or reaction. I'm glad that there weren't as many people pa.s.sing by as there were earlier to hear me laugh like crazy.

"Don't go preaching about sharing when you yourself didn't offer a slice of your pizza," he added.

"Gosh, lighten up," I said.

"Well, I'm serious," he said. "Apparently, I'm practically your PA now since I'm carrying your bag for you so why not go the extra mile and offer you my jacket, right? It's a shame I didn't bring it to prove what I say is true."

"Whatever you say," I reply. "Well then, what did you have in mind?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you said that I should let you know if ever I'm feeling cold."

"Oh, that," he said, looking away, blus.h.i.+ng as red as a cherry tomato. "Forget it."

"Come on," I said, giving him a soft nudge on the arm, hoping that he'd look at me. "Don't be such a drama queen and just tell me what your big brain had in mind."

I do like him, but I'm not that head-over-heels in love with him that I'd wear his stuff even when I'm still hot from all the dancing and running we've done. It's been ten minutes since we've been standing here, waiting for that friend of his to arrive, but it's as though my heart is still beating as though I were doing a cardio work-out. Red, on the other hand, looked completely calm, phone in hand.

"Fortune," he said, as soon as he spotted a red Honda S2000. "is arranging matters for us better than we could have hoped for."

And just like that, I found myself getting in the convertible as soon as he opened the door for me. After all the inner drama and conflict I've had waiting for this moment to come, I'm in for another ride.