Love Lists To The Universe 3 Chapter 3 : His Diary

He was wearing shades in order to not get notice though he is not so popular yet. He knows I can't see his eye position so he keeps on looking at me if given a chance while driving safely. Sneaky was sleeping. I forgot to mention.

Louie stopped when he saw beggars on the street. He gave them sandwiches from our prepared foods.

I was amazed to his kindness and remember that I planned to help the world together with my unknown future husband.

I was widely wake and looked on the road. Louie removed his shades and smiled at me. I smiled back too and we both look into the falling leaves at the wide road.

"Wonderful..." I cutely said for no reason.

"Why?" He asked with a smile.

I didn't answer him. I was so vain sometimes. I just want to say that word for no reason. Maybe because I felt grateful with him because it was very peaceful when we are together.

I want to giggle but will not do that because it is obvious. He might think that I am not decent. I want him to kiss me again but will not allow that because it is improper manner. Okay what I want right now is to listen to a song that will remove this b.u.t.terflies in my crazy stomach.

I played the song of Taylor Swift called "Bad Love" and sang with it with my hands moving in a funny manner. I think this will change what I feel right now.

He laughed at me and he sang too then at the middle of the song he changed the song to Ed Sheeran's "Kiss Me" song .

I just stopped singing and he smiled at me.

"I will sleep again." I funnily said to him. I don't like the song because it makes my heart beat fast.

"Okay." He said to me.

We finally came to the Caba Hospital. I looked strangely to it and felt that my friend Red needs me.

"You can go with me." I said to him and looked in a serious face.

"Maybe it is better if I stay here in the car with Sneaky. You go and see them. I hope that he will be fine and wake soon." Louie replied to me while wearing his shades with a smile.

I nodded and then after that I went inside the hospital. I walked slowly and entered the 4th floor until I reach his room.

My happy mood was changed when I saw my friends in a sad face.

They just looked down to me. Ren, Bright, En,Mic and Alpha was all there. Comatose was really a serious problem. He might not wake up.

"Friend, go inside. His family is waiting for you." Bright slowly said to me.

Bright is a girl with a long straight hair and a brown skin.

I saw his parents and their eyes never shows hope. I can feel sadness to his room.

As I stepped close to him, I was shocked to his appearance. He was wearing many apparatuses to make him still alive.

"I'm glad you came to visit him." Her sister named Lez said to me.

I don't respond and just sit beside Red.

I want to cry but I am controlling it.

Her mother sits beside me and falsely smiled to hide her deep sadness.

"He was waiting for you." She said to me and I doubt why.

"How does car accident occur?" I asked to her.

"Other car is over speeding and it hits him unexpectedly." She replied to me.

"Lez, kindly give me the diary of Red." She said to her daughter.

I'd never thought that Red writes a diary.

The diary was now held by her mother and it was ent.i.tled "What is Important?"

"Take this and read the college days of Red. We read almost all pages and you are included to it." She smiled to me with a tears.

I feel so strange and want to ask why me. How about the other? Do I really need to read that? It is too private and he might get angry if I know his secret.

I took the diary and look to it in a weird manner.

"A, my son secretly loves you so much. We want you to know that. It was almost 2 months and we are very sorry for being too late in informing you and your friends because we get angry when I've read that you often breaks the heart of my son. He wasn't became happy without you in his life. You kept on moving away from him." She honestly said to me that makes me wanna cry.

I controlled my sad feelings and didn't respond because she was right. I am always moving away from him because I am afraid of being rejected and get hurt. I love him but I need to protect my heart too.

I just once remember that I didn't attend his birthday since we graduated at the age of 22. He was waiting for me but I ignored it because I hate him making me feel that other woman is more important than me. It feels bad and i don't want to focus on things that makes me feel sad, lonely and confuse. He totally confused me and I just think that though my love for him was unconditional, he wasn't really the right person for me.

He many times shows me how much likable he is by other woman. He allowed them to surround him when I'm with him. It hurts me deeply, especially during the times when they are sweetly responding to each other. I know i should not take this personal but I must not stay with something that feels uncomfortable but now he is hunting my heart again.

Yes, we both never had girlfriend or boyfriend since our birth and became friends for more than 5 years but it doesn't matter that to me. I love him but I hate him.

My unforgivable thoughts run in the hologram of my mind as a farewell from the hospital with his red diary.

I guess that G.o.d would not like my vengeful thinking and the Universe will say that I'm out of balance right now.

I walked slowly outside the hospital. I sent message to Louie that I am sitting to the park of the hospital and will take a few minutes to relax and breath deeply.

I tried to listen to the singing birds but it doesn't work to me. So I just start reading pages of his diary from the date where he transferred to our University.

The written sentences touched me.

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June 7, 2011

Dear You,

Today is my first day at Hanji University and I met new friends. One of them is very cute.Her name is "A". She looks so innocent and her eyes were rounded. This month of June is so lovely and I think that she is also so lovely. I liked her and I want to be friends to them and stay to them as I graduated Computer Engineering. Maybe I will know her better soon.

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December 1, 2012

Girls liked me so much because I am handsome and genius. Alpha,Mei, Daisy and Hanna obviously likes me. HEHEHE... Maybe "A" too but she is hiding it. I liked "A" than them anyway, though they are more beautiful than her.

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December 10, 2012

Dear You,

Today, I saw "A" so sad. Because of that, I said that if she knows the color of my sock then I will treat her takoyaki. She smiled and guess wrong color but it was wrong.I am wearing red sock but she said it was color black.

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February 15, 2013

Dear You,

Unexpectedly I got sick and confined for 5 days at the hospital but I am fine. "A" took cared of anything for me. She was very kind because she prepared me an a.s.signment and everyday updates me about their lessons. I want to thank her so much.

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March 12, 2013

Dear You,

My parents thinks that "A" was pretty and they liked her so much, even my sister did. However, A might not be interested to me because she often said that I am a soft man and it makes me a little bit mad. I know it was a joke anyway.

I ranked one in our exam and I was praised again and again. My friends were all happy for me. "A" said that she wants to be liked me.

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December 6, 2013

Dear You,

I liked "A" so much but many likes her too because she was too attractive by her weirdness and high energies. I am shy that she might not liked me back. I tried to sing some love songs in front of her but she doesn't realize that it was for her. Other woman thinks that my song was for them.

Roi often goes beside her and Freddy courts her though he was already twice rejected. I think I must not say I love her because it is too complicated.

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December 15, 2013

Dear You,

"A" and I first time ate spaghetti at Tako restaurant and it makes me happy and it feels like I am his boyfriend though we are just friends. I like her so much. She was talkative and I liked that.

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January 20, 2014

It was my birthday. "A" makes it so special and my friends. Today I realized that I love "A" and I want her in my life. However, today I also get jealous by En because he told me that he likes "A" secretly. I was little bit confuse and will still hide my feelings for her.

When En was with her, it hurts me so much, especially when they smiled together.

I uncontrollably slapped A's face for no reason and I apologized for that. She maybe thinks it was a joke but it is not.

My situation was very hard.

I love "A" so much but I don't have the strength to say it.

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October 10, 2014

Dear You,

Today is A's birthday.I was going to give her a bouquet of red roses but I changed my mind because she might think differently. I might feel rejected without asking her to be my girlfriend. As a replacement ,I bought a violet cute pillow and gave it to her while Mic gave her bracelet.

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January 20, 2015

Dear You,

A starts to forget about me. I was so sad,she didn't came in our house.

Today is my birthday and I celebrate it with some of our friends. I wish that "A" is here for me. I love her.

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I stand from the bench then my tears fall after closing his diary. Red reminds me all of the good things. If only I can return the time I lost and make him feel so important then we will be happy together.

Unexpectedly, Louie hugged me tightly from my back to make me feel good. He puts his head on my right neck and closed his eyes. He can feel that something disturbs my mind right now but he doesn't ask.I just don't react and just continue my feelings of sadness.

He came or looked for me . Maybe he wants us to go home now.

I wish to feel good again but it is very hard.

I must stop this ugly feeling. I should pray for Red to wake up. I know it is never too late because he is still alive.