SPIDERWEB 74 Do I Care? No

"What?"

"FOR GOODNESS SAKE, LOOK AROUND YOU!" Vixen snapped, shaking her by the shoulder in frustration, "THIS h.e.l.l WASN'T BUILT FOR YOU ONLY! YOUR HANDS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES THAT HAVE BEEN SCARRED WITH BLOOD!"

Regan wavered, her pupils shaking as they matched with the fury in Vixen's eyes.

"I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE I WAS BORN! I WATCHED PEOPLE WANDER IN AND OUT OF THOSE IRON GATES THAT SURROUNDED THIS COOP! I'VE SEEN SERIAL KILLERS THAT MURDERED ENTIRE FAMILIES AND NEIGHBORHOODS, I'VE TALKED TO BOMBERS DAILY, I'VE LOOKED IN THE EYES OF SOMEONE WHO MURDERED ON IMPULSE AND OTHERS WHO PLAN EVERYTHING OUT," Vixen yelled, his fingers jabbing into his chest roughly, making Regan flinch at every stab, "DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SOMEONE I SHOULD COWER IN FEAR AT SIGHT?"

Regan's jaw clenched, "No… BUT I DO KNOW THAT I'M NOT SOMEONE YOU SHOULD BE EASY-GOING AROUND! I'VE KILLED AND YET I STILL SOMEHOW HAVE THE PRAISE OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WORLDWIDE BECAUSE OF THE GAMES THESE HANDS HAVE CREATED!"

Regan looked down at her hands in disdain, "Yes, I am nothing special in those sunken violet eyes of yours as you have seen the worst of the worst. But to me, I am the worst of the worst. The standards I held for myself, the lives I cherished, the calmness of having control over my thoughts have come cras.h.i.+ng down."

She stared up into Vixen's eyes, her eyes gleaming with agony and stress, but with a hint of anger directed at herself, "My world as I knew it came crumbling down and it was my fault. It may not seem like much to you but they were my life, it may seem like I'm pathetic but I can't accept the h.e.l.l I have brought down on myself, it may seem like I wander around aimlessly because I want to, but it is because I have nowhere to walk towards. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS EITHER BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX MYSELF!"

Vixen winced at her words, the words he wanted to embed into her head couldn't find their way out of his mouth anymore.

"When I see you idolizing someone as horrible as me and then reacting like I did nothing wrong makes me feel even worse, like what I've done is nothing. Like the crisis and alarm bells going off in my head are useless just because someone has felt them before. It's not special but it's new to me. It's not entertaining but my life now," Regan muttered despondently.

"And?" Vixen spat, his words lacking patience with a mix of empathy, "that doesn't mean you can just brand yourself as worthless.

"I didn't come here to comfort you and these words are not meant for that, but don't you think that the fact that the 'almighty game developer' who has millions in sales daily, ending up doubting her skill all because she doesn't know how to wake up is more pitiful?" Vixen c.o.c.ked his head in disgust, "the fact that many people have spent money and hours of their life on your games and some even deciding their career based on your work, is worth digging yourself out of this depressing slump you've dug yourself into?"

"Is it though? Do I even deserve to live? What is the point of me living? What is the point of me getting up from this slump?" Regan whispered, tears running along the edges of her emerald green eyes, "Who am I helping by getting back up? Who's going to pat me on the back for trying to get up after killing the only people that made me want to live?"

"Yes, you deserve to live and it's to pay for your sins. The lives that you have taken, pay them back by devoting yourself to others. Would it be better that you become a model of how others should behave? Should they go ahead and kill themselves just because they faced a challenge in their lives? Because that's what you sound like," Vixen sneered, tossing Reegan aside harshly, "I say this to you every day but somehow you have managed to plug your ears permanently. Everything that you have done is shameful and worth despising but the fact that you don't even want to take responsibility for them is repulsive."

A pang of pain traveled up Regan's arm from where her arm had slammed into after Vixen's violent shove. She weakly leaned against the foot of her bed and succ.u.mbed to the tears forming in her eyes.

"Your approach to life is worth abhorrence, even more than the fact that you killed. You want to be saved but make no attempt to show that you deserve it and end up becoming more of a nauseating mess to look at with every pa.s.sing day," Vixen scowled, his face scrunching up at Regan as she cried at his feet, "stop being even more of a hindrance to look after and at least try to fix your appalling mindset. It makes you better to look at."

"Appalling mindset? Hahaha," Regan chuckled, the lightness in her laugh due to listlessness, "why are you even here then? Why do you even try and help me if in your eyes I'm a rotten human."

Vixen looked down at her, hesitating at first, "I don't know myself. Maybe it's because I had higher expectations for someone who never deserved them. I can't even say I'm disappointed because I've been disappointed too many times in my life that the word itself has lost its meaning."

"Ha…" Regan muttered, burying her face in her hands.

"Ha indeed. To be honest, I came here for a reason and had something to tell you," Vixen sighed, slowly walking away from Regan.

He bent down at the place he was once sitting in and picked up his phone, "now I can see that you don't deserve it after all."

"I guess so…" Regan sighed, a little chuckle escaping her lips, "How do we always end up like this? It's like we're having a perfectly good conversation and boom, it goes downhill."

"Probably because I'm trying to talk to someone who refuses to listen and every word that comes out your mouth is nothing but pathetic excuses to stop yourself from growing up," Vixen snarled, "of all the people I've talked to, you perplex me the most."

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