Don't Cry Part 10

"Not really. What's up?"

"Marcus left on another business trip this afternoon and I'm lonely," Tam said. "I've been sitting here downing a couple of gla.s.ses of wine and am on the edge of a self-pity jag."

"Want me to come over?"

"Would you?"

"Give me thirty minutes." Then Audrey asked, "Have you eaten dinner yet?"

"No, I-"

"Drinking on an empty stomach?" Audrey clicked her tongue to make a disapproving noise. "You know better."

"I have salad fixings."

"Good. Why don't you take a shower and put on your pajamas and when I get there, I'll prepare the salad. I have leftover chicken I'll bring with me to add to the salad. But until you eat something, no more wine for you. Promise?"

"I promise."

Tam hung up the phone. Audrey always knew the right thing to say and the right thing to do to help her. Maybe it was because they knew each other so well, because they'd been close friends since childhood. If Audrey thought that Tam wasn't completely in love with Marcus, she had never said a word. However, she suspected that her best friend knew the truth. She needed to talk to someone, to admit the truth out loud, and who better to be her father confessor than Audrey, her best friend who just happened to be a shrink? Well, a counselor, which was the next best thing to a shrink. Maybe even better.

Audrey parked her Buick Enclave, unbuckled her seat belt, and reached for the shoulder bag and the plastic sack containing the cold chicken she had promised to bring for their salad. Her phone rang. After retrieving it from an outer slot on her purse, she checked the caller ID. Zoe Davidson.

"Hi, Zoe," Audrey said when she answered.

"Hi, Dr. Sherrod." Zoe's girlish voice sounded even younger than her fourteen years. "I-I...uh...You said if I needed to talk, to call you. You probably didn't expect to hear from me, at least not this soon, but..."

"It's all right," Audrey a.s.sured her. "I don't mind that you called. What can I do to help you?"

"You can get me a different father."

"Oh, I see. I had hoped maybe once you and your dad got home, you might have been able to talk things out and-"

"He doesn't want to talk things out. He just wants to issue orders. I hate him. And I hate living with him. And he hates me, too. He doesn't want me. He just keeps me because he knows I don't have anywhere else to go."

Oh, Zoe, you poor, sweet girl.

The similarity between the way J.D. Ca.s.s's daughter felt now and the way Audrey had once felt about her relations.h.i.+p with her own father was too obvious to ignore. Audrey understood how it felt to believe your father hated you, that he tolerated you because it was his duty, not because he loved you.

"My guess is that your father doesn't hate you," Audrey said. "And even if you hate living with him and having to adhere to his rules, you don't really hate him."

Silence.

"Zoe, do you think your father would allow you to set up an appointment with me?"

"You mean as one of your patients?"

"Although my specialty isn't family counseling, I am qualified-"

"J.D.'s the one who needs counseling," Zoe said.

"That's probably true and ideally I would counsel both of you, together and separately. But, honey, you need someone to talk to, someone who'll listen and-"

"And care about me. About how I feel and what I think. Could you do that, Dr. Sherrod? Could you care about me, even just a little?"

A hard knot of emotion formed in the center of Audrey's chest. She drew in and released a deep, cleansing breath. Would it be a mistake to counsel Zoe Davidson when she knew, even now, that she would become emotionally involved with this young girl?

"Zoe, if I counsel you, it would be my job to care about what you think and how you feel. And I already like you, you know."

"You do?"

"Well, of course I do."

"I-I like you, too."

"Would you like for me to phone your father and ask his permission for us to set up your first appointment?"

"Oh, I don't know. What if it p.i.s.ses him off?"

"Why don't you leave your father to me? I'll call him in the morning from my office and either he or I will let you know the outcome."

"Thank you, Dr. Sherrod. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Zoe."

Ending her call, Audrey slipped her bag over her shoulder, picked up the plastic sack, and opened the car door. Before Zoe's phone call, Audrey's main concern had been her best friend. She'd heard an odd hint of desperation-almost panic-in Tam's voice. Now not only was she concerned about Tam, but her conversation with Zoe Davidson had aroused a barrage of mixed emotions. She felt a sense of kins.h.i.+p with Zoe, seeing some of herself at fourteen in the rebellious, unhappy teenager. Her desire to help Zoe went beyond the professional and into the personal realm. Would it be better if she referred J.D. and his daughter to another therapist? Yes and no. It would be better for her not to become involved with either the daughter or the father. But Zoe trusted her. She might not trust another counselor so easily.

All the while Audrey went from the parking area to Tam and Marcus's apartment, her mind focused on one thing-making the correct decision where Zoe was concerned. It wasn't until she rang the doorbell several times, waiting a minute or two between rings, that Audrey's full attention returned to her friend. Tam was expecting her, so why wasn't she answering the door?

Maybe she's still in the shower.

Audrey rang the bell again. No response. Just as she reached down into her purse to find her key ring, intending to use her key to Tam's apartment, the door swung open and Tam stood there smiling, the phone to her ear.

"It's Marcus." Wearing her pajamas and a matching knee-length robe, Tam mouthed the words as she motioned for Audrey to enter.

Audrey returned her friend's smile. While Tam continued her conversation with her husband, Audrey headed for the kitchen. She placed her purse on one of the two bar stools and laid the plastic sack containing the chicken on the counter. After removing an unopened bag of fresh spring-mix greens from the refrigerator, along with cherry tomatoes, a cuc.u.mber, and bottled ranch dressing, Audrey set about preparing their salads. She sliced the chicken into small chunks, added it to the salads, and sparingly sprinkled the dressing over her creation.

When she heard Tam laugh, she breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't often that Tam went into a blue funk, but when she did, it was usually a doozie. The last time had been more than a year ago and had been precipitated by two factors-Marcus was out of town and Tam had come face-to-face with her teenage sweetheart-factors that Audrey realized hadn't been repeated until quite recently.

Still smiling, Tam came into the kitchen. "Marcus said h.e.l.lo and sends his love."

"Feeling better?"

"Much, thanks."

Audrey studied Tam briefly, then set their salad plates atop the placemats on the small kitchen table. "Do you prefer herbal tea or water with lemon or another gla.s.s of wine?"

"Before Marcus called, I'd have said more wine. But now, I think water with lemon. You get the crackers out of the pantry and I'll take care of our water."

Half an hour later, with their meal eaten and the dishwasher loaded, Audrey and Tam curled up together on opposite ends of the plush chenille sofa in Tam's living room. Each held a cup of herbal tea.

"Want to tell me?" Audrey asked.

Tam glanced down at the cup of tea that she cradled in both hands. "No. I don't want to tell you. I don't want to admit what a stupid, ungrateful b.i.t.c.h I am. I don't want to say it out loud."

"If you don't want to, then don't. But if you think it will help, maybe release some pent-up emotions, then tell me. Whatever you say, you know I won't repeat it to another living soul. And I won't judge you."

"You never have," Tam said. "My parents think I'm practically perfect. And Marcus...oh, Audrey, he does think I'm perfect."

"No one is perfect, but you come mighty d.a.m.n close."

"How can you say that when you know...? Oh G.o.d, you know me better than anyone else on earth. You know how far from perfect I am. If my parents knew how I'd let them down, they'd be so disappointed. If Marcus knew..."

"You have never disappointed Geraldine and Willie, and if they knew, they would be loving and supportive. And if Marcus knew, he would understand. You were barely eighteen. You did what you thought was best for everyone involved. And I was right there with you, agreeing with your decision and holding your hand."

Tam looked at Audrey, her brown eyes filled with unshed tears. "If you had been in my situation, would you have...? Would you have killed your own baby?"

Audrey set aside her tea, then took the cup from Tam and set it beside hers on the coffee table. She scooted across the sofa, draped her arm around Tam's shoulders, and leaned her head over against Tam's.

They sat there in silence for quite a while, two friends remembering a tragedy from the past. Audrey understood that even after all these years, Tam still felt regret, remorse, and guilt. She managed to keep that long-ago heartbreak buried deep inside her, but occasionally it resurfaced.

"What do I tell Marcus when he wants to have a baby?" Tam asked. "He hasn't come right out and said he's ready, but he's dropped a few subtle hints."

"Tell him the truth. Tell him about the abortion."

Tam inhaled deeply and exhaled strongly. "I don't know if I want a baby. h.e.l.l, I don't even know for sure I can have one."

"There is no reason to think that because of the abortion, you can't get pregnant," Audrey a.s.sured her. "But being able to get pregnant and wanting to have a baby are two different things. If you don't want a baby because of what happened when you were a teenager, then I recommend some counseling to help you-"

Tam laughed, but when Audrey glanced at her face, she saw tears running down Tam's cheeks.

"Well, that was a really impersonal and rather condescending statement, wasn't it?" Audrey said. "I'm sorry, Tam. I let Dr. Sherrod inject herself into a situation where she had no business being. This talk is between you and me, Tam and Audrey, best friends since we were babies."

"It's all right," Tam said. "And it's not as if you haven't been trying to get me into counseling for years."

"I'm a bossy know-it-all."

"Yes, you are, but I love you anyway."

"I know. Thank you."

"Audrey?"

"Hmm...?" She didn't know if she was prepared for whatever Tam wanted to tell her. They had shared all their secrets over the years, trusting each other completely, but Audrey suspected there was one secret that Tam hadn't shared with anyone.

"You know that I love Marcus. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. He makes me so happy."

"I know, and I'm very grateful to him. I love seeing you happy. I want only good things for you because you deserve only good things."

"Do I?"

Audrey took Tam's hands in hers. "Yes, you do."

"I love Marcus, but..."

"But?"

"I don't know if I can say it out loud. I don't know if I dare."

She squeezed Tam's hands.

"A part of me-that stupid teenage girl-is still in love with Hart."

Audrey released the breath she'd been holding and wrapped her arms around Tam, who clung to Audrey as she cried.

"How stupid does that make me?"

Oh, Tam, I knew. I knew, but I didn't want to know.

And she also knew that no matter how much Tam and Hart had loved each other, how much they still loved each other, there was absolutely no hope for them as a couple. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

Chapter 9

Audrey balanced her briefcase in one hand and a mocha latte in the other as she approached her office. At the locked door, she maneuvered the latte out of her right hand into her left, then removed the key ring dangling from her clenched teeth and inserted the door key into the lock. Most mornings, she arrived before her receptionist, Donna Mackey, who usually arrived by eight-thirty, once she had dropped her twin grandsons at preschool. Her son-in-law, an army corporal, was stationed in the Middle East and her daughter worked the morning s.h.i.+ft as a Burger King a.s.sistant manager. One of the reasons Audrey had hired Donna was because her grandmotherly appearance and personality immediately put patients at ease.

After making her way through the small waiting room and into her private office, Audrey dumped her briefcase in her swivel chair and set the latte on her desk. Just as she opened the window blinds to let in the morning sunlight, the phone rang. Before Donna arrived to take calls, the answering machine picked up and recorded messages, so Audrey continued moving through her office and back into the waiting room opening blinds and getting things in order for a busy Monday work schedule.

After the recorded message ended, a male voice said, "Dr. Sherrod, this is J.D. Ca.s.s."

Audrey stopped and listened.

"I...uh...I was wondering if I could set up an appointment to talk to you."

Audrey walked over to the telephone on her desk and laid her hand atop the receiver.

"It's about Zoe," J.D. said. "She seems to have taken a s.h.i.+ne to you, and since she did...well, I thought maybe you could help her." He paused for a moment, and then added, "Help us."