Her. Part 12

"Yes," I told him.

"Does your Mom home school you?"

I shook my head. "No," I said, "I home school myself."

"Are you taking the summer off right now?"

"No," I said.

"That sounds like it would take a lot of discipline."

I wanted him to stop asking so many questions. I would have gotten up and walked away, but a markedly tall man with a potbelly who was dressed in black suddenly walked through the double doors that led to freedom.

This man was welldressed, and he had a clean face. He wore his thin, red hair slicked back. He seemed to tower over everything he was standing next to, except the walls. He caught Geoffrey's and my attention.

"Hey," Geoffrey greeted the man.

The tall man looked over at us and smiled. He waved to Geoffrey as he walked around the counselor's desk. He grabbed about six patients' charts.

"How's it going, Geoffrey?" The tall, well-dressed man approached us.

"It's going," Geoffrey said. "SSDD. You know how it is."

The tall man laughed. He put a hand on Geoffrey's shoulder, gave it a squeeze, and said, "I'll be seeing you. I've got to get back to it."

Geoffrey said goodbye as the man started back out the double doors. When he was gone, Geoffrey turned back to me.

"That's the boss," Geoffrey confessed. "That's Dr. Pelchat. He runs this place."

My heart jumped. I hoped Geoffrey didn't hear it.

"He's cool," Geoffrey said. "I hope that, when I am a doctor, I will be as educated as he is."

I looked at him in awe.

"You want to be a doctor?"

Geoffrey nodded with a proud smile on his face. "Yes, I do. I am a full-time student, all year round, just like you. I work here as a counselor part-time while earning my credits, but I still have a long way to go. I am getting my Masters at the end of the year, and I hope to do well enough that Dr. Pelchat will write a letter of recommendation for me to get into State. That's where I want to earn my Doctorate."

"How old are you?" I wasn't in so much of a hurry anymore. I was curious.

"I'm twenty-five. Why?"

I took a deep breath to suppress my shock. "You're young," I let slip out of my mouth.

He laughed. "Yeah, so are you. It's cool that you are home schooling yourself. If I had home schooled, I would have screwed around. You must be very disciplined and focused."

"Home schooling is hard. Well, it's better than being in school. This place kind of feels like it used to-" I made myself shut up.

Geoffrey was staring at me. He was good. He knew how to get me talking. He'd probably learned it in school.

"You know, it's not so bad, though. Everyone in here is in the same position."

"So I hear," I said.

"No, really," he continued. "You don't have to feel like an outcast. I know you are having a rough time right now, but nothing is new here. We have seen and dealt with it all. Moreover, if any of these kids have anything to say about anyone else in here, they need to look at themselves. Honestly, though, I doubt anyone will give you a hard time. Besides, you are here at a good time. Since it is summer, you don't have to go to the cla.s.sroom."

"Is there a cla.s.sroom here?" I almost laughed because I thought that he was kidding. I didn't let it come out.

"Yes," he laughed. "There is a cla.s.sroom here, but it is summer. Therefore, there are no cla.s.ses. Instead of having study time, you will get to go to the gym, and even outside in the garden. You see, it's not that bad."

"No." I allowed myself to smile at him. "It's not that bad. Not for prison."

"Okay, Kristen. You'll see. It'll get better. It will get better for you in here and out there too." He pointed out the window.

My smile disappeared. "Are you sure about that?" I asked as I watched the sun s.h.i.+ne in through the window.

"I'm living proof, because I used to be right where you are. I was here at Bent Creek when I was fifteen. I didn't have a clue. Now, I know where I want to be. I know where I am going. It's all going to work out."

His eyes were glowing. He was smiling confidently. It was almost as though he knew he was going to succeed.

I wanted to ask him about his days in Bent Creek, but I didn't.

"Do you know what you want to do when you graduate?" Geoffrey asked.

I shook my head. "I just need to graduate."

"That doesn't look like that was your plan, Kristen." He gestured to my wrists.

I got up from the table with the empty milk carton and the Styrofoam tray. As I headed for the trash can, Geoffrey got up and followed me. I didn't want to talk to him. I wished that I hadn't even started talking to him.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "Kristen, please wait." I tossed my garbage into the trash can. I tried to walk away, but he cornered me. "I'm not trying to be mean to you. I am just kind of shocked to see a very smart and beautiful girl like you in here."

I stopped breathing. I couldn't have heard him clearly. Did he really say the word beautiful and refer to me? I felt my stomach turning from the cramps. I heard Mr. Sharp whisper to me. He convinced me that I'd misheard Geoffrey. He reminded me that I was a loser and that Geoffrey didn't know me.

"Kristen." Geoffrey looked worried. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," I told Geoffrey.

"What are you doing in here?" Dr. Cuvo said. Suddenly, he was standing in the doorway. Dr. Cuvo looked at Geoffrey and then he looked at me. I wondered what was running through his mind, because he looked angry.

Geoffrey told Dr. Cuvo that he was about to take me to group therapy so that I could be with my group. He explained that I'd had to have lunch late. Dr. Cuvo seemed annoyed. He was harsh when he told Geoffrey to get me to Group right away. Without argument, Geoffrey hurried me along. I tried to keep some distance behind Geoffrey and me. I followed as Geoffrey led me to my group meeting. I didn't want him to start talking to me again about being beautiful or school or my future. I didn't want to hear it or think about it.

"Here we are," he said as we came up to the door.

"Thanks, bye," I said. I opened the door and entered the room quickly. Shutting the door, I found all eyes on me. I suddenly wanted to be on the other side of that door with Geoffrey.

I saw Tai laughing at me. She covered her ugly, yellow smile. It must have been the embarra.s.sing and scared look on my face.

"Come on in and sit down, Kristen," Dr. Bent said.

I sat down in the chair next to Daniel, since it was the closest empty chair. Daniel was messing with his shoelaces. It must have been some kind of bored habit of his. He seemed to play with his shoelaces in almost every group we had.

Dr. Bent turned to me. "We are doing Coping Skills Group right now. Before you came in, Kristen, we were going around the room and sharing a few facts about ourselves, including what brought some of us to Bent Creek. Tai was just about to share. Tai?"

Tai glared at Dr. Bent.

What were their private therapy sessions like? I wondered.

"Hmm," Tai hummed. "What do I say? I'm Tai. I'm eighteen. I am here because my step-mom made me come."

"Why do you think it is your step-mother's fault that you are here?" Dr. Bent asked.

Tai looked down at the floor. It seemed like she was trying to hold back her anger.

"She just wants my dad to herself. She hates it when I am around," Tai answered.

"Didn't your father agree that you should be here?"

"He only agreed because that wench told him to put me here!" Tai yelled. "She told him that she found pills and needles in my room. He put me in here to lock me up, and he left. They don't care!"

"Calm down, Tai," Dr. Bent said calmly. "Your dad wants you to get help. This is far from being locked up. You're not sitting in some jail cell, vomiting and p.i.s.sing all over yourself while you are trying to come down cold from drugs. Believe me. It is not even close to anything like that here. You are in the Holiday Inn of psychiatric care. It could be long-term for you, but it's not to hurt you. You know this, Tai."

Tai let her tears fall into her hands. "Well, I wish he hadn't done this to me," she said.

"Your father loves you. That is why you are here. He didn't do this to hurt you. We are here to help you," Dr. Bent a.s.sured her.

The whole room was watching her. Even Janine was listening and really taking all of that in. She reached out and touched Tai's hand. Tai grabbed her hand and squeezed.

Tai said, "It's just embarra.s.sing."

I realized that Dr. Cuvo and Geoffrey were right. We were all in the same position here. We all got embarra.s.sed and we were all in here, in need of the doctors' care. I wanted to grab Tai's hand and squeeze it too.

Dr. Bent leaned toward Tai. "You're not the only person in here who has done drugs. You are not the only one who is embarra.s.sed about being here. You are all here because you are all getting help. You will get through this, Tai."

Tai agreed by nodding her head. She wiped her eyes and smiled. She seemed relieved to have been able to express herself. She seemed even more relieved and comforted when Janine squeezed her hand. After a comforting moment of silence, Dr. Bent looked at Janine.

"You're up, kid," Dr. Bent said.

Janine looked dumbfounded. "Me?" She pointed to herself.

"Yes," Dr. Bent answered her.

"Oh, okay." She paused and looked at us. Her cheeks turned pink when she saw Daniel's eyes fixed on her. "Everybody knows me. I'm Janine."

Tai and a few of the others, including Daniel, chuckled.

I s.h.i.+fted in my chair, uncomfortable and impatient. I wanted so badly to be lying down in my bed. I wanted to be away from everyone.

"I am here because I have to start eating my food, and so I have had a hard time, but it will be fine. Someone else can talk now. I am finished." Janine leaned back and kicked her feet up in the air. She seemed nervous and jittery.

Dr. Bent turned her attention to Cadence, who had been sitting in a corner with her strange doll, staring silently at the ceiling. She didn't notice when Dr. Bent called out to her the first time. A girl in our group reached out and tapped Cadence on her knee. It seemed as if Cadence nearly jumped out of her skin. Cadence calmed down when she realized where she was. But she didn't seem too comfortable while everyone was laughing at her.

I wasn't laughing, and neither was Dr. Bent. Dr. Bent told Cadence it was her turn to share. At first Cadence just looked around at everyone. Her face was strange. The tense expression started to melt away as she began speaking.

"I'm Candy. I am seventeen years old, and there are degenerate perverts of the government who are trying to penetrate our minds with unimaginable strengths. We don't know what they are capable of, and there's no way to find out unless you let them get you. My father's friend said that he could protect me, but they got him, too. He tried to get me, but my dad said that this was the only place that they wouldn't get me. They can't find me here. They can't find any of you if you don't talk about it. They'll hack you! They'll hack you all up! They...they said...they will get me..."

She gasped as if someone had tried to grab her. Her left hand stayed between her upper thighs, as if she were trying to protect her crotch. She clutched her doll tightly and pressed it to her chest as she rocked back and forth in her chair. She cried softly.

"I don't want to be a part of it! He said it was for me. It was all for me."

I was confused and scared all at one time. The expressions of fear and paranoia were written on Cadence's face. What was with this girl? She was so afraid that she was shaking. Who was after her? Why were they after her? Who were these perverts? I wondered. I knew I'd never know because they probably didn't exist.

My mind was racing. I looked at Dr. Bent, who looked as calm as the summer wind. I heard Tai and Janine snickering. They probably thought it was funny because they didn't understand. I didn't think it was funny. I thought it was almost horrifying because I didn't understand.

Dr. Bent leaned forward and gave a warm smile to Cadence. "It's all right, Cadence. No one will make you do anything that you do not want to do in here. You are safe, just like we talked about before."

Cadence continued to rock back and forth with her doll clutched closely to her chest. I watched her move her hand down. She placed it between her thighs and she squeezed them together. Someone had hurt her. They had hurt her badly. Maybe she felt that they were still after her. I started to feel bad for her. I got lost in my thoughts; not realizing that the next person had began speaking.

"My name is Rocky," the new person said. "I am thirteen years old. I am here because I tried to...I mean...I..." His hands were shaking and he looked nervous.

"It's all right," Dr. Bent said. "n.o.body's going to judge you."

"I tried to kill myself last night," he admitted.

I felt my heart beat faster. Pains shot through my stomach as he spoke. He was so young, and something hurt him enough cause him to want to die. I understood his pain.

"How did you try to do it?" I heard myself ask.

All eyes suddenly shot stares at me.

I sank in my chair, embarra.s.sed.

Rocky looked at Dr. Bent for permission. "Do I have to answer that?"

"You don't have to, but it may aid us all in understanding. Everyone in here has shared his or her issues. It won't make you stand out. If anything, it should help."

"I don't really want to say. I mean, there is nothing to say. I just tried to kill myself. My mom found me, and they made me come here when I got out of the hospital. It doesn't matter." He sighed and looked down at his hands in his lap. I could see charcoal residue on his cheek.

Dr. Bent didn't press Rocky any further. She thanked him for sharing and told him that he'd done a good job opening up. Though she was trying to be nice and encourage him, it didn't seem to work. He kept his eyes on his hands, and had the same depressed look on his face. Dr. Bent didn't pick on him anymore, as she seemed to do with Tai. She moved on to Daniel.

Daniel looked up, shocked, when she called out to him. His mind must have been somewhere else. Everyone seemed to have been drifting off while other people were speaking. I tried to stay alert in case she called on me.

"What?" Daniel asked.

"It's your turn to share, silly," Janine reminded him.

"What are we doing again? What are we sharing?"