Unworthy Part 12

"Well, if it isn't the famous Grace." She says with a snide att.i.tude in her voice.

"I'm sorry; you have me at a disadvantage?"

"I know I do. I've heard so much about you I just had to meet you." There is no suggestion that she even feels I have a right to know her name and she carries on her little speech as if I'm not even there or if she were talking to a piece of dirt that she has to be rid of.

"You do know that you're just a phase, a distraction. He won't stay with you for long, he never does, but he always comes back to me." I watch as her eyes roam up and down my body making me feel instantly uneasy as she begins to laugh.

"I mean, what on earth can he see in you?" She suddenly turns on her heel and I watch her perfectly-sized b.u.m strut away like she is a G.o.d and I'm left an emotional mess. I know what she said is right, I have thought it since I first met him, but to have someone as perfect as her actually say it to me makes it all come cras.h.i.+ng to a head and I just want to leave, but I am in a completely different country with no means to get home.

Why do I have to be me?

Why do I have to be as messed up and unworthy as I am?

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX.

SAMUEL.

I find that I have to control myself so much as she stands there in my childhood room. My d.i.c.k has hardened to the point of pain just watching her taking my old room in. She is so beautiful and the longer the time I spend with her the more the longing of wanting to tell her I love her grows with an intensity I can't understand. She looked so carefree and happy as she sat with my family listening to old stories of our lives and I want her to know a lot more and be involved in future memories. I want a future with this woman; I want to be the one who makes her laugh and smile every day for the rest of our lives together. But I know that there is no way she is ready to hear that yet just as I know she isn't ready to hear me say I love her. I find that I want to shout it from the rooftops, but I know that if I tell her she will run for the hills. There is still so much of her I don't know, a secret life she is determined to keep hidden within the depths of her soul. I know that is the reason she is the way that she is and why she always goes for that f.u.c.king band on her wrist. Although as I think about it I realize I haven't seen her do it for a while. Maybe unbeknownst to the two of us I am helping her, I can only hope that one day she can trust me enough to tell me about the horrors I know she must have faced as a child. I don't know what they were, but I know if I ever get to meet her mother she could be the first woman I break a rule for apart from her daughter. Of course, this rule was completely different from all the other rules I have ever had in place to keep women out.

Never hit a woman.

The more I think of a smaller version of Grace being in pain, the more I have the need to find her mother and confront her. How could a parent do so much damage to their own child? You only have to see the type of woman that Grace has grown up to be to know that there are too many issues there and the thought makes me sick. I make my way down to the bottom of the stairs and I can see my father and uncle come through the kitchen door.

"Can we have a word in my office, son?"

"Of course, Dad." And I follow the two men down the hall to my father's office, the place where he can have some quiet time away from the rest of the family. It suddenly occurs to me that I hope that one day this will be me finding refuge and sanctuary in my own office while Grace looks after our children. The feeling leaves an instant glow to my heart and I can only pray that when she is ready Grace will want that too. The three of us step into my father's office and we all take our seats around the desk.

"What's up, old men?"

"Enough of the old, son." Even though my father tries to use the stern voice from my childhood the three of us can't help but laugh.

"Where did you meet her?" My father asks as he pours us each a gla.s.s of whiskey.

"She worked at the bar I first went to when I arrived in London. I saw her stepping off the subway walking towards the bar and I knew there was something about her. Turned out she was an apprentice at the London office and she was pretty much doing everyone's jobs for them, but you already know how that went."

I take a sip of the liquid my father has given me and can feel the burn as it slides down my throat. I can see they are happy for me, I've never brought a girl to see the family before so they know how special she is to me, but I can tell there is only one thing they want to ask me and as if on cue my uncle asks.

"What do you know about her?" I see my uncle take in a breath while the fear that I could be wrong consumes him. I feel for him, I do, to go through so many years not knowing anything about a part of you that lives on must be destroying and he's been dealing with that sorrow for at least seventeen years.

"She looks so much like the woman I once loved."

"Let's not get our hopes up, William." My father says as he takes a hold of my uncle's hand.

"She's not very forthcoming about her past" I begin "All she has ever really told me is that she lived in a small town three hours away from London with her mother and then with a stepfather. There's not much of a relations.h.i.+p there and she's very much a loner. Keeps herself to herself, but she is the most amazing woman I have ever known." I can't help, but smile as I think of her and the future we could have if she would only let herself have one.

"Does she know anything about her father?" My uncle asks me. I look at the longing in his eyes, the hope that she knows something that gives us a clearer picture of whether she is who we think she could be.

"From what she has told me, no. She hasn't mentioned it." I can see both my father and uncle look towards each other with them both releasing big sighs. My uncle looks so deflated and lost and I feel so sorry for him. He's been searching for years and he's so close to the answers, but still they are too far away to reach. I can see his heart breaking as he takes in all the news I have given him.

"Do we tell her?" My uncle asks again.

"We would have to be careful how we approached this. As far as Grace is concerned her father left her."

"I didn't leave her, her mother just took her." My uncle shouts and my father places a gentle hand on his while he tries to comfort his brother.

"She doesn't know that, though, does she?"

"We have to be gentle, this will be delicate." We talk for a few more minutes before we all stand and make our way out of my father's office where I hear my uncle say "I just want to know." He stops to wipe a tear.

"I know it's her, she looks just like the girl I remember." I watch as the two men walk down the hallway to the entrance to the garden when I see Grace walk by with none other than the woman I despise more than anything.

I've known Kate for as long as I can remember, she's been friends of Kimberley's for years and because she has seen me grow she thinks she knows me better than anyone else. I've screwed her a couple of times, but that's only because she is such an easy lay and she's not the type of woman you would want to bring home to meet your mother. She's a dirty s.l.u.t, but she has the act of high society down to a tee when it comes to my parents. I hate her, but her family are very close to mine and that's the only reason I tolerate her, so when I see Grace looking like she is ready to burst into tears I could physically hurt the b.i.t.c.h. How dare she hurt the first woman apart from my family that I actually care about above myself?

GRACE.

I can't stand there any longer and listen to this woman remind me of how wrong I am for the man I am deeply in love with. She looks so sure of herself as she stands above me, hands on her hips with an evil smirk. I am so stupid to think he could see anything in me except an easy lay and I can't afford for this woman to know that she has got to me. I don't say anything as I turn around and make my way back through the house where I know everyone is. I can only hope that Samuel will sense my unease and say we can go.

"That's right; you're no good for him. Just leave him to a real woman, little girl." I won't look back and give the b.i.t.c.h the satisfaction of getting to me, but I am forced to stop in my tracks when I hear his voice.

"What's going on here?" He looks so handsome just standing there waiting for an answer and all I can do is get myself as far away from him as I can.

When I get back outside I go sit where we were earlier and watch as Samuel comes through and tells everyone we will be on our way. As we say goodbye to everyone I don't see Kate, which settles the nerves in my stomach just a little. We settle in Samuel's car and it's not till we're five minutes into our journey that he speaks.

"What did that b.i.t.c.h say to you?" I look across at him and I can see genuine concern for me and it leaves me so confused.

"She just confirmed something that I was too afraid to say."

"And what's that?" He takes a glance at me before he concentrates on the road ahead of us again. I look at his perfect profile as he s.h.i.+fts gears and my knickers instantly become damp and I can't believe how pathetic I am.

"I'm not good enough." I barely whisper.

"What?"

"I'm not good enough. I'm never enough." I remain looking out the windscreen and every now and then I am sure I can feel Samuel's eyes on me, but he never says anything to me and you could pierce the silence in the car with a knife. Although the silence is awful the journey goes by quickly and Samuel is soon pulling up into one of his parking s.p.a.ces in the underground carpark. We both get out at the same time and before I know what he is doing he is in front of me pus.h.i.+ng me up against his car. I can feel his chest rise and fall in time with mine as his eyes search through mine, trying to find answers to what, I have no idea. He raises his hand and uses his fingers to brush away my hair that has come loose.

"I never want to hear you say those words again." I can't answer his because as soon as he has uttered the words his lips attack mine and I can feel his hands move down my body to around my b.u.m where he grabs hold and raises me up and I instantly wrap my legs around his waist. He walks over to the lift with ease and as soon as we are in the car he pushes me up against the wall with so much force that the adrenaline that b.u.mps through my veins takes me out of my current mood. He kisses me with a hunger that I haven't felt before and I know that what I had been feeling since that woman is rubbish. I may not want us to say the love word to one another, I may be too messed up for those words, but the way Samuel is kissing me right at this moment tells me that he has strong feelings for me and I kiss him back with as much force just to let him know I feel the same. We make our way into his apartment without him letting me go and he carries me off to his bedroom where we spend the rest of the evening.

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN.

GRACE.

On the morning of the charity event I awaken in Samuel's bed. I almost forget where I am, but as I look out the window opposite the bed I remember I am in New York City, I'm looking out over Central Park. It's beautiful as you see all the beautiful colors of the late summer taking life right in front of you. Even though I have had the best night's sleep of my life I can feel my body's soreness. My c.l.i.t feels over sensitive and I can still feel a fullness within myself which leaves me with a smile. The quilt is soft against my naked skin and my back and b.u.m feel like they are melting into the mattress it's that soft and comfortable. I pull the covers off my body and pull my body off the bed with reluctance as I slowly place a robe around my shoulders and tie it at my stomach. I make my way through the hallway and down the twisted staircase to a beautiful smell. As I enter the kitchen Samuel is standing by the oven working a pan. He's wearing deep blue pajama bottoms which hug around his hip bones. His buns even through the material look firm yet soft and the muscles in his back are defined so beautifully that if I'm not mistaken make him look like a piece of fine art. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d. It's not fair that he looks so gorgeous while I probably look hideous. I step closer towards him and my senses are overtaken by his masculine scent. I hear him sigh as I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle my head into the juncture where his neck and shoulder join. I feel comfortable in my position, like this is where I belong, where I have always meant to belong and I have a feeling of immense happiness that I have never felt before.

"You're awake." He says as he puts his hands over mine.

"What are you making?"

"I hope you like pancakes, Miss Grace?" He says as he rubs my hand with his own.

"I wouldn't know, I've never had homemade pancakes before."

"What?" Samuel says as he turns around to look at me.

"My mother never made them for me." He begins to shake his head in disbelief as he digests what I tell him.

"You really missed out." He kisses the top of my nose as a finger runs over my lips as he continues.

"But don't worry, you are about to taste the best pancakes in this State." I raise my eyebrows at him and he releases a laugh.

"You don't believe me?"

"The best in the State? Well, you better hurry, rich boy, because I'm dying to try these so-called pancakes." His laughter becomes louder as he watches me and I have to stop myself from sighing as he bends down to pa.s.s me two plates.

"The table, please, Miss Grace." I take the plates from his grip and walk them over to the table which has an array of different fruits laid out upon it and I place the plates down. When I get back to Samuel he has left out cutlery and gla.s.ses and I take those to the table as well. He comes up behind me with a plate full of pancakes and a carton of orange juice. I watch him settle them on the table and then pull out a chair and gesture for me to take it.

"Such the gentleman."

"Of course. You've met my family, would you expect any thing else?" I can feel his breathing at the back of my neck as he leaves a trail of kisses and then his fingers begin to travel down my chest to my b.r.e.a.s.t.s where I sigh as I feel his hands ma.s.sage them, arousing me in pleasure. All of a sudden he pulls away from me and moves to his own seat.

"Not now, Grace, we must eat." I can see him from the opposite side of the table grinning at me, the b.a.s.t.a.r.d knows how much I want him and he looks like he couldn't give a d.a.m.n. Well, two can play at that game, rich boy.

"Definitely not when all this food is waiting for us." He looks at me with a certain look; he didn't expect me to say that, checkmate. I reach over to take some pancakes and then some fruit and when I taste it the sweetness melts on my tongue.

"Hmmmmm. That's good." I can see him s.h.i.+ft in his chair and reach his hand to his lap where the table hides what he is undoubtedly doing. He remains in silence as he takes a taste of his own breakfast and we stay like this for at least ten minutes until he speaks again.

"The charity event is tonight and I need to go into the office for a bit."

"O...OK."

"I already said I want you to come with me. I have arranged for my personal shopper to come by with some dresses for you to choose from and then you are going to get pampered."

"Pampered?" I say and he watches me as if to say don't mess with me just do as I ask, but this is too much. I can't allow him to do all this for me. I go to stand, but he places his hand over mine in an attempt to stop me.

"This is my world, Grace, and unfortunately this is how it's got to be. The press are nasty f.u.c.kers and if you don't do things right they ridicule you. I won't let them do it to you." I know what he is saying, but that's not me and it just comes back down to the two of us being two completely different people and even though the last few weeks have been wonderful and Samuel has let me see a side of him that only his family sees, it tells me more than any words can. You don't belong here, you'll never be good enough for him and you aren't enough for his world either. I reach for my wrist, an action I know I haven't done for a while and before I can start pulling and releasing my old friend I can feel Samuels hand press down on my hand to stop me.

"You haven't done that for so long. Please don't start again." He lets go and I watch him stand up and come round to me.

"You know you're everything to me, but I know what this world is like and I only want to protect you from it." I look into his eyes and I know he speaks the truth, but it doesn't take away the fears. I know what everyone else will think as soon as I am seen at a function with him. That undoubtedly is the truth and I know it. He stands up and gives me a kiss on my head and I get the feeling that all the work he has helped me with is instantly lost, that I'm losing him, losing more importantly his friends.h.i.+p and I can't stop myself from crying as I hear the front door to his flat close. I have no time to dwell on my feelings as I am soon greeted by Samuel's personal shopper. My first thought as she comes through the door and greets me with a warm smile is how skinny she is, why is everyone in this world so skinny. I'm not fat, I know I'm not, and the average female size in England is a fourteen and I'm a twelve, but even so I still feel so unworthy of being in Samuel's company.

"You must be Grace. I've heard so much about you." And she gives me a firm handshake as I try to get rid of my own fear and hatred.

"Yes, that's me. It's nice to meet you."

"I must say you are just as Samuel described you. Beautiful." Without being able to control myself I can feel my face blush at the thought that Samuel thinks I'm beautiful. Me. Me, the fat and shy Grace Ford, is described as beautiful in the eyes of The Samuel Harding. He's just being nice; he wanted me in his bed, as another conquest and I allowed him to do it. He could never think of me as anything else no matter how much I love him he will never feel the same about me and I was too stupid to walk away.

"I've brought a selection with me, why don't we have a look through them." The woman says as someone else comes through the door pulling a clothes rail with her. As I take a look they are all beautifully packaged, but you can see the beauty that lies beneath the clothes bags. The two women start to unzip the bags and all too soon I am greeted by an array of different colors and shapes of cloth that take my breath away. I have never been one for fancy clothing, maybe it is because I simply can't afford them, but as I go through each dress, look and feel what is on offer I fall in love. That soon vanishes as I realize there is nothing here that would be suitable for me. The two ladies show me different dresses, putting them up against my frame, but nothing seems to shout out at me. They all seem far too sophisticated for little old me, but just as I am starting to lose all hope I come across a dress that looks perfect. The two women push me into the bedroom and as I put the dress on the silk slips across my skin and the dark color is perfect. I open the door and am greeted by two smiley faces.

"My work here is done. Simply perfect."

"Are you sure?" I ask. I could feel like Cinderella, but I want to make sure that it's not just me thinking I could look like I belong.

Half an hour later I am told to take a shower with a mysterious bottle so that I am all ready for my next stage of transformation. Samuel trusts this woman so I trust her as well. I take my time as I lather my body with the moisturizing foam which smells of strawberries and after I dry my wet body I notice how soft my skin feels. I wrap up in my robe and as I step through into the dining room I am greeted by one familiar face and two new ones.

"Grace, these are my collogues and they have come to do your hair and makeup. I'll be back in an hour or so to help you get dressed. You're going to look so beautiful." I can feel the blush heat up my face, but I manage to say thank-you. As soon as the first lady has left the other two start with my nails and face and soon after my face is applied with too many products, I can't keep count. True to her word, just as the other two are finis.h.i.+ng the first lady comes back and as she approaches I can hear her talking to Samuel.

"Thank-you for all your help."

"She'll love them, Mr. Harding. I hope you have a great evening."

As the door is opened I try to see him, but he has already walked away. I turn to look at her and she gives me a smile.

"You look so beautiful, just as I thought." The hairdresser adds some finis.h.i.+ng touches to my hair and then I watch as the two women walk away.

"Mr. Harding thought you may be getting a little nervous so he asked me to give you this." She moves an arm away from her back to reveal a single red rose and a card. With shaky fingers I take the rose and note and I am overwhelmed by the rose's strong scent. I open the note and am greeted by his masculine handwriting.

Please don't be nervous.

You'll be perfect, Just as you are perfect to me. Xx Perfect to me. I can't help, but keep looking back at those words.

Is it possible that Samuel thinks I am perfect? I can't help, but hope that that could be the case.

I am helped into the beautiful gown and shoes and the woman who has been so nice to me leaves me to my fate. I can hear Samuel out in the hallway finis.h.i.+ng getting ready just as I take a last look at the woman staring back at me in the mirror. The dress fits my frame perfectly and the shoes give me just a little height without making me feel uneasy on my feet. My hair is in a half-up half-down do with soft curls falling down the plain back while my makeup looks natural yet sophisticated with just enough to make my eyes appear larger and full of life. As I take one last look I wish my mother could be here to see her unwanted daughter look so good, but she isn't here and Samuel is so I decide to just get on with it. As I walk out to meet him I am left speechless as I see him in his tux. I thought the man looked good in a suit, but the vision before me is better if that is even possible. I see his whole face light up as he turns around and sees me all done up for the first time and my heart melts.

"You look amazing." He steps towards me as I see him pull a small box from his jacket pocket.

"But you need one extra thing to go with it." He steps up in front of me just as he opens the box and all I can see is a matching gold, grey pearl necklace and earrings set. They look so delicate and beautiful that I know they will go so well with the dress. I watch as he takes the necklace out of its box and unclasps it and puts it around my neck. As his fingers graze the sensitive skin I can feel my skin fire up with the heat of his fingers and his cool breath. Once the necklace is secure I feel his hands move down my chest and to my stomach where they settle, keeping me close to his body as he leans in.

"You're so beautiful and all mine. Never forget that, Grace." I feel him leave a small kiss just below my left ear and I can't help, but give a moan at his touch.

"Not enough time, let's go." And he takes a hold of my hand and pulls me to the door.

"b.a.s.t.a.r.d." I can't help, but mutter and I'm sure I can see him smile.