Unworthy Part 13

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT.

GRACE.

Once in the limo we head north to his parents' estate.

We reach the grand gate forty minutes into the journey and once again I am left speechless by the beauty of Samuel's childhood home. It looks even more beautiful in the twilight with the light glow of candles leading the way to the house. We pull up to the driveway and I can see the driver step out and go towards Samuel's door.

"You look simply beautiful. Are you ready to enter my world?" I can see he looks concerned as he says the words, I feel almost concerned as well, but as Mr. Harding's a.s.sistant I have to do this. I could never be anything else, I'm not worthy enough and I know it.

"Y...yes." He continues to watch me and as he looks into my eyes I can see the corner of his lips curve up into a smile.

"You'll be fine. I'll be right there with you." And he places a kiss on my head just as his door opens and we are met by the warm air. Samuel takes my hand and we step out of the car and I follow as he leads me through to the rear of the property. There are little tea lights on the ground showing people the way to the party and I am overcome by how many people are here as we walk further into the grounds. The men are all in tuxedoes and the women all wear the most beautiful gowns I have ever seen. Some people I recognize from magazines back home but others I have no clue, but it is apparent that everyone here is of a certain high standing, here in the States. I can feel my breathing coming in quicker as I take in all the high people and release I shouldn't be here. Samuel must sense my panic as I feel his hand leave mine and then graze around my shoulder giving me some much-needed protection. I feel way out of depth and if I go any further I will drown from my own depth of despair.

"Just breathe and try to relax." He whispers to me as he leads me around the corner to where all the guests seem to be chatting amongst themselves and we are greeted by two enormous tents which are linked together as one. A young gentleman comes to us in a suit and offers us each a gla.s.s of champagne. I gladly take it and as I take a sip the bubbles dance on my tongue and the cool liquid is almost refres.h.i.+ng as it goes down my throat. With his arm nestled safely around my waist Samuel introduces me to an array of different people, some are friends of the family, but mostly they appear to be the odd actor, musically talented or the CEO of other businesses the aspire to be as powerful as the Harding company. Everyone appears to be kind and friendly, but the lavish scale of this event can't take me away from my thoughts of not belonging here. The champagne continues to flow nicely and I can't help, but hope that dinner will be served soon.

"Samuel, Grace, you came." We both turn around and are greeted by one of Samuels's sisters, I think, if I remember correctly, that her name is Kimberley. She's dressed in a beautiful sleeveless dark blue gown that fits her slim figure perfectly, she looks beautiful. She greets us both with a kiss on the cheek and I can feel her watch me.

"Oh, the two of you make such a lovely couple."

"I don't know about me, but Grace does look stunning." I can feel Samuel bestow another kiss on my head as he smiles down at me.

"What do you think of the place, Grace?" Kimberly asks me.

"It's beautiful. I've never seen anything like it." Maybe that is why I feel so uncomfortable because I have never been to something like this before and so feel so out of my comfort zone. Kimberly smiles at me and then looks to her brother when she says "They will announce dinner shortly." Again she looks at me.

"We are all sat together and you will get to meet our grandparents. They're so excited to meet you, Grace. Samuel has never brought anyone to one of these before." Samuel gives his sister a look, but she is unaffected as she continues.

"He's never brought anyone home before to be truthful."

"Thank you, sis. I'm sure Grace doesn't need to know all that." With his arm still around my middle Samuel takes me away from his sister muttering to himself as he does so.

"She's right, you know." He turns to look at me.

"What?" I say as I watch him taking me all in, undressing me like he always does with those eyes of his and I can't believe I have allowed him to actually see what lies beneath. I shudder at my stupidity, but he seems to be unaffected as he watches me.

"You're the only woman I have brought home. You're the only woman I have had so many firsts with." He places a finger to my face and lightly touches around my lips and then my cheeks as he looks deep into my eyes. I can feel his need to say something else to me and I hope to G.o.d that it's not the same thoughts that I have been feeling for him recently, because nothing good ever comes from getting too close to someone. I have already let him in too deep and I can only hope I won't burn in the aftermath which I am sure will follow.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you would like to go over to the West Tent your dinner will be served shortly." The two of us watch as the crowd of people make their way to the tents.

"Come." There's that word again and its effects are still as powerful as the first time he spoke them to me. Samuel leads me through all the people and we make our way through the white tent. When we get inside I am blown away by what I see. The inside of the tents are simply stunning. There are two beautiful chandeliers that leave an array of beautiful colors over the white of the room. There are so many tables all scattered around the tent in an almost diamond-like shape with a large platform at the front where I a.s.sume the auction will take place. The tables and seats are all covered with white linen that shows off the effects from the chandeliers, giving such a beautiful vision. Everyone stands by the seating plan to find their allocated table and Samuel soon takes me off to a table near the front. His family are already there when we get there and I am introduced to everyone again and it's remarkable how much I feel like I am a member of this family. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it feels like I have known everyone for as long as I have lived, that they are all a part of me and I of them. As we take our seats I notice that there are two empty seats and out of the corner of my eye I see an older couple reach our table. Samuel's father stands up and beckons the older couple over.

"Grace, I would like to introduce you to my parents." The older couple look towards me and the woman looks toward Samuel and then back to me again with a big smile. She begins to hold out her hand to me as she says.

"So this is THE Grace that has had such an effect on my only grandson. It's a pleasure to meet you finally, Grace."

"Finally." I say as I look to Samuel and then to the rest of his family. I shake his grandmother's hand and I am surprised by the strength she has. Samuel's grandfather then steps up to me and grasps my hand as he follows on from his wife.

"My dear, ever since he got to England all we have heard about is you." I look around at them all with complete shock while the old man takes his seat next to his wife and son. Samuel leans towards me and I can feel his hand on my knee as he whispers in my ear.

"Are you OK?"

"I'm fine." I manage to squeak out just as the waiters come to our table with starters. I can feel Samuel squeeze at my knee as he smiles at me and his whole face just seems to light up right in front of me. He's so beautiful and I would so much like to be able to be the one to always put that smile there, but I know deep down that I can't and as I sit there I can feel my heart break. No matter how much I have tried I still manage to hurt myself and I think I will hurt him too. I try to fight the tears as we go through the marvelous meal and I can't help, but keep getting the thoughts of actually belonging here. By the time we have finished our main meal I excuse myself to the bathroom.

"Are you OK?" Samuel asks me.

"Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom." I try to say as quietly as I can, but it doesn't seem to work as I see Kimberley stand up.

"I'll join you. I've drunk too much champagne." As we step away from the table and make our way to the bathrooms which are located between the two tents I can feel Kimberley lace her arms through mine.

"I have never seen my brother look so happy." She says as she keeps tapping away at my other arm and I have to try so hard to keep the tears that threaten to fall at bay until I reach the bathroom. As soon as I enclose myself in the cubicle the waterworks start up and I can't seem to be able to stop them. I don't know how long I just sit there until I hear a knock at the door and then Kimberley's voice.

"Are you OK, Grace?" I wipe away the tears as I attempt to answer her question without giving away what I have been doing.

"I...I'm F....fine."

"Grace."

"Yeah."

"No, you're not. Can you please open the door?" I don't know why I do it, maybe it's the motherly tone of her voice that I have spent my whole life wanting from my own mother, but I open the door and as soon as I do I am engulfed by a female cuddle.

"What's wrong?" Kimberley asks as she begins to stroke my back trying to comfort me. As much as I try I can never get rid of the idea that I will never be good enough for Samuel or this world he lives and works in.

"I'm so stupid." I say within the tears that can't help, but fall from my eyes.

"What would you say that for?" She asks as she pulls away from me so she can look at my face just as the main door opens and someone starts to walk in.

"Not now, we're busy." Kimberly says with an att.i.tude I have never heard before. The woman at the door looks at me and then at Kimberly before she slowly retreats back out the door with a grunt.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Kimberly asks me.

"I can't believe I ever thought I was worthy enough to be with him."

"What?" She says as she attempts to push my chin up so I have to look at her.

"You listen to me. I have never seen my brother look as happy or content as he has these last few days. From the moment he met you all he has ever spoken about is you. His whole world has changed because of you and in the best way possible." She wipes away some of the tears that have fallen and I feel Kimberley is like a sister. I have never had anyone look after me like this before and as much as the feeling is alien I can't get over how nice it feels. I want to feel a part of something, something that's far more important than me, greater than me and for some strange reason I feel I could almost have it with this family whom I've only just met. Of course the feeling is not allowed to last long as Kimberley utters the three words I fear as much as anything.

"He loves you." My world crashes around me as I try to come to terms with what she said, but I can't do it, I'm too afraid of what those words mean and I have to get away.

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE.

GRACE.

I get up as quickly as I can and dash out of the tent as fast as my legs will take me. All I need to do is lose a shoe and my transformation into Cinderella will be complete. I can hear Kimberley shout at me as I walk away, but I have to get away from the crowd and think. All I have ever wanted is to be loved for who I am, to be appreciated and valued as a human being, but I have never found it. My own parents never loved me and I was always seen as the devil child who burned everything I touched. I hate myself and the woman and man who brought me into the world hate me, so how can I expect anyone else to love me, especially someone like Samuel Harding.

"Grace."

"Grace, stop."

"Grace." I feel a strong hand on mine and recognize the voice and when I turn around I see the man I love with all my heart standing in front of me, begging me not to keep running.

"What's the matter? Where are you going?" He says as he holds my arms at the side of me so I can't move.

"I had to go."

"Why?"

"Because I was confused."

"Babe, you need to do better than that." I can't help but laugh when he says that and instantly as with all the other times he makes me feel better.

"Don't go laughing, thinking I'm going to change the subject." He says as I can see the struggle within him as he tries to control his own laughter.

"I'm sorry; I am just so f.u.c.ked up." He runs his fingers through my hair and then places them on each of my cheeks so that Samuel is now holding my face in his hands.

"I know you are, Grace." He kisses my nose and gives me a smile. He uses a finger to graze my hairline as he continues.

"I can only hope that one day you will have faith in me and tell me what's going on in here." He places both hands on my head and then moves them to my heart. "And here."

He slowly moves both his hands down my waist and then moves them to around my back where he pushes me into his body and leaves his arms around me where I yet again feel I belong.

"Will you tell me one day?"

"I will, I promise." He looks down at me and there's that beautiful smile again and my heart melts even further in love than I already am.

"I have to be ready though." I say, just to remind him that I am still so mixed up with my feelings and past.

"I know. Come, let's go home." He lets go of my waist and takes a hold of one of my hands and leads me back through the grounds of his family's estate to the front of the property where the cars are all waiting for their owners. As we come into view of Samuel's his driver steps out of the front and opens one of the back doors so that we can enter. Samuel holds my hand as I step in and then he steps around the back of the car and comes in through the other door. As he sits down he scoots over next to me and I settle myself into his arms so my head is resting on his chest where I can feel the steady thumps of his heart and smell his scent that fills my body with a calmness that only this man can give me.

The following day I persuade Samuel to just let me stay in his apartment. I can't face doing anything or seeing him, but by the end of the day he has me out of my room. We don't talk; I have nothing to say except the words I'm too afraid to.

The next day we sit in Samuel's New York office like we are sitting ducks, just waiting for whatever is going to happen to happen.

"Why are we here, Samuel?" I ask him as he takes a seat by the side of me.

"We're waiting for my father and uncle."

"Why?"

"They wanted to speak to us before we go back to London."

"Why, Samuel?" And at his evasive att.i.tude I can't help, but think that maybe they have come to tell us they don't approve of me.

That I will be going back to London on my own and I should stay clear of their heir. The possibility is very high, they only have to do their research and they will be able to dig up a load of dirt on me. As I sit there watching Samuel watch me I wonder why we haven't already had a conversation about my past, it's bound to come up at some point and when it does I should be prepared for it. I can feel Samuel's hand pinch my own.

"Stop doing that."

"What?" I ask with a questioning tone I can't help but add.

"I know what you are doing and I want you to stop." I raise an eyebrow in question as I wait for his answer.

"You're always over thinking things and I want you to stop." All I can do is smile and just as I lean in, the door to Samuel's office opens and in walks his father and uncle looking like they are two men on a mission. I don't know why, but I instantly know it's about me and I suddenly feel completely out of my comfort zone and it's as if the walls of Samuel's office are alight with fire and the intense heat is closing in around me, suffocating me in the process. I am grateful when Samuel draws me away from my thoughts, when he comes into my line of sight and bends down in front of me so we are eye level. As he watches me it's as if it's only the two of us in the room, no-one else exists as I watch his lips move as he comforts me with the words I can't hear.

"Grace."

"Grace, look at me." As if a switch is turned on I can suddenly hear the sound of Samuel's calming voice.

"Grace, my uncle would like to ask you a few questions." He places his hands on top of mine which are settled on my lap. I look over at his uncle and he gives me a comforting smile and I know from that smile I have nothing to be scared about. Samuel's whole family has been nothing, but welcoming and kind to me and I know I have nothing to fear.

"What my uncle asks you. There's nothing to be scared of, OK?"

"OK" And I look towards his uncle to begin just as he and Edward take a seat so we are all sat in an almost circle in the middle of the office. Samuel still has a hold of my hand and all three men look somewhat nervous yet content.

"What do you remember about your father, Grace?"

"W...what?" I look between the three men, but none of them give anything away.

"Why would you want to know about my father?" I ask again and I can feel Samuel's squeeze of my hand just as my heart begins to beat faster against the confines of my chest.

"Can you tell us, Grace?" Samuel asks. I look again between the three men and I don't know what comes over me after I take in a deep breath as I attempt for the first time to tell someone about my father.

"I don't remember much just that my mother told me he left us." Samuel's uncle leans in with hopefulness in his eyes as he asks me.

"Can you tell us what you remember?"

"I think he may have had money, I remember a beautiful home and other children, but I can't remember what he looked like." I look around the room as I get the courage to say the next bit that my mother always made sure I remembered. It was, after all, the most important part of the story.

"My mother said that one day he had just had enough of me and forced us out. We were left all on our own and he never once tried to contact us to see what happened to us." All of a sudden Samuel's uncle stands up with such anger as he begins to shout.

"The b.i.t.c.h! I can't believe she told you that!"

"What do you mean?" Just as the uncle is about to answer Samuel gets in before him and asks me another question.

"What's your mother's name, Grace?"

"My mother's name? Why do you want to know that? What is this, Samuel? What do you think you know about me?" Samuel looks toward the other two men and then his uncle looks to me and bends down on his knees as Samuel had done earlier so we are at eye level with each other. I can't quite understand it, but as I look closely into his eyes it's as if I am looking into the depths of my own eyes. There is a similarity to them that I don't understand. I try to shake the unease I get at that thought, but it doesn't seem to want to leave me. I feel so confused. So much has been going on in my life since I met Samuel and his family, but I have never felt so cared for and safe.

"Can you tell me, Grace? Please." I have no idea why, but for some strange reason I get the feeling that I can trust this man, that he and his family may be the first that won't feel hatred of me as I tell them my story.

"My mother's name is Jennifer Cross Ford, but she mainly went by Jen Ford." As soon as I say the first two names every one gives away a small sigh of relief and I look towards all three of them to get an answer. Why would they react that way? It doesn't make any sense, but before I can get my answers Edward's mobile goes off.