Entertainments for Home, Church and School Part 22

Why has man more hair than woman? Because he is naturally her suitor (hirsuter).

What is that which no one wishes to have, yet no one cares to lose?

A bald head.

Why is the letter G like the sun? Because it is the center of light.

Why is the letter D like a wedding-ring? Because we cannot be wed without it.

Why should ladies not learn French? Because one tongue is enough for any woman.

Which tree is most suggestive of kissing? Yew.

What act of folly does a washerwoman commit? Putting out tubs to catch soft water when it rains hard.

Why should a cabman be brave? Because none but the brave deserve the fair (fare).

What is the most difficult surgical operation? To take the jaw out of a woman.

Why is it difficult to flirt on board the P. and O. steamers? Because all of the mails (males) are tied up in bags.

What letter made Queen Bess mind her P's and Q's? R made her (Armada).

Why is it an insult to a c.o.c.k-sparrow to mistake him for a pheasant?

Because it is making game of him.

What is that from which the whole may be taken, and yet some will remain? The word wholesome.

Why is blind-man's buff like sympathy? Because it is a fellow feeling for another.

When may a man be said to have four hands? When he doubles his fists.

Why is it easy to break into an old man's house? Because his gait (gate) is broken and his locks are few.

Why should you not go to New York by the 12:50 train? Because it is ten-to-one if you catch it.

Why should the male s.e.x avoid the letter A? Because it makes the men mean.

When does a man sneeze three times? When he cannot help it.

What relation is the doormat to the sc.r.a.per? A step farther.

Why does a piebald pony never pay toll? Because his master pays it for him.

Why is the letter S like a sewing-machine? Because it makes needles needless.

What is the difference between a cow and a rickety chair? One gives milk and the other gives way (whey).

What flower most resembles a bull's mouth? A cowslip.

What does a stone become in the water? Wet.

If the alphabet were invited out to dine, what time would U, V, W, X, Y, and Z go--They would go after tea.

When was beef-tea first introduced into England? When Henry VIII dissolved the Pope's bull.

What letter is the pleasantest to a deaf woman? A, because it makes her hear.

When is love a deformity? When it is all on one side.

Why is a mouse like hay? Because the cat'll (cattle) eat it.

Why is a madman equal to two men? Because he is one beside himself.

Why are good resolutions like ladies fainting in church? Because the sooner they are carried out the better.

Which is the merriest letter in the alphabet? U, because it is always in fun.

What is the difference between a bankrupt and a feather bed? One is hard up and the other is soft down.

What is that word of five letters from which, if you take two, only one remains? Stone.

Why is the letter B like a fire? Because it makes oil boil.

What word is p.r.o.nounced quicker by adding a syllable to it? Quick.

Which animal travels with the most, and which with the least, luggage?

The elephant the most because he is never without his trunk. The fox and c.o.c.k the least because they have only one brush and comb between them.

Why are bakers the most self-denying people? Because they sell what they need (knead) themselves.

Which of the constellations reminds you of an empty fireplace? The Great Bear (grate bear).

What relation is that child to its own father who is not its own father's son? His daughter.

When does a pig become landed property? When he is turned into a meadow.

Which is the heavier, the full or the new moon? The full moon is a great deal lighter.

Why is an alligator the most deceitful of animals? Because he takes you in with an open countenance.

Why are fowls the most profitable of live stock? Because for every grain they give a peck.

What is that which comes with a coach, goes with a coach, is of no use whatever to the coach, and yet the coach can't go without it? Noise.

If your uncle's sister is not your aunt, what relation is she to you?

Your mother.

Why does a duck put his head under water? For divers reasons.