The Dodd Family Abroad Volume I Part 39

I will write again to-morrow. Yours ever,

K. I. Dodd.

LETTER x.x.xIV. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF

"The Fox."

My dear Tom,--However Morris managed it I know not, but an order came for my liberation that same evening, with the a.s.surance that my pa.s.sport was to be made out for wherever I pleased to name, and the Prefect was to express to me his regrets and apologies for an inadvertence which he deeply deplored.

It seemed that, but for diplomacy, I'd not have been detained half an hour; but our worthy representative of Great Britain had asked for copies of all the charges against me so formally, had requested the names, ages, and station in life of the several witnesses so circ.u.mstantially, and had, in fact, imparted such a mock importance to a police impertinence, that the Grand-Ducal authorities began to suspect that they had caught a first-rate revolutionist, with a whole trunkful of Kossuth and Mazzini correspondence. This comes of setting school-boys to write despatches! The greedy appet.i.te for notoriety--to be up and doing--to be before the world in some public capacity--of these juveniles, brings England into more trouble, and Englishmen into more embarra.s.sment, than you could believe. If they 'd be satisfied with recording Royal dinnerparties and Court scandal,--who got the Order of the Guinea-pig, and who is to receive the "Tortoise," they could n't do much harm; but the moment they get hold of an international grievance, and quote Puffendorf, we have no peace on the Continent for six months after.

"You wish to leave Baden," said Morris; "where will you go?"

"I have not the slightest notion," said I. "I'm waiting for letters from Ireland,"--yours, my dear Tom, the chief of them,--"and therefore it must be somewhere in the vicinity."

"Go over to Rastadt, then," said he, "and amuse yourself with the fortifications: they are now in course of construction, and when completed will be some of the strongest in Europe. I 'll give you a letter to the Commandant, who will show all that can interest you, and explain everything that you may wish to know." Rastadt is only twenty miles away; it is, however, in all that regards intercourse with Baden, fully two hundred distant. It is cheap, rarely visited by strangers, has no "fas.h.i.+onables," and, in fact, just the kind of model-prison residence that I was wis.h.i.+ng for to discipline the family, and get them once more "in hand."

Thither, therefore, we remove to-morrow morning, if nothing unforeseen should occur in the interim. Morris, as you may observe, behaved most kindly in this affair; and, indeed, showed a strong interest in James, from certain remarks the boy himself has let drop; but he seems cold, Tom,--one of those excellent fellows that are always doing the right thing for its own sake, and not for yours. I don't want to disparage principle, no more than I do a great balance at Coutts's, or anything else that I don't possess myself; but I mean to say that, somehow or other, one likes to feel that it is to yourself, as an individual,--to your own proper ident.i.ty,--a service is rendered, and not to a mere fraction of that great biped race that wear cloth clothes and eat cooked victuals.

That's the way with the English, however, all over the globe, and I have often felt more grateful to an Irishman for helping me on with my surtout than I have to John Bull for a real downright piece of service.

I suppose the fault is more mine than his; but the fact is true, and so I give it to you. I suppose, besides, that an impartial observer of both of as would say that we make too much of every favor, and the Englishman too little; we exact all the obligation of a debt for it, they treat the whole thing lightly, as if the service rendered, and those to whom it was done, were not worthy of further consideration. However we strike the balance between us, Tom,--in our favor or against us,--I own to you I like our own way best; and though nothing could be truly more kind and considerate than Morris, it was quite a relief to me when he gave me his cold shake-hands, and said "Good-bye!"

And so it will ever be, so long as human actions are swayed by human emotions. The man who recognizes your feelings, who regards you with some touch of sympathy, is more your friend than the benevolent machine who bestows upon you his mechanical philanthropy.

"The Golden Ox," Rastadt. We left Lichtenthal like a thief in the night; and here we are now in the "Golden Ox" at Rastadt, which, I own to you, seems a most comfortable house. James and I--for we are now _two_ parties domestically, Mrs. D. and Mary Anne living very much to themselves, and Cary still on a visit with Morris's mother--had a most excellent breakfast of fresh trout, a roast partridge, a venison steak with capers--a capital dish--and chocolate, with abundance of good white wine of the place, and on calling for the bill, out of curiosity, I see we are charged something under a florin for two of us,--about tenpence each. Tom, this will do. You may therefore look upon me as a citizen of Rastadt for the next month to come. I have kept my letter by me hitherto, to give you a bulletin of this place before closing it, and I have still some time at my disposal before the post leaves.

I'm not sure, though, I'd exactly recommend this town to a patient laboring under nervous headaches, or to a university man reading for honors. Indeed, up to this--I suppose I 'll get used to it later on--the din has so addled me that I have often to stand two minutes reflecting over what I had to say, and then own that I have forgotten it. We are--that is, the "Ox" is--in the quietest spot in the town, and yet close under my bedroom there are, from early morning till dusk, twelve drummers at practice, with a head drummer to teach them. In the green, before the door, two companies of recruits are at drill. The foot artillery limbers and unlimbers all day in the "Platz" close by, and what should be our garden is a riding-school for the cadets. These several educational establishments have their peculiar tumult, which accompany me through my sleep; and for all the requirements of quiet and reflection, I might as well have taken up my abode in a kettle-drum.

Lige was a Trappist monastery in comparison! As it is, the routine tramp of feet has made me conform to the step, and I march "quick" or "orderly," exactly as the fellows are doing it outside. I swallow my soup to the sound of a trumpet, and take off my clothes to the roll of the drum. James is in ecstasy with it all; I never saw him enjoy himself so much. He is out looking at them the entire day, and I 'm greatly mistaken but Mary Anne pa.s.ses a large portion of her time at the green "jalousie" that opens over the riding-school.

I am always asking myself--that is, whenever I can summon composure even for so much--what do the Germans want with all these soldiers? Surely they 're not going to invade France, nor Russia; and yet their armies are maintained in a strength that might imply it! As to any occasion for them at home in their own land, it's downright balderdash to talk of it!

Do you know, Tom, that whenever I think of Germany and her rulers, I am strongly reminded of poor old Dr. Drake, that lived at Dronestown, and the flea-bitten mare he used to drive in his gig. She was forty if she was an hour; she was quiet and docile from the day she was foaled: all the whipping in the world couldn't shake her into five miles an hour, and yet the doctor had her surrounded with every precaution and appliance that would have suited a regular runaway. There were safety-reins, and kicking-straps, and double traces without end,--and all to restrain a poor old beast that only wanted to be let alone, and drag out her tiresome existence in the jog-trot she was used to! "Ah, you don't know as well as I do," Drake would say; "she's a devil at heart, and if she did n't feel it was useless to resist, she 'd smash everything behind her. She looks quiet enough, but _that_ does n't impose upon me." These were the kind of reflections he indulged in, and I suppose they are about the same in use in the Cabinets of Austria, Prussia, and Bavaria. I was often malicious enough for a half wish that Drake should have a spicy devil in the shafts, just for once, to show him a trick or two; and in the same spirit, Tom, I cannot help saying that I 'd like to see John Bull "put to" in this fas.h.i.+on! Would n't he kick up,--would n't he soon knock the whole concern to atoms! Ah, Tom, it's all alike, believe me; and whether you have to drive a nag or a nation, take my word for it, the kicking-straps are only efficacious when the beast has n't a kick in him! At all events, such are not the popular notions here; and on they go, building fortresses, strengthening garrisons, and reinforcing army corps, till at last the military will be more numerous than the nation, and every prisoner will have two jailers to restrain him. "Who is to pay?" becomes the question; but indeed that is the very question that puzzles me now. Who pays for all this at present? Is it possible that a people will suffer itself to be taxed that it may be bullied? I 'm unable to continue this theme, for there go the drums again,--there are forty of them at it now! What's in the wind I can't guess. Oh, here's the explanation. It is the Herr Commandant--be sure you accent the last syllable--is come to pay me a visit, and the guard has turned out to drum him upstairs!

Four o'clock.

He is gone at last,--I thought he never would,--and I have only time to say that he has appointed to-morrow after breakfast, to show me the fortress, and as I am too late for the post, I 'll be able to add a line or two before this leaves me. Mary Anne has come to say that her mother's head is distracted, and that she cannot endure the uproar of the place. My reply is, "Mine is exactly in the same way; but I cannot go any further,--I 've no money."

Mrs. D. "thinks she'll go mad!" If she means it in earnest, this is as cheap a place to do it in as any I know. We are only to pay two pounds a week each, and I suppose whether we preserve our senses or not makes no difference in the expense! This would sound very unfeelingly, Tom, but that you are well aware of Mrs. D. 's system, and that she gives notice of a motion without any intention of going to a debate, much less of pressing for a "division." Mary Anne is very urgent that I should see her mother, but I am not quite equal to it yet Maybe after visiting the fortress to-morrow I'll be in a more martial mood; and now here's dinner, and a most savory odor preludes it.

Tuesday.

This must go as it is, Tom,--I 'm dead beat! That old veteran would n't let me off a casemate nor a bomb-proof, and I have walked twenty miles this blessed morning! Nor is that all; but I have handled shot, lifted cannon-b.a.l.l.s, adjusted mortars, and peeped out of embrasures, till my back is half broken with straining and fatigue. Just to judge from what I 'm suffering, a siege must be a dreadful thing!

He says be showed me everything; and, upon my conscience, I can well believe it! There was a great deal of it, too, that I saw in the dark, for there was no end of galleries without a single loophole, and many of the pa.s.sages seemed only four feet high; for, though a short man, I had to stoop. I ought to have a great deal to say about this place, if I could remember it, or if I could be sure it would interest you. It appears that Rastadt is built upon an entirely new principle, quite distinct from any hitherto in use. It must be attacked _en ricochet_, and not directly; a hint, I suppose, they stole from our common law, where they fire into _you_, by pretending to a.s.sail John Doe or Richard Roe. The Commandant sneered at the old system, but I 'd rather trust myself in Gibraltar, notwithstanding all he said. It stands to reason, Tom, that if you are up in a window you have a great advantage over a fellow down in the street. Now, all these modern fortresses are what is called "_ fleur d'eau_" quite level, and not raised in the least over the attacking force. Put me up high, say I; if on a parapet, so much the better; and besides, Tom, nothing gives a man such coolness as to know that he is all as one as out of danger! Of course, I did n't make this remark to the Commandant, because in talking with military people it is good tact always to a.s.sume that being shot at is rather pleasant than otherwise; and so I have observed that they themselves generally make use of some jocular phrase or other to express being killed and wounded; "he was knocked over," "he got an ugly poke," being the more popular mode of recording what finished a man's existence, or made the remainder of it miserable.

Soldiering has always struck me as an insupportable line of life. I have no objection in the world to fight the man who has injured _me_, nor to give satisfaction where I have been the offender; but to go patiently to work to learn how to destroy somebody I never saw and never heard of, _does_ seem absurd and unchristianlike altogether. You say, "He is the enemy of my country, and, consequently, mine." Let me see that; let me be sure of it. If he invades us, I know that he is an enemy; but if he is only occupied about his own affairs,--if he is simply hunting out a nest of old squatters that he is tired of,--if he is merely changing the sign of his house, and instead of the "Lily" prefers to live under the "c.o.c.k," or maybe the "Drone-bee," what have I to say to that? So long as he stays at home, and only "gets drunk on the premises," I have no right to meddle with him. It's all very well to say that n.o.body likes to have a disorderly house in his neighborhood. Very true; but you ought n't to go in and murder the residents to keep them quiet. There 's the mail gone by, and I have forgotten to send this off. It's a wonderful thing how living in Germany makes a man long-winded and tiresome. It must be the air, at least with me, or the cookery, for I am perfectly innocent of the language. The "mysterious gutturals," as Macaulay calls them, will ever be mysteries to _me!_ At all events, to prevent further indiscretions, I 'll close this and seal it now. And so, with my sincere regards, believe me, dear Tom, ever yours,

Kenny I. Dodd.

Address me, "Golden Ox,"--I mean at the sign of,--Rastadt, for you 're sure of finding me here for the next four weeks at least.

LETTER x.x.xV. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN

"The Golden Ox," Rastadt.

My dearest kitty,--I have only time for a few and very hurried lines, written with trembling fingers and a heart audible in its palpitations!

Yes, dearest, an eventful moment has arrived,--the dread instant has come, on which my whole future destiny must depend. It was last night, just as I was making papa's tea, that a servant arrived on horseback at the inn with a letter addressed to the Right Honorable and Reverend the Lord Dodd de Dodsborough. This, of course, could only mean papa, and so he opened and read it, for it was in English, dearest, or at least in imitation of that language.

I refrain from quoting the precise expressions, lest in circ.u.mstances so serious a smile of pa.s.sing levity should cross those dear features, now all tension with anxiety for your own Mary Anne. The letter was from Adolf von Wolfenschafer, making me an offer of his hand, t.i.tle, and fortune! I swooned away when I heard it, and only recovered to hear papa still spelling out the strange phraseology of the letter.

I wish he had not written in English, Kitty. It is provoking that an event so naturally serious in itself should be alloyed with the dross of grammatical absurdities; besides that, really, our tongue does not lend itself to those delicate and half-vanis.h.i.+ng allusions to future bliss so germane to such a proposal. Papa, and James, too, I must say, evinced a want of regard to my feelings, and an absence of that fine sympathy which I should have looked for at a moment like this. They actually screamed with laughter, Kitty, at little lapses of orthography, when the subject might reasonably have imposed far different emotions.

"Why, it's a proposal of marriage!" exclaimed papa, "and I thought it a summons from the police."

"Egad, so it is!" cried James. "It's an offer to you, Mary Anne. 'The Baron Adolf von Wolfenschfer, Frei-herr von Schweinbraten and Ritter of the Order of the c.o.c.k of Tubingen, maketh hereby, and not the less, that with future-coming-time-to-be-proved-and-experienced affection, the profound humility of an offer of himself, with all his to-be-named-and-enumerated belongings, both in effects and majorats, to the lovely and very beautiful Miss, the first daughter of the Venerable and very Honorable the Lord Dodd de Dodsborough.'"

[Ill.u.s.tration: 470]

"Pray stop, James," said I; "this is scarcely a fitting matter for coa.r.s.e jesting, nor is my heart to be made the theme for indelicate banter."

"The letter is a gem," said he, and went on: "'The so-named A. von W., overflowing with a mild but in-heaven-soaring and never-to-earth-descending love, expecteth, in all the pendulating anxieties of a never-at-any-moment-to-be-distrusted devotion--'"

"Papa, I really beg and request that I may not be trifled with in this unfeeling manner. The Baron's intentions are sufficiently clear and explicit, nor are we now engaged in the work of correcting his English epistolary style."

This I said haughtily, Kitty; and Mister James at last thought proper to recover some respect for my feelings.

"Why, I never suspected you could take the thing seriously, dear Mary Anne," said he. "If I only thought--"

"And pray, why not, James? I'm sure the Baron's ancient birth--his rank, his fortune--his position, in fact--"

"Of all of which we know nothing," broke in papa.

"But of which you may know everything," said I; "for here, at the postscript, is an invitation to us all to pa.s.s some weeks at the Schloss, in the Black Forest, his ancestral seat."

"Or, as he styles it," broke in James, impertinently, "'the very old castle, where for numerous centuries his high-blooded and on-lofty-eminence-standing ancestors did sit,' and where now 'his with-years-bestricken but not-the-less-on-that-account-sharp with-intelligence-begifted parent father doth reside.'"

"Read that again, James," said papa.

"Pray allow me, sir," said I, taking the letter. "The invitation is a most hospitable request that we should go and pa.s.s some time at his chateau, and name the earliest day our convenience will permit for the visit."

"He spoke of capital shooting there!" cried James. "He told me that the Auer-Hahu, a kind of black-c.o.c.k, abounds in that country."