The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists Part 54

''Ear, 'ear,' shouted the man on the pail. 'Git up into the b.l.o.o.d.y pulpit and give us a sermon.'

As Owen made no response to the invitations, the crowd began to hoot and groan.

'Come on, man,' whispered Philpot, winking his goggle eye persuasively at Owen. 'Come on, just for a bit of turn, to pa.s.s the time away.'

Owen accordingly ascended the steps--much to the secret delight of Cra.s.s--and was immediately greeted with a round of enthusiastic applause.

'There you are, you see,' said Philpot, addressing the meeting. 'It's no use booin' and threatenin', because 'e's one of them lecturers wot can honly be managed with kindness. If it 'adn't a bin for me, 'e wouldn't 'ave agreed to speak at all.'

Philpot having been unanimously elected chairman, proposed by Harlow and seconded by the man on the pail, Owen commenced:

'Mr Chairman and gentlemen:

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, it is with some degree of hesitation that I venture to address myself to such a large, distinguished, fas.h.i.+onable, and intelligent looking audience as that which I have the honour of seeing before me on the present occasion.'

(Applause.)

'One of the finest speakers I've ever 'eard!' remarked the man on the pail in a loud whisper to the chairman, who motioned him to be silent.

Owen continued:

'In some of my previous lectures I have endeavoured to convince you that money is in itself of no value and of no real use whatever. In this I am afraid I have been rather unsuccessful.'

'Not a bit of it, mate,' cried Cra.s.s, sarcastically. 'We all agrees with it.'

''Ear, 'ear,' shouted Easton. 'If a bloke was to come in 'ere now and orfer to give me a quid--I'd refuse it!'

'So would I,' said Philpot.

'Well, whether you agree or not, the fact remains. A man might possess so much money that, in England, he would be comparatively rich, and yet if he went to some country where the cost of living is very high he would find himself in a condition of poverty. Or one might conceivably be in a place where the necessaries of life could not be bought for money at all. Therefore it is more conducive to an intelligent understanding of the subject if we say that to be rich consists not necessarily in having much money, but in being able to enjoy an abundance of the things that are made by work; and that poverty consists not merely in being without money, but in being short of the necessaries and comforts of life--or in other words in being short of the Benefits of Civilization, the things that are all, without exception, produced by work. Whether you agree or not with anything else that I say, you will all admit that that is our condition at the present time. We do not enjoy a full share of the benefits of civilization--we are all in a state of more or less abject poverty.'

'Question!' cried Cra.s.s, and there were loud murmurs of indignant dissent from several quarters as Owen proceeded:

'How does it happen that we are so short of the things that are made by work?'

'The reason why we're short of the things that's made by work,'

interrupted Cra.s.s, mimicking Owen's manner, 'is that we ain't got the b.l.o.o.d.y money to buy 'em.'

'Yes,' said the man on the pail; 'and as I said before, if all the money in the country was shared out equal today according to Owen's ideas--in six months' time it would be all back again in the same 'ands as it is now, and what are you goin' to do then?'

'Share again, of course.'

This answer came derisively from several places at the same instant, and then they all began speaking at once, vying with each other in ridiculing the foolishness of 'them there Socialists', whom they called 'The Sharers Out'.

Barrington was almost the only one who took no part in the conversation. He was seated in his customary place and, as usual, silently smoking, apparently oblivious to his surroundings.

'I never said anything about "sharing out all the money",' said Owen during a lull in the storm, 'and I don't know of any Socialist who advocates anything of the kind. Can any of you tell me the name of someone who proposes to do so?'

No one answered, as Owen repeated his inquiry, this time addressing himself directly to Cra.s.s, who had been one of the loudest in denouncing and ridiculing the 'Sharers Out'. Thus cornered, Cra.s.s--who knew absolutely nothing about the subject--for a few moments looked rather foolish. Then he began to talk in a very loud voice:

'Why, it's a well-known fact. Everybody knows that's what they wants.

But they take b.l.o.o.d.y good care they don't act up to it theirselves, though. Look at them there Labour members of Parliament--a lot of b--rs what's too b.l.o.o.d.y lazy to work for their livin'! What the b.l.o.o.d.y 'ell was they before they got there? Only workin' men, the same as you and me! But they've got the gift o' the gab and--'

'Yes, we know all about that,' said Owen, 'but what I'm asking you is to tell us who advocates taking all the money in the country and sharing it out equally?'

'And I say that everybody knows that's what they're after!' shouted Cra.s.s. 'And you know it as well as I do. A fine thing!' he added indignantly. 'Accordin' to that idear, a b.l.o.o.d.y scavenger or a farm labourer ought to get as much wages as you or me!'

'We can talk about that some other time. What I want to know at present is--what authority have you for saying that Socialists believe in sharing out all the money equally amongst all the people?'

'Well, that's what I've always understood they believed in doing,' said Cra.s.s rather lamely.

'It's a well-known fact,' said several others.

'Come to think of it,' continued Cra.s.s as he drew the Obscurer cutting from his waistcoat pocket, 'I've got a little thing 'ere that I've been goin' to read to yer. It's out of the Obscurer. I'd forgotten all about it.'

Remarking that the print was too small for his own eyes, he pa.s.sed the slip of paper to Harlow, who read aloud as follows:

PROVE YOUR PRINCIPLES: OR, LOOK AT BOTH SIDES

'I wish I could open your eyes to the true misery of our condition: injustice, tyranny and oppression!' said a discontented hack to a weary-looking cob as they stood side by side in unhired cabs.

'I'd rather have them opened to something pleasant, thank you,'

replied the cob.

'I am sorry for you. If you could enter into the n.o.ble aspirations--' the hack began.

'Talk plain. What would you have?' said the cob, interrupting him.

'What would I have? Why, equality, and share and share alike all over the world,' said the hack.

'You MEAN that?' said the cob.

'Of course I do. What right have those sleek, pampered hunters and racers to their warm stables and high feed, their grooms and jockeys? It is really heart-sickening to think of it,' replied the hack.

'I don't know but you may be right,' said the cob, 'and to show I'm in earnest, as no doubt you are, let me have half the good beans you have in your bag, and you shall have half the musty oats and chaff I have in mine. There's nothing like proving one's principles.'

Original Parables. By Mrs Prosier.

'There you are!' cried several voices.

'What does that mean?' cried Cra.s.s, triumphantly. 'Why don't you go and share your wages with the chaps what's out of work?'

'What does it mean?' replied Owen contemptuously. 'It means that if the Editor of the Obscurer put that in his paper as an argument against Socialism, either he is of feeble intellect himself or else he thinks that the majority of his readers are. That isn't an argument against Socialism--it's an argument against the hypocrites who pretend to be Christians--the people who profess to "Love their neighbours as themselves"--who pretend to believe in Universal Brotherhood, and that they do not love the world or the things of the world and say that they are merely "Pilgrims on their way to a better land". As for why I don't do it--why should I? I don't pretend to be a Christian. But you're all "Christians"--why don't you do it?'

'We're not talkin' about religion,' exclaimed Cra.s.s, impatiently.

'Then what are you talking about? I never said anything about "Sharing Out" or "Bearing one another's burdens". I don't profess to "Give to everyone who asks of me" or to "Give my cloak to the man who take away my coat". I have read that Christ taught that His followers must do all these things, but as I do not pretend to be one of His followers I don't do them. But you believe in Christianity: why don't you do the things that He said?'

As n.o.body seemed to know the answer to this question, the lecturer proceeded: