The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 30

They bild their nest among a tree, and lay twice, and both eggs would hatch out if they was laid in a snow bank,--thare aint no such thing as stopping a young crow.

Crows are very lengthy; i beleave they live always i never knu one to die a natral deth, and don't believe they kno how.

They are alwus thin in flesh, and are like an injun rubber shew, poor inside and out.

They are not considered fine eating, altho i hav read sumwhare ov biled crow, but still i never heard ov the same man hankering for sum biled crow 2 times.

This essa on the crow is copied from natur, and if it is true i aint tew blame for it; natur made the crow, i didn't; if i had i would hav made her more honest and not quite so tuff.

THE b.u.mBLE BEE.

The b.u.mble Bee is one ov natur's sekrets.

They probably hav a destiny to fill, and are probably necessary, if a fellow only knew how.

They liv apart from the rest ov mankind, in little circles numbering about 75 or 80 souls.

They are born about haying time, and are different from enny bug i know ov; they are the biggest when they are fust born. They resemble sum men in this respekt.

Their principle bizziness iz making poor honey, but they don't make enny to sell.

Boys sumtimes rob them out ov a whole summer's work; but thare is one thing about a b.u.mble bee that boys alwus watch dreadful cluss, and that iz their _helm_.

I had rather not hav awl the b.u.mble bee honey that is between here and the city ov Jerusalem, than tew hav a b.u.mble bee hit me with his helm when he c.u.ms round suddin.

THE ROBBING.

The robin haz a red brest.

They hav a plaintiff song, and sing az tho they waz sorry for sum thing.

They are natiffs ov the northern states, but go south to winter.

They git their name from their grate ability for robbing a cherry tree.

They kan also robin a currant bush fust rate, and are smart on a goose berry.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

If a robin kant find enny thing else tew eat, they aint tew fastidious tew eat a ripe strawberry.

They build their nest out ov mud, and straw, and lay 4 eggs, that are speckled.

Four yung robbings, in a nest, that are just hatched out, and still on the half-sh.e.l.l, are alwus az reddy for dinner, az a nuzeboy iz.

If enny boddy goes near their nest, their mouths all fly open at once, so that yu kan see clear down tew their palates.

If it want for the birds, I suppose, ov course, we should all be et up by the catterpillars, and snakes, but i hav thought, it wouldn't be enny thing more than common politeness, for the robbings, tew let us hav, now, and then, just one ov our own cherriz, tew see how they did taste.

THE SWALLO.

The swallo iz a lively bird.

Swallows make their appearance late in the spring, and alwus in a twitter about sumthing.

They hav az mutch twitter, as a boarding skool miss.

They kan fli az swift az an arrow, and a great deal crookider.

I have seen them skim a mill pond, cluss enuff tew take the cream off from it, and even make the frogs dodge, and not touch the water.

When the swallo c.u.ms, spring haz c.u.m sure, but thare iz an old proverb, (one ov Solomans, i presume,) which sez, "one swallo dont make a spring."

This may be so, but i have seen a spring (ov water), that would make a grate menny swallows.

Swallows never hav the dispepshy, they liv upon nothing, and take a grate deal ov exercise in the open air.

They dont set up nites busting, and never cheat a taylor out ov hiz bill.

They dont waste enny time in the morning making their toilett, but like the flowers, shake oph the dew from their heds, and are reddy for bizzness.

I kant think ov enny thing G.o.d has made, more harmless than a swallo, they are as innosent az a daizy, and az pure as the air they swim in, they wont live, shut up in a cage, mutch longer, than a trout will.

THE BAT.

The bat is a winged mouse.

They live very retired during the day, but at nite c.u.m out for a frolik.

They fli very mutch unsartin, and ackt az tho they had taken a little too mutch gin.

They look out ov their face like a young owl, and will bite like a snappin turkle.