The Big Drum Part 45

[_Opening the door a few inches._] Mr. Filson, sir.

PHILIP.

[_Calling out._] Hallo, Bertram!

JOHN.

Mr. Filson wants to speak to you, sir.

PHILIP.

I'll be with him in ten seconds. Leave the door open.

JOHN.

Yessir.

[JOHN _withdraws, carrying_ BERTRAM's _outdoor things into the vestibule and shutting the vestibule door_.

PHILIP.

[_Calling to_ BERTRAM _again_.] I'm in the throes of tying a bow, old man. Sit down. [BERTRAM, _glaring at the bedroom door, remains standing_.] O'ho, that's fine! Ha, ha, ha! I warn you, I'm an overpowering swell to-night. A new suit of clothes, Bertram, devised and executed in less than thirty-six hours! And a fit, sir; every item of it! You'll be green with envy when you see this coat. I'm ready for you. Handkerchief--? [_Shouting._] John--! Oh, here it is! [_Switching off the light in the bedroom and appearing, immaculately dressed, in the doorway._] Behold! [_Closing the door and advancing to_ BERTRAM.]

How are you, Bertram? [BERTRAM _refuses_ PHILIP's _hand by putting his own behind his back_. PHILIP _raises his eyebrows_.] Oh? [_A pause._]

Anything amiss? [_Observing_ BERTRAM's _heated look_.] You don't look well, Filson.

BERTRAM.

[_Breathing heavily._] No, I'm not well--I mean t'say, I'm sick with indignation----

PHILIP.

What about?

BERTRAM.

You've attempted to play us all a rascally trick, Mackworth; a low, scurvy, contemptible----

PHILIP.

[_Frowning._] A trick?

BERTRAM.

I've just come from Mr. Dunning--a man I've thought it my duty to employ in the interests of my family--Sillitoe and Dunning, the private-inquiry people----

PHILIP.

Private-inquiry people?

BERTRAM.

Dunning rang me up an hour ago, and I went down to him. The discovery wasn't clinched till this afternoon----

PHILIP.

The discovery?

BERTRAM.

[_Derisively._] Ho! This precious book of yours--"The Big Drum"! A grand success, Mackworth!

PHILIP.

[_Perplexed._] I don't----

BERTRAM.

"The Big Drum"! Wouldn't "The Big Fraud" be a more suitable t.i.tle, I mean t'say?

PHILIP.

Fraud?

BERTRAM.

Reached its twenty-fifth thousand, and the demand still continues! You and Mr. what's-his-name--t.i.tterton--ought to be publicly exposed, Mackworth; and if we were in the least spiteful and vindictive----

PHILIP.

[_Tightening his lips._] Are you sober, Filson?

BERTRAM.

Now, don't you be insolent, because it won't answer. [PHILIP _winces, but restrains himself._] The question is, what are we to do _to-night_--for Ottoline's sake, I mean t'say. We must spare her as much shock and distress as possible. I a.s.sume you've sufficient decency left to agree with me there. My father and mother too--they're quite ignorant of the steps I've been taking----

PHILIP.

[_Controlling himself with difficulty._] My good fellow, will you condescend to explain----?

BERTRAM.

[_Walking away._] Oh, it's no use, Mackworth--this air of innocence!

[_Puffing himself out and strutting to and fro on the left._] It's simply wasted effort, I mean t'say. In five minutes I can have Dunning here with the whole disreputable story. He's close by--bottom of Chancery Lane. He'll be at his office till half-past-eleven----

PHILIP.

[_Between his teeth--thrusting his hands into his trouser-pockets._]

Very accommodating of him!