Oh! Susannah! Part 23

He's a gray dog!

_(Doctor looks anything out gay.)_

Aunt. _(aside)_ The sailor girls. They're his daughters! _(cross to fireplace)_ Ugh!

Plant. _(aside to Doctor)_ Is the old girl ill? What's up?

_(Doctor is silent.)_

Ah, but he'll be a great physician--ahem--some day. _(aside to Doctor)_ When the daisies are growing over auntie, eh? _(end of sofa)_ Aunt. _(severely)_ John!

_(Doctor doesn't move.)_

Plant. _(same tone)_ John!

_(Doctor turns.)_

Aunt. John, leave us!

_(Doctor rises as if in a dream, shakes hands with Plant at end of sofa, and goes towards bathroom where Flo. went out.)_

John!

_(He turns.)_

Not _that_ way, sir! _(points door R. I. E.)_

_(Doctor exits below R. I. E.)_

Plant. _(aside)_ He's upset her, somehow--I wonder how? Ah, well, I must pour oil on the troubled waters. _(to Aunt)_ A Wonderful character--er--John. I congratulate you on having such a nephew--he combines all the tenderness of a woman with the more muscular qualities of a man. Did I tell you the story of his kindness to the milkman's baby?

Aunt. _(loudly)_ Bother the milkman's baby! _(sits sofa)_

Plant. Certainly--er--bother the milkman's baby. _(aside)_ She's strangely cross to-day.

Aunt. I told you to draw up a deed settling a thousand a year on my nephew.

Plant. _(producing it blandly--Bus.--bag C. table)_ And I have consumed the midnight oil to complete it.

_(He hands it to her, over back of sofa, she pitches it into the fire--he tries to s.n.a.t.c.h it out.)_

My dear lady, that doc.u.ment's worth a lot of money! _(rushes round sofa)_

Aunt. Let it alone!

Plant. _(aside)_ It's all off!

_(Aunt is poking vigorously, she hits Plant on purpose----)_

_(hops away, rubbing his leg)_ I'm in a d.a.m.ned awkward corner.

My dear Miss Sheppard, I fail to comprehend the meaning of your action. If ever there was a gentleman Sheppard it's your dear nephew.

Aunt. Tell that to the--the--milkman's baby. I could tell you a story of my nephew that would freeze your blood, _(gesticulates with poker)_

Plant. You astound me--any insanity in the family?

Aunt. _(L. C, rising indignantly)_ Mr. Plant!

Plant. No, no, of course not--I beg pardon--_(sees she is wearing Doctor's bath-towel dressing gown---aside)_ By George! it looks like it, though! What has happened?

Aunt. Who's Miss Garden's husband? _(back to fireplace)_

Plant. _(R. C, aside)_ Ahem! I must make a bit out of this, anyway. My dear lady, I mustn't betray a professional confidence, by mentioning his name, _(aside)_ Even if I knew it, which I don't, _(to her)_ But, strictly between ourselves, he's Jack's greatest friend.

Aunt. She's married to Jack's greatest friend?

Plant. Yes--a lieutenant in the navy.

Aunt. Disgraceful! _(crosses to table)_

Plant. Yes, _(at sofa)_ I mustn't say more, _(aside)_ Don't know any more, _(to her)_ You see, she's a client of mine--of course I shall try and save Jack from the Divorce Court, but it's gone rather far, and these things cost money, you know.

Aunt. What do you mean? _(end of sofa)_

Plant. Only this afternoon I found her concealed on that couch--beneath that very rug you're now wearing--

_(Bus.--Aunt flings it off.)_

--and; when I remonstrated with Jack--as a father--_(end of sofa)_ he actually tried to pa.s.s her off as an Anatomical model.

Aunt. _(at table, back to fire)_ Then, why do you call him a 'Gentle Sheppard?' Every word you say only makes it worse.

Plant. _(aside)_ Ahem! I've gone too far! _(crosses to R.)_

Aunt. Bad as he is, I shall do my duty by him--I'm going to find him a wife.

Plant. I'm afraid he can't support a wife--yet.

Aunt. I shall settle an income on her--she'll take better care of it. _(crosses to sofa)_

Plant _(aside)_ It's all on again, _(to her, crosses to table C.)_ A n.o.ble resolve, _(gets out pocket-book)_ Shall I take your instructions now? How much shall I say?

Aunt. Not yet. _(crosses C.)_ I want you to send your daughters to me. _(crosses to sofa, puts sofa cus.h.i.+ons behind her head.

Only the Doctor's cap is visible to anyone entering room)_

Plant. With pleasure! _(aside, putting up pocketbook)_ I've done the trick, _(to her)_ Two dear girls, who have never caused me a moment's uneasiness all their blameless lives.

_(Enter Mrs. O'Hara, sees fez, and naturally takes Aunt for Doctor.)_