The Foolish Dictionary Part 22

=PULLMAN PORTER= A legalized train-robber.

=PUNCH= A weekly obituary notice from London, chronicling the death of Humor.

Never make a mountain out of a mole-hill--Try gold, silver, copper or radium--there's more in it.

Q

Charity begins at home--but ends when you reach The Cook.

=QUACK= The Duck family's favorite physician.

=QUAIL=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

v. t., To shrink--a characteristic of the bird when ordered in a restaurant.

=QUEEN= One ent.i.tled to rule a nation, make up a deck, or beat a knave.

=QUESTION= Is marriage a failure?

=QUEUE= The only Mongolian line connecting America and China.

=QUORUM= A clumsy individual, all Ayes and Noes, who is seldom on hand when needed.

Faint heart never won fair lady--but a full purse can always pull the trick.

R

Man proposes, then woman imposes.

=RABBIT= A small rodent, very similar to a hare, which feeds on gra.s.s and burrows in the earth. =WELSH RABBIT= More like a string, thrives on cheese and burrows in the stomach.

=RACE-TRACK= An interesting locality, where pools are bought and sold in books and the heat never interferes with the search for the Pole.

=RADIUM= A radiant radiator, redolent of ranging radial rays of radio-activity, raised to radical rates and regarded as a ruthless rake-off in the reign of riches within the arrayed radius of a raging, raving and raided race.

=RAG-TIME= Music pulled into many pieces--the invention of a flannel-mouth to which many have cottoned.

=RAPID TRANSIT= A munic.i.p.al myth, circulated for the amus.e.m.e.nt of the long suffering--and slow moving--public.

=REFORM= In general, a periodic epidemic, starting with marked heat, followed by a high fever, and accompanied by a flow of ink in the newspapers, a discharge of words from the face and a rush of blood to the polls, leaving the victim a chronic invalid until the next campaign. In New York, reform has been confined to a Low attempt at government.

=REFORMER= One who, when he smells a rat, is eager to let the cat out of the bag.

=REGISTER=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The only autograph alb.u.m which it costs you money to write in.

=REGRETS= An excuse for non-attendance at a social function.

Occasionally, an expression of sorrow; usually, a paean of praise at deliverance from evil.