The Foolish Dictionary Part 24

=SCARECROW= An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws.

=SCORCHER= A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry.

=SCULPTOR= A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.

=SELF-MADE= Complimentary term for a respectable crook.

=SHAMROCK= A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time winner as an "ad." for tea--and Sir T.

=SHEPHERD= One who depends on a crook for a living.

=s.h.i.+RT= Every man's bosom friend.

=SILVER= A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential impossibilities.

=SINNER= A stupid person who gets found out.

=SNAP= A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to take the cake.

=SNORE= An unfavorable report from headquarters.

=SOROSIS= A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated grounds.

=SPAGHETTI= A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers. From Lat. _spadix_, branch, or fork, and _gestamen_, burden. A burden for the fork.

=SPIDER= A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by every post.

=STARS= The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens for ages.

=STAYS= A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women.

=STOCKINGS= Woman's only savings for A Rainy Day.

=STOCKS= An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers. If you win, it's an investment; if you lose, a speculation.

=STOVE-PIPE=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and profanity.

=SPRING= Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except in poetry and the Old Farmer's Almanac.

=SPINSTER= An ember from which the sparks have flown.

=SUBWAY= In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, a.s.sault and battery, riot and rebellion. These events are allowed by law, and the entry-fee is five cents.

=SUCCESS= A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching for a larger target.

=SUMMER= An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the Iceman.