The Foolish Dictionary Part 9

=FACE= A fertile, open expanse, lying midway between collar b.u.t.ton and scalp, and full of cheek, chin and chatter. The crop of the male face is hair, harvested daily by a lather, or allowed to run to mutton-chops, spinach or full lace curtains. The female face product is powder, whence the expression, "Shoot off your face." Each is supplied with lamps, snufflers and bread boxes.

=FAILURE= The quickest method known for making money.

=FEINT= A pugilist's bluff.

=FAINT= A woman's bluff.

=FAITH= A mental accomplishment whereby an ear-ache becomes a Symphony Concert, a broken finger a diamond ring and a "touch"

an invitation to dine.

=FAKE= A false report.

=FAKIR= A false reporter.

=FAME= Having a brand of cigars named after you.

=FAMILY=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Originally a wife and several children, a matter of pride to the possessor. Now obsolete among the careful, or confined to the wife, a bull pup and a canary bird.

=FARE.= The cost of a ride. See old adage, "Only the brave can work their fare."

=FAULT= About the only thing that is often found where it does not exist.

=FICTION.= The Const.i.tutional fiat that "all men are created equal."

=FIDDLER= A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso who refuses to play a real tune.

=FIRMNESS= That admirable quality in ourselves that is detestable stubbornness in others.

=FIG= Nothing. Note, "I don't care a fig," etc.

=FIG LEAF= A small outer garment, next to nothing, worn by Adam 4000 B.C. and occasionally revived by Bostonian Art Committees.

=FIs.h.i.+NG= An heroic treatment tried by some laymen to avoid falling asleep in church on Sunday.

=FLAT= A series of padded cells, commonly found in cities, in which are confined harmless monomaniacs who imagine Home to be a Sardine Box.

=FLATTERY= Cologne water, to be smelled of but not swallowed.

=FLUE= An escape for hot air.

=FLUENCY= The art of releasing the same.

=FLUSH= From Grk. _phlox_, heat. A rush of color to the cheek, or hand, caused by bodily--or poker--heat.

=FLY= A familiar summer boarder who mingles with the cream of society, gets stuck on the b.u.t.ter and leaves his specs behind.

=FLY-SCREEN= An arrangement for keeping flies in the house.

=FOOT= The understanding of a girl from the west.

=FOOT-PATH= Chicago, Ill.