Toaster's Handbook Part 124

"Which do you consider the most melodious Wagnerian opera?" asked Mrs.

c.u.mrox.

"There are several I haven't heard, aren't there?" rejoined her husband.

"Yes."

"Then I guess it's one of them."

OPPORTUNITY

Many a man creates his own lack of opportunities.--_Life_.

Who seeks, and will not take when once 'tis offer'd, Shall never find it more.

--_Shakespeare_.

In life's small things be resolute and great To keep thy muscles trained; know'st thou when fate Thy measure takes? or when she'll say to thee, "I find thee worthy, do this thing for me!"

--_Emerson_.

OPTIMISM

Optimism is Worry on a spree.--_Judge_.

An optimist is a man who doesn't care what happens just so is doesn't happen to him.

An optimist is the fellow who doesn't know what's coming to him.--_J.J.

O'Connell_.

An optimist is a woman who thinks that everything is for the best, and that she is the best.-_Judge_.

A political optimist is a fellow who can make sweet, pink lemonade out of the bitter yellow fruit which his opponents hand him.

Mayor William S. Jordan, at a Democratic banquet in Jacksonville, said of optimism:

"Let us cultivate optimism and hopefulness. There is nothing like it.

The optimistic man can see a bright side to everything--everything.

"A missionary in a slum once laid his hand on a man's shoulder and said:

"'Friend, do you hear the solemn ticking of that clock? Tick-tack; tick-tack. And oh, friend, do you know what day it inexorably and relentlessly brings nearer?"

"'Yes-pay day,' the other, an honest, optimistic workingman, replied."

A Scotsman who has a keen appreciation of the strong characteristics of his countrymen delights in the story of a druggist known both for his thrift and his philosophy.

Once he was aroused from a deep sleep by the ringing of his night bell.

He went down to his little shop and sold a dose of rather nauseous medicine to a distressed customer.

"What profit do you make out of that?" grumbled his wife.

"A ha'penny," was the cheerful answer.

"And for that bit of money you'll lie awake maybe an hour," she said impatiently.

"Never grumble o'er that, woman," was his placid answer. "The dose will keep him awake all night. We must thank heaven we ha' the profit and none o' the pain o' this transaction."

A German shoemaker left the gas turned on in his shop one night and upon arriving in the morning struck a match to light it.

There was a terrific explosion, and the shoemaker was blown out through the door almost to the middle of the street.

A pa.s.ser-by rushed to his a.s.sistance, and, after helping him to rise, inquired if he was injured.

The little German gazed at his place of business, which was now burning quite briskly, and said:

"No, I ain't hurt. But I got out shust in time, eh?"

My own hope is, a sun will pierce The thickest cloud earth ever stretched; That, after Last, returns the First, Tho' a wide compa.s.s round be fetched; That what began best, can't prove worst, Nor what G.o.d blessed once, prove accursed.

--_Browning_.

ORATORS

It is narrated that Colonel Breckenridge, meeting Majah Buffo'd on the streets of Lexington one day asked: "What's the meaning, suh, of the conco's befor' the co't house?"

To which the majah replied: