Outside The Ropes: OtherSide Of Fear Part 30

"G.o.d Dammit," Blakes voice filled the shop as he yelled from somewhere in the back.

Breezy had her feet perched on one of the cases and her sketchbook propped against her legs. She didnt look up from her drawing, but her shoulders shook with laughter and her lips twisted. She was guilty of something.

"Where did you put it?" Blake was still yelling.

She dropped her head, little squeaks escaping from her lips.

"A man should be able to take a s.h.i.+t in peace without having to worry about his leg disappearing."

"Breezy." I looked towards her, leaning away from the computer where Id been ordering new parts for a gun brought in for repair.

She was full on laughing now. "I had to. I couldnt help myself."

Past Breezy, the T.V hanging in the corner of the room caught my attention. The name on the screen made my heart jump to my throat and then immediately plummet to my stomach.

Gage Lawson.

I tuned out whatever Blake and Breezy were yelling back and forth about, everything tunneling on the words across the screen, ears straining to hear what was being said.

"...comes a day after his announcement that he had to postpone his defending t.i.tle match against the up and comer Commie Magoro."

On the screen, Gage was being ushered out of a building, hood pulled over his head to hide his face, his lawyer and public relations team around him all saying "No comments" to the questions being shouted out by reporters.

"He was at a night club in New Orleans where witnesses say he attacked another man. No reports yet on the details, but he was taken in for carrying a concealed weapon and a.s.sault. Although no formal charges have been made at this time."

I couldnt breathe as my heart ricocheted in my chest. He was in New Orleans, right now, or as of this morning. That was still hours away from me, and I didnt think I had left a trail on where I was. But New Orleans had been the next stop for the bus I got on several months ago, but it broke down before it made it, and I got off then. I wondered around for days before I stumbled into this shop and helped Breezy with a customer. From there everything just sort of fell into place.

I shattered all over again as Gage whipped around towards a reporter, shrugging off his team that tried to stop him. With the fire in his eyes, I feared his intentions, but he stopped in front of the man.

I dont know what the reporter had asked, but Gages voice caused a flood of emotions in my veins. Painful. Soul sucking. Torturous. Emotions.

"My wife?" He questioned the reporter in front of him. "Shes nothing to do with this, and shes none of your business." His jaw clenched, but the lines in his face softened just a bit as he continued. "But I owe her an apology for it." Then his eyes looked directly into the camera like he could see me, like he knew exactly where I was. It sliced me open, spilling everything out. The eyes that haunted me were sucking me in again. "Im sorry." It was full of anger, but I thought I could see the depth of sadness behind it. It stirred the same pain in me. And then he turned away. Only the back of his grey hoodie showing.

The cameras followed him till he slipped into the back of a car.

The newscasters went on summarizing his history, his wins, and then adding, "All this coming in the midst of rumors of divorce. After a very public proposal last year, the newlyweds havent been seen together since she was in an accident in December."

I flipped off the T.V.

When the screen turned black, I looked around, expecting to be caught, to have to explain, but Breezy walked out of the backroom, oblivious to my freak out.

She flopped around like a pouty child. "I am so bored," she whined, stretching out each syllable. "Let me give you a tattoo or something."

I zipped up the swirling storm in me and stood on shaky legs. "Lets go shoot something." The back of the shop had enough land that no one cared.

She dropped her head back. "Fine. But Im shooting Jack Daniels."

Thirty minutes later, and three shots down, I had fired the rifle enough that my shoulder was a tingly numb, but nothing else was. Everything else hurt with memories. The liquor wasnt getting close to it either. I wanted to cut it out. Id cover myself in scars if it would rid me of this feeling, of the hollow pain in my chest, it radiated through me.

Picking up the bottle of Jack, I poured the liquor into a gla.s.s and swallowed it down in burning gulps. The warmth of it spread through me, but was consumed within moments, not burning away anything and I wanted to cry. I needed something else to focus on.

"Give me that." Breezy waved for the bottle as I poured myself more.

I handed it to her and glanced at the sketches she had been working on. Those birds from earlier were all over the page in mini drawings. Those birds that ran at the sound of every shot fired, only to remain within shooting distance again.

"You still want to give me a tattoo?"

She pulled on her eyebrow ring as she looked up at me with a smile. "Uh huh. What do you have in mind?"

I took a sip of my drink and then nodded at her book. "Those birds."

She slid her leg under her as she rose up and pointed at one of the pictures. "We could do this line of birds on your shoulder."

"I like this one." I pointed to the larger picture. Shed captured the birds rising from smoke, scattering everywhere. No order, no reason, just chaos and flight. That summed up my life. "Here on my side." I moved my hand over my ribs, over my scars. The shot that started it all but no longer mattered. I wish that was my biggest pain again, but now I was marked on the inside and it was much deeper.

"A big one? That might take a couple of sittings." She stood up, undeterred. "You ready now?"

I looked at her tiny frame and our nearly empty bottle. "Are you ready? Can you see straight right now?"

She squinted one eye and pointed to the moon. "Yup. Straight. Lets go."

The stars streaked and blurred as I tried to focus my wavering vision. But the moon was clear and large. I followed her in, ready. I didnt even care if I ended up with scribbles all over my side. I needed this pain right now. I craved it. Thats how all my choices had gone since I arrived, whatever I needed at the moment. No planning. I couldnt.

I tipped the bottle back and finished it before sliding my s.h.i.+rt off one arm, revealing my side. My scars.

Breezy barely glanced at them as she arranged her tools for the tattoo. She paused before she brought a marker to my skin and tugged the neck of her s.h.i.+rt off of one shoulder. Swiping her hair out of the way, she tilted her bare neck in my direction and revealed large quarter size red and pink burn scars inside her watercolor flower tattoos. Then she removed her hand from her s.h.i.+rt and let it bounce back into place, never once meeting my eyes.

"None of us moved here because we like nature. Weve all got a past." She brought a marker to my skin, sketching out the design. "Let these birds be you breaking free of yours. Yeah?"

I nodded and leaned back on the reclining chair, staring at the ceiling. I wasnt sure thats what this was. I just wanted to feel something real, something other than phantom pains.

"Who did your tattoos?" I was curious but also wanted to change the topic, even though I could tell Breezy wasnt going to keep talking anyways.

She paused in her drawing, a tense quiet coming over her. "My brother." Then she got up and flipped on the radio. "I work better with music," she explained as she turned up the volume, killing any conversation.

As she sketched out the birds, I tried to relax into the alcohol. Tried to make myself feel better, reminding myself, rea.s.suring myself, this time it wasnt all chaos.

I just needed more time.

But the needle sting biting into my skin didnt take away any of my thoughts. It didnt cut off the feel of Gage. It didnt dull his voice in my head. Nothing ever did, except sometimes when the bottom of a bottle put me out, and then I could sleep without dreams.

But tonight none of that worked. All I could hear was, 'Im sorry.

I only wished that was enough.

"f.u.c.k this s.h.i.+t. Im closing early." Blake pulled down the cage for the windows, slamming them to the ground and locking them. "Im going to Winston tonight."

"Winston? Again?" Breezy sat up from her magazine, eyes flas.h.i.+ng to me.

"Shut it, girlie. I didnt say you had to go." He stomped off to the backroom, calling over his shoulder, "But Im leaving in five minutes, so be ready if you are."

"Whats that mean?" I asked her, recognizing her concern but not knowing why.

"He gets in these moods. It never turns out good," she was mumbling as she cleaned up her desk, sliding papers and receipts into drawers.

"So I guess that means we need to go." I put the cleaner away. The cases could wait, I wasnt sure Blake would.

"Whats his deal?" I nodded to where Blake was at the pool table, leaning on his stick while waiting for his turn.

Breezy handed me a gla.s.s of rum and c.o.ke and swallowed a sip of her own before responding, "Hes good people, but sometimes, its like s.h.i.+t builds up and he just needs to get out of our little corner of town." She tilted her head, looking me over. "Since youve been around, shooting with him, its been better, like he found a different outlet."

I nodded. I understood feeling restless; I was beginning to feel stir crazy myself without any change.

"So whats the deal between you two then?" I took a sip and eyed her reaction. She hid her smile behind her gla.s.s.

"Hes been a family friend since as long as I can remember." Her eyes dropped to her drink, and she stirred the little straw in it. "Its like I said, hes good people." She sat up suddenly. "So hows the tattoo?"

"Good. All healed. Thanks." I took the hint and dropped the subject. Spinning in the chair, I tapped the bar for another drink. There really werent that many people at the bar, the majority were on the dance floor while a band with fiddles played. But I needed more alcohol to deal with the crowd.

"What are you ladies drinking? The next rounds on us." A guy stepped behind us and gestured between him and his friend, both in tight jeans and cowboy hats.

"I buy my own drinks, thanks."

But Breezy answered at the same time. "If you two are buying, whiskey." She nudged me when my words caught up to her. "And shes being shy, but sh.e.l.l take the same."

The men exchanged looks and a laugh. "Woo dog. Not sure we can keep up with you two tonight."

The second man spoke with a thick tw.a.n.g. "But Im going to try, Breezy."

So he knew her.

He slapped the bar, calling over the bartender, but before he could order, shouting rose louder than the music and Breezy pulled on my arm.

"d.a.m.n, that went faster than I thought. Sorry gentlemen, but weve got to go."

I slid off the stool, catching sight of Blake ducking as a fist flew at him.

When he rose up, he snapped the pool stick across his knee and held the jagged ends up to the three men who approached him.

His back was to a wall, and I had to walk around the group to come along side him. Adrenaline burned away the effects of alcohol and replaced it with an even better high.

A blonde boy in a camo jacket laughed at the sight of me and tapped his friends arm. "Come on Wayne. Hes a gimp, and hes got a girl as back up. Let it go."

Wayne pushed his tongue to his lip, where there was already a trickle of blood. "That crazy fool hit me, r.e.t.a.r.d or not-"

He got hit again, didnt even get a chance to dodge. But the others all moved with it, multiple guys tackling Blake.

I slid my arm around the guy holding Blake and put him in a chokehold, ripping him away so Blake could move. And he did. He shoved one guy to the ground, and then reached behind him as another attacked.

"Break it up."

"Get Out."

Things were being yelled as burly men threw patrons off each other. Someone grabbed me from behind just as my fist collided with the cheek of the man pulling Blakes hair. The man whipped around, cheek flaming red as he swung, hitting me in the stomach. All air escaped me and I caved forward, using the momentum to flip the person restraining me over my shoulder. I used my hands to pull him the rest of the way, slamming him to the wood floor. It was a bouncer, I think.

Breezy was beside me. "d.a.m.n. Its time to go."

I looked around for Blake. He was grinning, blood smeared across his cheek. Whether it was his or not, I didnt know. He had his fists up, stepping towards a guy who was poised to fight but had been hanging back, weary.

"Oh, h.e.l.l." Breezy charged up to them, but a bouncer got there first.

"Get out now, Blake. Weve called the cops."

Cops.

The night stopped being fun.

"s.h.i.+t," I pulled on Blakes plaid s.h.i.+rt; it was missing a few b.u.t.tons from his fight. "Weve got to go."

"Yeah, crazy old gimp. Get gone."

I glared at the kid who all of a sudden had a mouth but continued to pull Blake to the door.

"Little s.h.i.+t, come outside and say that." Blake was turning back to face him but still let me pull him out.

"I dont have to." He held his arms out. "I just said it here." His friends were gathering themselves again.

Blake pulled out of my grip, and I wanted to keep going to the door. I needed leave. I should leave.

"Do your f.u.c.king job and shut them up," I came back after Blake, yelling to the bouncer who wasnt bouncing anything but just standing there.