Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop Part 17

"Oh, yes," replied that lady, "I was to town, 'n' the whole town 's light-headed 'n' runnin' hither 'n' yon like they was ants bein'

stepped on. The town's gone plum crazy over the minister bein' gone altogether. I do believe the only happy woman in it last night was Gran'ma Mullins, 'n' 'f you want to see happiness, Mrs. Lathrop, you'd ought to see Gran'ma Mullins this day. Seems 't Mrs. Sperrit was drivin' in early last evenin' 'n' she stopped at Gran'ma Mullins to get one o' the crick stones out o' her horse's shoe, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins was weepin' on the piazza while little Jane chewed up her spectacle-case, 'n after she got the stone out Mrs. Sperrit jus' up 'n' took little Jane home with her. She said 't little Jane could chew all she liked out on the farm, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins said 't she all but fell on her knees at her feet. She was down town this afternoon buyin'

two dozen o' cotton an' one dozen o' glue, 'n' she says 't she sh'll spend the rest o' her allotted time in peace 'n' mendin'.

"But Gran'ma Mullins' joy is more 'n balanced by Mrs. Brown, for Mrs.

Brown is clean discouraged. I see her sittin' on a barrel in the grocery store, 'n' it was a mola.s.ses barrel 'n' some 'd run out, but she hadn't no heart to care. She says 't Henry Ward Beecher never budged last night, 'n' so far from that bein' a relief, it led to worse 'n ever, for old Dr. Carter 'n' young Dr. Brown got so hungry observin' 't they went downstairs, 'n' young Dr. Brown knowed where everything was, 'n' as a result they eat up stuff 't Henry Ward Beecher never 'd even dreamed existed. They opened jars o' fancy pickles 'n' a jug o' rare old rum 'n' played Ned in general. 'N'

afterwards they went to bed in the guest-room where Mrs. Brown never lets any one sleep, 'n' they got right in on top o' her Hottentot pillow-shams 'n' old Dr. Carter tore a sham with his toothpick. 'N', added to all that, Amelia 's furious 'cause she read in a book 't teaches how to stay married 't a husband's first night out is the first rift in the lute, 'n' she was down town buyin' a dictionary so 's to be sure what a lute is afore she accuses young Dr. Brown. 'N'

there's a man over in Meadville down with a sun-stroke, 'n' they want Dr. Carter to hurry, 'n' they can't seem to make him realize nothin'.

He jus' sits there in Mrs. Brown's parlor 'n' shakes his head 'n'

smiles 'n' says, 'Oh, that rum, that rum!' over 'n' over. 'N' Mrs.

Brown says 't if it wasn't plain from the expression of his face as he means it as a compliment she certainly would be real mad, for he must 'a' downed two quarts. It 's all jus' awful, 'n' I would 'a' waited 'n' walked home with her, only Mrs. Allen come along 'n' I wanted to go with her instead. Mrs. Allen needs some sympathy too, for Polly 's all broke up over Sam 'n' Felicia Hemans. Mrs. Allen don't hesitate to say right out't to her order o' thinkin' Sam 'd 'a' showed more sense 'f he'd married Mrs. Macy 'cause Mrs. Macy has got a little property 'n' it looks doubtful at present if Felicia 's got so much as a father. Mrs. Allen says they was all so used up 't when Mrs. Sperrit was in to-day she jus' traded Brunhilde Susan against the makin' o'

Mr. Sperrit's summer s.h.i.+rts, 'n' then went right 'n' bought the cloth 'n' took the baby. Mrs. Allen says 's Mrs. Sperrit says 't Brunhilde Susan c'n learn if dogs moo out on the farm, 'n' f'r her part she'd rather be responsible f'r any man's baby 'n for one husband's collar-bands. So Brunhilde Susan 's settled, 'n' Mrs. Allen 's awful sorry 't she didn't send the cow along with her too, for she says 't it's harder 'n you'd think to keep a cow content nights in a chicken-house. But she didn't think in time, so she lost the chance, 'n' as a result she was down town buyin' thread with the minister's cow on her shoulders."

Miss Clegg paused for breath. Mrs. Lathrop chewed pa.s.sively.

"I must say, though, 't it 's generally admitted 't we've seen the last o' the minister. To think how he looked the mornin' he left,--in his wilted collar 'n' that coat 't Deacon White was married in,--'n'

all the time his ear-m.u.f.fs hid away somewhere about him! I wouldn't 'a' believed it--not on your honor, Mrs. Lathrop. Hind-sight 's always better 'n fore-sight, 'n' we c'n all see now 't we did a mighty foolish thing givin' him such a easy chance to get out of it. I can't see, though, how he's ever goin' to get another place without sendin'

to us f'r a good character, 'n' I'm free to confess 't I don't believe 't the father of Augustus 'll ever get any praise from the Craigs, nor yet will the father o' little Jane from Gran'ma Mullins. The Craigs is awful mournful to think 't they ain't got no kittens from their cat, but owin' to the fact 't he wasn't no kitten kind o' cat he naturally never had none. Mr. Kimball says mebbe the hairs from his tail 'll turn into suthin' in the well like the hairs in horse's tails do in waterin'-troughs. But 'f horse's hairs make snakes, I sh'd naturally suppose 't cat's hairs would make mud-turtles, 'n' it ain't no mud-turtle 't Mrs. Craig wants. She wants suthin' to warm her feet on winters, 'n' she told me with tears in her eyes 't he never scratched when he was rocked on, 'n' she used to rock on him so often 't by spring he was all wore off in spots 'n' most wore through in some places.

"Mrs. Jilkins was up from Cherry Pond to-day f'r the first time since she took Josephus home with her las' Sat.u.r.day mornin'. She was awful surprised to hear all the bother 't all the rest have been havin'. She says 't she ain't had no bother a _tall_. She says 't she whipped Josephus nine times the day 't she took him home with her, 'n' since then she's taught him to read 'n' write 'n' sew patchwork 'n' beat up batter. She says 'f she'd 'a' had Henry Ward Beecher he wouldn't 'a'

roamed but once, nor would little Jane 'a' give but one suck, nor Fox but one yell, nor would Augustus 'a' throwed but one cat down _her_ well. Mrs. Craig was standin' right there, 'n' she spoke up pretty sharp at that 'n' said 't he hadn't throwed but one cat in her well 'n' she wanted that distinctly understood. Mrs. Jilkins jus' laughed, but then some one up 'n' told her about the minister bein' gone f'r good, 'n' she very quickly changed her tune.

"That blow 's goin' to fall heaviest on Mrs. Sperrit, though, for she's got the five littlest ones 's well 's Bobby, 'n' I miss my guess 'f she don't have another to-morrow, for Mrs. Brown says 't she's goin' to send Henry Ward Beecher out there of an errand jus' so 's to see if he'll sleep after a ten-mile walk, 'n' every one knows 't she's jus' doin' it in the hope 't Mrs. Sperrit 'll keep him."

"Let's go out--" Mrs. Lathrop suggested.

"It'll be cooler outside," Susan acquiesced; so they quitted the table and went out on the porch.

"Mrs. Brown ain't a bit reconciled about her rare old rum," she went on when they were seated; "she's bad enough used up over the preserves, but the rum she can't seem to get reconciled to. She says 't a saltspoonful was a sure cure f'r anythin', 'n' Dr. Carter was perfectly sound in mind 'n' body 'n' got away with two quarts."

There was a silence broken only by a frog's far croak.

"I ain't a doubt but this is the worst hot spell the c'mmunity 's ever had to deal with," the younger woman remarked after a while, "'n' the result is 't I'd never recommend no other town to choose such a time to give their minister a fair field 'n' no favor. I c'n only say one thing, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' that is 't I've begun to feel 't I've misjudged the minister. I never would 'a' give him credit for anythin'

like this. 'N' while I think he'd ought not to 'a' done it, still I must say 't I can't but admire--if he had it in him to try--how well he's carried it off.

"'N' to think 't, after all, it was our idea 's give him the chance!"

That Friday afternoon--just one week from the forever to be remembered meeting of the Sewing Society--Mrs. Lathrop, sleeping the sleep of the stout and elderly in her kitchen rocker, was suddenly aroused to a swaying sense of the world about her by the sound of her name, the same being p.r.o.nounced in her neighbor's voice, the key of that voice being pitched uncommonly high.

"Mrs. Lathrop!--Mrs. Lathrop!--oh-h-h, Mrs. _Lathrop_!"

Mrs. Lathrop got to the window as fast as her somewhat benumbed members would allow.

Susan was standing on her own side of the fence, her eyes glowing with excitement.

"The minister's come back!"

Mrs. Lathrop simply fell out of the door and down the back steps. As she hastened towards the fence, her usual custom led her to hastily s.n.a.t.c.h a handful of her favorite blend, and then--

"When--" she gasped.

"This afternoon, right after lunch. You never hear the like in all your life! Where do you suppose he was all this week? Just nowhere at all! Out on the farm! Yes, Mrs. Lathrop," as that worthy clung to the fence for support in her overwhelming astonishment,--"yes, Mrs.

Lathrop, he 'n' his wife were out there on the farm all the time.

Seems 't that night when Mrs. Allen come in 'n' told 'em 't they'd got to go on a vacation so early the nex' mornin', they was all upset.

They didn't have no money nor no clothes nor no place to go to, 'n'

the minister's wife begun to cry jus' 's soon 's Mrs. Allen was gone.

Seems she was settin' there cryin' when Mrs. Sperrit drove in, in the cool o' the evenin', to pay her pew-rent in pigs-feet, 'n' what did Mrs. Sperrit do but jus' up 'n' ask 'em both to come out to the farm.

Told 'em they wouldn't have no board to pay out on the farm 'n' 't they could stay 's long 's they liked. It seemed like it was all they could do, so they arranged it 'n' it all worked fine. Seems they took the train to the junction, 'n' Mr. Sperrit met 'em there 'n' drove 'em straight across country home, 'n' they 've been there ever since, 'n'

maybe they'd been there yet, only Mrs. Sperrit is like a lot o' other people in this world,--she's forever goin' to extremes, 'n' she couldn't be content with jus' the minister 'n' his wife 'n' Bobby, so she had to keep bringin' home more 'n' more o' the childern, until they was so thick out there 't to-day, when Henry Ward Beecher arrived, the minister went to Mr. Sperrit 'n' asked him if he thought anybody 'd mind 'f he 'n' his wife come in town 'n' finished their vacation in their own house. I guess mebbe the Sperrits was some wore out themselves, f'r they jus' told him 't no one could possibly object, 'n' then they had the carryall 'n' drove 'em both in town right after dinner.

"I was down in the square buyin' flypaper, 'n' I heard the commotion 'n' run out, 'n'--well, Mrs. Lathrop, you c'n believe me or not jus'

's you please--but it was a sight to draw tears to any one's eyes.

Folks waved anythin' 't they could grab, 'n' all the boys yelled 'n'

cheered. The minister was real touched--he quoted, ''N' there went up a great mult.i.tude'--but he never got no further, f'r Deacon White jumped up in the band-stand 'n' proposed 'No church Sunday, but a donation party Sat.u.r.day night. Who bids?' 'n' every one shrieked, 'Aye--Aye.'"

Mrs. Lathrop's eyes kindled slowly but surely.

"I wish--" she said, biting firmly into a large red one.

"It's too late now," said Susan, not unkindly, "it's all over now--all 'xcept the donation party, 'n' I don't see how you c'n do much there 'nless I bring over the b.u.t.ter 'n' mix it for you. But you mustn't interrupt me, Mrs. Lathrop, f'r if you do I never shall get through.

"So the donation party was decided, 'n' Mrs. Brown's good cookin'

heart come out strong 'n' she pledged three pies right then n' there.

I put myself down f'r a pan o' biscuit, 'n' Mr. Kimball said he believed 's the Aliens would outdo every one 'n' give a whole cow, without no urgin' neither. Mrs. Allen laughed a little, 'n' then Mrs.

Macy come up so out o' breath 't it was all o' five minutes afore she could get out a word. Seemed when she _did_ speak, 't she wasn't tryin' to give nothin'--she only wanted to know about the minister's ear-m.u.f.fs, 'n' it appears 't he never took 'em a _tall_. Seems 't Brunhilde Susan cut teeth on 'em till they was only fit to be used f'r kettle-holders."

Susan paused for a second. Mrs. Lathrop chewed and waited. In a minute the narrative flowed on.

"When every one else was through, Mrs. Sperrit said 't if she could take 'Liza Em'ly home with her to help look after the little ones she'd be willin' to keep 'em a fortnight more 'n' let the minister--'n' his wife--have a real good rest in their own house. Mrs.

Maxwell spoke right up 'n' said she c'd have 'Liza Em'ly 'n' welcome, 'n' Mrs. Sweet said she c'd have Rachel Rebecca too. But Mrs. Fisher crowded round in front 'n' said she nor no one couldn't have John Bunyan not now 'n' not never, f'r he'd weeded 'n' mowed 'n' grafted 'n' busted his way right into her heart 'n' she was intendin' to keep him right along 'f the minister'd give his consent.

"She said 't Mr. Fisher felt jus' 's she did too, 'cause he'd never been so happy 's he's been since he's had John Bunyan to teach the fancy principles o' plain things to. Mr. Fisher come up jus' 's she got through, 'n' he said whatever she'd said he'd stand to, for although John Bunyan was nothin' but a darn fool now, he had the makin' of a man in him, 'n' he--Mr. Fisher--was jus' the one to bring him out.

"The crowd was gettin' so big 't folks began to climb up on things to see over, 'n' the horse was some restless, so Mr. Kimball got up on the edge o' the waterin'-trough an' said, 'Three cheers for the minister, 'n' may he never know how glad the town is to see him back,'

'n' then every one cheered, 'n' Mr. Kimball begin to shake, 'n' jus'

's the minister drove off he missed his hold 'n' fell into the waterin'-trough, 'n' I didn't feel no kind o' interest in lookin' on at his fis.h.i.+n' out, so I come away."

"I hope--" began Mrs. Lathrop.

"I do too," rejoined her friend, "but there ain't no danger. It was the edge bein' so slippery 't let him fall in, 'n' I don't wish to seem revengeful, but I mus' say, Mrs. Lathrop, that if anythin' could 'a' made a nice end to the minister's vacation, it was the seein' Mr.

Kimball get soaked, f'r he ain't had no kind o' sufferin' with it all 'n' has just everlastingly enjoyed kitin' around the outside 'n'

seein' other folks in trouble. 'N' I've no sympathy with such a nature when it does fall into a waterin'-trough, 'n' so I come home."

Miss Clegg ceased speaking.

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover.