Quips and Quiddities Part 56

SIR JOHN HARYNGTON (1561-1612).

I do not speak of this mole in any tone of complaint.

I desire to write nothing against him which I should wish to recall at the last,--nothing foreign to the spirit of that beautiful saying of the dying boy, "He had no copybook, which, dying, he was sorry he had blotted."

C. D. WARNER, _My Summer in a Garden_.

Know, then, that when that touching scene Had reached its tenderest pitch, When all was pathos, calm, serene, _His nose began to itch_.

'Twas sad, but so it came to pa.s.s, The knight might chafe and frown, But could not reach it, for alas!

_He wore his vizor down_.

_Songs of Singularity._

I remember asking [Bagehot] if he had enjoyed a particular dinner which he had rather expected to enjoy, but he replied, "No, the sherry was bad; tasted as if L---- had dropped his h's into it."

R. H. HUTTON, _Memoir of W. Bagehot_.

When Beings of the fairer s.e.x Arrange their white arms round our necks, We are, we ought to be, enraptured.

FREDERICK LOCKER, _London Lyrics_.

"Pray, Mr. Foote, do you ever go to church?"

"No, madam; not that I see any harm in it."

THOMAS MOORE, _Diary_.

_ON AN INCAPABLE PERSON._

Fortune advanced thee that all might aver That nothing is impossible to her.

R. GARNETT (from the Greek).

I remember a Trinity College (Dublin) story of a student who, having to translate Caesar, rendered the first sentence, "Omnis Gallia divisa est in tres partes,"--"All Gaul is quartered into three halves."

W. H. HARRISON, _University Magazine_.

Always seem to be modest and bashful, yet wise; Remember the value of using your eyes; Recollect, too, that money's not easily met, And always accept every offer you get; Be polite to all--grandmammas, sisters, and mothers, For they've all of them grandsons, or own sons or brothers; And never forget the chief object in life Is to quickly be settled--a well-to-do wife.

_Phoebe_, in H. P. STEPHENS's _Billee Taylor_.

One asked what herb that was that cured all diseases. It was answered, "Time."

_Conceits, Clinches_, etc. (1639).

In his sleeves, which were long, He had twenty-four packs-- Which was coming it strong, Yet I state but the facts; And we found on his nails, which were taper, What is frequent in tapers--that's wax.

BRET HARTE, _Complete Works_.

In a conversation which happened to turn on railway accidents and the variety of human sufferings, a bank director observed that he always felt great interest in the case of a broken limb. "Then, I suppose," said ----, "for a compound fracture you feel compound interest."

W. JERDAN, _Memoirs_.

_ON A CERTAIN POET._

Thy verses are eternal, O my friend, For he who reads them reads them to no end.

_A Collection of Epigrams_ (1727).

One day, coming late to dinner in the country, [Lady Charlotte Lindsay] excused herself by the "macad.a.m.nable" state of the roads.

LORD HOUGHTON, _Monographs_.

I wish some girls that I could name Were half as silent as their pictures!

W. M. PRAED.

The other day I heard that whimsical fellow G---- make a rather foolish remark, to the effect that the pleasure of _not_ going to church was a pleasure that _never_ palled.

FREDERICK LOCKER, _Patchwork_.

And day again declines; In shadow sleep the vines, And the last ray thro' the pines Feebly glows, Then sinks behind yon ridge; And the usual evening midge Is settling on the bridge Of my nose.

And keen's the air and cold, And the sheep are in the fold, And Night walks stable-stoled Thro' the trees; And on the silent river The floating star-beams quiver;-- And now, the saints deliver Us from fleas.

C. S. CALVERLEY, _Verses and Translations_.

Tommy Townshend, a violent, foolish fellow, who was always talking strong language, said in some debate, "Nothing will satisfy me but to have the n.o.ble Lord [North]'s head; I will have his head." Lord North said, "The honourable gentleman says he will have my head. I bear him no malice in return, for though the honourable gentleman says he will have my head, I can a.s.sure him I would on no account have his."

CHARLES GREVILLE, _Diary_.