The English Spy Part 17

47 Temple of Bacchus--some favourite inn.

48 Plains of Betteris--the diversion of billiards.

49 A spread--a wine party.

50 The Don Peninsula--the range of all who wear long black hanging sleeves, and bear the name of Domini.

51 Seat of magistracy--proctor's authority.

52 The tact of the Oxford tradesmen in this particular is very ingenious.--The strength of a man's account is always regulated by the report they receive on his entering, from some college friend, respecting the wealth of his relations, or the weight of his expectancies.

~143~~

"Because it's extra-proctorial, sir: none of the town _raff_ are ever admitted into it, and the marshal and his bull dogs never think of intruding here. With your leave, sir, I'll send in master--he will explain things better; and mayhap, sir, as you are fresh, he may give you a little useful information." "Do so,--send me in a bottle of old Madeira and two gla.s.ses, and tell your master I shall be happy to see him." In a few moments I was honoured with the company of mine host of the Mitre, who, to do him justice, was a more humorous fellow than I had antic.i.p.ated. Not quite so ceremonious as he of the Christopher at Eton, or the superlative of a Bond-street _restaurateur_; but with an unembarra.s.sed roughness, yet respectful demeanour, that partook more of the st.u.r.dy English farmer, or an old weather-beaten sportsman, than the picture I had figured to myself of the polished landlord of the princ.i.p.al inn in the sacred city of learning. We are too much the creatures of prejudice in this life, and first impressions are not unfrequently the first faults which we unthinkingly commit against the reputation of a new acquaintance. Master Peake was, I discovered, a fellow of infinite jest, an old fox-hunter, and a true sportsman; and supposing me, from my introduction by Tom Echo to his house, to be as fond of a good horse, a hard run, and a black bottle, as my friend, he had eagerly sought an opportunity for this early introduction. "No man in the country, sir," said Peake, "can boast of a better horse or a better wife: I always leave the management of the bishop's cap to the petticoat; for look ye, sir, gown against gown is the true orthodox system, I believe.--When I kept the Blue Pig{53} by the Town Hall, the big wigs used to grunt a little now and then about the gemmen of the university getting _bosky_ in a _pig-sty_; so, egad, I thought I would fix them at last, and removed here; for I knew it would be deemed sacrilegious to attack the mitre, or hazard a pun upon the head of the church.

53 The Blue Boar, since shut up.

~144~~ If ever you should be _tiled_ up in _Eager heaven_,{54} there's not a kinder hearted soul in Christendom than Mrs. Peake: Dr. Wall says that he thinks she has saved more gentlemen's lives in this university by good nursing and sending them niceties, than all the material medicals put together. You'll excuse me, sir, but as you are fresh, take care to avoid the _gulls_{55}; they fly about here in large flocks, I a.s.sure you, and do no little mischief at times." "I never understood that gulls were birds of prey," said I.--"Only in Oxford, sir; and here, I a.s.sure you, they bite like hawks, and pick many a poor young gentleman as bare before his three years are expired, as the crows would a dead sheep upon a common. Every thing depends upon your obtaining an honest scout, and that's a sort of _haro ravis_ (I think they call the bird) here." Suppressing my laughter at my host's Latinity, I thought this a fair opportunity to make some inquiries relative to this important officer in a college establishment.

"I suppose you know most of these amba.s.sadors of the togati belonging to the different colleges'?" "I think I do, sir," said Peake, "if you mean the scouts; but I never heard them called by that name before. If you are of Christ Church, I should recommend d.i.c.k Cook, or, as he is generally called, Gentleman Cook, as the most finished, spritely, honest fellow of the whole. d.i.c.k's a trump, and no telegraph,--up to every frisk, and down to every move of the domini, thorough bred, and no want of courage?"

54 aeager haven--laid up in the depot of invalids.

55 Gulls--knowing ones who are always on the look out for freshmen.

~145~~ "But not having the honour of being entered there, I cannot avail myself of d.i.c.k's services: pray tell me, who is there at Brazennose that a young fellow can make a confidant of?" "Why, the very best old fellow in the world,--nothing like him in Oxford,--rather aged, to be sure, but a good one to go, and a rum one to look at;--I have known Mark Supple these fifty years, and never heard a gentleman give him a bad word: shall I send for him, sir? he's the very man to put you _up to a thing or two_, and finish you off in prime style." "In the morning, I'll see him, and if he answers your recommendation, engage with him: "for, thought I, such a man will be very essential, if it is only to act as interpreter to a young novice like myself.

The conversation now turned to sporting varieties, by which I discovered mine host was a leading character in the neighbouring hunts; knew every sportsman in the field, and in the course of half an hour, carried me over G.o.drington's manors, Moystoris district, and Somerset range,{56} taking many a bold leap in his progress, and never losing _sight of the dogs_. "We shall try your mettle, sir," said he, "if we catch you out for a day's sport; and if you are not quite mounted at present to your mind, I have always a spare nag in the stable for the use of a freshman."

56 The three packs of hounds contiguous to Oxford.

Though I did not relish the concluding appellation, coming from a tavern-keeper, I could not help thanking Peake for his liberal offer; yet without any intention of risking my neck in a steeple chase.

The interview had, however, been productive of some amus.e.m.e.nt and considerable information. The bottle was now nearly finished; filling my last gla.s.s, I drank success to the Mitre, promised to patronise the landlord, praise the hostess, coquet with the little cherry-cheek, chirping la.s.s in the bar, and kiss as many of the chamber-maids as I could persuade to let me. Wis.h.i.+ng mine host a good night, and ringing for my bed-candle, I proceeded to put the last part of my promise into immediate execution.

COLLEGE SERVANTS.

Descriptive Sketch of a College Scout--Biography of Mark Supple--Singular Invitation to a Spread.

The next morning, early, while at breakfast, I received a visit from Mr. Mark Supple, the _scout_, of whom mine host of the Mitre had on the preceding night spoken so highly. There was nothing certainly very prepossessing in his exterior appearance; and if he had not previously been eulogised as the most estimable of college servants, I should not have caught the impression from a first glance. He was somewhere about sixty years of age, of diminutive stature and spare habit, a lean brother with a scarlet countenance, impregnated with tints of many a varied hue, in which however the richness of the ruby and the soft purple of the ultramarine evidently predominated. His forehead was nearly flat; upon his eyebrows and over his _os frontis_ and scalp, a few straggling straight hairs were extended as an apology for a wig, but which was much more like a discarded crow's nest turned upside down.

Immense black bushy eyebrows overhung a pair of the queerest looking oculars I had ever seen; below which sprung forth what had once been, no doubt, a nose, and perhaps in youth an elegant feature; but, Heaven help the wearer! it was now grown into such a strange form, and presented so many choice exuberances, that one might have supposed it was the original Bardolph's, and charged with the additional sins of every succeeding generation. The loss of his ~146~~ teeth had caused the other lip to retire inwards, and consequently the lower one projected forth, supported by a huge chin, like the basin or receiver round the crater of a volcano.

His costume was of a fas.h.i.+on admirably corresponding with his person. It might once have graced a dean, or, perhaps, a bishop, but it was evident the present wearer was not by when the _artiste_ of the needle took his measure or instructions. Three men of Mark's bulk might very well have been b.u.t.toned up in the upper habiliment; and as for the _inexpressibles_, they hung round his _ultimatum_ like the petticoat trowsers of a Dutch smuggler: then for the colour, it might once have been sable or a clerical mixture; but what with the powder which the collar bore evidence it had once been accustomed to, and the weather-beaten trials it had since undergone, it was quite impossible to specify. The _beaver_ was in excellent keeping, _en suite_, except, perhaps, from the constant application of the hand to pay due respect to the dignitaries, it was here and there enriched with some more s.h.i.+ning qualities. I at first suspected this ancient visitor was a hoax of my friend Tom Echo's, who had concerted the scheme with the landlord; but a little conversation with the object of my surprise soon convinced me it was the genuine Mark Supple, the true college _scout_, and no counterfeit.

"The welcome of Isis to you, sir," said the old man. "The domini of the bishops cap here gave me a hint you wished to see me.--I have the honour to be Mark Supple, sir, senior scout of Brazennose, and as well known to all the members of the university for the last fifty years, as Magdalen bridge, or old Magnus Thomas. The first of your name, sir, I think, who have been of Oxford--don't trace any of the Blackmantles here antecedent--turned over my list this morning before I came--got them all arranged, sir, take notice, in chronological order, from the friars of ~148~~ Oseny abbey down to the university of bucks of 1824--very entertaining, sir, take notice--many a glorious name peeping out here and there--very happy to enrol the first of the Blackmantles in my remembrancer, and hope to add M. A. and M. S. S. which signifies honour to you, as master of arts, and glory to your humble servant, Mark Supple Scout--always put my own initials against the gentleman's names whom I have attended, take notice." The singularity of the ancient's climax amused me exceedingly--there was something truly original in the phrase: the person and manners of the man were in perfect keeping. "You must have seen great changes here, Mark," said I; "were you always of Brazennose?" "I was born of Christ Church, sir, take notice, where my father was college barber, and my mother a bed-maker; but the students of that period insisted upon it that I was so like to a certain old big wig, whose Christian name was Mark, that I most censoriously obtained the appellation from at least a hundred G.o.dfathers, to the no small annoyance of the dignitary, take notice. My first occupation, when a child, was carrying billet doux from the students of Christ Church to the tradesmen's daughters of Oxford, or the nuns of St. Clement's, where a less important personage might have excited suspicion and lost his situation. From a college Mercury, I became a college devil, and was promoted to the chief situation in _glorio_,{1} alias _h.e.l.l_, where I continued for some time a s.h.i.+ning character, and sharpened the edge of many a cutting thing, take notice. Here, some wag having a design upon my reputation, put a large piece of cobbler's wax into the dean's boots one morning, which so irritated the _big wig_ that I was instantly expelled college, discommoned, and blown up at point non plus, take notice.

1 Glorio.--A place in Christ Church called the scout's pantry, where the boots and shoes and knives are cleaned, and a small quant.i.ty of Geneva, or Bill Holland's double, is daily consumed during term time.

~149~~

Having saved a trifle, I now commenced stable-keeper, bought a few prime hacks, and mounted some of the best tandem turn outs in Oxford, take notice: but not having wherewithal to stand tick, and being much averse to dunning, I was soon sold up, and got a birth in Brazennose as college scout, where I have now been upwards of forty years, take notice. No gentleman could ever say old Mark Supple deceived him. I have run many risks for the gown; never cared for the town; always stuck up for my college, and never telegraphed the big wigs in my life, take notice."--"Is your name Blackmantle?" said a sharp-looking little fellow, in a grey frock livery, advancing up to me with as much _sang froid_ as if I had been one of the honest fraternity of college servants. Being answered in the affirmative, and receiving at the same time a look that convinced him I was not pleased with his boldness, he placed the following note in my hand and retired.{2}

2 The usual style of invitation to a college wine party or spread.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page149]

The above is an exact copy of a note received from a man of Brazennose.

~159~~ Handing the note to old Mark--"Pray," said I, not a little confused by the elegance of the composition, "is this the usual style of college invitations?" Mark mounted his spectacles, and having deciphered the contents, a.s.sured me with great gravity that it was very polite indeed, and considering where it came from, unusually civil.

Another specimen of college ceremony, thought I;--"But come, Mark, let us forth and survey my rooms." We were soon within-side the gates of Brazennose; and Mark having obtained the key, we proceeded to explore the forsaken chamber of the Muses.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page151]

TAKING POSSESSION OF YOUR ROOMS.

Topography of a vacant College Larium--Anecdotes and Propensities of Predecessors--A long Shot--Scout's List of Necessaries--Condolence of University Friends.

Ascending a dark stone staircase till the oaken beams of the roof proclaimed we had reached the domiciliary abode of genius, I found myself in the centre of my future habitation, an attic on the third floor: I much doubt if poor Belzoni, when he discovered the Egyptian sepulchre, could have exhibited more astonishment. The old bed-maker, and the scout of my predecessor, had prepared the apartment for my reception by gutting it of every thing useful to the value of a cloak pin: the former was engaged in sweeping up the dust, which, from the clouds that surrounded us, would not appear to have been disturbed for six months before at least. I had nearly broken my s.h.i.+ns, on my first entrance, over the fire-shovel and bucket, and I was now in more danger of being choked with filth. "Who inhabited this delightful place before, Mark?" "A mad wag, but a generous gentleman, Sir, take notice, one Charles Rattle, Esq., who was expelled college for smuggling, take notice: the proctor, with the town marshal and his bull dogs, detected him and two others one night drawing up some fresh provision in the college plate-basket. Mr. Rattle, in his fright, dropped the fair nun of St. Clement's plump upon the proctor, who could not understand the joke; but, having recovered ~152~~ his legs, entered the college, and found one of the fair sisters concealed in Mr. Rattle's room, take notice.

In consequence he was next day pulled up before the big wigs, when, refusing to make a suitable apology, he received sentence of expulsion, take notice." "He must have been a genius," quoth I, "and a very eccentric one too, from the relics he has left behind of his favourite propensities." In one corner of the room lay deposited a heap of lumber, thrown together, as a printer would say, in _pie_, composed of broken tables, broken bottles, trunks, noseless bellows, books of all descriptions, a pair of _m.u.f.fles_, and the cap of sacred academus with a hole through the crown (emblematical, I should think, of the pericranium it had once covered), and stuck upon the leg of a broken chair. The rats, those very agreeable visitors of ancient habitations, were seen scampering away upon our entrance, and the ceiling was elegantly decorated with the smoke of a candle in a great variety of ornamented designs, consisting of caricatures of dignitaries and the Christian names of favourite damsels. There was poor Cicero, with a smashed crown, turned upside down in the fire-place, and a map of Oxford hanging in tatters above it; a portrait of Tom Crib was in the s.p.a.ce adjoining the window, not one whole pane of which had survived the general wreck; but what most puzzled me was the appearance of the cupboard door: the bottom hinge had given way, and it hung suspended by one joint in an oblique direction, exhibiting, on an inside face, a circle chalked for a target and perforated with numerous holes This door was in a right line with the bedroom, and, when thrown open, covered a loop-hole of a window that looked across the quadrangle directly into the princ.i.p.al's apartments.{1}

[Ill.u.s.tration: page153]

~153~~ It was in this way (as Mark informed me) my predecessor amused himself in a morning by lying in bed and firing at the target, till, unhappily, on one occasion the ball pa.s.sed through a hole in the door, the loop-hole window, and, crossing the quadrangle, entered whizzing past the dignitary's ear and that of his family who were at breakfast with him into the back of the chair he had but a moment before providentially quitted to take a book from his library shelves.1 The affair occasioned a strict search, and the door in question bore too strong an evidence to escape detection; Rattle was rusticated for a term, but, returning the same singular character, was always in some sc.r.a.pe or other till his final expulsion. Having given the necessary orders for repairs, Mark made one of his best bows, and produced a long scroll of paper, on which was written a list of necessaries?{2} "which,"

said the ancient, "take notice, every gentleman provides on his taking possession of his rooms." "And every gentleman's scout claims upon his leaving, take notice" said I. Mark bowed a.s.sent.

I had now both seen and heard enough of college comforts to wish myself safe back again at Eton in the snug, clean, sanded dormitory of my old dame. Looking first at my purse and then at the list of necessaries, I could not resist a sigh on perceiving my _new guinea_{3} to be already in danger, that it would require some caution to steer clear of the forest of debt,{4} and keep out of _south jeopardy_,{5} and some talent to gain the _new settlements_{6} or prevent my being ultimately laid up in the _river tick_{7} condemned in the _Vice-Chancellor's court_,{8} and consigned, for the benefit of the captors, to _fort marshal_.{9}

1 The circ.u.mstance here alluded to actually occurred some time since, when G- C-n and Lord C-e nearly shot Dr.

Capplestone of Oriel and his predecessor, Dr. Eveleigh: the former was expelled in consequence.

2 A list of necessaries consists of all the necessary culinary articles, tea equipage, brooms, brushes, pails, &c.

&c. &c.

3 New guinea--First possession of income.

4 Forest of debt--payment of debts.

5 South jeopardy--terrors of insolvency.

6 Next settlements--final reckoning.

7 River tick--springing out of standing debts, which only==>